Having Difficulties with My 3 Year old...please Help!!

K., how does skipping the nap do? sometimes they are just not tired. My daughter never took naps. We did have quiet time. She had to stay in her rooom and play quietly in bed for a time. she was a very active child and it did help with her staying in bed at night. also setting the rules and sticking by them no matter what. A child should not have milk to take to bed, it is bad for his teeth. Give him a drink of water after he brushes his teeth. Reinforce that he will not be getting anything else. If he gets up, just pick him up and place him back in bed. Do not talk to him except to tell him that it is bed time. Ignore any demands or shouting.
A. B

Keep in mind he's 3 and this is not abnormal!! We also have a 3 year old and that's what they do--push limits to see where the boundaries are. The best thing is to be consistent and firm. You can clearly tell him the "rules" (ie, after 3 books, it's time for bed) and don't placate his stalling tactics (drinks at bedtime). If he gets up after going to bed, just pop him right back without a word or even eye contact. This might take a few days, but it works.

Also, the Love and Logic book series has many useful ideas. Good luck.

Three is a hard year because your son is testing his independence. But unfortunately he will continue from here on out. I have four kids all of which have very different personalities but the thing we found to work the best is to set the ground rules and stick to them. We tried to not sweat the small stuff. We determined what we would allow and we made sure that our expectations didn't send mixed messages.(for example..We say we want you to not run through the house but later when we play we chase them through the house)As far as bed time I suggest you develope a routine. Make sure it is one you can keep up with no matter were your are or how late the night becomes. We simply put our kids in there P.J, get drinks, go potty, brush teeth, pray, kisses and hugs, get tucked in and one last kiss. At first we talked them through the routine. This will be your last drink for the night. You can tell your son that it isn't good to drink milk and juice before bed because it will hurt his teeth and we ant to have strong healthy teeth. When it hugs time tell him you love him and you can't wait for them to get to sleep so that you can wake up and play together again. After you tuck them in kiss them and say last kiss until morning. Some people add a story or a bath to their night routine but if you ever feel like you can't do the bath because it is late they child gets really upset. So we just make those extra thing s we do before we start our bedtime routine. For the three year old I would also add a reward for staying in bed every night. Make a chart and hang it on the refridgerator. Let him put a sticker on each day he stays in bed without asking for another drink, etc. and then at the end of the week if he has all his stckers give him a special surprise, a toy he has been wanting , or he gets to pick out what you do for dinner,or anything that he would really love to do. If that doesn't work you can always put a baby gate over his door. That may seem drastic but if the gaol is to keep him in the room that will do it. He won't like it at first but just keep letting him know that when he stays in bed for the night the gate can come down.Just remember not to give up. You are the parents and even though you may feel like your being mean your family life will be much more enjoyable when you play the role God put you in with confidence. It is good to let kids make choices but don't let them run your home---Which they do with a smile and a tantrum and we never see it coming.

This sounds like a power struggle for control and your 3 year old is winning. Kids learn at a young age what they can get away with and with every request you give him, he ups the ante on you! After raising 3 boys, my youngest is now 13, I've been down this road. I actually got a door knob cover for the inside of boys bedroom door. They did not know how to open it. When we had times when they did not listen, I would put them in their room and shut the door. Screaming they learned quick would not send me running to them. When I would hear, Ok mom, I'm ready to listen, then and only then would I open the door for them. I did not ever shut there door at night, but I believe because I used this method during the day, the good behavior carried over to night time. Hope it helps!!

HI K.,
Thank you for writing in, I was about to write up a similar request. Just know you are not alone in your struggle. Bedtime is a tricky subject and no two kids are the same. Do what works best for you and your family. We are dealing with my daughter and her control/sleep/potty and regression issues right now. I'm anxious to view all the responses and advise from other moms and grandmas out there. One person that is helping us with our issues is our "parents as teachers" educator. If you have this free program in your area, I urge you to seek their help too. Our educator let me borrow a "sleep solution" book, haven't had time to read it yet, but plan to this week. I'll let you know if there are any revelations. Good luck and may the force of bedtime be with you!

Okay, I didn't have time to read all the responses so this may already be in here. I agree with any of the responses about better and more consistent discipline. If he won't do something you ask him to do, you walk over and take his little hands and use them to do whatever it was you asked him to do. Let him learn that he will obey. BUT, in addition to this I would recommend that you spend A LOT of face time with him while you are restructuring his discipline. Face time=games and lovey time. My daughter was very stubborn and just didn't think she needed to listen so anytime I had to ask her to do something more than once she got to clean a floor for me. I would take a spray bottle and give a floor 3-4 squirts of water and she used a paper towel to cleam it up. At first she kinda waved the paper towel over the spots, but when she figured out that I would keep her there until it was done, she got really good at it. But, at the same time that we were going head to head all the time, I made sure to really focus on her and compliment her when she did well and sit down and play games with her. It takes a lot of time at first to restructure, but after a while it will take up less of your time and you will love having your kid around. It will be a joy instead of a frustration. Good luck.

Hi K.,

Well I think all the things you are going through all coincide together. There are alot of battles that you need to fight and get worked out. In my response I'm gonna try not to sound harsh and mean but I am gonna call it like I see it so here it goes and this might be kind of long.

1st, I think you need a good routine/schedule. I'm a home child care provider and here is our daily routine that we run on everyday.
7:00 am get up get dressed and ready for the day.
7:30 am - 8:00 am breakfast

8:00 am - 9:30 am(You should add in a learning time, either get him some work books or there are some free websites that you can print things off of. This will make him tired and need a good nap :). Have him do this at the table and you can get the dishes done or in the dishwasher.
9:30 am -11:30am morning free time, they can go play in their rooms or whatever. At 11:00 am go start lunch.
11:30 am - 12:00 noon lunch time
12:00 - 12:30, get cleaned up from lunch, you have time to clean up the kitchen from lunch.
12:30 pm - 2:30 pm, nap time and you a nap or a chore or both.
2:30 pm - 3:30 you can do 2 things: A- do somthing more of learning or B- something that is still structured ie, play do, coloring even scissors and a piece of paper. While they are doing this you can get their afternoon snack ready.
3:30 pm - 4:00 pm afternoon snack.
So after snack thier day is over as far as learning things and such and they have the rest of night to play and things.
So from 4:00 pm - 5:00 pm you have some free time, you can accomplish another chore if wanted, sit down before the evening begins.
At 5:00 pm start dinner.
6:00 pm dinner time.
By the time dinner is over it would probably be around 7 pm. So after you get dinner done then you start your nightly routine.
So at 8:00 pm you would do The 4 B'S:
Bath, Bedtime drink then Bed.
So by the time all this is done it should be 9:00 pm. When you lay him down give him a hug and kiss and tell him good night. You should be able to lay him down at nap time and bed time the sameway.

2nd, Now you need to establish some rules and some consequnces. So you and your husband sit down with a piece of paper and list your rules and come up with the consequences to go with them. This way you are both on the same page.
Back each other up when the other parent is disciplining you son.
You shouldn't have a disagreement on the consequence because you have already established these things. To me I see your son has the run of the show. At 3 he is able to run the show in your house, he is YOUR boss not the other way around. If you don't get control of him now it will be so much worse in 2 yrs and then even more worse in 5 yrs and then in 10 yrs when you really want the control it will way to late.

You have alot problem areas that you need to fix, here is what I see:
Bedtime, staying in bed, patting his butt, rocking him.
sippy cup and the amount of time you refill it.
Taking him off whole milk and then onto soy and then the fish oil. You can't expect 2 things that you change to fix all the problems you are having. Specially when some of them are what you are allowing to happen and he knows how far he has to push to get what he wants.
Then sleeping with his shoes on.
Him not listening to you, I'm sorry to say but your 3 yr old has no respect for you as a parent. He sees that no matter how far he goes you will go right with him. He has no boundaries. And if he does you give up to quick.
Then you have the attention. At this point it isn't even about attention. He is able to boss you around and he is 3 yrs old. Kids will do whatever they have to do to get attention wether it is negitive or positive.

So you and your husband need to get a backbone. Get a routine or follow the one I gave you, adjust to your house hold.
Let him know there are new rules, explaing what they are.
Throw out all the sippy cups, in the trash. Let him see you put them in the trash. At 3yrs of age there is no reason he should be taking a sippy cup to bed. This is also giving him more sugar and things like this. Also over the age of 2 they no longer need whole milk and could be moved to 2% or less. Make sure he is eating a well balanced meal everyday and at all meals.

By the way all kds have currency at any and all ages. Find what his currency is and start taking things away and priveleges.

I hope this helps, W.

K., I feel for you because by night time you are really worn down and want to go to bed yourself!!

We've always been very firm in our house, we put you in bed and you stay there. You get up once, there better be a good reason and we still won't be nice about it. You get up twice and you will be spanked.

Your problem sounds like a control thing to me. Your son has all the control. He's decided that the shoe thing will get to you so he's going to do that. He's going to get up whenever he wants because that gets to you too. I've seen ideas on Dr. Phil where he suggests taking something away from the child everytime they do something they are not supposed to. Get a storage bin for the Toys In Time Out, you just lost your robot it's in Time Out until you earn it back. He cannot have it back until he is doing what he is told consistently. It may get to the point that he has no toys at all, but that's his choice!

The bottom line is getting back to the I'm the parent and I'm in charge, you are the child and you do what you are told mind set.

I wish you luck. M.

We have had similiar issues w/our 3 1/2 yr. old...as well as with almost 6 yr. old when she was this age. The 1st thing we had & have had to do again is take away naps! She only gets 2 a week - at Mother's Day Out. Ours seemed to go down better if they didn't have a nap everyday. We tried the babygate with our older one - she learned to climb over it! Our 3 yr. old is VERY strong-willed & doesn't like to be controlled. So, we've simply adjusted with Love & Logic - great tool where you basically just give them choices in EVERYTHING they do. IE. at bedtime, after we've read & tucked her in - if she chooses, she can read 2 or 3 books in her bed quietly with the lamp on. she is either 1. asleep when we go back, or 2. understands that when she is done with those books, it is lights out. That way she feels like she has a say in the situation. (if they take too long reading, you could put a timer in too?) if we are trying to get something from her (this happens ALOT!) we'll give her the choice to put it in my left hand or my right hand, or do you want to give it to mommy or daddy. It all seems so petty, BUT it works for those little ones who want some control! Just give choices that you can live with & follow thru with! The one other thing that has worked with her is consistent time outs...in the same designated chair every time. maybe some of these will work for you guys? hang in there! good luck!

Sounds pretty normal to me. We bought a child knob and put it on the inside of her room. After a few days, she figured she couldn't get out. We do let her take a 1/2 filled bottle to bed, read a story, make sure there is a night light on (new fear)tell her what we are going to do the next day and thats it. Sometimes she plays in bed, but she doesn't get out anymore. Also we start winding her down around 7:30 and put her down at 8pm.

Right now is just a frustrating time since the children are testing their limits. Trust me I am so sick of hearing I need, I want, wah, wah, wah!

Hi K.!
I was once told something that I have applied to many aspects of parenting--He/She who is more stubborn, WINS! It sounds like your case may be a little extreme, so I will suggest a book. It's called "Aaron's Way", by Kendra Smiley. She is a Christian author/motivational speaker, who has visited our church a couple of times, and she is a WONDERFUL lady with very practical ideas. This particular book is about raising her strong-willed son. Good luck!

K.,
I would call around to your local churches and ask if they teach a class called "Growing kids God's Way". It is a great 6-8 week class that helps you learn and teach your child first time obiedients. It also is great for your marriage. My husband and I took it when our oldest was 2. She is now 12, and it has helped us a ton. It is not a perfect solution, but it is a good start and you will also get the support of parents who have been there.
Good luck to you and God bless!
C.

I am a stay at home mother of 3 children, ages 12, 8, and 3. I have 1 daughter and 2 sons. I have been married for 18 years to my best friend.

Hey K.,

Kids can be so hard! I'm sorry you're having a rough patch. I highly recommend the following books:

Dare to Discipline by Dr. James Dobson
Making Kids Mind Without Losing Your Own by Dr. Kevin Lehman
Bringing Kids Up Without Tearing Them Down by Dr. Kevin Lehman

Other than that, make sure you are consistant (I know, very hard when you are busy and tired). Also, make sure spankings are painful - 2-3 good swats on a bare bottom. The punishment must be relevant to work.

Have you thought of taking all dangerous things out of his room and locking him in? Let him cry it out and sleep and the floor a few nights. It will soon end. Since he's three, you can explain what you are going to do. "Honey, these are the new rules. You get to have one glass of milk before bed and we will read you 2 stories. Then, we expect you to stay in bed and go to sleep. If you do not, we will lock the door". Something like that, whatever works for your family. I know it seems harsh, but if you don't get the upper hand now, can you imagine what he'll be like when he's a teenager? It's vitally important that he learn to obey you now so he can lear to obey God later (and employers and the laws of this country).

Check out the Sleep Sense program ( I think wwww.sleepsense.com). Expensive but really helped with our son.

Hope that helps!!!

Kind Regards,

Amanda

Hello K.,

I have had the same problem with my daughter who is 2 and 1/2. we just had a new baby and that is when it really started. They are trying to get our attention and we give it to them when they act up, even if it is a spanking it is still attention. i found with my daughter how i get her to mind is putting her in her room and completly ignoring her no matter what. i know somepeople have suggest to close the door and lock it but if you are uncomfterable with that then put a gate across the door that way you can still peek in. the gate across the door works really well for us expecially when we were trying to get her to stay in bed.

Every now and then she still gets out of bed and we just warn her that we will close the gate if she gets up again. she then stays in bed. in the begining when we did close the gate she had fallen asleep on the floor once or twice then she started to go back to her bed.

She also kept asking for jucie or milk so we gave her a large container with a straw 1/2 full of water so she could not keep asking for somthing to drink and it wouldn't spill. we stuck to only water which to her was plain and boring but then she stoped asking for Jucie.

I would say that the hardest part was ignoring her when she would scream and call our names but we had to ignour her. after a while she got the hint and started to stay in bed. With each night she stays in bed all night we started to give her rewards the next day. An example of a reward for her was doing her faviorit thing, coloring time with her. If she didnt stay in bed then we would not color.

I hope that our methods of getting our daughter to sleep at night helps give you some ideas that will help you. good luck

J.

K.,
I would start with what you are feeding your child. Try to cut out most processed foods especially those with red dye. Make sure to give a daily multivitamin and continue with the fish oil. Discontinue the juice at night, that is only overloading his body with sugar when you are trying to calm him down. Also, 9 pm is way too late for a 3 yr. old to go to bed. He should be asleep no later than 7:30- 8:00. This might push your bedtime routine back, but that is what needs to be done. A 3 yr. old should be getting 11.5-12 hrs. of sleep in a 24 hr. period. If he is not achieving that he is probably overtired. Hope this helps. Good luck.

as far as the discipline goes, our pediatrician recommended the book "1,2,3 Magic" by Dr. Thomas Phelan (I think that's his name). I can't make any further recommendations than that, as I have just recently purchased the book, and am in the process of reading it for alternative discipline for my almost 2 year old. But I have read a lot of reviews about it, and it seems promising...

This may sound harsh, but it worked for my daughter. She was a very persistent and stubborn child when it came to bedtime (once she was in a big girl bed, before that we just laid her in her crib and she went to sleep). Anyway, with her we got one of those child proof things that go on the door handle and put it on the inside of her door. It worked like a charm. We would start her night with her door open, but the first time she got out we shut the door. She also wanted the light on, which was fine with us because we could turn it off when we went to bed. Anyway, we would shut the door and she couldn't get out. Yes, she screamed, yes she got up and we usually found her sleeping by her door when we went to tuck her in, but after a few weeks she was in her bed and wasn't getting up anymore~plus we could leave her door open. We still leave her light on and she knows we will turn it off once she is asleep, but she is fine with that. I have another friend that turned her locks around so she could lock the door from the outside. It seemed to work for her. Also, we found that special light bulbs (in a fun color) seemed to help sometimes. Mainly I had to remind myself that she was just testing me and I remained strong and did not give in to her screaming and crying. I would check on her periodically to see that she was okay, but that was it. Good luck!

The best bet would be to quietly, but firmly return him to his bed EVERY time that he gets up. Do not engage him in any conversation. Repeat this task until he goes to bed. The first two or three nights may be rough, but be consistent and by day four or five he should be able to go right to bed. The other key to making this strategy work is making him get up at the same time each morning regardless of whether you or he is tired. It may sound tough, but if you are consistent, it will work. Good Luck!

It sounds like your 3 year old is exactly where my two year old is heading. I even went to Barnes and Noble hoping that Supernanny had a book out there somewhere, and I couldn't find one.. ( I didn't exactly ask if she had one, just thought I'd check that section out..) The problem w/ her show is that she mostly deals w/ older children so my husband and I are in a huge disagreement on how to deal w/ our oldest. (he turns 2 tomorrow) He takes FOREVER to go to bed and that is with me rocking him everynight and reading tons of books. I am happy to do both those things, but I would just really like him to fall asleep faster. Some nights it's ok, others it's a 2-3 hour ordeal. And not really a crying- throwing fit ordeal, it just takes him a long time to wind down and relax enough to fall asleep.

He is also getting worse and worse during the day. He sreams and cries over even little things. He doesn't like daddy getting him his milk, I have to. And if daddy even tries, he freaks out and goes into a huge fit. I stay at home w/ him and sometimes just wonder if it's a phase which a lot of my friends say their children did the same thing. But my husband wants to help out but he wont let him do anything. We are potty training and he wont go for anyone but me! I'm anxious to hear your responses cause I was just getting on her to post something right up that alley but figure I'll check yours out! Good luck!

my only advice is to cut back on the drinks at bed/nap time...two might seem like you're limiting him but he's still getting the message that if he fusses you'll give in. i'd say try giving him one small drink while you're putting him down,(stay with him while he drinks it, then take it away) then that's it. he's old enough he doesn't need to drink at night. the more you stick to your guns the more he'll understand that he's not in charge, and that will help with the defiance during the day too. just be sure to reinforce as MUCH as you can (hard with a 10 month old, i know!) when he is behaving how you want him to - lots of playtime with mommy and little brother. good luck!

IDK for sure but I am thinking I read somewhere that having to be patted to go to sleep has some correlation to ADD or ADHD...I'd check some other symptom and talk to your PCP if they fit.

Oh honey, I feel your pain. I myself have a rather rambuncious (sp?) 3 year old. My son is on medications that make him a little off the wall for his asthma and allergies. I also know that there are certian foods that can trigger these symptoms in small children. For instance my niece was starting to get a little like this and my sister took away anything that had red dye in it and has noticed a difference in her. Have you talked to his doctor about it. I know if they refer you to Childrens Mercy you can have him evaluated by the Bahavioral Specialist. Jealousy towards his younger brother could be part of the issue. My kids all get equal attention and it does not matter they are still fighting over who gets to sit by me on the couch, (not realizing that I am sitting in the middle and they can both sit by mom.) As far as my son they changed some of his meds and he has been better. Does you child get enough time outside? I have noticed that when my son gets to go out he is much more agreeable and easier to manage. Not sure if any of this will help but be sure to talk to your doc and check what he is eating on a daily basis. E.

Hi K.,

We ran into the same thing with our daughter.(She is 2 1/2.) She was constantly getting out of her bed. We take her to her bed and read two stories. She gets one cup of milk. Then we tell her goodnight and that we love her and leave the room. We put a baby gate in her door. She can't get out. She threw a fit at first, but now she knows that she can't come out. I didn't want to do this at first, but I knew several other people that had tried it and it worked! Sometimes she still stands at the gate and throws a fit, but most of the time she goes to sleep on her own without to much fuss. Sometimes she will sit in her room and play for awhile, but most of the time she stays in her bed now. After she is asleep, I usually take the gate down. My biggest advice is whatever you try, be consistent!! I know its nice to rock them sometimes, but it usually makes it worse. At least it did for us.
As far as the behavior issues, I bet that a lot of them are because he is really tired.(and I am sure you are too!) Probably once he is sleeping better that will improve. I am not promising miralces though 2 & 3 or tough ages, but I think it will help a lot. Hope this helps!! Good luck.

L.

PS If you do try the gate, make sure it is one that will fit snugly in the door! Otherwise he will just knock it down and come out any way.

Hi K.,
You just described my three year old's last year. He's almost four now and seems to be growing out of most of it, but wow. I have silver hairs now, and I'm only 31! Things we have found that worked (sometimes):
It sounds horrible, but we put a hook an eye latch on the outside of his door (we unlatched it after he fell asleep). We would make a big show of rattling it, talking about how we needed to make sure he was safe in his room, etc. After three nights of trying the door (he never got upset, it seemed to be curiosity), he stopped, and we took it out and he never noticed. It's almost as if he was insecure without the barrier (he'd slept in a crib until he was 2). Now some nights he'll lay in bed and yell for us. Repeatedly. But he doesn't get up and up and up anymore. (We were worried-- he's smart and tall enough to go out the front and back doors if he wanted to).
The not listening is tougher, but we use distraction. Since almost everything is fun for him, it's not as much bribery (at least that what I tell myself). When he starts getting worked up, or when he won't listen, we'll say things like, "Well, if you <get your shoes on> you can help me <load things in the car>. Otherwise you'll have to stay here while I do it myself." Or "If you want to keep the <marker>, then you won't have any free hands for helping me <roll out the pizza dough>." And when he's Yes, NO, Yes, NO about something, we make him stick with his first answer. He stilil melts down sometimes, but since we started sticking with it no matter the meltdown he has been doing that much, much less.
I wish you luck. People say terrible twos. HAHA!

Sounds like a job for Super Nanny! I have seen episodes like this, and it is important to be consistant, level headed, and not to engage in the fight. This is a form of rewarding the behavior. Get a 'naughty chair' and stick with it. Make sure he knows why he is there. Good luck!

Milk and juice is bad for the teeth when lying and sucking constantly why aren't you just using plain water.At this age for nap time it is typical they will lose it kids really don't need a nap at this age any where from 21/2-3 he can't be forced to take a nap you can adjust him by using quiet time but he'll have to stay in his room look at books play quietly.I feel for you having to struggle with bed time routine,put your foot down.And for 9 o'clock to put him to sleep that is to late for a 3 yr.old maybe you have a busy schedule I don't know but to me he is so tired he doesn't know what to do with himself my son is 4 bed time no matter what at 8 may be 7:30 depending on what busy day we've had he get's his sleep and so does sis.Whatever choice of discipline you choose you have to be CONSISTANT.WSAHM of 2 kiddo's

K.- We were also having the same problem getting our 3 year old to stay in his bed at night. We let him sleep with us but had to stop because we were having another baby.It got really hard when we brought the baby home. We have done two things that have seemed to work for us. One, we take away his privilege of watching cartoons for the next day if he sleeps with us. Also, we have given up on nap time. This has been easier on him than on me, but it has worked. He seems to be more tired now at night and will go to sleep almost instantly. Hope this helps.

I don't have any answers but I at least wanted you to know that you are not alone. My Little Louie does the same thing. He has never slept thru the night. He will be 2 in June. With my work schedule compared to my husbans's , one of us doesn't sleep because we get up to suit Louie's needs, even if it is company from us in the middle of the night. We seem to take turns with him at night. BUT, he prefers the couch and will not lay down in his bed. He has to fall asleep on the couch with JUICE....if he does not get the juice - OH MY GAWD !!! So lately what we have been doing is just leaving him on the couch with cartoons on the TV with volume on OFF. To our surprise he has been getting up, sitting in the middle of the living room with his juice just staring at the TV. I told my husband that he is smart enough that if he wants something he will surely let us know, otherwise, just let him get up & entertain himself...if that's what we have to do to get the sleep we need. I get up at 5:00a.m. and JR, my husband doesn't get off work till 4:00a.m. ...he will come in and find Louie sitting up on the couch or on the living room floor ...wide awake. This freaks us out because he spends his days at day care and is soooo tired initially at bed time. Most of the time when 8:30p.m. comes around, he looks and acts so tired that I actually think, WOW, he is tired and sure to sleep tonight, NOT. It is like he only needs 2 hours of sleep and then he can go another 2 hours awake and this continues. It is frustrating I know but I have learned to just let it go. However, when I do have to wake him up occassionally to go "bye - bye" he throws his bottle at me and throws a temper tantrum. He's basically like me, he is not a morniing person and once he is asleep he does not like to be woke up. He's a MONSTER - I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. Good Luck. M.

I am 37 y/o, JR is 45. This is our 1st and only child. We did not even want any, but GOD thought different. Wouldn't trade it now for anything, but we are too old to be on the go 16 hours a day with work and dogs and baby.

We have had problems with our kids not wanting to go to bed. We finally had to stop giving them naps. We had to quit giving them anything other than water to drink at night. The thing that worked for our daughter was noise. We put a humidifier in her room. It's called 'white noise'. It really works! They have white noise cd's you can buy, too. We also got a cd player and play instrumental lullabies to her every night. Also, my kids have to have nightlights in their rooms. If they get oug of bed, they lose their nightlight. They HATE it! I had a friend that locked her door and her son would cry himself to sleep at their door. After just a few days, he started sleeping in his own room. These few things worked for us! Good luck!!

Welcome to the frustrating threes! Know this, that eventually he and you will get past this. Stay dilligent in not letting up when you say "no" or set rules. You are the one in charge. First I would evalutate whether he actually needs naps anymore. If he is able to stay up til 12:00 then it makes me think he does not need his naps. Second, I would try to get him in a preschool. This will help expend some of the energy that he has left at the end of the day. Third, you may want to try a "weighted" blanket. Some children have a hard time settling down with out some form of this. You can make it cooler and put several blankets on him or try to lay down with him and lay your leg and arm over him. I worked in a preschool and we had to do this with several children in order for them to fall asleep. After you have said your goodnights, play some soft lullaby music, ignore any more conversation from him or bad behavior to get you to respond, but do not let him up. He may struggle at first but as long as you know you are not hurting him or crushing him, he will be ok and eventually fall asleep. Your going to have to try to change his sleep pattern. Try it by not giving him a nap, giving him plenty of exercise, no sugar in the evening, and maybe go to bed at 8:00 or 8:30. It may take a couple days, but I think it may work. Once you get the sleep in check you may find that he will start cooperating more during the daytime. But remember, he is still just 3 and they are frustrating at that time. Have patience and the understanding that you have to teach him how to do this. He does not know that this is not good for him. Oh, last but not least, do not let him sleep in in the morning. Even if he didn't get to bed until late. A three year old should be up by 8 or 9. If you let him sleep in because you don't think he is getting enough sleep, then you are just sabotaging yourself. Hope this helps.

Don't lock your child in their room. It creates fear and separation anxiety. Be calm and matter of fact.

I created a bedtime chart on construction paper. We have 6 items on it....pajama's, brush teeth, water, potty, and books. As each item was completed we would move to the next and the last picture was of a child sleeping in their bed. When she would get up or ask for more books I would remind her that we already completed that part and show her the chart.

My daughter has a lot of sensory issues and possibly ADHD. You can e-mail me if you feel your son may have this same issue and I can give you a lot more information. Rewards work better for her than punishments....spanking just made her hit us back. Time out is the only way we can successfully discipline her without teaching more bad behaviors.

To keep her in her room I gave her a small night light that had a timer. I would leave the door open and sit outside her room. Each time she got out of bed I would put her back in without saying a word to her. After about three days it went from an hour to just 30 minutes. After 2 weeks I did not have to sit outside at all except occasionally. She just assumed I was there and did not get out of her bed. We did this at age two and it really works.

Do not get them anything else. I give my daughter water and not milk and it isn't as time consuming. The longer they get to stay out of bed the more they win. Once the chart is done then it is done....put the blame on the chart.."There is no more milk, that is the rules." And point to it. Show empathy, but be very firm. We have a 'No Milk after Toothbrush' rule in our house.

We had a hard time geting my DD to go down at an 8pm bedtime. She was not going to bed until 9-10pm...so I understand. I moved her bedtime up to 7pm and it really worked. I start bedtime at 6:30pm and have both my kids in bed by 7pm. My kids will play in bed, but they do not get up unless it is a potty request because of the routine and consistency. I also talk about tomorrow and all the fun activities we have to look forward to...my kids love that and it makes them eager to get to tomorrow.

Time Out is a great tool. IF your child is just whining and begging for attention then try going to time out with him. Hold him on your lap and hug him quietly for 3 minutes. Teach him to 'Smell the Roses and Blow out the candles' to calm him down. After three minutes try to talk to him. Ask him to tell you why he is in time out and then teach him a better way to get your attention....and you have to listen. If the time out is because of hurting his brother or you then he goes alone...he loses the priviledge of your time. When he returns have him tell you why he got time out and then he needs to apologize and give a hug.

Giving something up is hard. Role play by playing the 'Please & Thank you game". Sit on the floor with several items. Hand one to your son then hold out your hand and ask him for it by saying "Please?", when he gives it get really excited and say "THANK YOU". Keep playing this game every day until he is really comfortable. Then when you ask for something politely he will automatically give it to you to hear you say "Thank you". It is like magic, but you have to start it in a non-threatening way.

It is all really normal what you are going through. Just work on one thing at a time and slowly help your son learn respect and obedience. It is hard for them.

the cup at bedtime is part of another issue...try switching over to a bedtime snack (wholesome & low-sugar) with the milk, then brushing his teeth. Otherwise, you'll end up with dental bills & heartache which could easily be avoided.

my ideas for getting him to settle down & listen to you: it sounds as if you've tried a lot! What time is his last nap of the day, & does he nap at all? Typically, how much sleep does your son get each night? Anywhere from 10-14 hours/day is considered optimal for his age group. According to my pediatrician, there are some children who require much less. My older son is an example of this: from 18 months to age 3, he slept only 9 hours at night & did a 45 minute nap. The dr said to be "thankful" that he did sleep at all since he was so tightly-wound the rest of the day. Is this the case?

How about routines: do the same thing each night, in the same manner, at the same time. Provide as little stimulation as possible. Promote peacefulness & restfulness thru lighting, music, & aromatherapy. There's lots of options. (for my 2 sons, one calmed thru nightly bathing...& the other did not...each child's needs can be very different)

On another note: you mentioned the shoes. The more you indulge your child's whims, the more it escalates. Cute is cute until the demands get out of hand...& I know...my oldest was a monster!! by the time he was 18 months...simply 'cuz the whole family embraced his little quirks. Those demands got out of hand, & it was a long hard haul to get him back in line. Good Luck!! We found the 1-2-3 Discipline method to be the most effective!