Help Me Just Get over It

You have to do what you have to do. We wanted to provide more for our kids and I wanted to work eventually, so that's what we both do. We make good money, but if one of us lost our jobs we'd be up a creek without a paddle.

I go to school full-time, work full-time, and have NEVER missed an event for any of my 3 kids. Can you try to find a job that wll be flexible with your hours so you can still attend events? I don't know many people who's jobs won't let them do it - but that could jus be my location and field.

Being a SAHM is amazing, but if working is what you have to do, you have to do it. If you can figure out a way to stay home, then do what you want, but if you can't, you have to do what is needed for your family.

I hope you can find peace in whatever decision you have to make, I know how hard this is. Good luck.

it's so tough, isn't it? You're entitled to your boo-hoo moment! Peace to you. I vote for working now, & returning to your dream later. It will happen at the right point in your life.

I was a SAHM for 12+ years. I loved it, but also rejoiced when I returned to the work field when my DH lost his dream job. I am a much happier person when working. I now have an inhome daycare, & am facing a transition back to office life. My goal had been shutting down this fall, but now am committed to one more year - to allow for improving my skills.

As a childcare provider, I miss out on all daytime school events. To attend, I would have to shuffle 4 families. This is a nightmare, & I prefer not to overuse my privileges....saving my "off" time for emergencies & illness. I hate that part of my life, but am also very thankful that my Mom is always willing to drive 2+ hours to participate in my sons' events.

Hopefully, you will have a job with personal days, sick days, etc! Good Luck!

You answered your own question! It's right there buried in the middle....

"I got offered a position and I am pretty sure my husband wants me to take it, even though he keeps saying I shouldn't if it isn't what I want. I thought that I would feel good about working and helping my husband out, but I don't. This isn't what I want at all."

Last sentence: This isn't what I want at all.

That's pretty clear!

Personally, I'd look for ways to add money to your household while you're working on your degree and getting that business off the ground. (I know--only so many hours in a day!) But maybe something very PT, PT childcare, eBay or Craigslist stuff you have that can be sold....
You know, with your focus on nursing--a "sick child" childcare might just be the thing....very occasional, VERY needed by FT working moms.....

If the big reason you don't want to do this is the last line of the next to the last paragraph ("Once I start working, I won't be able to quit to go back to school, because we will have adjusted to having the extra income")... then you can accommodate that. Don't adjust to it.
Easier said than done, perhaps, but do it through some means of direct deposit. Take only half your paycheck into your regular spending account, and let the other half accumulate into another savings account, to hang onto until you go back to school.
It sounds like you guys really need the added income right now, rather than no income from you, so if you want to pursue that, do so, just don't spend all that you make. You are getting by, apparently, without it right now, but would be more comfortable with it a little less tight. So make it a LITTLE less tight and bank the rest of the income for later.

If you can't set up direct deposit on your paycheck so that half goes into one account and half goes into another savings account, then do it yourself... set it up so that your bank transfers it, or you do it manually when you enter the deposit into your account. Just DO it. Don't think about it. DO it. And forget the other money is there. Consider it "untouchable". For anything. Until you are back in school and not working.
Best wishes to you and yours.

Go back to school. Max out the amount of hours you can put in to complete sooner. Let your mom help with the kids, and maybe she can do childcare in your home for someone else and get paid for that, as extra income? Be kind and supportive to her, but let her help you make this happen.

Go back to school. It is your chance. Staying home with the kids is not some "privilege". Well of course in a way it is, but that is not "for yourself". That's for your kids. Don't give this up.

Find ways to cut back in the household. Review the family budget. Can you do your own landscaping if you have a service? Cut back on cell phone bills? Or cut back on grocery bills? Do you eat out alot? Etc etc. I'm sure as a team your family can make this happen.

Go to school S.!!! You and your family will be so glad you did!!!

If you want to be able to go back to school and not miss the income, then save the income after you pay for the expenses for your job. Expenses: gas, drycleaning, etc.

Life is full of changes. Its not unusual to be mad about changes that are out of your control.

Suggestion: have mom look for an evening job so she can watch the kids during the day and still provide income for her evening work. You look for a day job so you can be home with your husband and kids during the evening. Some people are not business makers/owners. Some people would rather just work and forget about the job when they get off work. You need to decide what you want to do. And then do it.

I would also look into the SS survior benefits. I thought the widow was entitled to something.

Good luck to you and yours.

I agree with your husband and you do too. your making ends meet right now and its working out (somehow it always does). your husband is looking at the bigger picture. if you go to school you will have a full time or part time stable job. a better position to be in than jobs here and there. its worth it to invest in your job by scrimping now. it will be worth it. the job you found is a temperary solution and will prevent you from getting the "real" job or attending things with your kids.

coupons, discount stores, wearing what you have, garage sales are all some things that can " help out" while your husband is the only income. also try selling sentsy or some other product. ppl bake things and sell them at offices???

Can you take the job from now through the summer?
You could quit when the kids school starts up again.
Helping out by bringing in some income even for a few months might help relieve some of the stress.
Is your Mom eligible for any sort of social security income?
Life is what happens while we are making other plans.
Sometimes the plans get put on hold.

What about getting a p/t job someplace like Target, Starbucks, etc where you can bring in some cash - have your mom babysit while you work - and still apply to nursing school and see if you can start classes?

I don't think f/t is the right thing now based on your note - but that doesn't mean a simply p/t job to "pad" the income wouldn't work out great.

As for your mom - give her a little time - it's only been 4 months I'm sure she's devastated. :-( I think asking her to help out with the kids while you study, take a p/t job, work on your business, etc - is enough.

Good luck.

What can your mom do to help out??? There has to be something she can do whether its watching your kids so you can work your home business, babysit other kids herself or get a real job. Unless she is old and feeble she should be chipping in to your household in some way.

I would sit down with your mom and say one of us has to work. Then discuss the pros and cons to each scenario. Since your mom is tethered to you financially and physically in the home she needs to step up as an equal partner.

Perhaps that is in watching the kids but more likely the best use of your family resources if for your mom to work until you finish school. Another idea is if you have started your business she can help you build that. If that gets going you can both get your wish, ya know?

Don't beat yourself up over this.

You are going to school, you are looking at your future. Im sure you will make more money in nursing than finding any ol' job that works for the time being.

You said that your business is starting to take off. So you will soon hopefully be seeing some income from that.

Your husband said " he doesn't not want me to go back to work, but instead wants me to focus on school and my new business." Right there he is telling you what he wants. I understand your want to help but while it may be bumpy right now.. it will pass. Keep working on your future by focusing on your business and schooling. If you get a job both of those will take a back seat and once the kids go to school it will be that much longer before things could be better financially long term.

Its a bumb in the road, it will work itself out with out you going back to work.

Plus look at the whole picture... will you be adding that much more money to your family after extra meal while your working, gas, day care expenses, the extra wear and tear on the car... all of that needs to be taken into account also. Sit down and write it all down how much more you will be bringing in the subtract all of the expenses that also come with working out of the home.

Will that help out or make that much of a difference than where your sitting now? Plus apply your stress and happiness in there. Then you can figure out for sure if its worth it. You already have your husband supporting you to be home... so this has to be a decision you make yourself.

Good luck

Stay home and work on the business and see if you could babysit or something in the home until you can get back on your feet. I know you're right that once you go back it will continue and you're stuck.

First off, nothing says that you can't do both. Secondly, your situation right now is temporary. Don't look at it like you will NEVER get back to school. If possible, what about taking a night class here and there.

When we have a family, sometimes we have to sacrifice things that we want for the good of the family. I think things will work out for you in the long run. As far as obtaining a Nursing degree, I know that they have 2 and 4 year programs. I would look into taking a course or 2 each semester. Many times jobs will accomodate you if you are going to school, and will work around a schedule that suits both of you.

I don't think it's right to let your mom do the SAH thing if that's what you want to do. Give her a couple more months to grieve, and then suggest she look for work. Not only will it help with finances, but it will probably give her a little emotional boost to get out among people. I think if she forces herself to look for work and finds work, she will find that she likes getting out into the world on a regular basis. Staying home with your kids may lead to depression because of her grief coupled with loneliness at being stuck home all day.

I don't know that there is any way to get over being mad, other than time. But I do suggest encouraging mom to work instead of you and maybe you can try to put more time/effort into the opening of your business so you can also contribute to the financial health of your family.

No, you are not being a baby. You are dealing with a lot right now. Imagine going to work, trying to get your business going, being exhausted, taking care of your family, dealing with your mom and all the other things you do. Then add to that the fact that you went against your husband's wishes because you thought you could read his mind. Not a great scenario. You would not be the wife and mother that your family wants and needs.

As a mom, your first instinct is to be there for your kids. Your husband is very proud of the fact that he sacrifices for you to be able to be the good mom that you have been. Do not take away that pride from him. Go back to school. You will have the freedom to attend to your kids' activities and be there for them.

As far as your business is concerned, you need something to kick start you into really being passionate about it. Watch motivational videos, listen to motivational messages online, etc. Find people who are good at what you do and start doing what they do. Be excited about it! Sell it as the best thing ever! Don't worry if people think you are nuts; some will catch the excitement. Schedule time each day to focus on your business. Is there something your mom can do to help with the business? If not, ask if she's ever thought of finding "a fun little job," working part-time at a bookstore or craft store (or whatever her passion is). If jobs are hard to find where you live, see if she'd like to get out and volunteer somewhere. She is probably bored and not feeling like she has a purpose. But don't come out and tell her to go get a job. It sounds like she might resent you.

Go out of your way to pamper your husband to show him how much you appreciate his desire for you to be happy. Everyday when he comes home, be the kind of wife that you would want to come home to. Then he will never regret his decision to have you stay home. (Even if he secretly desires for you to bring in some money.) What he is actually telling you is what he has decided to tell you and the way he wants it to be. What a great guy!

S. H.,
go back to school and that nursing degree girl!!!!!Mabe you can work part time for the extra money,plus you would still get to go to your kids events,have a flex schedule bc youre part time and be making extra money at the same time.Once you become a nurse,you can work minimal hours and comfortable financially.Im at home right now,I really need to do the same,Im at home and ihave a 2yr old 9yr old and 2 step-kids(weekends)but Ive lost me ,its my dream to go back to school.Whats stopping me????I mean YOU!!!!!DONT GIVE UP

You are not being a baby. You are adjusting to a situation that is beyond your control.

You can work and have your paycheck put into a savings account, instead of the family income. That way, you can pay for school without any guilt, and you don't get used to the extra income.

As for your kids activities... as for long lunches, or early lunches on those days. No, you probably wont be able to chaperone the field trips without weeks of notice, but that's okay. It's very difficult raising kids, working a job, going to school and running a business. You need to dump the guilt! Its not like you are sitting on your duff eating bon bons all day.

Your family is greiving the loss of your dad. He passed suddenly and your lives changed without notice. Making good decisions is not always easy at this point but you cannot stop living. He took care of your Mom and she is now thrust into a world of hurt and less money; she is unsure of what to do next. You need to get Mom into grief counseling, or maybe get her into general counseling. She needs to be able to share her fears and find a way to get her life moving forward again. She is way to young to be so dependent upon you and your husband. I am the same age as she is and I would not want to be dependent upon anyone.
Your Mom needs to understand that she has a lot of living to do yet. She can find a job and become independent -- small steps. Unless her health is really bad she should be working and living in her own place. She should have friends of her own and be planning activities with her friends.
As far as your decision goes, you can accept the job for now and delay going back to school until Fall semester. Bank as much of your money as possible as an emergency fund. Apply for financial aid for school and see about finding a part-time job on campus.
Most on-campus jobs have flexible schedules and they would understand that activities at your childrens' schools are important to you.
Also understand that once you have your degree and start nursing you will not be able to go to every event for your children. You will have to pick and choose which events you will be able to go to.