Unfortunatly we are about to have to put our dog, who was my wedding gift from my husband, down. He has a tumor on the side of his neck that is malignant. Anyway, the thing is, he acts fine most of the time which will make it hard for my daughter to understand that he is sick. She knows that Dusty has a boo boo and that he has had to go to the dr. but that is about it. I am really dreading this, but I know I need to tell her the truth. I just don't know how far I should really get into it. Should I tell her what is going to happen and let her say goodbye to him or do I just take him to the vet while she isn't home and explain it after? My daughter and Dusty are very close and I know she is going to miss him terribly. Once when I took him to get groomed my daughter was with me and she freaked when we left him. I had to drag her out of the place and she cried and called for him and looked for him all afternoon until we went and picked him up. I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with this for awhile yet. Any advice would be great!
Well, it is Monday morning and we sent Dusty to heaven on Saturday. It was terrible! I ended up sitting down with Bella and telling her that Dusty was too sick and the Dr. couldn't make him better anymore, so we were going to take him to the Dr. and send him to heaven to be with her Grandaddy. Once he was there he would have a huge place to run and play and that he and Grandaddy would always be watching over us. I told her that we would all miss Dusty and that sometimes we would be very sad and that was okay we were all sad, but we could still remember how silly Dusty was and what a good doggie he was. She cried a little, asked where heaven was then kissed Dusty and told him "I hope you feel better". She gave him a big hug and then she went outside to play with her Grandma before we left with him. She has asked where is Dusty, but I remind her that he is in heaven with her Grandaddy and she says oh, thats good and goes on. Thank you so much for all of your advice. You gals are great!
Whatever you do don't use the "he went to sleep" explanation. I used to work daycare and I can not tell you how many kids would stop taking naps and fight sleeping at night because they thought that death was sleep that you didn't wake up from.
I am sorry I couldn't give you more helpful advice.
If she reacted that way when you left him to be groomed then I really wouldn't suggest bringing her to say Good-Bye. It is going to be a hard thing to begin with but that would really be a bad memory for her. I would do it without her there and then sit down and talk to her as a two year old. I understand you want to tell her the truth but you have to keep it on her level. What we did with my son who lost his hamster, which he was very close to, was sit down and talk as a family. We are christians so this was our approach. We said that your friend was sick and his boo boo hurt him sometimes. God doesn't like it when his family hurts so he took your friend up to heaven to be with him. Now he has no more boo boo and is very happy. We are going to miss him but we have many pictures to remember him by and the greatest thing is that when we miss him all we have to do is pray and he will be listening. I hope this can help alittle bit. Good Luck and I am sad about your soon to be loss.
I can sympathize with you on this one!!! I have an 8 1/2 yr. old boy and a 6 yr. old girl and in the last 5 yrs. I've lost 5 cats and a dog which I had many yrs. before the kids were born. It's difficult to lose a pet, but explaining to her what is going to happen before it does is better. I told my kids the pet was joining other pets or family members in heaven. I explained that they would be playing with other animals and having a great time!! They would miss us very much and they love us, and they don't want to go, but they need to. It's tough, but I felt they needed to know what was going on. I had a dog when I was a little girl and my mom took her w/o telling us and we never had the chance to say goodbye!!! I feel it made it worse! Your daughter is young and probably won't remember. My kids were fine after a couple of days. I actually cried way more than they did!!! Good luck and my sympathy for you on the loss of your dog!
We recently put down a dog, so I understand what you are going through. My daughter was very close to her and was unaware that she was sick. We had Abby put down at the animal shelter and brought her home to bury in the backyard. I tried to shelter my daughter from the sight of this limp, lifeless dog, but death is a part of life. Mikayla watched us lower the dog into the grave and picked some flowers to lay in there with her. About 5 months later, Mikayla tells me that Abby went home to be with her mommy.
Of course, I wouldnt suggest bringing your daughter to the pound/vet with you when you have the process done, but I don't think you really need to tell her more than that Dusty had to go home. She will bounce back much sooner than you think. Kids are resilient.
Good luck.
R.,
One thing that might help her understand (slightly!) is that Dusty 'hurts' - if he is in pain(?) - and that the vet can't make him feel better. Explain that he is very, very old and doesn't feel well. Try to avoid saying anything related to sleep, as I have heard this can cause anxiety over going to sleep, seeing people or other pets sleeping, etc. She isn't going to understand everything, but she will notice he is gone and know that you have told her that he was not feeling well, couldn't get better and was very old. You have lots of wonderful memories to keep with you. Our vet did a paw print ornament type thing that we picked up a few days later and we keep it by her pictures. Make a nice scrapbook page and talk about how wonderful he was :-)
When my daughter was almost 3 we had to put our 16 yr old dog down as well. She went with us to the vet and sat with us when Cocoa was euthanized. We distracted her during the shot so she didnt negatively associate that with death. Overall, it was a good experience for her. She saw that we have emotions and loved our dog, and that we were there for each other. She still talks about her and says she misses her. We keep pictures and talk about her.
I am sorry for your loss and situation.... if only they could be with us forever :-(
Best wishes...
Go to the Library there are a lot of great books on children dealing with death. I remember one childrens book about the little boys dog dying. If you don't want to or can't just be open and honest. Don't hide what is going on from her. Explain to her that the dog is real sick and might not be with you much longer. If at all possible bury the dog yourselves in your back yard and plant flowers on his grave. It worked real well with my girls when they were little and we had to bury a pet. I would let them help dig the hole, we would wrap the pet up in a special blanket and put it in the ground. Then we would say goodbye and cover him or her up and then plant flowers. They did real well with the passing of their pets and when it came time to say goodbye to family members they did real well with it. To many parents worry about their childrens reaction to death and it's a part of life. The earlier they learn to deal with it the easier it is for them. Tell her the dog is going to Heaven where he will be healthy and happy. God Bless You All and Good Luck!!
We had an 8 yo schnauzer that ran off and got hit by a car. We were outside calling for her and even kept driving around. I had to put my 5 & 2 yo girls to bed. My husband went out again and found her. When my kids woke up the next morning they went out on the lanai and began calling for her again. My husband came home from work and sat our 5 yo on his lap and told her that Della didn't look both ways. She was like OK! and then told her sister that Daddy had something to tell her. They took easier then me & my husband. They still talk about her and look at pictures. My little one used to get funny when we brought her to the groomer. She didn't understand that we were coming back for her. I would say, that she was just getting a haircut. It'll work it's way out, but it'll take time. So sorry for your pain.
We had a similar situation when my daughter was 2 1/2 as well she's just over 3 now. Our cherished King Charles Spaniel ran out side one evening when our daughter opened the door because she knew that he had gotten out and was aware that her daddy went looking for him. We didn't know how to tell her that we found him the next morning he had been hit by a car. So we told her for I think the next two days that he was still lost while we were dealing with another crisis our beautiful kitty was losing her fight with kidney failure. We had to put her down so before our daughter got home from a family members house. We went to the vets and let our sweet baby kitty escape her pain. Then like crazed grief stricken couple we searched out a new kitty. Any other time there would have been dozens of available kittens but as luck would have it there was a shortage on this day, we did find one at the local pet store rescue shelter. We told our little girl when she arrived home that (Nalani) had as she knew been very sick and went to be with God. But that she (Nalani) wanted her to have this new kitten. Well that went very well she was sad for about 30 seconds and said she missed her kitty. For the next month or so during her prayers she thanked God and Nalani for her new kitten. We couldn't bear to tell her that her dog to had went to heaven, we thought that she may resent God for taking her pets. Wrong or right we told her that her doggie had ran away that night and couldn't find his way back home, but that we were sure that he was in a new home with good people to love and care for him. We have since added two new dogs to our home. She still talks about him when some one mentions his name in her presence. I don't know if your ready for a new puppy. Had it not been for our daughter we would not have been in a place emotionally to bring a new kitten home. She to had a gift from my husband (our first Christmas). This worked for us in our situation though I can understand if this isn't right for you. I am sorry for your loss and your daughters heart ache.
Oh how sad!! my son still draws our dog in the family pictures..I am sorry for you and esp. your daughter!
I try to answer little ones questions as wide open and magical as possible and trust they will ask more if you need to go deeper..some people give the whole biology lesson when asked where babies come from..i actually told one of my kindergarten children that a lot of love brings them down the rainbow bridge and he was satisfied..for the moment!! (pretty sophisticated guy,he will certainly figure it out when ready!)
Death is an impossible topic for all of us and can be real scary..sounds like you have to tell her he is going..seems she'd be real confused if he just wasn't there... but make it lovely.. that he can run and roll in the fluffy clouds his body is just to uncomfortable here..whatever kind of images you are comfortable with because of course it comes from you, but i would avoid deep and heavy,,it is so o.k. to be sad..we do mourn loved ones.. check out the library for books to give her the neutral story about other children "losing" best friends..any kind of stuffed "lovey" to hug when she misses him??
I am so sorry you're going through this! Losing a pet is so very difficult, no matter how old you are. We've lost two of our cats and two of our dogs since the kids have been alive. They dealt with it relatively well, but I do think it helped to have the other animals at home, too. So it wasn't just like one day there were no more pets, ya know? They still miss them and talk about them, but they get that they're not around anymore, and that we have their ashes in urns on the shelf. I would say do NOT take her with you to put him down. It's too much, because you're going to be crying and then she'll freak out even more, etc.
Hi, R..
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. My neighbor also has a 2 year old and their dog has cancer. He is under chemotherapy at the moment but the cancer is stage 4 so he might not be around for a while. The plans for the parents was to explain to their daughter that the puppy went to doggie heaven. They explained that the dog is in pain and when time comes they will tell her he is in heaven and peaceful. As a teacher, I would refrain from seeing a dead animal or putting an animal to sleep. Remember, that will be the last image your child will have of their first best friend. As time goes on more questions may rise. Also, you can have a good-bye ritual with the doggie's favorite toy and perhaps a photo....or a little shrine to remember.
Good luck and stay strong.
Im so sorry to hear about this. I have worked as a vet tech for 8 years now, and I will say, the best thing is to not take her. At her age, she doesnt yet understand what is going on, I have been in the rooms while with the children are there putting their pets to sleep and it is heart breaking. I think alot of it is, they feed off of your emotions, so it makes it that much harder for them to understand what is going on.
Just try your best in explaining what is going on with your pet and in time, her and your pain will lessen. Good luck, I know this is a tough situation, Im not looking forward when the time comes for my 10 year old chihuahua.
R.,
It is never easy to lose I pet. We lost 4 from the time my daughter was 6 months to 13 months. She wasn't old enough to understand. Yours isn't old enough to understand death, but old enough to know that the dog is gone.
This website may be helpful.
I am sorry for your impending loss. I hope your vet is kind & caring. Most will let you be present if you wish. I don't recommend a child at that age to be present. You may want to get a sitter if you & your husband want to be present.
