Having Some Serious Sleep Issues with My 16 Month-Old

What about letting him sleep with you? I has been a wonderful experience for many families including mine. My children have never had sleep issues and eventually around the age of 2 have wanted to go into their own beds. In so many other countries this is a totally acceptable practice.
I would suggest any books by Dr. Sears. He explains a lot about attachment parenting and the benifits.

My older son, now 7, never slept well as a baby.. He started jumping out of the crib at 14 months. Maybe you should put a toddler bed or a regular bed in his room.. Don't remove the crib, but give him an option.. He is playing you right now and is wining.. I know it is hard, my son didn't sleep alone until he was 3.5.. Instead of the CIO method, maybe go in, comfort him but be firm and the first time around stay a couple of minutes. The 2nd time you go in just go in, be firm tell him you are not staying and leave... Extend the amount of time between each time you go in.. My 3 year old has started to wake up in the middle of the night and wants me in bed with him, and that is what I do, and it takes about 45 minutes, but he goes back to sleep... Good luck... J.

So I learned with my twins that they learned that all they had to do is gag after 30 minutes plus of crying and we would pick them up. Our pedi told us that when they did that, and they did trow up, clean them up, clean up their bed, and put them back. From then on, its was heaven, babies in bed, light out, silence. But when they turned 22 months, we got climbers and they got toddler beds, whole different monster.

Have you had his ears checked? It actually sounds like an ear infection to me especially because of the proximity of the cold, my kids almost always got them after having a cold because of the extra fluid buildup.

It could be the canines...teething really hurts and is a constant throbbing pain..i still remember it from when I got my back molars!

Try giving him some motrin before bed and see if that helps. If so, then you know it is pain related, either teeth or ears.

By the way, my two cents on CIO, which is what my mother swore by, never worked for us. Nine times out of ten, my kids would have a legitimate illness and I felt awful afterwards and thought that I should have comforted them when they were feeling bad...that is what Mommys are for after all. Now if it is a tantrum or power struggle, that is another matter, but often that happens when they are over-tired and, sometimes they just need to be held.

Make sure his naps aren't for a long extensive period of time. Play outside during the day to tire out. Boys seem to have a lot of energy to release.

this book gave me back my sanity
"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"
check it out... I still use it as a resource

I can't say that I have any suggestions that will make it easier right now because I always responded to my sons when they cried at night. However, I can tell you that instead of "huge problems down the road" things eventually got easier and easier, so that by the time each of them was around three years old, they pretty much went to bed with just some reading of stories. (Well, the second one continued to nurse longer.) Of course I never had their bedtimes very early, or too early for them to actually be sleepy. Now that I think of it, they probably did bedtime easier around three, because by then neither of them was having an afternoon nap!
The most difficult transition time was in the two-year-old times, when they might fall asleep around 4:30 or 5:00 in the late afternoon evening. "Oh no! This means they will stay up a lot later" -- like 11:00pm. Yes, it did. But then they dropped the afternoon naps, and things got easier month by month, year by year. By grade school years we never had bedtime fights like I sometimes hear of others having.

Sorry to hear you are having this problem, been there. What worked with my youngest was a throw blanket in which I swaddled him. I began this about your child's age, and when he was just simply too tired and had to cry I'd just put it on his shoulders and gently entise the blanket, it soon worked like a charm, still does he just turned 6.

This is where I really feel for you. My 2nd child was the fussiest. It was that he was asthmatic and very difficult to diagnose/to see he was having an episode" with serious consequences (this affected him academically and emotionally). Although it is difficult, stuffed animals and any dust catching/gathering items out the door. Needless to say my home was easier to clean due to lack of clutter. Pets are absolutely out of the question, it took deep cleaning of furniture, floors, and walls after my husband got the chiguagua for asthmatics for my son to get better.

Good luck!

It could very well be a combination of the teeth and the interruption to his sleep when he was sick. I've gone through the same thing when I've been back from vacation. You've got to get back to the routine though, for your sake and his.
I have 5 kids 10 and under and they do go through phases that are short if you stick to the routine. They can drag out if you allow it. You have ruled out reasons other than the teeth, so maybe you could try some motrin just to cover that base and put him down by at least 8 or 9. He should sleep 11-12 hours at night at that age and take a decent nap around 1:00.
When he "refuses" to go to bed, that is when you have to be strong. Take him swimming or out for a an exhausting activity and you'll know he is truly tired the night you start. He is still in a crib, right? He can't get out if there is no bumper to climb on so be loving, but firm and make it short and sweet, and just monitor him while he CIO. It is unavoidable at this point because you say he is happy when you get him out. He has just gotten into some habits. I have one that used to throw up when he cried too much, and it isn't pleasant, but if he is crying, he isn't choking. I had a video monitor and I could see that he was ok and I could even see him breathing.

He needs his sleep and you need your sanity so I would firm up the routine and ride out the adjustment period and be confident that you are helping him learn to get back to his good sleeping habits.
I've seen friends deal with getting up in the night for years and it is such a strain on them and the kids.
I started with twins so I've always been strict about bedtime and now that they are 10 they still go to bed at 8:00 and sleep until 7:00 as do my 8,4 and 2 year olds. I would have gone insane had I not established a very strict bedtime. Just be strong and if it feels "against your better judgement" that you keep going to get him, that is because you do know better already. You don't want to confuse him or reinforce his tantrums. Babies are pretty smart and give him the chance to figure it out for himself. My two year old is almost 3 and she'll still try it every once in a while, but at her age I can tell her, "don't cry, because I'm going to bed and I'm not coming back in here" and she actually understands that and gives up the effort. It is difficult, but worth it for all of y'all. Good luck to you!

Teri G

b/g twins age 10
b age 8
b age 4
and g almost 3

It sounds like your son doesn't want to be alone.
It really hit home for me when someone told me"you don't like sleeping alone , why would you force a baby to do it?"

I think if he's screaming to the point of vomiting , he's not trying to minipulate you, he genuinely is having a problem with being alone.

If you are really worried about setting yourselves up for future problems, think about this:
When a baby is begging to be with their parents , and they ignore their pleas , you are setting yourselves up for some psychological issues down the road.

My son is 18 months and i went threw the same exact thing. He too has never been a good sleeper.when he was cutting his molar he wouldn't sleep at all he wanted to be held all night.When it came threw he slept the best in his life,about four weeks. Now its happening again. So hopefully it wont last to long. good luck

I just wanted to let you know I sympathize, my daughter did the exact same thing! She would sleep great for months, but then if any illness came along, or if she got off her schedule because of a trip, she would wake up for 2-3 hours every night for the next month! We tried CIO, rocking, playing, holding, etc, but she would be up 2 hours no matter what. It was like she had insomnia, she wanted to go back to sleep but couldn't.

She is almost 2 now, and it seems to be gone (knock on wood). One thing we tried that I think helped is to make her room super dark by putting black material over her windows.

Good luck, but know that you are probably not doing anything wrong, it might just be the way he is for right now!

Sherri

You may want to try Dr. Ferber's method. I feel like an advocate for him lately, but his method was a God-send for me. I would recommend reading his book, but the basic idea is to let him cry for 5 minutes, then go in and comfort him without picking him up. Then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes. I actually did it in increments of 1 to 2 minutes. It's amazing, and I got results in 2-3 days just like the book said. It's just a learning process for some babies.

It is quite obvious that he has your number. Bless his heart, he is simply looking for the warmth and security of mommy and daddy. His understanding is not the needs of others, only his. Start on a Friday night, allow him to cry himself to sleep. Fight the urge to "rescue" him from his lonliness. If he wakes in the middle of the night, check on him, reassure him that you are still there, and put him back in his bed. It will no doubt be a long weekend. But he will eventually understand that he is supposed to sleep in his bed. If you continue to rescue him from his lonliness he will eventually be in a big boy bed every night. Unfortunately, that will be your bed and not his~! I three children and each and everyone has gone through this vicious cycle.

Has your son ever had issues with reflux? Our baby would wake up crying in the middle of the night a lot when he was having bad reflux. We would hear him cough and cry out and then it would be hard to settle him down. He was happy sitting up, or sleeping on his tummy (I know he should be sleeping on his back, but he doesn't--he rolls over onto his tummy--he's over a year now). We ended up having to put him on medication for awhile to control his reflux. He has since outgrown it.

Another answer could be just separation anxiety...waking up and feeling scared and not being able to go back down on his own coupled with a growing imagination. I remember times with my two oldest (ages 4 and 6) when we would go through a week or so of them waking up and coming to our bed. We would just reassure them and bring them back to their bed without much talking so as not to overstimulate them. Of course some nights were harder than others and would require a lot of patience and staying in the room awhile until they would fall back asleep.

Hope this helps, and if you have any reason to think the reason for him waking up could be medical I would discuss the symptoms with your pediatrician to make sure it's nothing more serious than just a temporary disturbance in sleep pattern.

Good Luck,
A. (mom of three: Ana Grace (6), Nicholas (4), and David (1)

Well... It could be that his I-teeth (aka: canine teeth) are about to come in and it's keeping him up or waking him up when he is in between REM cycles. I recall that my daughter's I-teeth were much more painful than her molars.

It could be that he's sleep deprived... and the more sleep deprived babies get, the less soundly they sleep.

It could be that he is hungry. My daughter transitioned from bottles to sippy cups a little later than the typical 12 months age... So, I was not opposed to giving her a little bottle/sippy cup if she woke up more than twice in a night. It was calming for her; warm milk helps you sleep anyway; and on the chance that she was waking up due to hunger then that solved the hunger problem too. (If you do decide to give a bottle at night, try not to make it a habit where he expects one every night--Because that will disrupt his normal sleep pattern).

However, my gut is telling me that your son has probably hit the normal separation anxiety phase (typically roars around 15-18 months)... See Dr. Greene's comments re: http://www.drgreene.com/21_1493.html. If it is separation anxiety, then practicing CIO will just augment his fear that you aren't coming back and he is on his own. Google separation anxiety for some ideas on solving it, or look through the online articles on Parents Magazine.

Whatever you do, do not put him in bed with you. That's will cause an expectation you don't want to tackle!

My daughter is 2 1/2, and started going through something similar a few months ago; I have heard many other moms say that part of the "terrible twos" is a sudden inability to sleep through the night. Maybe your child is ahead of the curve?

When you say you use the CIO method, do you just leave him to cry it out, or do you use the Ferber style, where you visit him after 3 minutes, and then 5 after that, and then 7 after that, and so on? We have gone back to it, and it helps, really. It takes three days to get established, but it helps.

Also, being sick may have disrupted his routine a bit. You have to start a routine over from scratch every time a major disruption (moving, jet-lag, illness) happens.

Plus, at sixteen months, how many naps is he taking? Cut it down to one. Also, wake him at the same time every morning regardless of how long he's been up at night.

I got (and have used!) all this from the Ferber book, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems." I know Ferber has a bad rep w/ some people, but it's been a life saver at our house. Happier parents and happier baby.

Also, I know that many moms don't like medicating their kids, but we found that a dose of infant Tylenol before bed really helped w/ sleeping during teething.

Good luck, momma! Hang in there.

That is around the time of night terrors. I suggest reading up on those. They sometimes do not even know you are in the room with them during one of those. There eyes are open and they appear to be awake but they are kind of in a really bad upset tantrum. I cannot recall whether to hold them tight or not and comfort or just speak to them, cannot recall. Need to read up on that one for yourself. Also get a spray bottle draw a monster face on it and a big x over the monsters face and spray it every night in all corners of room /closet etc tell him you are spraying for monsters or scary things and that it is monster go a way spray!! Fill with water and some lavender drops it smells good and they will love spraying away bad guys at night helps reinforce their new nightime fears. Also rub lavender cream on their forehead for good dream cream, my son loved that!!!

Good Morning A.?

I hear ya on this one! My daughter would cry so hard she would burst the blood vessels in her eyes! It was just awful. My son had some sleep issues until we started using an essential oil called Peace and Calming. I know it sounds strange, but we put a couple of drops on the bottom of his feet and he has never slept better. I am so impressed with how these oils work! Contact me if this is something you would like to try or if you need more info.

You have already had a lot of wonderful responses, but here's my two cents.
After making sure it is not "all the above" ears, tummy, power struggle etc..."
He sounds like he needs a bit more love than normal, give it to him...when mine were having troubles sleeping after illness, teething etc. I would give them teething tablets, which has natural relaxants such as chamomile. Or I would make a nice cup of chamomile tea, don't give him full strength take about two tablespoons and add it to about 4 ounces warm water. Don't add honey he's still to young for that. but let him drink it, and you can have the rest of it for yourself, you probably need it after the illness and night time waking.
On the CIO, I know a lot of people swear by it and that's fine , it is their family. I never could do it, I always felt to guilty for leaving them even for a minute. My "baby guru" told me to always follow my heart it will never lead me wrong. and so far she has been right. When something inside me tells me something is not right, I always act on it, and so far I have been right ...
good luck, stay the course, and God Bless.
Follow your heart.

Hey A.,
My daughter is about 19 months. During these "episodes" with her, I just bust out the ol' teething tablets. Like you, my kiddo never seemed to give me any indication that her teeth were bothering her. Once I get her on a routine of the tablets, she, well, sleeps like a baby!!! If your child is anything like mine, as long as they are awake, they seem to "forget" that their teething is hurtful until they fall asleep. Just my two cents worth.

Margaret :)
P.S. Just in case, they are sold at any Wal-mart, Walgreens, CVS, etc.

I tried the sleep sense program by dana obleman if you google it Im sure you will be able to pull up some info on it. I too had the same problems. I tried this program and it only took a week for my daughter to start sleeping through the night. I think about it now and alot of the things the program has you do is common sense but it just tells you how to do the things correctly. It even gives you a workbook and how to keep track of your childs sleep patterns. So I tried it and it worked I hope it works for you. Good Luck

Toddler time is tough territory as they are exploring and learning new things through discovery everyday. This extra stimulus alone can cause sleep problems. My son had night terrors for a couple of months around this age and again around 2yrs, very restless, crying loudly at night, we'd go in there and he was unconsolable it seemed, My hubby and I both would go in and wake him (wailing half asleep, with tears and all), talk to him so he heard our voices of reassurances, then when he seemed semicalm(15min.) lay him back down, shhing and rubbing his back for about 10-15minutes. All in the dark, by his bed we did this night after night it seemed for awhile. I felt inadequate at times because it would take my hubby and I to calm him down, when I used to be the only soothing voice he needed to hear. He attached more to my hubby at this time though and he wanted to hear Daddy more than me so it worked better. The more active the more easily they get extra stimulation I think.
We too after a sickness have a week or so to get back on sleeping through the night as my kiddos like the extra attention they receive when they are sick. Its hard to tell, I stay firm and push bedtime earlier 30 minutes a day until their sleep adjusts some. When we stay up a couple of special occasions or weekends I have to push back bedtimes as my kiddos want to go to bed late, I need my evening though, my kiddos go to bed latest 8pm. I am hoping in the winter 730pm. I hope it gets better for you and Mr. Michael.(:

K and M's Mom

Give the poor guy some orajel or teething pellets and some children's motrin and it should help if he's teething bad! If that doesn't help take him back to dr to make sure he doesn't have an ear infection because those are hidden! No fever or congestion but hurt really bad! There is obviously something hurting him sicne he usually doesn't do this. Also, I don't believe in the CIO either...not for long periods of time at least...babies will fall asleep quicker than 3 hours (more like 30 min or less) if they are really comfortable and nothing is wrong with them...good luck and God bless! I am a 34 yr old SAHM of a 15 mo old boy and 3 yr old girl....