Help Leaving Kids at Day Care

As someone who did daycare from my home for six years I would suggest that you try very hard to not feel guilty and create a routine and leave. I know it is hard but in many cases the kids do stop crying right away.

Now all that said do you feel they are safe? Do you trust the provider? Have you ever called after you have left to see if they stopped crying right away like she said?

My thoughts are that if they are playing and seem happy at pick up time then it might simply be that they know they are getting a reaction out of you. You are their mother - they love you and reality is that they would rather be with you than anyone else.

I had many kids who would cry because they knew their parents would stay longer and they would get much more attention from them. Typically what I told the parents was to bring their child in, remove their jacket, give them a hug and kiss and then leave telling them when you will be back. Then you come back when you say you will.

1st off is your new in-home person licensed? If so check with the state for any complaints they may have recieved. ###-###-####.

Is it at all possible for you to stop in during the day unannounced. This is the best way to check up on what is going on.
Something I've done is drop my son off and if he's crying I'll drive around the block a couple of times and come back and peek in at him....100% of the time he's stopped crying and is completely engaged in some activity. If you do this make sure your boys don't see you.

Have you tried letting them take a picture of you along? This helped my son when we switched him to our in home person. He carried it around with him for 3 weeks, and made a huge difference in his day and at drop off. This may help your boys out a great deal as they are used to being home with you all summer and are dealing with seperation anxiety.

It probably is just your boys giving you grief. My son (3 years old) will do that to me occasionally, and I know without a doubt that the crying has abosulutely nothing to do with the care and love he recieves.

E.:
As a mother who use to have to bring kids to daycare and now I'm an in home day care provider, I have been in both positions. The best thing to do that I found is to stay with a routine, tell the kids that you will be back after they have a fun day playing. Once they get use to you leaving and returning on a regular basis the crying will stop. As a provider I have a child who has been here a year and still cries on occasion. We go to the window together and wave to mom and tell her to have great day and then once mom pulls out of the drive way I give the child a big hug and ask her if she still needs me to hold her or if she is ready to play with the kids, 99.9% of the time she runs off playing and forgets what ever just happened. Be patient change takes time and the children will get use to their new routine in about 2 weeks.

I too have summers off and have endured the same things you are going through. My best advice is have a goodbye routine that you follow every day. I always say "Goodbye, I love you, have a super-duper day! I will pick you up after snack!" followed by a hug and kiss and then I blow a kiss at the door. I do the same thing every day. It is so hard to start your day that way but rest assured the crying will end soon. (If it doesn't I would talk more in-depth w/ the provider to see what the problem may be. If you feel that they are crying/upset because something isn't right, trust your instict and check things out.) Good luck and hang in there! We are going through the same thing right now!

It is hard to leave kids at daycare. The only thing that popped into my head - and I don't mean to worry you - but it seems odd that it happened 2 weeks after initially going to the in-home daycare. I would be alert to see if something fishing is going on at the home. Usually such as change in actions warrant a investigation of sorts to make sure the care is adequate. Maybe they aren't getting good care - or the sitter makes threats that you won't come to get them if they don't behave or something more or less severe. If you know this person then I wouldn't worry about it so much, but I just wanted to mention it so you can check into it. A 2.5 year old should be able to tell you if anything is going on. Maybe they just realize how much they love you and want you to know. This advice was pessimistic - I am very sorry - my friends have to many horror stories of home - daycare that I cannot forget.

My 2 year old daughter does the same thing, only she's been in daycare since she was 6 weeks old with no mentionable time away from daycare. My provider suggested getting more sleep at night. My daycare provider also sends me pictures in the morning shortly after I drop my daughter off, she's smily, bubbly and having a good time... it truly only lasts until you get to the car! Good luck, I know how hard it is, we are still trying to see if sleep is the culprit!

Hi,
I really feel for you. I was a single worker mother and now I am a stay at home daycare provider.
My advice is stick with your gut instinct, if you feel that something doesn't feel right or your worried then I would drop in unexpected to pick up the kids early, the daycare provider should have a open door policy. I would not show up around rest time though, then she might get irrated. I would make lost of phone calls also. It;s hard when your children are so young and are not able to tell you how thier day went.
I have children that come to daycare and it is diffrent every day. Some days they bounce in, the happiest mood, ready for the day and other days they cry and are very dramtic. I feel bad for the parents but it is true, after Mom leaves they kids do go right to playing and the tears dry.

Hi, I run an in home day care center, and this is So common! One day, make arrangements to leave, and come in another door and listen for yourself, stay hidden and you will be reassured. I do this all the time. M. in Wawatosa

Hi E.! I am going through the same thing. I have a 2.5 yr old son too, and have been nannying for the last year so that I could be with him. He just started daycare again 3 weeks ago. He loves it there. The first 2 weeks were great, he didn't cry once when I left, and would tell me to go back to work in the afternoon because he didn't want to leave. On friday of the 2nd week, his normal teacher was on vacation, and there was someone different that he knew, but not as well. He got upset (he also takes a while to wake up in the morning, and on weekends wants to be held and cuddle for like an hour, so I think that also affects his drop off) Now all of last week too, he did the same thing. I feel bad leaving him, but I know if I stand outside the door, they crying usually stops AS I LEAVE. It takes about 10 seconds. He loves being there with all of the toys and other kids and stuff, it is very exciting, and I think that for the first 2 weeks it made him forget about me. But now it has become normal, not so exciting anymore, and he notices that I am leaving him. He isn't too busy playing to care anymore, because it isn't so new and exciting. He is still very happy in the afternoon and doesn't want to leave, and on weekends will wake up and ask to go to "school", so I have no doubts about the care he is getting. I have worked in a daycare and had bad experiences when I was a kid, so was very picky about where he went and toured everything. I know this is the best one I saw, and have a friend who worked there who knows his teachers and says they are amazing. Over time, it will get better. I just sit down with him for a minute every morning, get a toy and try to get him interested, but if it doesn't work, then I say "Ok, Mommy has to go to work. You be a good boy, I love you, and I will pick you up after your nap." He starts crying, the teacher picks him up, and as I get out of sight the crying immediately stops. I would not worry too much, they just spent a whole summer at home with Mommy, and now are going to a new place. That is very hard for a young child, they don't understand why they are there, or why Mommy has to leave. That would be very scary. Just give it time, and they will get better! Good luck!

J.

I had the same problem with my daughter when I switched daycares right before her 2nd birthday. And to be honest there are some days after the long weekends where she still cries and wants me. It only took about 2 weeks for me to get her to the point where she waved goodbye and was happy to be at daycare. It was hard for me and alot of times I left daycare crying myself, heartbroken that leaving me made her that sad. The first few days I lingered around hugging, kissing and trying to reassure her, which somehow made it worse. I think she started to realize that crying would make mommy stay longer. Now when she cries for me I tell her I love her but I have to go, and I turn and walk away...definatly not the easiest thing to do but it works. I drop my daughter off downstairs, and then bring my son to his room upstairs, and by the time I get back downstairs to go out the door I can hear her sweet giggling and I know she is OK!!! If your daycare providor assures you that they are fine minutes after you leave you should trust them...after all you have trusted them to care for your babies!! Try to be tough for a few days...hug them..kiss them..tell them you love them...and walk out the door...the beginning is tough...but after a week or two they will doing ok!

The best advice has been given: Hugs, kisses, reassurance of when you will back and tell them you love them and out the door. The longer you stay the harder it is for the children...the quicker the better, try and leave your emotions for when you get in the car. Its very hard to leave your children, if you feel uneasy about the daycare at all, a mothers instinct knows best.