ALoha, I"m a local girl too, and we like most locals,have our parents live with us. In my case my mom.
With some cultures, it is a silent assumption, that their children will take care of them. Maybe that is why your Dad is behaving this way and not paying as much? Does your dad still work? You say he has some money in the bank? How old is he? Is he sick or feeble or in poor health?
Do you not believe him about his financial trouble? Is there reason not to believe him? Just because someone has money in the bank... this does not mean they "don't" have financial trouble. Is he in debt or anything? Those are things you may not know. As his daughter, you need to help look after him... if he is elderly or not able to think/take care of himself.
He is living with YOU.....thus, you need to understand what his situation is.
As his daughter, you need to talk with him. Sometimes older people do not always open-up and tell us things... because it might be shame. It's a burden on you and your Hubby financially. But you must talk about it... kindly. Some elderly are afraid of being bossed around or ignored or burdened. Talk with him and see how his situation "really" is... and then if your Hubby is compassionate and caring... perhaps as the "Man" your hubby can talk with your Dad and "explain" the financial picture for "everyone" in a fair manner. Respectfully. Maybe your Dad needs to be told that your own finances are a strain too....maybe your Dad thinks you have money? You need to tell him the real picture... plus you have 2 children.
How are you splitting up the percentage of who pays for what, or who pays for how much? In our home for example, since we are the ones with the kids (2) and we use MOST of the electricity and the water and the utilities and food.... we pay for "most" ( 3/4) of the bills. This is only fair, to my Mom. It works for us.
Yes, living in Hawaii is not cheap. And the dollar is weak and the gas & food is expensive...but well, that is the way it is.
No matter what it "should" be fair. Remember, there are 4 of you (You, Hubby, 2 children), and only 1 of him. Depending on his financial situation (you said he said he has "financial trouble)....then the amount he pays to you for his share should be based on how much he can afford and what percentage of the "pie" (household expenses/bills) he uses. For example, we would never expect my Mom to pay 50% of the expenses... that would be unfair because she does NOT use up 50% of the household food/utilities/water etc. We, as a family of 4, are the major consumers in our house. Not her.
But.... everyone has to be honest and open & fair about what their portion of their payment/rent/bills should be.
If your Dad cannot pay... then what? Does he get kicked out? How can this be worked out? All people concerned must also think about AND agree on a plan... in the event that someone cannot pay their fair share....and because this has to do with "family", you must all work something out, fairly.
Do you have a church that you attend? If so, sometimes they have ministries in which they help struggling families (with food or clothing) for a bit. Just explain to them your situation.
Sometimes to make extra money... people sell things on E-Bay, or through "Craig's list Honolulu." Here's the link: http://honolulu.craigslist.org/ Craig's list is like an online classifieds ad resource. Many of my friends have done this as well.
Talk about it openly.... too many times, the generations don't talk about finances, and then it becomes a bigger burden and problem. Be open about it, so all cards are on the table.
Good luck,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo
