Having a Hard Time Accepting the World My Children Are Growing up In

Keep up the fight! So much has changed since I was a young woman, and I know that if you keep fighting even more will change. Do not ever give up the fight. If you ever feel weak kneed, re-re some of Dr. King's speeches and remember what he gave up to get us this far.

What kind of school are they going to? You need a new school, maybe?

I prepare them by teaching them everything you just mentioned (minus the intolerance part). I think the majority of people, at least in this country, are becoming MORE tolerant. Right now we're just hearing a lot of press about Teabaggers and the like. And gay marriage will be legalized eventually.

well take heart, look at how far we've come from just less than a hundred years ago. There were segregated bathrooms, water fountains, restaraunts...etc.You could be named and then black listed for communist associations., and just look what happened in Germany in the 40s. I dare say weve come a long way. There is always room for improvement, but it could be a lot worse.

I struggle sometimes too, but my viewpoints are the oppposite of yours.

My viewpoints are that if we truly love each other as a nation, we should all be free to believe whatever religious beliefs we want, according to our own consciences, respect each others differing beliefs, and not call certain religions that are against gay marriage "hateful" or "bigoted." If you don't understand someone's line of thoughts or beliefs, don't automatically assume they are stupid or hateful. I don't agree with you, and I am assuming that you believe what you are saying, are a nice person, and want what is best for your kids and this country. Have you ever thought that if you don't agree with someone's beliefs, that you are contributing to the problem by labeling them bigots or haters? I just mean that as food for thought, because I understand your thoughts and I see where you get to them.
It's the same with lots of hot button topics like abortion. Both sides think that the other side is infringing on other people's freedom and both sides think that the other side is evil or extreme. Personally, I can see both points of view but I have one side that I agree with the other that I don't. I will vote on the side that I agree on without labeling the other side as evil. There is good and evil, but I firmly believe that most people who do evil think that they are not and have a line of though that has led them to believe that they are correct.
P.S. I love Riley's post! THANK YOU RILEY!

All you can do is tell your children the truth, even when you don't like it. Teach them to live by their values and stand up for what is right, even if it is against the tide. I'm right there with you.

We teach our children anapana meditation so that they will have a peaceful place inside themselves when things get tough. God knows I need that, too.

My dd was born in a country where you can see holes in the roadside cliffs where people stuffed their children as bombs dropped from overhead. I know things about this world that most people here are woefully ignorant of. I am gently honest about what people are capable of, both as peacemakers and as hateful, violent people. I teach her to be a peacemaker, a lover of humanity. I can't protect her from reality, but I can teach her how to be an instrument of peace and love. Ultimately, I hope that living a peace and service-centerd live centers her heart in peace.

As a matter of discipline I am not even going to read the posts below. The chance that there are non-peaceful thoughts being expressed is not something my heart needs to hear. I know that it is here and I will love even those who hate me through their hate, but I won't engage in it.

Good luck.

Seriously you feel that if you don't believe in gay marriage that you are all these demeaning names you mentioned? So do you think that if you didn't vote for this current Pres that you are racist? This seems to be a common theme being pushed onto opposing views. I thought electing a mulatto Pres was suppose to unite us but it seems to have divided us. Our Pres seems to be encouraging this rhetoric he himself called a white police officer stupid (for no reason). He calls the new TeaParty group a derogatory name called Teabaggers.

I thought it was a no brainer that marriage is a sacred sanction created by God (not man) that is between a man & a woman. I personally have no problem with gay people or their lifestyle but I definately don't agree with it or think they should have the same "rights" as married couples but I shouldn't be called names because of it either.

These are things that I am struggling with: the fact that no one can say Merry Christmas it has to be Happy Holidays. It makes me sick that my kids can't sing "We wish you a Merry Christmas, it has to be "we wish you Happy Holidays". No Christmas Trees in schools. Towns cannot have anything that say Merry Christmas & they cannot have any Nativity scenes displayed. Our public schools thinks it's ok to teach K-5 sex ed, different positions, same sex partners, STD's. The ACLU is fighting to keep the American Flag off a public grave site. The ACLU has strong armed a town in N. Carolina to take down a Christian Flag from a Veterans Memorial Monument. Three students were suspended for giving their teachers a Krispy Kreme with a bible verse attached. And the list foes on and on.

I am not upset about a "right" that this specific group NEVER had therefore no rights have been taken away. But the mentioned items above has been taken away from us "Proud Conservative Christian Americans".

I too am disheartened by a lot of what our nation is or has become & it's something that I will have to deal with. Ultimately my kids will come to their own conclusion because we have the freedom to to be free thinkers.

You keep up your fight & I will do the same. God Bless

First, stop being judgmental and intolerant in your life and your kids will follow. For example, you use the term "christian conservative" like it's something bad or something someone should be ashamed to claim. Not that I completely disagree with your post but equality and tolerance is a two way street. Just had to clarify b/c I think religious groups get bashed just as much. I don't personally think that tolerance includes having to accepted anything and everything someone wants to do as right. What you have to accept is someone has the right to do it, for the most part, but it doesn't mean you have to agree with it or support it.

I've used all of the hatred and bigotry right now as a lesson for my kids. When California passed Prop 8, I explained to our oldest that some people think others shouldn't be treated the same and then talked about slavery and how women didn't used to be able to vote. It was a good time to talk about what HE thinks is fair and right and share our values. I've done the same with people disparaging Muslims, immigrants and other groups of human beings that have become punching bags. I use simpler discussions with our youngest.

The good news is that our country's leader right now doesn't promote hatred and bigotry. Next president, not so confident. But for now, we have a positive role model and I can reassure our kids that there are people out there making sure real American values are respected and upheld.

I have no doubt my Jewish relatives who died in concentration camps would be just as concerned as I am about the hatred in our country right now. All I can do as a parent is vote for leaders who don't promote rotten values and teach my children empathy.

I am a conservative Catholic and I believe this time is a wonderful time to raise saints. I teach my children to stand up for truth and that the most loving thing anyone can do for another is to tell them the truth. I believe that there is a heaven and a hell and that God wants everyone to choose to be with him in heaven. I live my life loving everyone but not loving the sins men commit. I know that God is all perfection and does not contradict himself. His design is perfect and his truth is timeless. God has written his will on the very design of the female and male body and given us the most holy sacrament of marriage that we may join him in the act of procreation. That is what marriage is for. Marriage is not just a union of anyone or thing. Gay and lesbian people are able to share property and lives as they wish, their union just can't be defined as marriage.

I don't hate you for thinking differently but, I think you are seriously wrong. I don't try to force my thoughts or beliefs on you and I would never think that I am somehow above you because you and I don't agree. I teach my children truth and prepare them for people who may disagree with them and then I pray they have the strength to speak the truth.

Here's a terrific TED Conference talk on the subject of how our basic personality type helps determine our "go-to" positions on issues of public morality:

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/jonathan_haidt_on_the_m...

The more help we have understanding the "other," the better our chances are of hearing each other with basic respect, and the more sane and peaceful our society is likely to be. So I found this enlightening, and think it might be a bit of comfort to people everywhere on the political spectrum.

I just have a question: several responders have been "appalled" that evangelical tracts were being handed out at school. I'm not a big fan of that method of evangelism (although I believe in the Gospel with all my heart) but I don't understand why that's appalling when evolution is being taught as fact in public schools. No one is teaching the Gospel as fact, they're just putting it out there for those who are interested. Evolution, on the other hand, is not taught as the theory it is. Debate is not allowed. Anyway, I never have understood what the difference is. If we want freedom of speech and equality then it needs to be extended to Christians as well.

I am a Christian, I am Conservative, I believe that people are born they way they are. This bigotry that you speak of is everywhere, not jus the US. The world is "going to Hell in a handbasket". My husband has traveled extensively, and although you would think that the UK is much more open to gays and mixed marriages, it isn't. The entire world is a really scary place. I raise my children to respect people of all kinds, in my opinion God created them all, he created them each in their own way. I get frustrated with many of the people on both sides, why can't we listen to each other and find some common ground.
My kids go to Hippy Festivals, they are taught the Bible and Christian values, they are taught that God left us a stewards of this planet and we need to take care of it. We talk openly about 9/11 and Muslims, we cry for women who are beaten, we pray for everyone.
The things going on in the world today will have an effect on each person on this planet, regardless of their religion, nationality, sexual orientation, or family status. I try to give my kids the best tools possible, tolerance and love are never bad skills to have.
Teach your kids about the many ways of the world. Teach them that sometimes people get hurt, sometimes things fall apart, but teach them that to work for change and to learn to work together is the greatest pathway to changing this world around.
My thoughts are not common in my Christian Community, where I am noticing women being treated poorly, and so many have gone with the literal interpretation of the Bible. I belong to a church that welcomes Gay men and women and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I happen to be a Christian, and a (fiscal) conservative and I am extremely supportive of the gay community and I myself am tired of being bashed for being a Christian. It goes both ways. You don't have a corner on being right or a corner on the truth just because you believe a certain way and you think you're correct. People opposite you also believe they are correct. It's the great freedom to debate that moves this country along.

I think our country has come a LONG WAY in terms of tolerance and acceptance. I think social changes take generations and generations to change. We had to fight a war to free the slaves. Nothing that is right comes easy.

We have a black president, gays serving in every area of our country, women heading up corporations -- I think in this country you can just about be anything you want to be regardless of race, sex or anything else. That makes me swell with pride. In other countries you can be stoned for being gay and killed in public for having an affair, etc. We are SO FAR AHEAD of most of the world as far as rights go.

The gay thing -- I think we teach our kids acceptance and love and in another generation things will look even better. It's up to each one of us to raise our kids to make the world a better place. You're doing that and so are many others. One at a time we can make a difference.

There will always be intolerance and hate in the world. Look around. You can't change everybody. But you can make a difference in your own small way.

All you can do is teach your children the values and morals that are important to you. When they come to you with questions about the world, you can tell them honestly about how you feel etc. Our world isn't safe, it isn't fair and it is downright disgusting at times with the way people treat each other. But, It still is a great place to live where you can have a happy, full productive life with family and friends.

M

I can sympathize with you completely. I am also trying to raise my child in a non-judgemental way, accepting of other cultures and lifestyles no matter how different they are from our own. So far, she seems to accept our answer of we're all different and it's all okay because we're all loved by God for who we are(our own personal family belief). We're Christians, but I purposely chose my daughter's god parents from different faiths, so she will learn about as many as she can and choose what's right for her. She has 2 godmothers (1 Anglican, like us, and 1 Catholic who is married to a Jew). Her god father is Buddhist. It's difficult because about half of our family is extremely conservative and while I respect their right to have their own beliefs, I don't feel the same consideration from them. I would be seriously concerned about these pamphlets you said your children received. Under what circumstances were they given out? I know plenty of things go on in school that the administrators are not aware of, but maybe this is something that should be brought to their attention. Particularly if they attend a public school. I feel that by choosing to raise my child where we are currently living (Southern Oregon), we can avoid some of the conservative social pressure I felt I was raised with in the Southeastern US. I recall in middle school being asked to sign a petition banning abortion. Looking back on it, how could that petition have any legal merit when it was signed by 12 and 13 year olds who couldn't vote? Also, I recall in high school being told in health class that if we were all good Christians and did as God told us to in the Bible (in other words, don't "become" homosexuals), that all the people who had AIDS would die out and we wouldn't have to worry about finding a cure. I was horrified and unfortunately was too shy at the time to speak up and voice my opinion. I probably would have been suspended if I had, but that one bigoted teacher's words have always stuck with me as a reminder to keep my mind open and to practice love and acceptance. I know this world isn't perfect, but it's all we've got and I hope our influences on our children is enough to make them loving and caring people.

You asked a simple question from your heart and you got a bunch of hate filled responses. I am sorry that even mommies can be so ugly. Maybe thats where it all starts - with mean, closed minded mommies. I do think that the US is becoming more and more polarized (us vs. them) and if you dont fit into whatever side the others are on, they truly hate you. The media fuels this. I just keep teaching my kids the way we believe and try to explain why others beleive differently and let them make thier own choices and love them for thier own choices. One thing that eases my mind is that in general, religon is starting to go away in the US - people are becoming less and less religious - at least this is the data that is published - I think this is a start for people opening thier minds.

The only thing we can do is to continue to teach our children acceptance, equality and freedom for all people and teach them to pass along what they've been taught. There will always be hate, bigotry and injustice, but we are fighting the good fight and making differences slowly, but surely. Change is happening, even if it is happening at a frustrating pace. I simply reassure myself with the knowledge that my daughter will grow up never realizing or even noticing what color the president is and not knowing how big of a deal the '08 election really was. We are making baby steps towards the ultimate goal of equality for all and our best place to start is with our babies.

So are your kids in private school? A "public" school would NOT be able to give out pamphlets about 'going to hell' nor any religious based anything.

You educate your children at home... teaching them... the world is not always finite nor absolute. But the perspectives taught at home... sink deeply, into a child. Wrong or not. And they 'learn' it... and attitudes. And it is also the environment they live in.
Some kids, grow up never seeing a different color skin... or a gay person, for example. They only know, what they grow up, in. But, by educating our kids at home.. .their world view, expands. And seeing other cultures/people... and other places by traveling to other places etc.

My parents grew up with racism and bigotry... when we were children they talked to us about it, giving all perspectives to things, and took us traveling so we could experience other cultures and places. They taught us things... outside of our own culture and State... so our world views, could expand. And to see other sides, to negativity. And they also taught us about the ugly sides to.... humanity.
But they did not talk 'stink' about others.... but merely discussed.... all aspects to things. About the world and humanity.

Its not easy... to swallow everything that is going on now.... but it starts at home.... so that our children, can have the ability, to DISCERN... what is right and wrong... with humane values. Not bigoted values.

I just watched a movie with my Daughter about Apartheid for example. I explained what it was and what it does and about our world to her. She loved the movie. It was called "The Color Of Friendship." Which is a kids movie. It really touched her. It was educational. It was about the human aspects to it.

Anyway, how we as parents 'react' to these issues... also impacts the way our children will in turn, react to it, in our world and to their friends or otherwise. For better or worse.
When my daughter was only in Preschool for example, a girl Bullied her... telling her she could not play with them and to get away and pushed her... BECAUSE my daughter did not have 'blond' hair like them. (My daughter has beautiful brunette hair). My daughter, learned at an early age.... about people/issues/differences. The school of course, had a problem with that Bully before, for the same reasons. The Teacher, said it starts at home. And kids act out... in school.... per what they learn at home and 'echo' their parents attitudes.

The state I live in, is very culturally diverse and there are MANY different ethnic groups. Since kids grow up around it, they are not so 'weird' about skin color... nor about having friends of different cultures or races. It is so diverse... and that is good. That is a good thing... for kids to grow up in.

The "world" is SO global now... and so, the world culture changes... but not necessarily people's attitudes.

all the best,
Susan

Hi J.
Thanks for posting this,it is a wonderful way to be thinking.If there was more people like you out there then the world would be a far better place.
I am a white woman married to a black man with our mixed race child in Ireland.
Ireland is far behind than America when it comes to equality etc.
Being gay is barely tolerated,a person has to be very strong to stand up and openly show the world their sexual preferences.
When my husband and I first got together I found it so strange to have people looking at us when walking down the street.I am used to it now and of course there is alot of people out there that have no problem with us.To those that do it is so clear to see that look they have in their eyes.I think to myself what a narrow minded person you are.
I suppose the way I look at it is to focus on the positive and see that there are a lot of open minded people out there,like yourself and that should be celebrated.
I also feel strongly that it is our responsibility to stand up when we see inequalities happen,not to stand by and say nothing.
Examples in Ireland at the moment, because we are going through a very hard recession I hear so many Irish people openly saying to each other-"these foreigner's taking our jobs , we have no room for refugees, people just coming here for our social welfare ,such a race you can't trust because they are into crime etc etc.
Don't say this infront of me because I will tell you what I think.
Irish people have a very long history of immigration which suddenly seems to be forgotten.
With my son who is now three the best I can do for him as his mother is to teach him about the reality of the world,its best and its worst.
To be honest I have a plan to send him to karate when he is five so I will have an extra peace of mind, that he will be able to defend himself ,if need be, when he is out in the world as a teenager and a man.
I am a great believer in Karma so to all those bigots out there, life will teach them eventually as the wheel turns.As the saying goes "what you give out you will get back tenfold"
Take care and lots of positive vibes to you
B.

Hi J., I have the same liberal views as yourself. I just can't understand how so many people can still be living in the dark ages. What makes me see that there is hope, is that I feel this way, you feel this way, and so do many others. The truth is that not too long ago black people were not allowed in all schools and restaurants, no we have a black man as president. Regardless of your political side or thoughts on his current presidency, it shows that our generation is much more open minded then the one before. Which means our children are going to be even more open minded then ourselves. I strongly believe that our grandchildren will one day learn about how gay people were once not allowed to marry and they will look at it as absurd as us learning that women use to not be allowed to vote. These things take time but I am so hopeful when I see my own son, who sees no color or religion, because I never allowed the poison of prejudice into his life. Teach you children to be leaders and love their neighbor and you are making a difference in the future. Teach them to respect other peoples views even if they are not their own and to stand up for others who are being judged. That is how we can prepare them, so they can have high self esteem without feeling the need to put others down. That's where I think most hatred comes from, people who feel so inadequate about themselves that need to disillusion themselves into believing they are better then a certain group ect. No different then a 12 year old bully. Keep your chin up, we are in the majority and our voices making a difference, one kid at a time.

You just keep teaching your children that no one is better than the other, not to stereotype, and to be a good person. I have tried to teach my kids to be open minded, not to judge an individual by a group, etc.... And yes it is hard because as a society the world has become more intolerant. Teach your kids to be a good person, and maybe more people are doing the same, and this place might become a more tolerrant and accepting of each other's differences.

You teach your children to be good people and be good examples yourselves, and protect them from people who wish to do them harm. Try not to judge against others with differing opinions. A lot of people don't believe in gay marriage, but they don't believe gay people are bad either, they just feel strongly committed to certain moral issues. There are a lot of good people in the world as well, not everything is so black and white.

i have to say that i agree, sometimes it just makes you want to throw up...however, the whole world is not like that. i just try to teach our children that everyone is equal in our eyes & if they are not under the law & it weighs heavy on our hearts then there is something that can be done...people fight for equality, we've always had to fight, for slaves to be free, for women's rights, the fight is never over & if you care enough then you will try to raise awareness while knowing that some places are worse & some better....

Hi J.,

As a therapist and dad I can relate. There is so much out there these days that I wish I could shield out from my kids. One of the best things I/we can do though is counter this with adding more positives in the support department. For example, surround yourself and your family with value-laden activities and people. The more like-minded friends/families (from your neighborhood, church, school, etc), the more your children have offered to them in a good way. S. A. K., MFT

When I read this I wanted to puke. I believe everyone is equal and has the right to make their own decisions on how they live their life as long as it doesn't hurt me or my family. Our world has not become intolerant. The problem is our world has been becoming too tolerant and people with high moral standards are starting to stand up. You complain about rights and freedom, but what about the rights of Christians. Christian beliefs and rights have been stomped into the ground. Our children are forced to accept things that we do not believe in. When you talk about the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy I wonder if you have any family members in the military. I do. Our men and women who serve in the military endure a lot so the rest of us can enjoy our freedoms. We can not even imagine the full extent of what they are dealing with when they are going through basic training or during deployment. They endure a lot of psychological and physical stress as well as being lonely and missing their families. I do not want my child to be under that kind of pressure then to have openly gay people approaching them to do things they wouldn't normally do. Then when they return they not only have to deal with the post tramatic stress syndrome of war, but also the post tramatic stress syndrome caused by immoral acts. I fully support the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. Yes, gays are people too and have rights as well. But they need to keep it in the bedroom. I do not judge a person because they are gay. I form my opinions by their actions, gay or straight. This nation was built on Christian beliefs and morals. And we propsered and grew. I wish people would remember that.

You just have to instill your values as best you can in our societal climate and hope that they continue to live by and teach those values to the ones they love and care about.

I agree with live and let live and different is okay.

My mom had a best friend as an adult that was African American. I considered her to be like a second mom to me. While I was home visiting my folks this summer with my two small children, I got to see how bigoted my own family is. My brother married a muslim - neither of them should marry anyone, they both have the opinion that they are both always right. Well, my mom didn't like my exSIL or any of her friends, muslim or not and she doesn't treat my nephew very well either. Like he chose his parents. He is half my brother and she doesn't see that my brother is impossible to live with and that he had a share in the marriage issues they had. I wish I could just take my nephew out of that whole picture and raise him myself. There is so much venom being spewed that it breaks my heart to see/hear when he is in hearing distance.

I even asked my mom how she could have ever been friends with my 2nd mom with her race hatreds. It is sad and I am glad she was friends with her because my 2nd mom gave me some values that I dearly value and wouldn't have learned otherwise.

I understand where your coming from. Read closer, the bill that was defeated had a 79 billion dollar spending part attached to it - so why was it defeated? Was it really the "don't ask, don't tell" or the spending package?

Anyway, you need to look backwards to see how far we've come. Now, I'm 45, and I know that if I would have dated a black guy (I'm white) or told my parents I was gay, I would have been disowned by my parents. I do not feel that way, and as long as my children are happy with who they're with, that is all that matter. Each generation seems to become more tolerant. Remember their are still many of the "older" generation in congress - as the younger ones take over, more changes will come.

I think we've come a long way, actually. Raise your children to be the kind of people who can change the world! They'll experience hatred and prejudice in their lives, just as we have, and our parents did as well, but teach them to love everyone, even those who don't love them. This is the real test (because it's easy to love those who agree with us and love us first). Try to keep your head up. Some days, I am depressed by our world, too, but I have to believe that my children will only make it better. Good luck.

We grew up in the same evil, crazy, and beautiful world. You will reflect and ingrain to your kids what the world has to offer in your own home by example and communication. Don't watch so much news, it is only there to get you hooked on anti depressants.
I'm a Christian and my faith keeps me sane in an otherwise insane environment.

I'm with Marci W. She wrote my sentiments so completely I won't even try to outdo her. What I see it that right is being made to look wrong, and wrong is being made to look right. Thats is a scary world to raise your kids in.