Help Me Not Go Insane, Literally.

My kids still do this...and it is annoying. Luckily my husband can function on 3-4 hours of sleep because I can't. We let the kid sleep in our bed when they get too fussy, or we will sleep with them in their beds to keep them happy. If they are too fussy, we will take them downstairs to watch some cartoons and have some ice water or hot cocoa/tea and that normally calms them down. It is probably a stage that she will get over, and it's just hard. If you think it is teeth, tryr Orajel too before she goes down. That will help a lot!

Alot of parents have issues when you bring the baby in your bed, i do not. So don't worry about it. Kids get use to things If you are putting music on before bed its what comforts her and when she wakes up its not there anymore. She needs to work through it. Maybe she is getting to much food before bed and is getting gas or an upset stomach. Speak to yoru doctor but some parents do give the milk with the rice cereal about an hour before bed so she has a full belly for the night.

Hi A. - I have a 15mth old daughter that does the same thing! She doesn't wait more than a few minutes before we put her down and she starts crying. She cries & cries until we go in and sooth her then once we leave, she starts again. She is crying right now! If you find a solution please email me because, like you, this is driving me nuts. Good luck & I'll pray for you.

A.,

First, I would rule out ear infection or other medical problems. Certain issues seem to show symptoms only at night.

Okay, once the medical is addressed. I would alter the night time routine to allow for everyone to sleep. Even if you have to sleep on a pallet in her room or she sleeps in your bed or both of you on the couch together. Let's get some sleep. The stress level will drop (no more fighting with hubby).

Lastly, I would work on different routines. Maybe a special night-night blankie/toy/pacifier/bottle could be offered to your daughter but only for bedtime. Maybe you could try holding her for a while before bed. Have Daddy do a sweep of the room to ensure there is nothing to be afraid of. Read the same story over and over again until she falls asleep.

Here's my story -
My oldest(15yr) slept like a charm. I thought I knew what I was doing with kids. My second was so different. I spent the first 3 years holding him on the couch to get him to sleep. He's 11 now, and much prefers schedule and routine. I never would have believed it, when I was sitting on the couch with him as a baby.

Good luck to you and your family. Send me an email if you want to chat.

K.

She's afraid of being alone. She's a little young for bad dreams and fears of monsters yet. If you can put a cot next to or near your bed, or maybe put her in a sleeping bag, she might sleep better near you for awhile. It's a phase and they grow out of it eventually. The trick is to find a way for everyone to get enough sleep till she's past this. I could never stand hearing my baby scream and then just try to ignore it.

It could be an earache, they tend to be worse when laying down fully vs elevated/sitting up.

It could be gas, have you tried Mylecon?

Could she be too cold? Your warm bed is nicer than a cold crib.

Could she be too hot? My girl will wake up and ask to change nightgowns.

Maybe she's just having separation anxiety. Could you move her crib into your room? I am a let them cry it out advocate, but I know it's not for every mom nor every child. It worked for one of mine and the other no. Otherwise, I would just let her sleep in your bed. If everyone is happy and you, your husband and Lily will actually sleep through the night maybe it's the right thing to do for now. I know how frustrating sleep deprivation can be. Break the "rules". It is kind of nice having them sleep with you!
Good Luck

Hi A.,
If you have ruled out all medical issues that could be causing her to wake up, then try some of the following ideas.

Make sure she has eaten enough, so she is not waking up because she is hungry.
Give her a warm bath before bedtime.
Be sure she has enough covers, so she is not waking up cold.
Have some kind of music playing softly through out the night or something that makes a little noise that will help her to stay asleep.

I hope this helps!! Be blessed!

Your baby is totally normal. At 15 months, babies experience separation anxiety. Some of them are clingy during the day too or only want one parent or won't go to grandparents or friends anymore.

You can let her cry it out and she will learn that you will not comfort her when she is upset. She may not understand the difference between day and night so it is hard for her to know why you comfort her when she is upset during the day. There is research, done at Harvard University, that found that babies left to cry it out are more anxious as they grow older. The part of their brains that concerns anxiety is larger in babies left to cry.

I really like Dr. Sear's Baby Book. He has a sleep book too. The time you spend building trust with your baby now will pay off when she is older. Where baby sleeps is a personal decision but I went for the location that allowed both of us to sleep well. And there is nothing sweeter than a child who wakes up quietly, with joy and peace, finding him or herself with the people who love her the most. They grow up so fast. Do what feels right for you and right for her. The book, "Our Babies, Ourselves," is a wonderful explanation of how other cultures care for their babies. Sometimes doing what is easy and feels right works best in the long run.

Good luck.

so why is ferberizing her ok but letting her sleep with you isnt. mine slept with me til they were 4. the whole family gets to sleep and its great. once they were old enough we explained that they ere getting too big for mommies bed and that they would now haveto sleep in their big girl beds. please dont listen to what others say you should do as you as a family need to decide whats best for you and right now im thinking its sleep any way you can get it.

Fwiw if you get sleep with her in your bed do it she could be growing through a growth spurt she could be having issues. You say this happened sddenly didnsomehing change in her diet about then like going from formula to milk or something? What you are describing sounds exactly how my 3.5 yo did when we realized he couldn't tolerate corn (which happens to be in near everything). He detoxs off it like he is detoxing off drugs it's painful for him he gets very Cole internally when he has had accidntal exposure so the warmth of our bodies helps him from having the hakes along with severe muscle cramps and his tummy hurting. I'm on my 4 th child I've co slept with and honestly they have all gone to their beds on their own are great sleepers most of the time.

And 2 months wow it's been a rare night in nearly 6 YEARS and coffee is my bff but I do get more sleep with my 11 month old in my bed not less. Do what's right for your family ignore any books or people who tell you you are doing it wrong. Who knows maybe she is overtired too and a couple nights of good sleep could reset everything

I was in your EXACT same shoes with our first. After the first 18 months, he slept like a champ and still does at 3. We tried Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution and it didn't work for him. I know alot of people are against this but giving him a pacifier worked tremendously. We actually put 5-6 in with him so if one fell out he could find another. When the crying got too unbearable we put him in bed with us too. No big deal as we all got some sleep but I was worried that we were starting a bad habit. Thankfully it never became an issue and he had no problems transitioning into a big bed in his own room.

i'll try not to repeat and i agree separation anxiety or earache could be a cause but i'd like to tell you about my experience. sometime between 14 and 18 months, i can't remember when, my daughter started doing this. the issue i had with the separation anxiety explanation was that she would fall asleep fairly easily and something would wake her up. desperate, i tried milk. she has been asking for it but i had been refusing. i gave in, she had a glass of milk and slept very well. this went on for less than a month. she was just really hungry. maybe she was going to grow a bunch but she was hungry, i fed her, it did not become a habit. is you daughter 'telling' you anything?

Any chance she's waking up cold in the night? Those crib mattresses always seem so hard and un-cozy (if that's a word!) Maybe throw in a cushiony mattress cover, some extra blankets... I'm sure your bed is much warmer and cozier than hers!
Just a thought! Good luck!

Yeah. These are the years you feel like a participant in a bad case study on sleep deprivation. I remember wondering if someone would find me babbling on the side of the road someday. I hope this anecdote turns those tears of yours to laughter, and that someday you'll look back on this time in your life and see the humor as well.

I have two children, both who were not "good sleepers." With our firstborn, we tried changing sleep schedules and routines, increased activity, decreased activity, co-sleeping, gently easing child back to sleep, etc. The pediatrician urged us to try the "cry-it-out" method. http://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-sleep-training-cry-it-ou...

I had heard of CIO but thought it was cruel and kept trying the gentler methods. I didn't read about CIO. My firstborn was also extremely strong-willed. When we tried our version of CIO with him, his nose would bleed when his crying escalated. He was really hard to break. Honestly, we never broke him. I'd always cave in and end up putting him in bed with us. Anything to get some sleep. Ugh! I'm embarrased to even write that, but it's true! LOL! Even with Jr. climbing into our bed we somehow, five years later, managed to have another child who started doing the same thing somewhere between 1 and 2 years old! When I begged for help this time (honestly, I think I was hoping there was a pill I could give them), the pediatrician laughed and said, "Wow, now you have two children keeping you up at night." That was eye-opening. I thought, she's right and enough of this foolishness! With one child, I had been sleep-deprived for five years. Couldn't see going to 10 years on 3-4 hrs. of sleep. (I was older and REALLY needed sleep!) That thought was more than enough to strengthen me through the CIO method.

One night, the baby was crying (she had to be around your child's age because she wasn't talking, yet), my 6-year-old son was whining about going to bed, and I blew up at everyone (including hubby) and said "If ANYONE wakes me up tonight, he's going to be sorry!" I walked right up to my screaming toddler, looked her right in the eyes and said, "STOP IT AND GO TO SLEEP--NOW." I entered my bedroom, slammed the door and went to sleep. The baby stopped crying. Jr. went to sleep in his own bed. I don't even remember if my husband came to bed. All I remember is that no one woke me up, including my hubby.

My children are now 11 and 6, respectively, and though they may wake to use the bathroom, they don't bother me...unless they're ill, which explains why my baby girl ended up in bed with us again last night. But, that's another message. LOL

Sometimes there's a medical reason for the chronic sleeplessness (teething, ear infection, asthma, illness, night terrors, gas, etc.) and sometimes the entire family just wants 24-hour access to Mommy, which is just not reasonable. But, as all writers have posted, make sure you rule out medical problems first before trying the "CIO" method. If I had read more about Dr. Ferber's method, I probably would have embraced it five years earlier. Ignoring the baby might take a week or two because she has learned that if she escalates her behavior, you and Daddy will respond. Be consistent, even if the two of you have to hold each other down to the bed. She has to learn to self-soothe for your own sanity. Prayerfully, you won't have to be as dramatic as I was and you'll be able to get some sleep again. And, even if you don't make it and cave in for the next few years, just know that it's ok, too. You'll survive and be able to share your own humorous anecdote with another crying, sleep-deprived mom on Mamasource.

Another thought: Google sleep trouble with 15-month old. Some really good articles. Here's one answer that might be helpful to you. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=2008022211583...

Hey A.,
Have you called your peditrician about it? I have a friend whose son had night terrors for a long time. He would be in a sound sleep and wake up screaming as if someone were hurting him but when his mom, my friend, went to get him she couldn't wake him up. It was as if he were still sleeping and yet unable to shake off his nightmare. I am NOT a doctor so I don't know but I'd call your peditrician and ask.
Is there a family member or friend who'd be willing to babysit all night for you so that you and your hubby could get at least 7 hours sleep straight? maybe one of you on the weekend could sleep at someone else's house and then switch nights so you both can a least get one night of uniterrupted sleep. just a thought.

Hi A., I feel for you, as I was in the same boat 12 years ago! I often referred to myself as a walking zombie, as my newborn never slept more than 2-3 hours in one stretch for the whole first year of his life. I had to resort to having him sleep on my chest, on the couch, all night long, just to get 2 or 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Otherwise, he was up screaming every hour. When I went back to work, it was worse ... I actually got into a car accident for falling asleep! I had read all the books, tried all the strategies, including Ferber. I remember crying MYSELF because I couldn't handle how sad/upset he was when I tried letting him 'cry it out'. Those were insane days. The good news is ... we lived through it and he's now a healthy, well-adjusted middle-schooler ... sleeps well, excels in school, etc.

But in hindsight, I think his issue was an allergy to certain foods I ate, since I was nursing exclusively (no formula). I didn't see any other Responders suggest food allergy, but it's something for you to think about. I didn't know that food allergies ran in my family, since I didn't have it, nor my 3 other siblings. When my son got closer to 1, I started giving him crackers, other solid foods, instead of just nursing and that's when it got worse. He actually would vomit. No other symptoms, no sign of illness, matter of fact ... he'd be running around playing, stop to vomit, then back to running around. It baffled us for months. Mind you, he was still sleeping terribly all that time. When we finally had him tested, found out he was allergic to wheat. So in hindsight, I think the minor amounts of wheat that he was getting from my milk was giving him stomach aches ... not enough to vomit, but enough to keep him from sleeping well. As soon as we took wheat out of his diet (and I quit nursing), he finally slept well. I'm now horrified to think about how I let him 'cry it out' only to find out that my poor baby was suffering from stomach aches. This might not end up being your same issue, but just wanted you to consider perhaps other health factors, not just being a stubborn baby. Good luck.

Hi, there,
I'm so sorry for your sleep deprivation, have you ever thought or heard of "night terrors"? My second daughter had it when she was 2 yo. and she had it for almost a year. I had no idea such thing existed, but after reading up on it, it totally made sense,and i knew what and what not to do with her.Now,I don't know if this is what you have on your hands, but I wish you good luck and lots and lots of sleep!!!!

It sounds like right now she needs you to be close. My niece and nephews all co-slept with their parents until they were toddlers - and they are all very happy, healthy and independent children. If it is uncomfortable having her in bed with you, you could try a co-sleeper or putting a crib next to your bed (this is what I do). I intend on co-sleeping with baby #1 until baby #2 comes along. It really is a wonderful way to bond with your children and I believe, it is the way that nature intended it.

Hi A.,

I feel for you. I hope I'm a pretty good mom most of the time, but the sleep stuff seems to really trigger my impatience... I wanted to suggest that you check out Sleep Regression and would particularly recommend this website: askmoxie.org. Put sleep regression in the search box. It's helpful yet not as judgmental as I find a lot of info on parenting and sleep in general to be, and at the least you may get a laugh. Your daughter may be having separation anxiety or a medical issue, or she may just be going through a periodic sleep regression. I had never heard of them and think if I knew about them before my first was born, things would have been different (easier).

I also wanted to give you some hope: I never did CIO with my 17-month old. I tried but it wasn't for us, so despite my frustration and exhaustion I just kept going... What is helping is putting him down drowsy but awake. You must hear/read that ad nauseum but it helps us a lot. Mind you, there was a time when he was younger when he just wasn't having it. But around 13-months I started being able to settle him in the crib. Now he sleeps through some nights, others not. More and more he stays in his own room. When he awakes at 2am I just bring him to bed. It's just a personal choice. I'm 34, work FT and I'm just too tired to deal any other way! I'm not saying it's good or bad, it just works for us. All kids are different and you know yours best. For mine, it seems to have helped.

Good luck mom and hang in there!

Big hugs to you. Sounds about like my first son's first 8 months. Turns out, he had a dairy sensitivity and all the milk I was drinking (plus Ben & Jerry's) was causing him to have awful gas. I took a class on baby massage where they taught me to gently shake his tushie to break up the bubbles in his stomach and bicycle his legs to get the gas out. That and giving up milk for me made all the difference in our sleeping. I would recommend giving up dairy to see if that makes a difference, and checking in with your pediatrician. Good luck!

Ok, try to change her to sleep to a regular bed that worked for me when my son was the same age, she might get exicted about it. My son also has his favorite cartoon picture on his sheets.
Hope that gives you a chance to improve the situation.
Good luck and bunch of patience.
P.

I feel your pain. My 1st was what they called a "wakeful" baby. he slept about 7 hrs in an entire 24 hr period. My initial thought is ear infection, because she wakes screaming. anytime my boys wake up screaming and crying, there is an ear infection. Now maybe she's awake for a little while and then starts crying because she's alone (which would explain why she sleeps well in your bed. you're already there so she goes back to sleep)...then I would suggest maybe adjusting her naps. Does she still get 2? Go down to 1. If she gets just 1, maybe make it earlier in the day. And my other thought is gas. Does she ever scream unexplainably during the day? maybe she has a food allergy that wakes her with gas pains. i hope you find your answers!! and that you get a good solid nights sleep soon!

I feel for you A.!!! What we did with my daughter was run the vaporizer. Any white noise machine would have worked for her too, we just happened to discover the vaporizer thing one night when she had a terrible cold. Once the cold was gone we still ran the vaporizer b/c it magically helped her sleep. If you're not nursing I would suggest calling your parents or in-laws and asking them to take her for a night. I did this once out of serious desperation (and cried while I asked them) and I STILL remember the night sleep I got that night. Hang in there A. - before you know it she'll be sleeping over at friend's houses and you'll miss her :)

PS - I slept with my daughter A LOT in the guest room just so I could get some sleep. You do what you gotta do!!

Elizabeth Pantley has a book called "The No-cry Sleep Solution." It is highly rated. I will admit it is a process and will not happen overnight. It involves evaluating the current sleep patterns and habits and seeing what works and what doesn't. Look at things like her nap schedule. Is she getting too much sleep during the day that her body is confused? Does she have a comfort object like a stuffed animal or a favorite blanket? Or are you her comfort object? If so, find something to transfer that to. Try and get her drowsy then leave and let her fall asleep on her own. A child who has not learned to fall asleep on their own will freak out when they wake up alone.

She does a great job of explaining the ins and outs. The above are just a few of the major topics I remember. Good luck to you.

A.-
Hang in there!! This is so common....which I know doesn't help solve your issue. But please know that you are not alone.

I have 18 month old twins...and trust me, I feel your pain. As soon as I get past a crazy sleep issue with one of them....the other develops one!? We have been through most of the causes of lack of sleep at this point...

My best guess is that separation anxiety is causing your daughter's waking. You mentioned that it has been going on for two months....and she is right at the age for developing severe separation anxiety. My son went through this. And I got sucked into every first-time-Mommy crazy idea for dealing with it. There was the month that I rocked him for almost an hour every night at bedtime to get him into his crib....there were the three months I let him sleep with me in our bed....there were the two months that I patted his back when he woke in his crib at night while I counted to 200 before leaving (yes...I might have been certifiably crazy at this point. LOL!). Anyway....I am SURE that the bottom line was that Jack wanted to be with Mommy and was pulling out all the stops to get me to come in and be with him. OF COURSE I felt terrible about this and wanted to just give in. But at our 15 month pediatrician check-up....our doctor convinced me that I was not doing him (or me) any favors by being up and down all night long. She strongly recommended I try the CIO method. Even this resulted in drama!!! My poor baby would vomit after only 2 minutes of crying?! Ay carumba!! But I persevered (would clean him up quickly and put him back to bed)....and he only cried for 10-15 minutes at bedtime, and another 10 minutes in the middle of the night (when he would normally wake)....and he went back to sleeping through the night after only a few nights. He really did "get it"....as much as I worried that it would never work.

Toddlers have such little control over their worlds....and sleeping and eating are the two things that they can take a stand on (much to their parents frustration). Hang in there!!! This too shall pass!!! If you are at your wit's end with exhaustion....it is not the end of the world to let her sleep with you for a while to get back on your feet. But (in my opinion), you will most likely have to do some sort of CIO in the future to help her understand that there is no payoff for crying all night....she might as well sleep :)

Best of luck!!! I am so sorry you are going through this. I have said MANY times that I think the one of the most stressful parenting issues is sleep (or lack there of!!).

My first suggestion is to find a friend or family member who can babysit for a night or two while you and your hubby go to a hotel and SLEEP! You may need sleep medication to relax and stop jumping at every noise in the hotel because you are now attuned to nighttime noises. My son was a TERRIBLE sleeper for about 6 months and the doctors warned me about the effects that was having on me and the importance of taking care of myself before I ended up hospitalized.

After that, I'd suggest a visit to the pediatrician. Is there any chance she has allergies or an ear infection? Both get worse when reclining.

I suspect she is physically fine but enjoys having you "trained" to visit each night. I say that with a smile as my daughter calls out that she has to go potty each night just to be sure I don't sleep through the night too often :)

If she doesn't already have a "lovey," it's time for one. She needs something to help her transition away from you for the night. There are several safe options that won't endanger her breathing at night.

As my son's preschool teacher used to tell me, "This phase will pass... to be replaced by another more annoying one :)"

Good luck... and be sure to take good care of YOU!