HELP !!! First Overnight for a 2 Year Old Little Girl.

I am so sorry that this is going on. I would call a woman's shelter or the district attorneys office today. At your daughter's young age, she should not have to have overnights away from mom. Pls look for some guidance for help for your daughter's sake. Good luck

Hello K.,
Well just want to let you know that I read all the other responds and I agree with the mayority you should call CPS so that they can inspect the apartment were your daughter is going to stay, you should also ask them to help you because your daughter is too young and personally I would feel the same but remember we are all going to pray for you and your daughter, if your little girl can't remember your phone number try to write for her and if she has a teddy find a place so that you can tape it for her. Well remember pray because sometimes that is all that we can do and I will pray for you and your daugter, I wish all the luck that you need and god bless you and your daughter. Please let every body know how is everything working out for you and you little girl take care.

Contact Child Protective Services and request help for supervised visitation due to your fears for her health and well being. It is a start and does not come with the huge lawyer bill. Just be prepared to have your life in order because they will investigate you too and you don't want to lose your daughter.

Bless you and your child, K.. I have never been in your shoes but I am a mother and I would say this: if you are truly concerned for the safety of your daughter, then her safety needs to be the basis for your decisions. Do you have family support? I would gather as much information and help as I could from my family, friends, Mamasource, Legal Aid, Child Protective Services, the Attorney General's Office, etc. and try to find a really good, no-nonsense attorney who would be willing to take your case pro bono (without pay). Call your local and national chapters of "NOW" (National Organization for Women)--they might provide free legal counsel and emotional support (like counseling for you to stay emotionally healthy and calm). Make sure you take care of yourself and stay healthy--your daughter needs you. And remember, all this turmoil and living a "9-1-1" life is not healthy for you and your daughter. People deserve some peace, and we all make the best decisions when we are calm. Try to figure out how you can provide this for you and your daughter. It might be that the father doesn't really want the responsibility of the child, and that he is fighting for her just because he knows this is the best way to hurt you. Good luck! jenifer

There are agencies who can help you. Check your local yellow pages for the "CASA" branch near you. Of course CPS or the local DA's office.
If you cannot afford an attorney, contact the attorney general's office.
My friend used them "fighting" her ex and it didn't cost her anything. This is what our tax dollars pay for.
Most importantly, document EVERYTHING. It will help you prove your case. Otherwise it is his word against yours.
I hope and pray that everything works out.
Some men are scum bags, but he can't be THAT bad... he fathered your child.
I think he is just angry with the whole situation and is making "threats" just to make you mad and to try to get even with you.
Have you priced airline tickets lately???I'll bet he can't afford to jet off to Africa. Not if he's living in a nasty apartment with his brother and has NO JOB!!

Don't show her your panic. Empower her with your phone number, how to call 911 and why to call, and give her an easily remembered (to memorize) description of where she is. I would also make sure she knows how to describe your place as well. So, that way, it's just good knowledge no matter where she is and won't instill panic. She's already probably going to be afraid. She needs to know confidence, yet she needs to be able to get help since she is forced to be in this type of situation. I put my daughter's full name with my husbands and my name and our phone number to a song/cheer and had my daughter sing it over and over with me. Something like: my name is Jessica, jessica bell. My mom's name is S., my dad's Billy. ###-###-####. Go Bells! She could recite it at that young age. It comforted me and empowered her. She could at least tell a 911 operator your number and they could contact you for more info? I don't know if that will work. I really feel for you. I'm so sorry. Put her in God's hands, empower her, and pray hard.

I am sick for you. I can't imagine what you are going thru. You should have a talk with your daughter and let her know that if anything that is not normal happens that she should tell you. I know 2 is young but you should talk to her about good touching and bad touching. Also, you should not show her that you are upset or anxious about her staying over. If you are upset and stressed she will have a harder time being away from you. You should contact some women rights group that may help you with legal expenses.
Good luck, I will pray for you.

First you need to remember she is going to take her cues from you and if you handle this situation as it's a good thing than she'll be okay with it. I know you might not really be okay with it but for her sake you have to be because her will take her cues from you. Take care to pack some of her favorites and mention to the father that you would greatly appreciate that he return them with her. The next best thing you can do for your daughter is be friends with her father - not for your sake but her sake. There will be a million other things you need to talk about and if you two can calmly talk about them, it will make a world of difference and make it a lot cheaper for yourself. Just a suggestion that most lawyers don't want you to hear or do.

God Bless and good luck.

My best friend went through this with her ex husband. HE was a total scum bag, drug dealer. She fought and fought in court.. She had to file bankruptcy after it was all said and done. You should fight this, and request that he only have supervised visits.. that is what she did. He can only be with his daughter if his parents are there as well. I am sure your bills are insane, but you have got to fight for her, have your lawyer prove to the courts the Dad is not suitable for an overnight visit. It will be worth every penny.... good luck.. As far as what to tell her, she is too young to understand, I would just try and and stay close to where she will be so you can make sure nothing suspicious is going on. I wish I could offer better advice, but I can't.

K.,
Who has your daughter now? They should send a case worker to look over the fathers living arraements befor she is left there.But this is not all real clear.The dept of Human Reasorces should be able to help you with a lawyer ,ubless you have been found unfit.there is not enough detail for me to understand .i know you are upset CALMdown take a few big deep breaths and re write this ok
L.

My question is why don't you have a protective order if he threatened you the way you said? If you are that worried, I would file one immediately. Then he could not see her unless it was supervised. She wouldn't be able to do overnights. She will never be able to forgive you and you won't be able to forgive yourself if something happened to her. There has to be something you can do. Filing an order doesn't cost $$.

Blessings,

M.
Mom to 5 Wonderful Kids
www.4MyChildrenSake.com

I have never been in this position either, but I think the suggestion of having an officer and or CPS there when you drop her off is a good idea. I would rather be held in contempt of court than to risk my child's welfare by leaving her in an unsafe situation. Representing yourself is also a possibility and sounds like it may be a must for you if you can't afford another lawyer.

You may want to take a camera with you.

Good luck and God bless! I'm praying for you and your daughter.

Hi K.,
I have never been in your situation but I would have her memorize your number incase she need to call you. You can teach her by getting a play phone for her and copying your number from a piece of paper. I know she is young but if you practice it with her several times a day ever single day she will learn it. I personally for now would probably sleep in my car outside of the appartment to keep an eye on her.

B.
www.MoreForMyBaby.com

I would contact the state and see if there is an advocacy for Children who can help you. It sounds as if being with him could cause undo harm and distress on her. I would imagine the Child welfare could help.

If you have NCR then I think there is proof she could be in danger if she stayed with him.

If you are her sole guardian you should know where she is at all times. I would not allow her to spend a night away unless the court is making you.

Make sure you take photographs of her and all of her clothing before she leaves. If she hasn't been fingerprinted...do it before you leave her with him.

Good luck.

Good lu

Hi I don’t know anything about the court system, but have you asked the courts about this? It may also been a little extreme but what else do you have to lose have you thought about calling child protective services abou the living condiction that you daughter would be forced in staying in. I would hope that between CPS, and the courts that maybe something could be done. Good luck and keep a few fingers and toes crossed for you, S.

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING: TIMES, DATES, EVERY DETAIL OF YOUR daughters moods, changes in personality, comments she makes about her visits.
This is CRUCIAL for any future legal action whether you anticipate any or not.

She's not spending the night with just anyone.. she's spending it with her dad. I do, however, understand your concerns and would have them myself were it my child. As many times as you've been to court, however, tells me that in the courts eyes there isn't a reason this father should be kept from his child.

What I would do is pray while she is gone, and then check her over from head to toe when she gets back home. If she seems traumatized by the ordeal, then call CPS and have them investigate. That shouldn't cost you anything and might give you some peace of mind.

Sometimes when people go thru breakups, esp if they are immature, they say and do stupid things out of anger and frustration. If he's past the breakup, you might get some peace of mind by realizing that his "threats" were likely just him blowing off steam. You might also research whether or not he has applied for a passport for your daughter. If not, then you don't have to worry about him taking her out of the country. Right now its taking longer to get a passport, and if you find that he's applied for one, you can get a judge to pull it.

i would suggest you contact the battered women hotline (austin tx. number: 512/267-SAFE. here is the link for their website: http://www.safeplace.org/

your situation is something they would be able to tell you your options. i cannot believe the court would allow a young child to stay overnight with your ex, especially with all the previous troubles. you need some assistance and there are resources available, it sometimes just takes getting to the right source. i am deeply sorry about your troubles and i will be thinking of you...my similar experience was over 25 yrs. ago, and somehow my daughter and i got thru it, but it certainly is very frightening and you can feel like you are all alone. Do not give up hope and Do be pro-active and call to get suggestions on how to move forward and protect your daughter and yourself. take care of yourself and be proud of yourself for taking the steps you have to try and get where you need to be safe....keep up the good work and remember you are incredibly strong willed to have kept at it. please let us know how things go.

First off I agree with the lady who said to call the police. They can do civil standby which just makes sure that everyone behaves. I would call them in advance to meet you there. That way if he makes any threats the police can testify on your behalf. And then if the house is dirty and the welfare of the child is at stake, you can ask the officer to do a welfare report, which will document the state of the apartment and so on. Unfortunately it is a civil matter. So unless you have a court order saying you dont have to leave the child, the officer can not forcibly remove the child from the home nor can he force you to leave the child. However you need to be aware that you may be held in contempt of court if you do not.

2nd of all If you are financially ruin because of the court dates... then represent yourself. Tell the judge what you want, what your concerns are. He will make a decision although you may not like what he decides... because he will try to be fair ... after all this is her father.
Hope this helps!

Last but not least. You will be around this person for a long time - As much as we may not like it. Would there be away to discuss with him your concerns? Perhaps come to a compromise like he wont have girls come by or have someone you trust around? I know at this point there must be alot of anger between you two, but sooner or later in the best interest of the child both of you will have to come together. If you call the police and go through with what you expressed that you want... it may cause more of a hardship... unless its your intention to remove the father completely out of her life? Please think about more than just the here and now... I wish you the best!

Contact legal aid and explain the situation. Ask them if they can offer up a lawyer that will charge you when you have money coming in at a reduced rate or not at all considering what you have been through.

If you have been threatened I hope you have been keeping a notebook of everything including how you are contacted, what is said, date and time. Also, if it is via phone, record the conversation. It may not be admissable in court as it was done without his knowledge or permission, but you can certainly take it to the police to start a report and begin working on a restraining order to prevent him from seeing her unsupervised... If not...do so now...

Beyond that and as her first overnight is so close, I do not know what to tell you. I hope everything works out!!!!

Good Luck!!!

My concern is that there is a no contact order in place between you and your ex. How will you exchange the child? Exchanging a child would be a violation of a PO. If you or a family member is going to the apartment, check it out. Don't cause a scene and if the court order says that he ges this visitation, then you have to leave the child. If the apartment is dirty and there is no food or proper sleeping arrangments ect, wait in your car and call the police for a welfare check. Tell them what you saw and that you are concerned for your baby's safety. They should go check it out and return your baby if the apartment is not safe, but you have lived up to your end. If the police decide that it is safe, the courts will side with them also.
I would urge you to try to nurture a healthy relationship between yourself and the father if at all possible. It really is in the best interest of your child. Don't worry about him leaving the country. The loops that you have to jump through to get a passport for a child are reduculous and it is not possible without your presents. Relax. This is the father. He will be a part of her life and hte courts think that he will be ok. You would be amazed the great things regular men can do to step up and be a father. Little girls get a special place too. I wish you luck and hope things go smoothly. Be mindful of showing your anxiety, DD will pick up on it.

Why don't you call Child Protective Services in your area and express your concerns. They will go check it out to see if the environment is safe for your little girl.