Help for Friend with Breast Cancer

Updated on October 28, 2010
Y.P. asks from Moraga, CA
6 answers

A lady at my church has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. She has never been sick or in the hospital before. I know that everyone's diagnosis is different, but I am wondering what to do/how to help & support her? Any ideas on what to do, what not to do/say? She is married to a wonderful man and they have 2 girls age 13 & 9.She is a professional in the military. Thanks!!

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answers from Sacramento on

The best thing you can do is offer to help in concrete ways. If you're running to the market, call and find out if you can pick up anything for her. Offer to pick up the kids from school. Bring over meals. Also, do a search online. There's a nonprofit out there that provides free house cleaning services throughout the country to those being treated for cancer. You might print out information for her about that and put it in a supportive card.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

I was diagnosed with breast cancer last December and finished chemo a few months ago. Having just been through this, I can tell you that going through it with young kids (mine were 18 months and 3 years old at diagnosis) in the house is hard. Some of the best things people did for me was to bring food and help get my kids to/from school and daycare. I couldn't drive for almost 2 months after my surgery (had a double mastectomy) and couldn't hold/pick up my kids for that long either, so I wasn't able to take care of my youngest myself and I am a SAHM. We eventually put him in full time daycare.

The best things you can do are listen when she needs/wants to talk, bring food and clean her house and help get her girls where they need to go, especially if they are involved in extracurricular activities.

Have her set up a CaringBridge or other similar site so that she can post updates there and not have to tell the same story to every person that calls. This helped me immensly so that people knew how to pray for us and help us without me having to talk about it nonstop. Also, there is a site called and she can setup a calendar of when she might need food, childcare, rides to doctors, etc. and people can get onto the site and sign up for the things she posts. Maybe you could help by being her coordinator for this site so that people can call you with questions instead of her. Helping her organize all of this would be a huge blessing.

If you have any more specific questions (or if your friend does), feel free to send me a PM and I am happy to give you my personal contact information. Sometimes it helps to have someone to talk to that has been there, so I'm happy to talk to your friend if she would like. Hope this helps!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Just give her support and let her know you are there for her. Take her out so she has a friend to talk to and advise her there are some natural solutions today that really helps in rebuilding her immune system to keep her healthy and strong. I have a friend a man that had 3rd stage breast cancer and beat it through good nutrition from a nutritionist and trippling the doses of his nutritional supplements along with oxygen water and good rest. Its all important to stay healthy. Just incourage her to stay strong through it and help her with the childen when she needs it and pray with her.

I have her in my prayers. Keep her positive.

N. Marie

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Sacramento on

In terms of what to do/not to do - many times, a hug and don't try too hard to say the right thing - just what's in your heart - I'm so sorry and I am hear if you need to talk. Then up the amount of times you normally call to check in. Until she starts therapy, life will likely not change drastically in terms of her ability to do things but once chemo begins, you can certainly offer to clean her house or help her with grocery shopping, etc. Just ask her what she needs from you and wait for her answer - show that you really mean that you want to help - and that you are not just saying what you think you're supposed to say - you know? You are a good friend. I hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

Send her a note telling you that you are thinking of her and praying for her. Let her know that you'd like to help in any way you can. maybe deliver a nice casserole for dinner one night--let her know in advance what night.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Eugene on

Depends on the type and stage of the breast cancer...whether she is going to need all this help. The reason why I say this is because My Grandma had BC two years ago and they just cut it out and did a small radiation treatment for about 6 weeks. She said she never got tired, didn't loose her hair or anything that was detrimental, she even kept working and my Grannie's over 70 years old. With that said - just be her friend. Don't try to beat around the bush. Just say hey - if you need anything let me know - I'm here to help you out if need be. Let her know that you care and that you are willing to help and support her. Through-out the treatments see how she's doing - go and visit her and such. You'll know what you need to do and say.

1 mom found this helpful

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