"Help! Four Year Old Having Terrible Nightmares...Scared to Sleep

Have you asked her what is scaring her? She is at the age where fear of death and fear of loved ones dying is coming up. I remember those fears but was too scared to tell my mom that I was afraid of her dying. It might be a conversation to have.

It may sound a bit bizarre but it worked for my 4 year old. What they see is real to them so I didn't want to go in there and tell her that there were no monsters. So one day when she woke me up crying, I went in her room, sat on her bed, looked up into the air and said, "BOB, MIKE, NICK, I TOLD you guys that you could hang out in her room but you COULDN"T scare her!!!". I then looked at my daughter and said, "That's bob, mike and Nick...They love to protect you but they also like to play and I know that scared you." Then I told her they wanted to stay but if she wanted them to leave, I would make them leave. After a full blown conversation with the pretend ghosts, and me telling her they PROMISED not to scare her again, I tucked everyone in (she wanted the ghosts to sleep in the bed with her too) and she hasn't woken up screaming since. My husband thought I was nuts when I went back into our room but at 4am, you will resort to almost anything. Let me know how it goes.

Hi D.,
I think you and your husband are doing the right thing by preparing her before she goes to sleep and soothing her when she wakes up screaming. Maybe keeping the lights dim and keeping the conversation to a minimum could be helpful during those times. But bottomline, this just has to run its course. It may takes a few weeks for her to get through this period. Hopefully, you and your husband can catch up on your sleep at other times. I feel with you both.

D.,
It's definitely 'Night Terrors'. Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot we can do. My son is 4 (5 on 12/26). H started this about 1 1/2 years ago. Exhausted is an understatement. I saw his doctor about it because of course I thought it was my fault for not closely monitoring what he watched with his older brother. "THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO." He told me. They come in clusters. He will get them for about two to three weeks at a clip but a few months apart. After countless trials and errors of 'remedies', I found that a few things 'HELPED'. 1) Get a lavender pillow or a lavender candle if you have somewhere you can put it up high. Maybe even a Lavender Sachet you can put close to her. 2) What color is her room? Pink is a calming color and relaxes you. Don't let her have milk or dairy 2 hours before bed. 3) This one will sound nuts but trust me....You and her buy a Dream Catcher TOGETHER. Explain to her that it will catch all the bad dreams before they come to her. 4) Give her Benadryl according to her age and wait about 1 hour before bed. 5) Make her bedtime routine a consistant pattern every night. 6) Warm bath before bed. 7) A happy, calming book will be the last thing she thinks of. 8) Lastly, asses any possible stressful situations she may be in or around throughout the day and minimize them the best you can. But D., bare with it. They commonly outgrow it by age 6. Try any or all fo my suggestions and good luck. I hope it helps you. It's been working great for me.

I had a friend who went through something similar only she was a little older than your daughter. I remember her telling me it brought her such peace to know when she woke with the nightmares she was welcomed into her parents room where they made a little bed on the floor. The nightmares eventually subsided due to much prayer and she could sleep through the night in her own room. Maybe making a small space on the floor in your room will work for a while? That way she's not in your bed and she's getting the security and peace she's longing for.

I hope this helps. And I hope she has good dreams to come.

Hi D.,

My son had this similar problem also when he was about that age and I was also freaked out by it feeling so helpless as a mom. They had me give him melatonine at night before bed and it was great he has never had a problem since than.

I hope this helps or anything else that you get. I know how helpless you feel right now not being able to help her when that is your job, I felt the same way.

Best of luck,
J.

My husband instructs our 4yo son that when he has nightmares, he should dream that my husband will arrive in his dream and vanquish the monsters! (He doesn't really use the word vanquish...). The power of suggestion works in our case. Maybe it will work for you.

Hi D.. I have to agree with the first response from Amy who describes "Night Terrors" pretty well. My oldest boy had Terrors and Amy is right, the child very often cannot be awakened during the episode and will not remember having them. Therefore going to bed is not a scary thing because they have no recollection of the night prior.

Sounds like your child is clearly having nightmares.

I am the type to always go to the experts. When my son started to have issues, the only expert who made sense was Dr. Farber. He wrote a book about How to help your child sleep. It's a great book that is a very fast read and helps you understand sleep patterns in general, and then help your child through some troublesome things like nightmares, terrors, bedwetting, nap schedules etc.... It is a must read! My neighbor gave me my copy and it's been a lifesaver in our home! I strongly recommend it!

Good Luck!
C.

My son went through the same thing. I found a series of meditation books by Maureen Garth. She wrote them for her daughter when she was young. They are things the kids can relate to animals, fairies, mermaids, colors, moon, clouds, etc. The names of the books are: Moonbeam, Sunshine, Starbright, and Earthlight. It worked wonders for my son. To this day when he is stressing over something he will ask me to read one to him. We just read one Sunday night. He was anxious about going back to school on Monday. I believe I got them online at Barnes and Noble. Good luck!

If it were me I would absolutely let her in the bed with my husband and I. She's looking for a sense of security and wants to be comforted. I can understand that you don't want it to become a habit but I would consider it a phase. So you have to share your bed for a while, a small price to pay rather than having your little girl feel frightened and rejected.

Also, have you talked to her about the nightmares and tried to figure out what they stem from? Is there something going on in her life causing her stress? When I was her age my parents were getting divorced and fighting all the time. It gave me terrible recurring nightmares that I can remember to this day. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Maybe you can try making a dream catcher with her. Tell her all about the legend of it and that it traps the nightmares in its web which disappear with the morning sunlight, allowing only good dreams to pass t hrough and gently fall off the feathers at the bottom. It's possible that by making a project out of it, giving her something positive to focus on before going to sleep will help. Good Luck!

Here's what my mother did - my little sister NEVER slept through the night, for various reasons. The night time visits to my mother's room stopped, completely, when my sister learned to read - my mother told her that if she woke up scared, or just couldn't sleep, she could read to herself until she could fall back asleep. It's worth a shot! It would distract her...

By you and your husband saying they aren't there or that they don't exist, it may discount her feelings and make her feel more helpless. If you give her a way to defend herself against them, it may help her to feel more powerful and confident. Buy a spray bottle in a fun bright color and put water with a few drops of a calming scent in it- like an essential oil or another safe thing for kids (not perfume). Print out an official looking label that says Monster Spray on it. Then have a talk with her during the day when she is calm. Tell her that it will keep any monsters away. Let her keep it on her nightstand or someplace close to the bed and she can spray it around the room before bed and if she is scared at night she can spray it. Tell her that monsters are scared of the spray and won't come in the room. And if she can tell them to go away, they won't come back. Also, don't drag it out into a long evening ritual. The more attention you pay to it and the more anxious you are about it, the more she will worry about it and she may feel more scared.

Are they night terrors? Night terrors are defined as those in which the child cannot be awaken during an episode and will not remember it the following day. If so try to get her to bed earlier so she can get 12 good hours of sleep. Night terrors are frequently brought on by sleep deprivation.

If they are nightmares, where she can be awakened during an episode and is able to remember the dream, then I would advise seeking the help of your ped.

A dream catcher worked for my daughter. She was having nightmares several times a week, and I bought her the dream catcher, hung it over her bed, and she rarely has nightmares now.
Also, try the spray bottle, only I wouldn't put anything in it. Tell her it's magic and only monsters can see it or smell it. That way you don't have to worry about her spraying it over and over and getting water spots on the furniture, or colored stains on something.

My son is having the same problems. He always slept through the night, but now he's waking up to scary dreams as well. I find that we have to go in and check on him. If we don't he cries and cried until we go in. It takes only a reassuring rub on the back, and he's back asleep. I'm worried about starting a phase too, but I'm hoping this will pass.