So, today is our eighth wedding anniversary. Yay! And, you might ask, was it the grand experience of lovey-dovey-ness and general fabulosity that it should have been? Um..... no. Actually, it kinda sucked.
Not that our anniversary’s suckage is particularly surprising or anything. This, our eighth anniversary, marks yet another in a trend of bad anniversaries. How many have been bad, you ask? Well, all eight, of course! And here they are, in chronological order, for your reading pleasure.
Anniversary #1: We both had summer school finals the next day, so we ate our frozen wedding cake, said “Happy Anniversary. I love you! I can’t believe it’s been a year!” Yada, yada, yada... and we went back to studying.
Anniversary #2: We were in Chicago. This kind of sounds like a good thing, right? Well... we were sharing a hotel room with my in-laws. They are wonderful people, but not I-want-to-share-a-hotel-room-with-them-on-my-anniversary kind of wonderful.
Anniversary #3: DH was in Chicago in boot camp for the Navy. This was not the only anniversary ruined by the Navy.
Anniversary #4: DD had just arrived in the world 16 days earlier. There wasn’t a whole lot of sleeping going on. Or anything else for that matter.
Anniversary #5: This one was probably the least bad. Still, we couldn’t find a sitter, and we had to take DD with us for our night out. She was tired, cranky, and generally unpleasant to be around. So our nice, relaxing dinner out was not so nice. Or relaxing.
Anniversary #6: Navy again. This time DH was in Afghanistan on deployment.
Anniversary #7: I was horrendously pregnant. ‘Nuff said.
And finally, Anniversary #8: Our poor little girl is sick (10 months old). She has a 103.7-degree fever, and she’s one unhappy girl. :-(
So, what are we planning to do to top off this fantabulous lovefest of a day? We are going to disassemble the pipes under the drain in the bathroom sink and scrape candle wax out of them. In my state of “walking disaster” clumsiness the other day, I tripped on the way to the trash can to empty out the tart burner (wax disc melting device), and I ended up accidentally pouring the wax down the drain instead. That was, incidentally, the same day I tried to take off my piggy toe with the front door. Yup. Smooth. Like buttah. That's me.
HERE'S MY ACTUAL QUESTION: <----- Just in case you were wondering why I'm going on and on and on. Has anyone else been in the same boat? Don't get me wrong, we've had eight wonderful years of marriage, and I am SO grateful and SO blessed! I'd just like to have a good anniversary once in a while. =)
Now, if we ever DO have a good anniversary, then I’ll start to worry. ;-)
Pick a different day and do something fun! I had about 17 not-so-good to really bad wedding anniversaries!
I say starting planning ahead NOW. There are just some things you can't and won't be able to control. Like a sick little one but maybe plan for a nice cruise or vacation and have backup plans for the little ones such as inviting someone else along that would be willing to watch the kiddo's for you and the hubby while they get to go on vacation too. Grandma and Grandpa are wonderful candidates for that type of thing so save enough for you and the hubby as well as them or a babysitter. Don't expect too much because if you don't then when it doesn't happen-you won't be disappointed-lol! No seriously I'm sorry for all the not so great anniversary's but you have a lifetime for many many more ;()) Life happens so just enjoy it even when its not the best. Try to find the positive out of the bad and I know you aren't trying to see all the negatives you have one simple request: just ONE nice anniversary right-lol! I get it and you will have it just try and prepare for it next year but keep in mind that life happens but just roll with it and be happy......;())
In my family, most of us have adapted to the inevitable suckiness or general inconvenience of the actual date of any celebration, whether birthday, anniversary, Valentine's day, etc., by choosing a nearby date that works better for all concerned. This has worked great for us!
(I'm calendar-challenged, and seldom know what day of the week or month it is anyway.)
Happy Anniversary. Or, congratulations on making it so far and still feeling blessed, whichever works best!
We have a wonderful marriage, but we too suck at anniversaries.
When I'm tempted to feel pissed about this, I remind myself that I would rather have a husband who treats me well EVERY day instead of "cleaning it up" once a year for a holiday's sake. This I have. =)
We still have a lot to be thankful for! Hey, if they were all great, it would be boring, right? I had a good laugh reading your post!
Happy anniversary!
I enjoyed reading your post. For our first anniversary, we bought a house. Second anniversary we had daughter (day before). Approaching our third anniversary I told my husband "please just get me a card"!! We can't afford anything else!! That was almost 25 years ago. Since our daughter's birthday is the day before our anniversary we generally don't do anything super special. But this year is the big 25! I told my daughter she is getting one present (she will be 23) and dinner because we are doing something wonderful for our anniversay. She was upset with us. REALLY??!!
That just gives u all the more reason to make it your 9th! Happy 8th Anniversary and although it sucked, I won't dare say that it could be worse, you seem to have one heck of a sense of humor and have me laughing uncontrollably. But I have to tell you something and I hope your not mad, we kicked Murphy out of our house and he must've moved in with you....sorry :(
I hope things start looking up & that your little girl feels better.
Your post made me laugh!
Plan a date. Get a sitter and get out. Enjoy one another. Anniversaries are always a disappointment to me. I always have very high expectations and there is no way hubby would ever measure up. Lower your expectations and go out and enjoy one another.
Hubby and I share our anniversary with Father Time: New Year's Eve. I thought it would make the day more tolerable to have something of value to celerate. Hmph. Its impossible to make a dinner reservation at a restaurant that isn't booked up with loud and obnoxious revelers. And New Year's Eve still feels forced. We've taken to celebrating the day before (which I then have to share with my BFF 'cause its her birthday) or the day after, which somehow feels like a letdown, maybe 'cause everyone is hung over. Please, count your blessings and I hope DD feels lots better and so does your big toe!!! Happy Anniversary and thank your husband for his service.
I guess it's just me, but I think some things are what you make them. There is no rule saying you have to do some huge thing to make your anniversary special. It's better to focus on what it means which is simply that as crazy as life/marriage can get you two are still hanging in there loving each other just like you vowed to do.
My ex husband seemed to come with every holiday ruined lol but that's in a not so cute, no one is really getting in the way, he's just being a jackass kind of way. We had a few good ones, one bday was at a nice restaurant in san diego and 1 was a cute valentines day holiday. I laughed a lot reading your post, it's so full of personality and sarcasm... I love it.
Plan an anniversary date post anniversary if something gets in the way. I agree with Cupcake sweet that it's what you make of it. The Marines ruined a few events for me and my ex lol, there were 2 Marines in that marriage (me and him) so it was 2 people on random 24 hour duties, going to other bases for a while, etc. They almost ruined our wedding (looking at the fact that he's ex husband, eh, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad lol).
.
We've spent 6 of our 11 anniversaries apart thanks to the US ARMY. I'm not complaining...it's or life & we are cool with that. The D. might not be great but at least you have good stories! Happy anniversary!
You make me laugh.
THe closet door took out my piggy toe last month. It still hurts.
I added up all the holidays my hubby and I spent apart, all the Christmases, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. THey numbered more than those which he was home for. Thank you Marine Corps.
My daughter actually said to him "There are other months besides December when you can be gone."
There was a general why does he have to be deployed Oct-May AGAIN!!
MIne actually left on the plane to A-Hell on our anniversary.
But he is now retired. You know what? There are days I wish he would deploy. I love him dearly. I truly do, he is my best friend,a wonderful father, a wonderful husband but sometimes I want the old life back.
LOL..... I feel your pain. It actually took us 16 yrs to have one. We DID finally have one though. It was amazing. We will celebrate 25 years together in October, and have only really got to celebrate twice. That year, and then one other we had a really great dinner out, just the 2 of us, and nobody got sick or nothing horrible happened. Basically, I look at it this way.........
it's not the one day a year that matters most. It's the 364 OTHER days that will make us or beark us, and if those days are going ok, then we must be doing something right. Celebrate your union EVERYday. I know that you can't go out to eat or take a special trip all the time, but do it WHENEVER, just because you have the time. Or make the time. Nobody said you can only do the best and most fun and romantic things on your anneversary! Best of luck to you. Sounds like you have an amazing marrige, and that's what really counts anyway. :)
How about this: This was our 9th anniversary: When my MIL called (we talk weekly), she asked what we are doing for our anniversary. And I am like "what, is today our anniversary?" :-))) Both husband and I forgot about it! We ended up going out to a restaurant -hubby, me and our 3 yr old son- and had a family dinner :-)
Gosh... I would be excited about Anniv # 4.
Our 1st anniversary was us coming home from the hospital with baby # 1and as soon as we got home we ate our cake and went to bed. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
We do not celebrate our anniversaries. We acknowledge it, but don't do anything facy.
Good luck and hope you get your good anniversary you wish for.
Our 7-year anniversary is this Saturday. We have reservations at an incredible restaurant that I have more than "talked up" to my husband because he has never been there. We have an overnight sitter. Hmmmm . . .
Please don't send Murphy my way until Sunday or later! ; )
Looks like you are jinxed on your anniversary. Pick another day and go all out and celebrate. Sort of like your half birthday celebration. Try not to put so much pressure on your day. Tell your hubby you want to enjoy it with him and TOGETHER you can make that happen-===despite any circumstances you go through. Its all about attitude and your frame of mind. You can have the best time in the world if you choose to---even with a sick kid to boot. Just decide you don't have expectations and go with the flow. Things will work out. GL
M
I totally understand.
Thanks to the Army we spent more anniversaries apart than together. Our first anniversary he was in Korea. That one was supposed to be great, but not for us. Our 5th anniversary was the same thing, but he was in Iraq. Because of the Army we also spent many other holidays and birthdays apart too. When he got out of the Army I thought we would finally have an anniversary together, but he started driving a truck and was gone on our anniversary two years in a row. He stopped driving a truck, but now he works night shift. Our last anniversary he spent the day sleeping and the night at work. We spent 2 hours together that day, and that included me sitting in the bathroom to talk to him while he showered before work.
We have only spent 2 anniversaries together in 11 years. One sucked because we were so broke we didn't have two nickels to rub together. The other one we had just bought a house and spent the day moving and unpacking. Our anniversary is in September and it is looking like that won't be great either. He will hopefully have started a new job, but won't ask for the day off so soon after just starting. I'm hoping he'll at least not have the night shift so we can have supper together.
I do have to say that my husband tries to make up for all the missed anniversaries together. We spend the first day together that we can after our anniversary, and make it special. Even if it is just eating supper at home and watching television we make the effort to have that time together and enjoy it.
Last anniversary (#9...I think!) my husband started instant messaging me while we were both at work, "What are your plans today" and the like. So basically I gave him a list of the errands I had...it took about 30 minutes of him fishing before it finally clicked that it was our anniversary. He was trying to figure out if he was in trouble for forgetting...um, no, I had NO idea it was our anniversary. In fact, it was my husband's boss (who apparently has the best memory in the universe) who said "Happy Anniversary!" to him, otherwise I bet we both would have passed the day without a clue.
Anyway, we had a good laugh and ordered take out that night. I think we watched something on Netflix. And it was great.
My point is, it is just a day. I think that anybody who is expecting it to be a day-long lovefest is just setting themselves up for disappointment. And just because we forgot about our anniversary, or finally celebrated it in a relatively small manner, doesn't mean that we don't love each other. I think you can absolutely opt to not celebrate at all, or if it is important to you to celebrate, plan plan plan ahead so you are not disappointed each year. Or have a do-over, as in "our anniversary was spent cleaning wax out of the pipes, let's do a do-over next Friday, I have a sitter..." Good luck :)
To me honey, it sounds like life ... I would however call an anniversary "do over" weekend and in the weekend celebrate them all over again. Have the parents (you know the ones from Chicago) take the kids for the weekend, get a "recreation" of the top of your wedding cake and have at it for the weekend ... umm I suggest you find a nice affoardable hotel about 2-3hrs out of town what town does not matter you are not leaving the hotel!
At least you are having a good laugh about it. See if you can get two more for a full decade, LOL. Or maybe just go out for a date night that isn't an anniversary. We had anniversary 9 last month and didn't even go out either (no babysitter). But the wedding was great and the marriage is holding up well.
Hope your daughter is feeling better soon.
I can relate to looking at particular dates with trepidation thinking something bad will happen on that date. I have found for the most part too there really is little to dread about that day in particular it is just happenstance that something bad happened around that time. I think if we were to ask you about a random date like March 3rd you might think you don't have any particular strong feelings about it but then again if it is not already a significant day like a birthday or graduation or something you may not realize, "oh yeah, that's the day of that bad car accident I was in or that is the day that we found out that hubby was being deployed to somewhere we didn't want him to go". I am working on this myself of not dreading certain days just because of previous bad experiences on those days. I think what helps me is to focus on the positive when I do see it. Random Tuesday, perhaps but then again its the day that I had the best conversation with my son or my daughter told the funniest joke... Don't put too much stock in the anniversary. Much like having a really hard labor but a fantastic baby you can focus on the terrible labor or the resultant baby
I haven't had any BAD ones per se, but not GREAT one either. Our anniversaries are usually just another day. We just had our 6th last Saturday on the 23rd. We were driving 6 hours home from vacation, we said Happy Anniversary before we left, but didn't exchange cards or gifts.
LOVED your stories :-) I dont believe in Anything being "perfect" LOL
Our first anni we were in Mexico (sounds great!) But hubs Ulcer decided to Show its UGLY self (we didnt know what it was till we got home) SO our anni was spent in our room, laying in separate beds watching movies with English subtitles !! LMAO
2nd anni I was home alone w/ a 2 month old and he was working
3rd anni he was at the Fire Department as well
This August is our 4th anni and we might be going separate ways..... Two family events for the same day - One for my side, one for his side :-( Hate it when that happens.........
Hmmm, We have NEVER celebrated, and it's been 23 years. I'd be suprised if my husband even know the actuall date. However my friends who always have these amazing aniversary's never have made it past 10 years of marriage. Hmmm...wonder if there's anything to that. Be happy your husband is able to at least call on your speacial day. He's serving the country you have a healthy, happy home that's all the reason to celebrate everyday. Not just one day out of the year.
Haven't read your other answers but for my 2 cents - our anniversaries are usually low key but nice - our vacations - THOSE are disasters for the most part so there's the anticipation of the vacation, the time & expense in planning them, the time off of work for my husband and THEN disappointment. Ahhhhh . . . but I digress!
My husband and I actually celebrate the day we met in a meaningful way. Most of the time I make an extravagent dinner - maybe filet mignon or lobster or both - so much cheaper than a dinner out and the service is much better at home anyway. So have a little "anniversary do-over". Get a sitter if you can and then do something special - even if it's ordering Chinese food in and eating it over candlelight. Just make it special. You already have a great marriage, so the little celebration should just be the icing on the cake. Enjoy!
LOL! Well at least you KNOW what day of the year is going to be bad and the rest are fairly great! That's pretty awesome! :-P AND, you have stories to boot... If it can't be what you hoped/expected, at least get a story out of it.
I'm not going to give you advice... don't think that is what you were looking for. We all know we need to make time for our spouse and yadda yadda... Chin up and have a great next 364 days... :)
Yes. My anniversary is tomorrow...5 years. The first 3 were great, last year stunk! Not only was a very very pregnant, but I had to have yet another surgery, since I was 8months pregnant with twins I was supposed to be the first patient. The Anesthesiologist decided at the last minute that he wasnt willing to administer anesthesia. So I had to wait 6 more hours, and I was starving. I guess no one thought that a fat, pregnant woman would be hungry or cranky. At that point it had been more than 24hrs since my last meal. I spent the entire day in the hospital, finally got home in the early evening and than I started having what I thought was contractions so we went back to the hospital where we spent another 4 hours. So far the only plans are to go to taco bell...and eat inside instead of the drive thru. We orginally had plans to stay in a fancy hotel while my mom watched the kids, but my youngest brother is in a hosptial burn unit so we scrapped that and went for the next best thing!!! Happy anniversary!
I got you beat. Listen to this one. I didn't graduate fro high school because I got pregnant right before senior year. By someone who was supposedly unable to father any children. Time moves forward. My beautiful little girlis now seven. I married a fairly decent fellow, put my self through 4 years of college to earn my nursing degree. My husband sat through the entire ceremony with a video camera the size of a Priaz on his shoulder. I register the loudest applAuse there. Not because a was super- popular, but because my little girl had a lot of health problems and my classmates knew how much I had struggled. I had only my husband, my brother and two aunts at my graduation. My mother had died when I was 10 and my father could not be bothered to show up. Anyway my husband comes up to me after the ceremony with this funny look on his face. " what's wrong? I ask. He replies " is it supposed to say record in the window when it is recording?". The big dummy had sat through the entire ceremony looking through the lens and he was not even recording! This was going to be the only graduation I had. I could have killed him! And the big dummy didn't even wait until the next day to tell me. He has to tell me right after the ceremony, so instead of feeling jubilation, instead I felt frustration . Twenty two years later I am still with the big dummy. And most days I am really glad. Hang in there girlfriend. It has to get better, the odds are in your favor.
Sounds like you have a good sense of humor about it, at any rate! Just remember, it's not how you celebrate the anniversary, it's how you live and love each other the other 364 days of the year!
Seriously, we spent our anniversary this year (our 11th) thus: in the morning, I went into the ob to find out that I had miscarried and would need an emergency D&C the following morning. We already had a babysitter set up with plans to go to a nice restaurant, and I can't tell you how much I DID NOT want to go through the motions. But we did go, and even though we both felt exhausted when we got there (it had been a draining sort of day), as we sat there talking, I started asking my husband questions for fun like what his favorite part of the last 11 years have been, least favorite part, best anniversary, worst anniversary, best lessons learned over the years together, what ways he feels he's grown, etc.. It was actually really neat to hear all his feelings about our marriage and our life together, which (what with him being an engineering type) is not always his type of conversation. If you can find a way to capture the spirit of the anniversary, even without the perfect outer trappings, you'll appreciate it as much or more than all the nice dinners, fancy hotels, and peaceful surroundings of a night or weekend out. In the meantime, I'd order take out from a nice restaurant and set up a candle light dinner for two after putting the kids to bed. Put on some romantic music, and enjoy the evening as well as you can.
We have had only one anniversary, and yes it was ruined . . . by the Army! On our first anniversary my husband's brigade was called out for field training and he was gone for 2 weeks. We just found out that for anniversary #2 he will once again be in field training. With kids and responsibilities, I guess that's how life goes!
Too funny! I thought we were the only ones who had lousy anniversaries! We've been married 11 years and only recently started having anniversaries that weren't horrendous.
First anniversary, we'd just bought our first home when my husband got laid off two days before our anniversary. The day after that, we found out we owed the gov't 10k in taxes due to the marriage penalty. Good times.
Next year, no money, so we couldn't do anything.
Another year, we had a babysitter lined up to watch our son. She called at the last-minute to say she'd gone into premature labor and couldn't come. We decided to get take-out. The restaurant screwed up our order -- as in, no one ever submitted it -- and they were horrible to us about it. It took something like 45 minutes to get our food.
Another year, we had a babysitter lined up and she never showed up. High school student who completely forgot.
You're not alone! Hopefully things will change for you just like they ultimately did for us. Last year, we decided to go on an Alaskan cruise several months after our actual 10th anniversary and had a super time. That seemed to break the streak of bad luck.
LMBO! We usually do a casual dinner and once DID do a cruise, but took the kids cuz we like to! lol Now, rather than disassembling pipes, you could have ordered carryout, no? Course, your story is SO much better than carryout! I can recall one or two where we didn't go to dinner, but we did go for a nice holding hands kind of walk in town :)
I don't see the big deal in celebrating anniversaries, so we get each other cards, maybe a present, and I consider it good if my husband picks up on the hint and gets me flowers. (although generally I have to point out the flowers and say "buy me those flowers" before he gets the hint.)
Oh sweetie, an anniversary is just another day. It is a way for greeting card companies and florists to make more money. Sort of like Valentine's Day.
My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We really do not celebrate anniversaries. We especially do not celebrate Valentine's Day. I get flowers and cards "just because" and they can come any day, any time of the year. We make it a point to say "I love you" every day. We never separate or go to sleep without a Kiss and "I love you." Every day of our 14 years together is a celebration of our finding each other and spending our lives together.
Understand that it has NOT been a perfect 14 years. There were some very rough spots when our older two were younger (we had custody) and we had to deal with the ex-wife. Honestly, I think our everyday celebrations were what helped us to get through it. Now our last child is almost 8 and everyday is still a celebration.
Good Luck!
There's an old saying that goes....Yesterday is history...Tomorrow is a mystery.....TODAY is a gift, that's why it is called present. Enjoy each good day that is given to you...don't dwell on the bad ones I mean you two are the ones who can make whatever day special your anniversary or any other day.
I've been married 13 years now and our worst were a couple where we didn't have any money to spend. There's been a few where we've just gone out and had a nice dinner date (nothing expensive) or just gone out for drinks.
On our third anniversary we went out for breakfast, I was 39weeks in a troubled pregnancy with #2 and we went to my non stress test appointment right after. I had a contraction practically out of nowhere, 10 minutes into this "easy" test (really all mom does is get strapped in, sit there, and wait for baby's heart rate to speed up and slow down like three times with 45 minutes - but it was looking like I might get to leave after 15m because he had done "it" ) and as my contraction got stronger.. his heart rate SLOWED down. Luckily his heart rate shot back up as my contraction went away. Still the nurse comes over to be and said: "Well it looks like he's ok again, but I have to send you down to L&D cause the doctor is probably going to want to go ahead and induce you this afternoon!" Yea spent the rest of the evening in labor and #2 was born around 9pm that night - on our 3rd anny!!
Our 6th anniversary saw us kinda exhausted. I don't remember that we did much. I was preggers with #3 (surprise and unplanned) and couldn't feel him all that well because the placenta sat in the front. We had already one scare because I didn't know my LMP and the triple screen blood test was done too early so it came out wrong. I had seen both of my grandmothers die within 6months of each other - one we knew had given up on life (fairly deaf, going blind and mostly bedridden) and the other because of complications of a massive stroke and subsequent failed battle to recover. Hubby was in his last semester in college completing his BS, had just lost a job and was looking desperately for another while I was working desperately to get healthcare for all of us.
Our 10anniversary we went to Jamaica. Planned and planned for that. Our youngest was 3yo and had weaned himself on mother's day that year.
Our 11th he surprised me with a party. ok it was a small party, but I really enjoyed it. Last year and this year we've been broke so didn't really do anything.
We want to do Jamaica again or maybe some other "couple" resort - maybe our 15th? Or we might do a cruise ship vacation for our anniversary (kinda hard do to things when one child's bday is the same day though!)
Well, let's see.
Our first anniversary, he was deployed.
Our second anniversary, we were in the hospital with a premature newborn who was born the previous day.
Our third anniversary, we were in the middle of a duel PCS (we were both military).
Our fourth anniversary, we had to cut short after dinner because our babysitter (my BIL-blech!) apparently turned his phone to vibrate, left it on the counter-dead- and then fell asleep and wouldn't wake up to answer the door when my neighbor came over to check. (my 3 year old was still awake and running wild!). My neighbor had to break a window to get in (we were on our way, but we were an hour away).
5,6,7, 8 and 9 have been relatively uneventful, so maybe we've left it all behind! Lol!
HA! Sorry to hear of the less than awesome anniversary trend! My husband and I have yet to escape the monotony of our own daily life for our anniversary since we've had our daughter, buuuuut we've had better luck than the two of you! Maybe you could try a Mad Hatter approach... Have a "Very Merry Un-Anniversary." Perhaps good ol' Murph would be on a vacation on days other than "the" day!
