Head Banging - San Leandro, CA

Hi S.,
I suggest you get a seconed opinion from another doctor regarding the head banging. I'm a mother to 3 children (all grown now) and I never experienced anything like this.

Parents Helping Parents in San Jose (www.php.com) would be helpful.

Is you son getting an speech therapy for his speech delay? In Santa Clara County there is an Early Start program for children under the age of three. At age 3, the local school districts are responsible for providing educational services like speech therapy. You can get info about Early Start from the San Andreas Regional Center website www.sarc.org

Good Luck.

Dear S.,
If you don't agree with what your doctor said, then definitely get another opinion. Have your son checked more closely to be sure what's going on.

That said, I'd heard of kids headbanging. My best friend's kid did it. A couple of years later when my darling daughter came along, I was horrified when she started banging her head. And yes, she did it hard enough to leave bruises. I had her fully checked out and there was nothing wrong with her...she was just pissed!
She did it if I took the remote away from her or it was time to put her toys away.
It's always best to err on the side of caution, but headbanging can be a sign of frustration and not necessarily something "wrong" with your child.
My daughter is now 22, very intelligent, very driven, very independent, (she still has a temper), but her headbanging didn't last long. It scared the hell out of me, but there were no lasting ill effects.
I just wanted to give you the viewpoint of a mom who went through it and it really did turn out to be a tantrum phase with a high spirited child and nothing more.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and wish you the very best!

P.S.
Damn.
Thank God no one on here is trying to "scare" you.

I raised two biological kids, had two step kids and did daycare for a myriad of others.
I guess it's a miracle we're not all dead.

I found this link and hope it helps without the fear factor.

Much love.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_head-banging_11554.bc

Check with beyondconsequences.com and centerforvictory.com. They have really great ideas about dealing with challenging kids behaviors in a gentle, compassionate way while still being able to create safety and boundaries.

R., MSW, LCSW

Hi S.... I would be concerned. you are not alone in this .. there are several other moms experience the same thing.

I am a nutritional consultant and I am a mother of 4.. grandma of 2. I work with children , and this generation of children has some unique challengers because of toxic body burden that starts in utero.

The Enviornmental Working Group did a study 3 years back and children today are born wiht over 280+ toxins running thru the umbilical cord.. over 100 are neuro toxins.

There are some very specific natural supplements that remove these neuro toxins from the body and are safe for pregnant women and new born babies. My daughter took them throughout both of her pregnancies and her sons have been on them since the day they were born. I would encourage you to watch:

www.sharethecause.com/live.

This is a 9 minute documentary that outlines the issues we are facing today. You can reach me via the comment section if you would like some personalized help. You can look at my other blogs if you like more info.

I am very passionate about this issue with children as 1/6 children today will have a learning disability; which includes processing/ speech delays because of the toxicity issue. There is a solution... we need to get the word out. Feel free to contact me if you wish more help.. (916) 835- 8101.. L.

Hi S.,

Experts say that 1 out of 3 children are sleep deprived.

That is one of the signs, banging heads, rocking, tossing and turning in bed, agressive, ADD, ADHD, screaming and crying alot. That is just a few signs.

I used to bang my head as a young girl and became angry growing up. I was sleep deprived tossed and turned every day until 10 years ago.

I found a way to not toss and turn and get a good quality of sleep every night.

There is going to be a children's wellness expo on Sept 12 in the bay area put together with a couple of doctors that will be addressing many issues and solutions.

If you want more info email me.

Good luck.

N. Marie

Dear S.,

Children learn to express anger in many ways. It's a natural emotion, however, parents seem to shut it down like it's not acceptable. Part of emotional intelligence is teaching our children how to control and manage anger- not suppress it. Your child has chosen to self-inflict pain. Essentially, I would say that it's a way your son is "Feeling" himself. If you say that he's speech delayed, you're saying that your son is having a hard time communicating to you how he's feeling, and what he's thinking, and what he wants. We all do this when we're angry. Right?

However, since you son is immature in his emotional development (normal at his age), you might consider doing what I call "Putting Words into his Mouth" and "Implanting" his thoughts and feelings for him.

Here's some steps that might be helpful-

1) Get into the mindset that anger is ok. Do some research on emotional intelligence and understand that anger is a true emotion that can actually motivate us in life, make us strong, and allow us to learn a deep sense of resiliency.

2) Buy a punching bag, get a pillow, or a stuff animal to help replace the wall as the outlet of anger.

3) Identify what's making him angry or frustrated either in the moment, or prior to it happening.

In the moment example:
-no, you can't have any more ice-cream (can be juice or whatever)- I know that you're going to get upset and angry and that's ok. Do you want to sit with mommy and be angry? Or do you want me to go get your doggie or punching bag?

Prior to it happening example:
Tell him ahead of time- "Mommy wants to put your PJ's on, and I know this makes you mad sometimes, so I'm going to go get the pillow, stuffed doggie or punching bag, so that if you get angry, or frustrated you can feel it and act it out!"

In both these examples, you're going to need to show him how to express it, act it out, and feel it. So say, let mommy show you another way.. and act it out. Punch the bag and say, "I'm so angry!" Get into it and show your facial expressions.

4) If you don't know what's making your son mad, put words into his mouth-
An example of words into his mouth-
"Tell Mommy what's causing you to feel angry and frustrated."
NOW SAY IT AS IT'S coming from his mouth... "Mommy, I'm frustrated that ........" Find anything and everything you might think it is. When you ping it, he will slow down his crying. That's because he understands you! However, since he can't get it out to tell you, he needs YOU to do it for him. Mother intuition plays a key role here also.
An example of implanting:
Implanting is really about thoughts, feelings, and emotions- it's about teaching your child what they are, and allowing them to HELP you HELP them identify what they are thinking, feeling and emoting.
So you would say, "Are you sad? Does that make you mad? Say, Mommy, I'm frustrated!" It's similar to words into the mouth, however, it's more about implanting the understanding of each emotion.

5) Most importantly, stay open emotionally. As parents, when our children are angry we tend to either 1) React and shut it down and punish them for being angry or 2) rescue them from feeling the emotion. If you try to rescue your son from feeling his feelings, you'll never know what his feelings are on the inside. As he grows older, you won't need to put words into his mouth, or implant, because he'll have the vocabulary to express to you what's going on on the inside. ALL the women will love him when he grows up! LOL!

Staying open energetically can look like this-
Get onto the floor and open your legs really wide, and say mommy loves you, and she knows what's best for you right now. All my decisions I make are to keep you healthy and strong, and protect you. Every decision I make right now is in your best interest. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but mommy loves you. So, whenever you're ready, I'm right here to help you feel your emotions and talk about your feelings."

You can repeat this over and over-- and use your own mommy intuition words- only you know your son the best. Something like this might take up to 45 minutes, but will get less and less as you stay open and hold space for your son to show you what he's feeling.

6) Get some emotion FACES off the internet- and begin to teach him the emotions by faces- I'd carry them around with you and show him anytime you recognize one in him. And give him a chance to pick some faces occasionally.

Hope some of this helped. Your story inspired me to write this because I just got done working with a 4yr old that had so much bottled up anger, it took a few months for me to problem solve HOW to get this little guy to express his anger to us! It's much easier to start at a younger age. BTW- all these tricks work with all ages!

Have fun
C. Giovanni
Miracle Nanny

You might want to talk to someone who knows about Autism, this is classic.

I am not a doctor, but if your son has bruises on the outside of his head, I'd worry about bruises on the inside too. Maybe a second opinion would be helpful. You also mention that he is speech delayed. How delayed? Could he have a hearing problem? I don't know where you live, but Reiki may be useful for you and for him. Keep in mind that I am a Reiki Master, so I am biased -- but I have found Reiki to be helpful in confusing situations. Tension and anxiety seem to dissolve, and things seem to evolve to a good end.

Have you tried picture communication? It sounds like he is getting really frustrated with his speach delay. Try printing out pictures of his favorite and most requested items and see if you can find out what he is wanting before he gets to the head banging stage. I have a 19 year old developmentally disabled daughter who uses picture communication and it really helps. Also, you might want to look into "Baby Signs". It is a really remedial sign language that toddlers can learn before they are talking to let you know what they are trying to say. T.

S., hi. I am a preschool teacher for 30 years or so. Banging the head and hurting yourself does not sound like a developmental stage at all. Changing pediatricians or more opinions seems like the right thing to do. I never had a case like this in my preschool for 30 years. Professional evaluation is what seems to be needed. My heart goes out to you to find the right advice. C.

My son, (who just turned 4 so they do live through it- as do you!) was a head banger as well. He started banging at 2, he would walk from the carpet to the tile part of the floor and bang, I was certain he would knock himself out, he just would give himself huge bruises- he looked like a Klingon from Star Trek! He would follow my instructions but did not speak. After testing he was diagnosed with Expressive speech delay, which enable us to access Early Intervention services with Alta Regional. Alta paid for a speech therapist to come to our house once a week and work with our little man. The speech therapist also worked with my husband and I on how to encourage/instruct/model for our son. The speech therapist seemed to unlock our son's speech. When our son turned 3 his services were transitioned over to the school district. He "graduated" before school go out this year, with the plan to reconnect if there were any issues. He went to preschool last year 2x/week and actually was more understandable than many of his peers. So access services! You can call Alta yourself, or have your Pediatrician make the referral.

Get a referral for a pediatric neurologist. This is a sign of something else, absolutely not a phase. Good luck, there is good help out there.

HI S.,
I am sorry you are going through this. Since your son is speech delayed I would say he is being self-abusive because he cannot appropriately communicate his feelings (as with most 2 year-olds).
I'm sure this is painful for you to watch and it's obviously causing your son physical harm as well. I don't have great advice on how to introduce these items but I know that you should try to use intervention when BEFORE you see your son is getting upset.

Some signs are obvious, where others you may need to keep notes or a journal on what leads up to this behavior. Once you know it is about to come on, try using a bouncy ball to bounce or roll him, try using signs (american sign language) to help him communicate or even picture icons. If he is receiving speech therapy ask the therapist (not the DR. )on some techniques.

If your son is typically developing in other areas I am sure he will grow out of this but only if you help show him other options.

Other things to try; massages, singing, offering snacks? physical touch, stress ball, anything you can think of. Sometimes the silliest technique will help!

Once again I am sorry you are going through this. You will find a way to help him.

I don't know how to get your son to stop the head banging, but if he is getting bruises on his head from doing it, the homeopathic remedy Arnica will help. You can find it at most health food stores or Whole foods. It's safe for babies. It won't stop him from head banging, but it will lessen the chance of getting a concussion. I hope this helps :)

Sounds like the poor guy is frustrated. my kids all had speech delays among others and are all very strong willed. The good news is he's going to be great when he gets older and won't follow the crowd. the bad news is you might feel overwhelmed with a strong willed small child. Do you sign with him? That helped my kids alot. It helps if he can communicate his wants and needs. Maybe picture cards? Set up routines, so he knows what to expect and doesn't get as frustrated not knowing why he has to stop playing or take a bath or whatever. Be flexible. What is really important? Does he have to wear jammies to bed? Does he have to eat something he doesn't like? The world will not end, you are not a bad parent, and he is not a bad child if he goes to sleep in dirty clothes, or won't eat lima beans. Treat him with respect. Everyone is different.

may be if he had a way to express him slef other then hurting him self are you teaching him sign lanauage? I feel like you need to protect him from his head banging .I had a friend that her childern would bang thier heads too. She made them stop amd would put them a crib or away from walls when they would start that.maybe a helmet if does not stop. well good luck S.

I don't mean to alarm you, but, just hearing the combination of speech delay, head banging, and independent makes me concerned about something a little more significant than a phase. I would definitely get your child assessed by your school districts early intervention program as well as a developmental pediatrician. General pediatricians are very poor at recognizing subtle degrees of difficulties that are not necessarily a phase.
I am a physician and the mother of 3 children, two of which are on the autism spectrum.
Feel free to contact me if you are having a hard time navigating the system.
Good luck.

I'm sorry to say I agree with the other response, if you haven't already had your son tested/observed by a specialist, you should!
Don't panic. There are other reasons besides autism for speech delays, and autism doesn't mean a child is not smart (the ones I have known are very smart), so parents don't always realize the problem.
It's just that the combination of qualities and behavior you list are common combination for autism, so you should check it out ASAP. If your son needs help, the sooner he gets it the better!
In any case, the main reason I know for head banging is intense frustration. A smart kid who isn't able to communicate his needs or desires or feelings is going to get VERY frustrated. Does he also bang on the floor or other surfaces?
Have him checked, but-- autism or not--- the solution to easing his self injury over his communication frustrations is to give him other ways to communicate WHILE he works on his speech. A common method used for autistic kids involves giving them picture icons, that they can point to, or hand to you, to communicate (pictures for: going outside, tv, ball, juice, ice cream, music, hugs, diaper change...).

Hi S., My Son turns 3 in September and did the same thing. Specifically when he did not get his way. It was a phase for him and I was very concerned in the beginning. I did a lot of research on it and one of the suggestions was to ignore it. Just go to another room to ensure that he does not have an audiance for his behaviour. That did not work for me as I was too concerned that he could seriously hurt himself. Another suggestion was to really hold him so that he can not hurt himself anymore and share is anger in telling him that I understand that he is angry but it is not necessary to hurt himself. Important is that he calms down right in your arms and you are with him but you do not give in. That worked very well for me and my son and within two weeks or so, he would not do it anymore. For him it was a phase. Give it a try. It does not take a lot and you might see results soon.
Good luck and all the best for you and your son,
C.

Hi, I used to be a speech therapist. You are right to question your doctors advice. I suggest that you ask for a full developmental evaluation. Actually, I would insist on it. Good luck.

Hi there. I actually wrote a request for the same thing a few months ago! Boy did I get some extreme responses. Some people tried to tell me he had a neurological disorder and needed to be checked right away! If I had been a first time mom I would have been terrified! My son is now a little over 2 1/2. He still bangs his head on occasion when he's throwing one of his tantrums. What worked best for us was giving him words for his feelings, "your are very angry, sad" whatever but remove him so he couldn't do it. I think the speech delay works against him so if you at least give him the words so he knows you "get it" that may help. He's my fourth child and my first head banger. It does get better! Hang in there!

Hi S., I googled "head banging in toddlers" and there is a wealth of info. I think it would be worth your while to take a look.

Normally I'd advise 'ignore it and this too will pass'. In your son's case, however, it sounds more serious and I'd definitely insist on seeing some type of specialist who will look more deeply into the cause.