Healthy Sibling Relationship??

Updated on October 19, 2007
K.C. asks from Hyannis, MA
4 answers

I have a (I swear) nearly perfect just turned 3 year old. She is soo sweet and well behaved, not to mention super smart, nice you name it! She's always been so agreeable and flexible... from switching from co-sleeping to bassinet, bassinet to crib, our room to her own, plus we just moved for the first time, she handles everything with such ease, it's great!

I just had another baby, he's almost 3 months old. He's also a very sweet, easy baby. I got lucky!! But there have been a couple of times over the three months, maybe 5-6 total, that he has been very upset and screaming/crying from 4-20 minutes. Twice was constipation, other times he's just tired. Plus, every time he needs to nap he gets fussy for a minute or two tops....

My question is this: When he's upset, even extrordinarily so, my 3 year old usually takes NO notice of it at all. She'll go on playing/reading or drilling me with questions OVER the sound of him crying. Is this normal? Half the time she's very nurturing and wants to help feed/change/burp him, the other half the time it's like he doesn't exist. And I think it's important to tell you that she has NEVER ONCE shown any signs of jealousy or resentment, not even one. Is it hiding in there somewhere? I was hoping maybe she was calm about him crying because I am... :-) Any similar experiences? Thanks! K.

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M.S.

answers from Hartford on

Hi K.,

I have two children as well. My son is 2 1/2 and my daughter just turned 3 months old. So my situation is very close to yours, as well as our children's temperments. My son has been great since the baby has been born. Sometimes when the baby is fussing he will tell me or try and rock her in her chair to try and soothe her, but all the other times he just ignores her. Kids at this age are very self centered. Everything is about them. I think your daughter may just be too busy with what she is doing to pay any attention. My son does the same thing your daughter does when the baby cries, trying to talk to me, or stop me from what I'm doing to help him. She may be doing the same and trying to get your attention focused on her. But I would just tell him calmly that I would color or etc. after I was done with the baby, and that seemed to help. I hope what I've said helps. M.

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A.F.

answers from Providence on

I have exactly the same dynamics. Don't worry about it, it's not a hidden hostility thing. Your daughter is just following your wonderfully calm example. As your son gets older, then she'll start to take more interest in him, and just WAIT until they're big enough to play with each other. Boys are SOOO different from girls, I actually have to save my daughter most of the time from him. lol. You're doing fine, don't stress. It sounds like you're doing a great job.

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H.M.

answers from Lewiston on

K.,
sounds like you are incredibly blessed! Don't worry about your dd not noticing the baby right now. She's 3, and the world revolves around her. If she's drilling you while he cries, tell your daughter "the baby's crying right now- what can we do to help him? When he's settled, I can help you." This will gently guide her attention to him, and help foster empathy. But it's truly totally normal, and she'll notice him more as she grows!

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M.C.

answers from Dover on

Its VERY possible that your daughter is so calm about your son crying because you are. Children take cues from Us and Pick up on our Anixiety(sp) I have a 5 year old and a 1 month old an its almost the same although I wasnt as lucky as you were 2 have her so laid back in temprment (haha) /but she admits 2 not being jelous an really shows no sugns of resentment. So Good luck My 13 year old on the other hand.....very jelous..

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