HELP! I'm Burning Out (Or Already There and Haven't Realized It)!

You've gotten some great advice, and I don't have much else to add. However, I do want to point out that sometimes it is our choice of words that makes a difference.

"Help" means that everything is your job and if someone chooses to do a part then that is good. You may want to start saying something like "doing your part." If the husband's part is to work for pay, and we are getting "traditional", then that implies that the wife's part is to stay at home and take care of the children and home. The husband is to handle certain jobs around the house such as repairs (or arranging for them), "dirty" jobs such as trash, garage/lawn cleaning and care, etc. He is also required to be a father to his children; that's what he signed up for when he became a father. If the wife is also working for pay, then the house jobs get divided up differently.

You both live there, so you both have responsibilities. If he wants to brush his hands and say "I've put in my 11 hours", you may want to say the same and see what his reaction is.

Good luck to you.

P.,
I have a home business with no worries. No inventory, no taking orders, no deliveries, no party shows.

Let me show you what I have. No obligation.
http://joyforwellness.momsmakemore.com/

Regards,
J.

I liked the previous poster's point about breaking big jobs up into manageable segments. It works!

Since I switched my work schedule to 2 days per week, I seem to get less help from my "previously 50/50" husband. The logic--much like yours--I'm home more.
To that I say BUNK! Yes, my husband is certainly a hard worker and a wonderful provider. He starts work early in the morning 5 or 6 a.m. but is generally home by 3. Then his "day of work" is done. I am up well before 7 each day and am often doing laundry/cleaning/etc til 10 or 11:00 at night! now, I don't know about you, but in my book THAT's a LONG day! True, I am not breaking my back or dealing with co-workers or employees--but believe me--the two days per week that I go into my office are baby food compared to what I do at home. I love being with my son and I enjoy all of our time together, but you need to find a way get done what needs to be done. The thing with most men is that the more you do, the more they'll let you do.

Some things I do when I feel I need more help from him is:
1. encourage him to take our son outside to play for an hour before dinner
2. send them off together on a few errands
3. split a task (Ex. "I will wash, dry and fold all of the laundry, but you need to carry it upstairs and put it all away.") (I cooked dinner, so you can please clean up the kitchen and run the dishwasher.)
Some things I do when I have too much to get to in O. day:
1. Wait til son & dh are asleep and do some of the stuff then
2. Make a list and prioritize it. Check off the tasks as you complete them.
3. Get your son engaged in an activity (craft, puzzle, coloring) and then head off to accomplish O. item on the list.
Now, the sad thing about all this "time" that I'm making is that it's not for myself--it's just time to do what needs to be done! Whether it's additional work from the office, cleaning, organizing, laundry, bathrooms, whatever. But at least it's a way to get to a few items on the list.

I'm afraid your husband is going to someday regret missing out on this time of his son's life if he doesn't spend more time together with him. After all, he'll never be "almost 2" again! Have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that even though he's a hard worker, you're doing two jobs WHILE caring for a child! After all, who cares about a nice house if you're too miserable to enjoy it? What's the sense of earning a nice living if you never see your kid?

If you can afford it, you could hire a cleaning lady for every week or even every other week. Or hire a mother's helper (jr. high or high school student) for a few half days each week this summer to come to your house and play with your son while you can get some of your work done. I feel that at the very least your husband can bathe your son and get him into his jammies and read him a few books every night. You may feel like you're "forcing him" to spend time with his own son, but there ARE dads out there that need a push in the right direction! Maybe your husband's dad didn;t spend much time wioth him and he doesn't realize how important it is. 2 yrs old is the daddy-worshipping phase for boys. He needs his daddy!

Also, don't know if you're familiar with it but www.flylady.net can really help you. It is based on the premise that we can do ANYTHING if it's only for 15 minutes. Check it out. It's free to join and easy to follow. Just jump in where you land--no need to catch up.
Good luck!

He doesn't help you when he home? how about weekends?

how much time does the shuttle take? and if not making money, maybe drop it.

You both had a child and he has responsiblities as well to spend time with the child.

Sounds like you need more sleep and relaxation.

Hi P.,

Write everyone that you are closing down your business and will help them find help if they have difficulty finding a shuttle service for their children.

Take time to enjoy your home and child.

Good luck. D.

HI P.,

I had never heard of a Child Shuttle Service, Neat idea and good for you for going at it. Is it still something that you want to do??? Sometimes our dreams don't work out or our situation changes and it's hard to let go. If it is what you want to do, and you do see it working, then take a deep breath.
You mentioned needing to get on top of the mangement aspect, is this somethign you just need time to do,where a babysitter for your son would be worth it,
or do you need small business help like from a local college,or some sort of organization?
Could you ask someone to mentor you? Or could you hire this part out to an office manager or your accountant??
Look outside the box for free advertising etc.
This could be a good place to break things down into smaller bites like the other posters have advised and tackle each thing. Sometimes there are people in our lives that are more than willing to help, they just need to be asked. Look to your family, friends, church, social groups, You would probably be surprised at how many people would love to help you.

You and i probably think alot alike, everything is intertwined and i have a hard time separating things.
www.flylady.net has helped me alot with my housework. My mom is a compulsive hoarder and i never learned how to keep a consistently clean house. Growing up it was a pigpen unless someone was coming and then it was spotless because everything was hidden and mom had worked 48 hours straight with no sleep to get it perfect.
These are the things that i need to do everyday to keep my house clean
First get Dressed so you are ready for anything!!
Make the beds (10 mins)
Do the dishes, (20 mins)
do one load of laundry plus dry it, fold it and put it away.
(it's lots easier to put away if you go through your dressers and closets and give away the stuff you don't wear)
And yes i now do small loads just to stay on top, it's better for me than saving up a bunch to have a full load.
(5 mins to through it in, 10 to fold, and 10 to put away)
clean up the toys (15 mins)
Wipe down the bathroom counter ( I keep clorox wipes handy)
deal with the mail (5 mins)
Your time might vary but in about an hour you'll have Gone a LONG way to making the house look ok. And you don't have to have One whole hour to do it. Just do it as you go.

There will be things you need to do every week
like change the sheets
clean the toilet and tub
vaccum etc but it still won't take you that long
and i do realize you have job and child etc so sometimes an hour or two out of your day is a lot, but I'm just saying don't get overwhelmed.

AND if you type up what needs done and make yourself a check list and leave it on the counter, Hubby might even see what needs done and jump in, maybe not right way. I'm not going to say much about him, you've already gotten good advice on that.

maybe you won't clean the tub every week, or maybe you'll change the sheets every two weeks, you'll always have housework but you'll only have a toddler for a little while. Decide what is realistic for you, But make a plan.
Sounds like you need more sleep to if at all possible. I'm still hopign for that one myself.
I wish only good things for you.

Wow this sounds familiar to a point. I don't have a second job but does having four kids count? lol. Anyways I too here in the last 6 months or more have been feeling like I just could not keep up with the day to day tasks. There is however one thing that might differ us from each other. I was diagnosed with ADD as a child. Now I am undergoing a re-evaluation, I want to get back on a medacine like the one I took so many years ago. I know alot of people have bad opinions about the medacations. I know they helped me when i was in school so im trying them again. Anyways what im getting at is if you continue to feel overwhelmed and can't seem to get organized you might want to look in to an eveluation. Many more people than was origionally thought have learning disabilaties and they have no idea that they have one until they are older and their brain can't keep up with things (like mine now). I go 2moro to see my family Dr to get a perscription to help my brain function better. I also know what you are talking about with the spouse. My husband gets out of bed at 2pm, gets a shower, leaves the house at 3pm, and doesnot get back home till after midnight. We are essentially married, simgle parents. I also have been married for almost 11 years now. Please if you are in the York area and would like to get an evaluation contact me I know someone that is great. I know he would be glad to see if he could help you.
Good luck,
M.

******Addition to my last response*******

I so agree with your other responder... some dad's DO need a push in the direction of spending quality time with their children. For some reason, maybe its just the way they are wired, or what they learned from their fathers, but it seems like they feel that if they are in the presence of their child, they are "spending time" with them, and we mothers know that is certainly not the case. There is a VAST difference between being PRESENT, and being ENGAGED. I would encourage to push a little. Both your son, and your husband will be better for it. And you just might get an extra hour or two of freedom as well... it's a win/win/win!!!

Also, I LOVE the idea of hiring a "mommy's helper", maybe a jr. high or high school student to spend a few hours a week with your son to allow you some "free-time" to get some things done, whether it be chores, or some undoubtedly much needed down time for you... and the likelihood is that you probably wouldn't have to pay much for this, so you may be able to fit it into your budget... I am actually thinking I might do this for myself this summer!!! BEST OF LUCK!!!

Hi P.~

I definitely get that you have a lot on your plate and are legitimately feeling overwhelmed. We all get there from time to time... I think a good approach to your situation is to try to break your situation down into smaller, more manageable parts. Anytime we look at a situation as a whole, it can get overwhelming very quickly and can seem insurmountable. If you can break it down into its components, maybe it will be easier to find some smaller solutions to the smaller problems, and kind of tackle them one by one. I might even actually journal your thoughts in bullet points, highlighting each stressor you have. Then dedicate a section to each stressor and brainstorm some possible solutions. If you can't come up with any, you could ask for help with coming up with some solutions for that specific problem.

I know this isn't rocket science, but it's what I do when I start feeling like I have a hundred things on my plate and I am sinking in quicksand. I stop myself, get a grip on each individual stressor, and make a plan for addressing each one separately. That keeps me from feeling like the weight of the entire world is on my shoulders at once. Plus, as you address each problem individually, and begin to reach each goal, you gain that little sense of accomplishment - and relief - of having gotten one more thing under control. Obviously, the things you are dealing with are somewhat intertwined, but I still believe you can try to look at them more individually and try to find smaller solutions to smaller problems, ultimately addressing the whole.

As for your husband, I think it would benefit you and your situation/family to have a heart to heart with him, perhaps after you do your breakdown of what you see your struggling points are. I would try to be non-confrontational, and simply let him know that you are struggling. Perhaps even include him in on your brainstorming for solutions to your problems. That way, if there are things he can do to help, i.e. around the house, he can be part of determining that solution. Anytime we feel involved in decision making about our lives, we are more likely to be willing participants, than if we are simply told to do something. That's just human nature. Plus, there is a huge benefit to him becoming more involved in your home lives - spending precious and fleeting time with his son. Maybe suggest - or even set up - some structured or scheduled activities that he can do weekly that will give you a couple more free hours to do whatever - housework, organizing, business contacts, etc. And in that way, he IS helping you, but is mainly getting to enjoy your son, which might not seem as much like work, as, say, doing laundry. Perhaps they could do parent/child swimming, go to the park, even just run errands together, which would accomplish 2 things - Daddy/son time, and getting some much needed errands done, like grocery shopping, etc... :) I would just let him know that his little man really needs his "Daddy time" and hopefully, your husband will jump at the chance.

Best of luck to you! Feel free to contact me directly, if you would just like to bounce any ideas my way, or would like an objective opinion about anything! :)