Having Trouble with Potty Training......

Updated on August 18, 2007
A.O. asks from East Longmeadow, MA
22 answers

Hi, my son turned 3 in May and we are having a really hard time with potty training. He can hold his urine for quite a long time and normally is dry when he get up in the morning, but when I ask him to go on the potty he refuses and other times he will just go in there and go like he has been doing it forever. I have tried the rewards like m&m's or Pez candies which he loves. I keep little baggies with a few M&m's or his Pez dispensers half full, but that had worn off and he as of late ignores the potty like he is really attached to his diaper. We also tried cheerios in the potty and he just flushes them. Sticker charts haven't worked either. He is very stubborn. I don't want to force the issue, but I would really like him to at least go pee on the toilet. Are there any other suggestions that may help his interested a bit more???

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So What Happened?

Hi everyone....I want to thank you all for the great suggestions. Many were tried with no success until we took the approach we use to get him to eat supper. Normally when he is being stingy about eating, I will tell him not to eat my peas or whatever we are eating so we tried it with potty. I tell him "don't you dare use my potty" and he runs in there and goes. Today was the first day he has been dry all day long and knows that once he goes all the time, he will get is kitty cat snowmobile to use in the yard. The tactic gets him started in the am and then I normally just ask him several times throughout the day. I am relieved that he is finally interested ..... oh and peeing on trees as we hike is the highlight of his week. :)

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J.D.

answers from Boston on

A friend of mine told me she did this with her son. (Mine is not 2 yet, so I cannot say it worked or did not work for us, but I certainly plan on using it when the time comes.)
She had a large, plastic fish tank and filled it with Matchbox cars. Every time he used the potty, he could choose a car. There were different sizes as the training progressed and he got a bigger one for doing #2.

Good luck. Let me know if it work.s

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W.S.

answers from Boston on

Hello A.,

When I was potty training my son (who is now 5) what worked best for me as to have him "teach" a toy how to use the potty. He really enjoyed teaching a stuffed animal how to use the toilet, flush, and wash hands. He has been fully potty trained since. I had read this suggestion in a magazine at a Dr's office, and it actually worked.

Good luck, W. S

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A.E.

answers from Boston on

We have a 5 year old girl who we thought would be in diapers when she graduated high school. I tried everything in the book to get her to go on they potty. We bought her "big girl" underware. Nothing. She was in pre-school in pull-ups. Finally, I gave up. Did not mention the potty, did not ask her if she needed to use the potty pretended the potty did not excist. Finally, on her own she decided that she should probably use the potty since none of her little friends wear diapers. I feel the more you "pester" them to use the potty, the more they ignore it. As you have probably heard from others, that is the one thing that they can control. So try that, pretend there is no potty and never talk about it again. He will come around and like my daughter, he will not graduate high school in diapers......

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C.S.

answers from Boston on

My youngest just finally potty trained at the age of 4-1/2, so I know what you are going through. He sounds like your son, was very stubborn. He would go on the potty when we sat him there, but would not tell us or go otherwise. Finally, one day he announced he needed to go, and has been perfect for the last month, even dry every morning! The good news is, when they train late, they usually are done with it - no accidents or regression. We did find the promise of special big boy underwear was a lure (Spiderman!). My oldest responded well to a sticker chart with a picture of the prize he would get (he chose it) on it. I know some moms have had good luck with putting them in underwear (that would have been our next step) and I heard a great suggestion from a preschool teacher if you do this. If you need to go out somewhere, put a pullup on OVER the underwear to protect carseat etc against wetting. This way they still get the message about feeling wet but your carseat is protected. Good luck, it WILL happen when he's ready!

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K.D.

answers from Providence on

Hi A.,

My son was the same way. Soooo stubborn. I tried the m&m's cherrios, sticker charts etc. Finnally I found this really cute sticker chart of a train with train tracks. We solored it & laminated it. I told him when he got to the end of the track he could get something for his trainset. THe 1st 2 weeks he got mabey 1 sticker on the track, then he saw something he wanted for his train & it started to click. He was all of a sudden 1/2 potty trained. Its been a month and a half and he is completly potty trained, this past weekend he got his trainstuff. Now he keeps telling me to put a sticker up so he can get more train stuff. I didn't push it and he all of a sudden started on his own. GOod luck (my son just turns 3 1/2 and I started trying and pushing before his 3rd birthday)

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M.M.

answers from Lewiston on

You have already received some great advice, which I hope works for you. I just thought I'd reiterate that he will use the potty when he's ready. I was beginning to worry that my son would start kindergarten in diapers! But a few months before his 4th birthday he just started peeing on the potty himself (after we had dropped the issue in hopes of that happening.) My son is very stubborn and wants things to be his idea and his doing, so as soon as we stopped bugging him about it, he did it on his own. It took him a little longer to poop on it though. He was afraid, but he did eventually do it, all on his own, about a month later. He needed the potty seat that sits on the toilet to feel secure. We made a big deal about the poop and called grammy and grampy. Grampy took him shopping for a new truck. He enjoyed the fanfare. Now we just have to keep him dry overnight! Goodluck!

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C.D.

answers from Providence on

I'm no help A. but I wanted to add that you are definitely not alone! My twins turned 3 in May and while my son sometimes initiates peeing on the toilet but is by no means consistent, my daughter simply says she "doesn't want to" and walks away. We're out of ideas too!

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M.D.

answers from Boston on

Hi A.,

I am going to say the words that I hated hearing when going through the same thing "Don't worry he will use the potty when he's ready". I have a now 7 yr old girl and a will be 5 yrs next week boy. My daughter was fully trainined by 25 months. I thought I was super mom and couldn't really sympathize with my friends whose kids were almost four and not using the potty. Obviously they were doing something wrong. In hindsight I really think my daughter did all the work and was just ready. The super mom title was only in my mind and my son made it perfectly clear. We did everything -- read potty books every night, played the snappy potty song. Let him pick out and decorate his own potty. Bribed, rewarded, coxed, begged, etc. etc. My son is big for his age both height and weight. He outgrew size 6 diapers at 36 mos. We moved into Goodnights which are for older boys who have night bladder conrol problems. I envisioned my son having to wear Depends to high school. Everyone said "don't worry when he's ready he'll use it". I really started to hate that phrase but guess what? Everyone was right. At 3 and 9 months my son said one day to send his diapers to baby Zachary (a friend's little baby). I had my doubts but he put on a pair of underwear and never looked back. He had maybe two or three accidents in the first 6 months then dry and clean from then on. I never would have believed it. But I am telling you that you can believe it. It will happen when he is ready. With my son I think it was a control issue. When I finally stopped all the "mommy tricks of the trade" he just decided for himself to use the potty like all the big kids. Good luck! I truly know the angst.

M.

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C.H.

answers from Boston on

My son is 5 now and has been potty trained since a week before his 3rd b day. When he refuses to go and I know he has to I say want to race and make it fun that way he does want to race and of course he wants to win so he gets excited and the one who wins gets to use the potty first. It has worked wonders for me especially right before bedtime when he's feeling a bit lazy until he hears wanna race? Then it's a game and I use it quite a bit. Good Luck

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

My son turned 3 in April and he was the same way. In the morning I would take his pull up off and not dress him until he would go potty. He still has accidents and the reawards don't always woek but they'll do it when they're ready.

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T.P.

answers from Boston on

Hi,

I went to a potty training class just for kicks. Basically they said that prizes don't work. Kids then just pee/poop on the potty to eran the prize and after satisfied with the reward they pee/poop in their diaper/pull up again. The major thing is that the child needs to learn the "sensation" of having to pee/poop. A good book that was recommended is What to Expect when Using the Potty by Heidi Murkoff. Actually, it also helps parents explain to kids what pee/poop is and where it comes from, etc.

My daughter also likes to imitate a little girl becoming potty trained in The Potty Book for Girls by Alyssa Satin Capucilli (there is a boys version as well). The book is really cute and my daughter recites some of the book after using the potty like saying "bye bye pee, bye bye poop I say with a wave and a cheer..." My daughter is 3 and she seems to have mastered pooping in the potty. She still has a few accidents here and there with peeing. She seems to do better when I just put actual underwear on instead of the pull-ups. She does not like the feeling of being wet in underwear for some reason.

I have been sticking with that and it seems to do the trick most times. Also, we tend to be outside a lot in the nice weather. It is especially nice to have her wear underwear then. That way if she has an accicdent, it is outside rather than in the house. Best of luck. Just try to stay positive and try not to get upset with your son. After all, he is still learning how to use the potty.

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M.S.

answers from Boston on

I have 4 boys. We have successfully trained 3 of them, prior to turning age 3. Our 3rd was the toughest. He would just pee through everything, knowing I would give in to the diaper. Then I just started counting down. Like only 5 more diapers left, then 3 diapers, now this is your last one, to they are all gone. I actually hid them, but he thought they were gone, and told me to buy more. I told him, they don't make them for 3yr olds. It took about 3 days from that point. We stayed home the first day, then if we were about, I would make him go before getting in the car, once we entered a store, right before leaving a store and when we got home. Good luck.

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L.G.

answers from Portland on

We used the video dvd "Potty Power" with great success.
He is also into trains so I made a chart that was a long train track. When he stayed dry and put pee or poo into the potty the train would move foorward on a magnet. ( a train sticker taped to a magnet) -when he had earned about 23 squares- it would earn him a Thomas diecast train of some sort. (I figured it out based on the cost of each pullup I was saying- and kept telling him I would rather buy him toys than pullups) When he got going on that... I would move the train backwards on the chart if there was a miss. I also made another chart that was shorter. If he took himself on top of all the other requirements- without me prompting him- he got to move foorward on this "fast track"- 7 spaces so it was worth "3" of the other spaces.
This process only took about 2 months along with having the dvd.

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K.I.

answers from Lewiston on

Good mrning,
ii dont know if you may have already tried it.. We used big boy undies and big girl undies as incentives.. Get a couple pair if you havnt already.. You know the real undies with his favorite character on them., then when he puts them on he can only where them till he pees in them then it is a diaper.. Mention that big boys wear big boy undies.. He is a big boy not a baby anymore.. Diapers are for babies.. Not sure if it will work.. My son was trained by 2 and a half and my daughter by 18 months.. She trained herself for the most part cause she wanted to go pee on potty like her brother.. So she was trained while we trained him... Good luck and best wishes..

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J.D.

answers from Boston on

Hello ~ My son turned 3 in June and we are having the same problem. I have tried everything and nothing works he just has no desire to use the potty. I asked the Dr. and he said you just have to be patient. He starts preschool in a couple weeks I am hoping seeing the other kids will help with motivation. Please let me know if you find anything that works. :} Good Luck

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S.W.

answers from Boston on

My daughter was 2 in February, I tried potty training her right after she turned 2, it didn't work. I waited about 4 months and tried again. But first I got a doll that pees on the potty and when the doll would go on the potty we would all make a huge deal about it, singing, jumping around, and blowing noise makers. After she saw the party the baby got she wanted to try herself. She was totally potty trained in about 3 weeks. She still wears a pull up to bed, but other than that she has few accidents.

Good luck!

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V.M.

answers from Bangor on

here's my advice, and this worked 100% with my daughter at 3. i knew she could go on the potty and could recognize when. she just wanted to diapers cuz she insisted that she was still a baby. i also knew that she was very "uncomfortable" with not having a diaper on (fearing she would have an accident) and she would sit on the potty until something came out. i finally got fed up with the struggling and told her "im not buying you anymore diapers!" the diapers were confiscated and undies were put on and the rest is history. im not saying this will work with every child, but i knew this would work for my daughter because i took the same approach with the binky. i am also strongly against bribery so material rewards werent even a factor. but she loved it when i clapped and congradulated her. you really have to take a good look at your kids personality and see what has worked with similar feats. good luck! and let me know how it goes!

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D.L.

answers from Indianapolis on

Last summer I faced the same situation with my son. What ended up working was just doing away with the diaper, lots of praise and patience. There was about a week of accidents, but after that week he rarely had an accident. When we were in the house I had him go without pants. Since it was summer we played in the yard most of the time. After or during each accident I would take him to the potty, we even kept the potty outside if he was out there. For my own sanity there were times he had to stay on the potty and try to go (first thing in the morning and before snacks and meals). The only bribe I used was telling him he wasn't allowed at preschool until he knew how to use the potty. I never had to use pull ups. In the end you will find what works best for you and your son. Good luck :)

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W.D.

answers from Boston on

just went thru this with my almost 4 yr old.. they have to make the choice to want to do it - I put my son in regular underwear and when he peed himself, he hated it.. he did that twice and then has been dead on accurate ever since.. I did bribe him with a webkin for poop though, since he started to regress , which they almost always do.. He sounds ready, but just needs a nudge.. but if he's resistant, stop.. don't push.. My son was the eaiest potty trained kid I've ever seen because he's so old doing it.. good luck

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K.S.

answers from Boston on

I don't know if you ever take the kids swimming. My son was actually trained by his grandmother. He stayed with her for a week and came home potty trained. But I was talking to someone else with this issue the other day and a coworker said her son liked to swim but one day a kid had an accident and they had to shut down the pool. When the summer came around again and he was talking about it she told him that he might not be able to go this year as he still wasn't potty trained and he had accidents. She said just the thought of what happened the year before and not being able to swim he went to the bathroom all by himself with no accidents after that.

M.J.

answers from Boston on

We've all heard girls train faster and easier than boys, so I'm not sure if this will work for you. Also, this is my first child, so you've probably already tried everything since you have older kids. But when my now 28 month old daughter started waking up dry sometimes about 1 month ago, I thought it would be a good time to start training. Our attempts around her 2nd birthday failed, so we decided she wasn't ready. I only work Mon - Thurs, so that Friday we got in potty-training mode and stayed close to home for the entire weekend. I put her in pull-ups when I knew she would be napping or if we had to go out, otherwise it was underwear or BAREBOTTOM all day long. The first couple of times I had to hold her on the potty when I KNEW she had to go. She cried and screamed and held on to my neck for a minute, but I told her if she let the peepee out, her "belly" would feel better. To my surprise that worked in at least getting her to stay on the potty long enough to pee. Throughout the rest of the first day, I quickly learned that prizes and gimmicks did NOTHING for her. The single most encouraging thing we could do was get SUPER-EXCITED for her! My daughter lived for the "over joy and excitement" we happily showered her with everytime she successfully went in the potty. She loves knowing how proud Daddy and I are each and every time she goes in the potty. We involved her grandparents and aunts in the celebration of almost every poop or pee she did, especially in the first 2 weeks. We'd either call them up, or acknowledge her "good job on the potty" with a story the next time we saw them. I'm telling you, nothing made her more willing to go on the potty than knowing she would be showered with hugs, kisses & "Yaaaay!! Woohooo! I'm so PROUD of you!!" every time. We keep her potty in the hallway adjacent to our living room so that she can easily get to it from anywhere. We keep one at my mom's since she babysits while I'm at work. She now will run to a potty without announcing it until AFTER she has gone. And she enjoys helping me bring the "bowl" to the big potty to dump and flush it. We have a colorful stepstool just for her to stand up and wash her hands afterwards. Every kid is different, but for us, bribing never worked for potty training. She has had a couple of accidents since we started (its only been a month), but we now have her sleeping in underwear (huge!!), and I only have to buy diapers for my 6 month old.

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C.C.

answers from Providence on

Hi

We just solved this problem. My son looks up to my friends three boys 8,6, and 2. We stopped over just to drop something off. When we ran in he saw all her boys outside in the pool. My son was screaming and crying he wanted to go in too. My friend told him that if he poops in the potty he could come over and swim with everyone. Well that day he came home and pooped in the potty. He called up my friend and told her and her and her sons all cheered. He then pooped in the potty for a full week calling them up each time - some times they would leave voice mails and it was a great game. As soon as she had a day off we all went over to the pool. When it was time to go same thing. She said to my son did you have fun? well he loves her boys so he was like yeah. she said keep pooping in the potty and you can come over again.

I hope this helps. My son is 3 1/2 so it took a long time but maybe you can try something like that. Maybe tell him a trip to the zoo if he does?? or Grandmas??

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