Help! How to Help My Kids Take Responsibilities of Their Rooms?

I would have them tidy up every night shortly before bed, depending on how long it takes them. Tell them that if it takes them a longer time, then there will be less time for books, etc. before sleep. If it takes them less time, then reward them with a nice long book before bed. If you make it a habit, then it will soon be ingrained.

My oldest 2 are 5 and 4. After supper they go to their rooms and clean them, get jammies on, brush teeth and then they can go and play for the evening downstairs with Daddy until bedtime. My kids have shirts on hangers, pants on a shelf in their closet and one dresser per room with socks, undies and pj's. When they get dressed or put pj's on they are to take the dirty clothes and put them in the basket in the bathroom.
They are required to do this EVERY evening and they do it without complaint because they've always done it. If they ever didn't want to do it they can just go to bed but that hasn't ever happened.
If you get into a good routine and be consistant with it they will keep it up.
If they complain about it I would just tell them that if they have too many toys you can get rid of some. They took it all out and they can put it away. If they don't want to clean their room then they need to not make such a mess.
They also have lots of bins for toys to be sorted into and put on shelves in their closet. Everything has a spot for it.
Good luck,
J.

Hi there, I am a mom of an adult now. A very responsible adult. But at one time I had the same issue. This trick worked with my child, maybe it will work with yours. Her specific problem was picking up dirty clothes and putting them in the hamper. One day I told her that if the dirty clothes were in the hamper I would wash her clothes for free. If I had to pick them up after she left for school in the morning I would wash them for a charge. She was getting an allowance and so I nickled and dimed away her allowance the first week. Especially if there was a certain top or socks she wanted for that day. The second week things were better and by the third week she was back up to full allowance. She earned her allowance by doing other chores but until then she only saw "her" chores as the only important part of running the household. After this experience she started noticing all the other things her dad and I do around the house for her. Good luck

What I find works, if they leave it on the floor, put it in a garbage bag. Then hide the garbage bag in your closet or somewhere safe. They will soon miss their beloved things. Then you just say to them, "Sorry, you did not put it away, so it is gone." And then you let them know that if they keep the rest of their things cleaned up they can get there toys back one at a time. So if the room is clean one day, one toy comes back. The next day if still clean, they can earn another until they earn them all back. But if there is anything on the floor it goes in the bag and they do not earn a toy back for the day. The key is they do not get to choose which toy they earn back each day. You decide. Good luck! Hope that helps a little.

Hello, I'm new to this but thought I'd offer my opinion. I'm a working mother of 3, ages 16, 14, and now 13. I remember those ages and the daily if now hourly struggles to pick up. One thing I did, is after many months of this consant battle. First I started with going into their rooms with the older ones, and worked together to sort, toss, and organize. I did use the tubs for storage. I figure if I gave them a clean room to start with then they and I could see it could be done. I also thinned out thier items, put them in a box in the basement. Eventually they didn't even miss them. When and if we pulled the toys out of storage, the kids played with them like they were new. As a last resort if they couldn't keep their room clean then I'd go in an fill a box with toys, and move it to storage. They could only get things back after proving they could take care of what they had. I hope this helps, and good luck. The upside is my only girl, the 13 year old, keeps a very clean room now.

Hi Amy, I'm a mother of 3 boys and 1 grandaughter! I'm in the the same situation you are in. Mine are 16,14,8 today, I have my 8 month old granddaughter and mom living with us. I've been in small apartments and houses all my life and with my children I have always been uptight on how their rooms were kept... Along with the rest of the house. With my 1st Jared,he had his own room than his brother came along and I had to get smart because we had a 2 bedroom house with no basement. This house had no closets either(grandmas house} With the boys clothes I hung them in sets with the pants and top hangers that they came on.People thought I was crazy to do this, but it also helped my husband at the time, when he had to get the boys dressed.One day I found Jared outside with mickey mouse,black and purple pants on with a flowered shirt on outside when my mother and I pulled in the drive way. I was shocked!{ where did he find the shirt}? I also used the colorfull plastic totes and drawers,under the bed boxes also worked. I would put blocks,cars ,books and legos {lots of legos}in sperate drawers or containers. I have been in child care for 24 years
and you have to be creative to keep the class room clean and organized and make it easy for the little ones to help you!
The other trick is go through all their stuff and fine the things they really want and get rid of the rest ,like all the Happy meal toys, the school papers you think they'll want when they get older {they won't} my children hardly did any art work ,but when they did .I hung it in my kitchen for the season.
then got rid of it,believe me they won't want later! If your girls have grandparents maybe you can send them a note on it and send the art to them! Now they'll enjoy that! Amy I hoped
I hepled. Need any other help email me @ ____@____.com good luck T.

Do not let them go to bed without cleaning up behind themselves, including the t.v./family room, the bathroom they use and especially their bedrooms.

Perhaps this a case of a viscious cycle, and they've reached a point where they don't "respect" their room because it has gotten so beat up. I know it might seem like a reward for reckless disregard, but maybe re-energize them with bedroom makeovers.

I'd consider making the girls an offer they can't refuse and say if they can prove they can take care of their rooms for a month or whatever you feel is appropriate, you will get them new furniture, paint, window coverings, and bedding. Make this a group affair. Have fun, and together come up with a plan to make the rooms pretty, efficient (storage etc.) and functional..but on your terms and set budget of course.

If they fail to come up to the challenge of nightly cleaning, I'd then start removing any privileges they might have such as t.v.,phone, computer, friend-time or whatever necessary to get the message across you mean business.

Get tough. This is very important since they will need to learn how to care for their property on their own.

If you do decorate, and they go back to their old ways, I'd make them pay you back using their allowances, in addition to removal of privileges to make a point and get things back on track.

Growing up my dad had a very good theory on my and my brothers bedrooms. He told my mom, that is the only place that we have that is ours. So if we want to live in a trashed room, then we should have that option. He then told my mom, close the door and give them some space of their own. My mom then said, okay but I will require them to clean their rooms once a month. So once a month we were required by my mom to clean (she'd pick the day). If we didn't do it, things were taken away (such as tv, radio...now a days it may be a cell phone or computer) until the room was clean. The room may have only been clean for one day, but at least my mom knew all the dirty clothes were picked up, any dishes that were left were now back in the kitchen, etc. By having this compromise, she was happy and so was my brother and I.

I plan to do the same thing with my girls when they get older.

Ok this is what I just started doing with my daughter. My daughter is 6.5 and trashes her room. Right this very second my daughter's room is a nightmare I can't see her floor or her bed it's all covered in toys and clothing. I told her because she didn't clean yesterday having her sleepover with her friend is not going to happen tonight. I also threaten alot with her room is now a fire hazard (seriously is) and because we rent also if the prop.mgr. comes up there I will be in big trouble.

I tell her to clean it, if it doesn't get done I go in there with her and we do it together and then when her room is spotless I lock the door and take her bedroom away. YES for like 2 days she doesn't have a bedroom, she sleeps on the couch and has no toys, no tv, just books and school work. I keep telling her she has to take responsibility for her messes, and appreciate the bedroom she has. Her main problem is clothing, she loves to change her clothes 8x a day and throws all her clothes on her floor.

I also seperate her toys into rubbermaid totes. One tote is for barbies, one if polly pockets, etc.... she can have one tote out at time and when it's time to cleanup it's a sinch. This keeps the toys from being lost and mixed all together also.

It doesn't sound like they have the tools they need to organize. It is really frustrating for a kid to be told, "go clean your room," when they don't have any way to put things away. Get plastic bins to sort toys into and maybe shelves and baskets for cloths. Get rid of the dresser or at least fix the mirror if it is about to fall off. Dresser mirrors are usually really heavy and if it lets go on your six year old you will likely have a trip to the emergency room and a bloody mess on the carpet.

The 11 year old might be able to handle it, but 8 and 6 is pretty young to figure out how to sort everything out. If you help them with some kind of system, they should be able to maintain it, but you need to make it very easy. I have often gone into my boys room and reduced what is in there by half. Stuff accumulates quickly enough, they won't miss a few things being taken out.

Plastic shelves are great for kids rooms. Actually, they are great for husbands too.

I will try to be quick.. :)

My girls know that if their toys, belonging, etc, are left out in the living room or any other rooms that are not their own, then the items are mine until I decide they can have them back. I put everything in a tote and it goes away....

The same thing goes for their rooms. They need to clean their rooms once a week on Saturday or Sunday and if it isn't done....I get to clean it myself and that means I put everything in a garbage bag and it stays away until I decide they can have it back.

It may sound harsh, but it works and makes them appreciate what they have instead of them leaving their belonging laying around like garbage.

My daughter was around 9 when I went into her room and found crackers with peanut butter stuffed in a drawer. I got inventive. I took rice and colored it black with a sharpie marker. Then I put it around an open sucker laying on her desk and waited for her to get home from school. As soon as she went into her room I heard "MOMMMMMMMM" I went in there and she said "What IS that??" I didn't lie, I said "It LOOKS like mouse turds" Which it did! I told her if I was her I would clean up the room, remove any food she may have in there and any garbage like paper. She said "do mice eat paper?" I said "no they make nests from it and have babies in it" She was a hoarder and had every gum wrapper from the time she was 6! She cleaned and organized her room from top to bottom and I never had to ask her to clean her room again. When she was a teenager I told her about the rice trick and she got a kick out of it. Now when people mention how good she keeps her house, she says she owes it all to me and rice.

If your girls aren't good at organizing, they might need some help in that area. They have to WANT to keep the room clean to get them to keep it clean. Good luck.

We just started this a week ago, and it's worked like a charm. We went to target and bought a new tote--had my son (4) pick it out. We give him fair warning to clean his playroom and room, with a deadline (usually dinner, bedtime, "15 minutes," or something easy for him to understand). Anything that is still on the floor and not put away IN THE RIGHT PLACE goes into the tote for a "time out." The only way to get it back is to put it away in the right place the next day. We have not yet had to put anything in the tote.

Mostly kids just need help learning how to be organized. If you teach yourself good tricks/tips for organization... teach them those tricks and help them put them into practice. Providing them with materials to help them stay organized is a HUGE step in keeping clean. Also, setting a date/time SCHEDULE to have things done by will help. For example, have:

ORGANIZERS/CONTAINERS FOR:
Shoes, toys, books, crafts, etc.
Color-coded, or labeled clothes hampers for colored or white clothes (or however you prefer to sort laundry).
Accessible clothes bars in the closet(so they can hang things up themselves.)
Organized drawers in their dressers (undies/socks, shirts, pants).

CALENDAR:
3:00-4:00pm = homework/snack/play time
4:00-4:45pm = play/free time
4:45-5:00pm = all toys put away before dinner
6:00pm = help with after dinner cleanup
6:30pm+ = family time

RULES = If you keep rules that have to be kept consistently that have consequences for breaking, it will help them stay on track and learn self-discipline. Such as:
-All clothes either hung-up/put in dresser, or sorted into laundry baskets (not on floor=or no dessert, no friends over, no play-station/t.v., etc.).
-Shoes kept in bins (not all over room/house=or extra cleaning duty assigned).
-Books kept on shelf (not all over bed/desk=or have to go to bed 15-20 minutes early, etc.).

Make sure their responsibilities are age appropriate. Make sure they help each other out (if one gets done before the others, they can help the others finish up and then they'll all have more free-time). If the youngsters wish to help out with the big tasks, let them if it's safe. It may take more time, but if they learn in a spirit of wanting to help, they will resent the activity less when they grow up.

Good luck! :-)

One last point... most kids have a one-track-mind... having a checklist (especially for the younger kids) of HOW to clean their room will help them remember which activity they need to do next... ie: pick up toys, pick up shoes, hang up coat, make bed, take dishes to the kitchen, etc.

Kids have to be taught how to clean and given incentives to keep it that way. First, weed out all extraneous stuff. Next, get a good organizational system - drawers, cubbies, whatever fits the room and your style, but nothing fancy, broken or difficult to use. If it's a pain to use, no one will use it! I use a combo of cubbies for games and some clothing, a dresser and clear plastic tubs (my kids share rooms, too). All containers get a label, especially helpful for younger and special needs kids. Everything they own must have a place to "live" or they don't keep it. It's as simple as that. Each morning and evening my kids are required to put everything - and I mean everything - away in the proper place. In the beginning you have to make a game of it, and you can't just send them to their rooms to do the work - you must work with them, eventually training them to work in teams, to get he job done. For more tips on specifics I suggest What the Bible Says About Child Training by Fugate, and the FlyLady website. Cleaning and organization come naturally to a few, the rest have to be taught. It's never too late, but training older kids takes a lot more patience and time, so be prepared for some foot-dragging, maybe even a little rebellion, and as Winston Churchill said, "Never, never, never give up!"

SAHM of seven in a small but organized house

Hi! I am going through the same problem with my 8 year old daughter. Unfortunately she gets it from me :( I talked with my counselor about this - & here's her suggestion she used on her kids. 1) Each day pick one specific area to get cleaned and organized - they must keep that area clean from then on, and each day pick a new area - that way, it's not such a daunting task for them to have to clean their whole room at once. Ask them how long they think they'll need to clean that area (You may need to help them figure out how long it will take) Set the timer for that amount of time, and tell them you'll go to the park, play a game, watch a movie, eat, etc. after that time. If they get their area cleaned within the time, they can enjoy the activity, if not, then they will not get to do it, or they'll have less time to do it 2) If they don't keep their room clean - stip it down to the bare minimum - bed, clothes, dresser, and 2 toys. After 2 weeks if they keep that clean and organized, they can negotiate with you 2 more toys/items to get back, after 2 more weeks of keeping it clean, they get 2 more items.

I have not stripped my daughter's room yet, but I think I may have to - she's got so much junk in there - I may stip it down, and after a few weeks, give her a small tote of items to put away or donate. I'm hoping she will realize how much nicer & easeir it is when it's clean, and realize she doesn't need all that junk!

I definately agree that you need to help them come up with a system to organize all their items. I have an in-home daycare, and in there I have everything sorted and organized so it's easy for kids to know where to put stuff. Even if it gets disastorous in there - I can clean it in less than 5 minutes - because everything has a secific place it goes. I really need to use that theory with the rest of the house!

"Organizing From the Inside Out" is a book you might want to read. I started it a long time ago, but unforteunatly never finished it. I should probably read it, too!

Good luck! Let us know what works for you!

Have you heard of the House Fairy? I heard about it through www.flylady.org. It is a system created to help kids enjoy cleaning their room. www.HouseFairy.org

Try Flylady.net She has great organiazation ideas, that take very little time.

check out the House Fairy at www.flylady.net

scroll to the section where it says Flylady's friends. House Fairy is in there.

various testimonials claim she works good for older kids too. If you go to her site, you can get an idea of what the system is and then either duplicate it or buy it.

Hello, A.,

This is Heidi Davis. I am 36 years old and teach third and fourth graders at a small school in Appleton, Wi. My trick to helping the third graders keep desks clear of clutter is to put a map on the board of where students should keep their items on the first day of school (they can rearrange to their liking). I then check their desks every week for about the first four weeks of school, and everyone who has everything neat gets a little note with a chocolate kiss (or Starburst or whatever little goody I have on hand) attached. The reward is that they get to eat the goody right away when they arrive at school (in front of their peers, no less!!).
I keep inspecting their desks periodically during the year, and on Mondays their first task is to get their desk in order for the week. If they don't, they miss their first recess.
You can probably see where this could apply to your girls. NOW is the best time for your 11 year old to learn to keep her belongings in order. My mother helped my sister and I when we were in third and fourth grade. She sat with us once a week (I think, maybe it was every evening in the beginning) and worked alongside us, helping us know how to clean our rooms. Prior to that, she always made us clean up our toys before going on to a new activity. Starting early made it easier for my sister and I to keep our rooms neat when we were teenagers. When I got my first apartment, I had a great Saturday cleaning regimine and did not often stray from it, and kept my apartment very neat and tidy.
Having my mom work alongside me gave me that confidence that I could do it. Not everyone is born as a natural organizer, but God provided your children with a wonderful teacher, YOU! It will take patience and endurance, but it will give your girls that much-needed time with Mom and Dad (yes! Get Dad in on this too!), when you can talk and work together. Who knows what stories will be shared, secret fears revealed, and memories made through this? Set aside the time to clean. Show your girls it is important. Make it a priority and don't let them go out to play until it is done. Within a year of consistent cleaning (even when they whine!), you will probably see some progress. Stick with it!
Best regards,
Heidi

As long as the mess does not include food (which can develop into a health hazard), my solution is - close their doors. Really, this is such a common "power struggle" between parents and kids as they get older. Our son's room was a disaster for several years, then all of a sudden he spent a whole day cleaning, asked for new sheets, and kept it clean through the rest of high school. Spend your time and energy dealing with important issues - school, grades, etc.

I know it's cheesy, but you should try this. It's called - http://housefairy.org/ - for some reason kids, even older ones will love it. The videos and whacky songs work really well for a few friends of mine.

And for adults - there is flylady.net - she helps us grownups keep our portions of the house organized.

good luck!
S.

You'll need to go through the girls' rooms with them and get rid of as much stuff as you can. Be ruthless; broken toys, toys they don't play with, things they've outgrown -- it all goes, either to trash or to charity. Clothes that the older ones have outgrown but you want to save for the little ones should go in labeled tubs -- "summer clothes to grow into" and "winter clothes to grow into" -- and the tubs should go in a closet somewhere in your home.

Then figure out what you still need in terms of storage, and get plastic shelving and drawers if you need to. Here's the key -- every single thing has to have its own place. EVERYTHING. If you have a hair band, or a marble, or a crayon, and you don't know where hair things or small toys or art supplies go, then you end up putting it on the dresser to join a mound of other junk.

You can label shelves and drawers if it would help -- underwear, sports gear, board games, and so on.

Then every day in the afternoon or evening, help the girls put everything that has been taken out back in its designated spot. They will only be able to keep their rooms clean if you support them the whole way -- getting rid of clutter, finding places to keep everything, and then putting things away every day.

Eventually it will become habit and they will learn to do it on their own. But just telling them to clean up their rooms won't do it.

You could also offer a "carrot" for doing all this with you -- like pretty pink curtains and a matching rug, or something that will make their newly clean rooms look nice.

I have a few suggestions, some you might like, some you may not...shut the door, and let the mess begin! This way one of them will notice that the place is looking rather messy and they will begin to clean it up. The other one is tell them they go "no where" on a sat, regardless of the event until the room is spike and san, start telling them that on Monday, this gives them several days to clean up before Sat...if then the room is not to your satification on the sat(be age appropriate and realistic) tell them they are home for the day...sometimes, we have our own ideas of what clean should be like. Kids on the other hand are not equipped to deal with all the details like adults. Look at all the organizations that have popped up re: "clean sweep"...try it and see if it works....good luck....make sure there is a laundry hamper in their room...waste basket etc

Check out "Parenting with Love & Logic". I'm not sure how I'd survive parenting without these people, their books, DVD, CD's, etc. A fantastic resource for teaching your kids to be responsible!!!!!

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Hi, My grandaughter is 11 also and she is the same way. Her Mom tells her she has to keep it clean, but she doesn't seem to care at all. Mom takes computer time and TV time away until she decides she wants to clean her room. That works for a while, but it starts all over. I would like to hear others answers as well. Good luck to you.

Wow Amy, are you sure you want to pick that fight? I'm guessing you have lots of other things to do with four kids to take care of. Discipline is not the answer here, it is letting go. Girls are messy (with a few exceptions) and believe they are organized even when we cannot see any semblance of it.

As a mom of two older girls, my tactic has always been a 3x/year redecorating/rearranging assignment. They have full rights to rearrange their room any way they like. They put on loud music and make a day of it (or half day if this is enough time). In order to rearrange they will, obviously, have to clean.

They also each wash their own clothes ~ which helps with the clothing piles. I have a place in the house for clothes they have outgrown so they don't just migrate to the floor once they are done using them.

I let them know that I expect to be able to walk to the windows to open and shut them (and yell a little about it if it is not possible).

Then, I let it all go. I am way more focused on having a loving relationship than having a clean room.