My step-daughter lives with her Mom and is 16 (turning 17 in August). She used to be a straight "A" student until the last semester. She got caught cheating, fell out with her group of friends and they don't call her, constantly fights with her Mom BUT the kicker here is that she's not bathed, brushed her teeth or left her room for almost a month now. Her Mom found Sage Walk in Oregon and wants to send her there. It sounds like a great idea but has anyone ever had any experience with them or any organizations like them? Are they really safe and effective?
Please let me know your thoughts - my husband has to sign the papers before she can go and he just wants to make sure that this will be the best thing for her.
Wish I could elaborate more but don't want to be too long in explanation.
Please let us know what you all think - she's never been like this before. She doesn't use drugs, has never had a boyfriend and is still very emotionally immature for her age (she still plays with barbies and disney princess set she's had for about 4 years now)and is extremely low in the self-esteem department. Her Dad and I have tried to get her to come out too but she won't.
Looking forward to hearing from everyone.
June 18th update:
Hi All - you can see my response from the last time below this. Just wanted to give you an update: So she's been at SageWalk for about 3 1/2 weeks or so and everything seemed to be going well until my husband didn't receive a follow-up as promised. When he inquired they, the SageWalk director, told him that it was because he didn't have custody of the child and that's why. He begged thier pardon and let them know that, in fact, he has 50% custody and would you like to see the paperwork? After that he got a call and was updated. Last week they started stating that she needed to see a psych. but that would be another $2200. They said they suspected sexual abuse and OCD. My husband asked how is that determined? She said it's suspected but she needs to she the psych. to determine. Oh, well who diagnosed the OCD. Oh well she hasn't been diagnosed with OCD but her mother suggested she had symptoms. Well what about Aspbergers, it was mentioned during her admission that she should be looked at for this as well. Really? There's no notes in her admissions file about that! However, it's a better fit to what we think has been happening. The counseler agreed that this was a better fit. Do we want to pay for the psych? I'd rather have her counseled at home so if she does have it we can just go from there instead of starting all over when she comes home.. O.K. well we also think she should be sent to a theraputic boarding school too. Why? We feel she would do better in this environment than any other. But she's not doing drugs right? Right. nor is she smoking, drinking or having sex right? Right. Then why does she need a theraputic boarding school. We think it would be better for her development. But she hasn't been diagnosed with anything so how can you make these drastic recommendations without a proper evaluation. Well, that's what the $2200 would cover.
Do you see where I'm going with this? My husband did further research into the people of SageWalk and their associates and found that they're contracted with "Aspen" which is a network of camps that network together - this includes the psych, the boarding school etc... We are very, very concerned that she's in an environment that perpetuates itself with "hidden" fees and agenda's. I went into the parent message boards and found that EVERY kid is requested to be evaluated in the 4th or 5th week. Then why do we pay $15,000 per month? Well, that covers her stay in the field, under a tarp. Oh, yeah, we had to pay an additional $2000 for her clothes. My point is that although they are "helping" the kids they take advantage of Parents with these exorbitant fees and then make you feel like you're a bad parent for wanting to take care of this here. My husband asked his Ex why she would rather thier daughter stay with strangers then to stay here with us (and by the way she's asked if she could come live with us but they still recommend this boarding school)and my husbands ex just said "I don't know" but she's going to the boarding school.
So now, after all that, it looks like we're going to court to get her to come back to our house and not to this boarding school. Her letters are sad and she talks of abuse at her mothers hand but we just don't know anything anymore. My husband has been on an emotional roller coaster and SageWalk is not the type of company that has anything but the bottom line and Oh, yeah, the kids they're trying to help.
Please reconsider or at least do a TON more research into the costs of these facilities. I just think we made a bad choice to have her go there BUT at least she's back on track.
Thanks again, I'll give you the final update when we hear from the "psych.
Thank you all for your kind, straight forward advice. I see where a lot of you are going and will fill you in a bit more:
1. Has she been molested: this is possible. I have thought this may have been the case years ago. (she was 5 when her parents divorced and 9 when her Dad and I married). Having been a victim myself I recognized possible signs and when she was about 12 told her what happened to me (but not in graphic detail) in order to open the door to dialog. I was giving her the knowledge in hopes that she would discuss this IF this were ever the case.
2. She has been in Therapy. The doctor perscribed meds. Mom is holistic in her health and life style so refused the anti-depressents. The Thereapist contacted my husband and asked if he would participate in family counseling, he agreed but never heard from the Therapist ever again. He and the Mother have been at odds(to put it mildly) and I have made several attempts at coaxing a treaty but they just rub each other the wrong way. Being a child of divorce with both my parents remarrying I knew how my step-daughter must be feeling......... there's no more therapy that I'm aware of or even if the therapist was consulted.
3. If you knew my step-daughter the way I do you'd understand that this has nothing to do with drugs or the wrong crowd. I have been open with her all her life by way of working up to the candid conversation of does anyone she knows do drugs, have sex, etc. I have experience, personal and in my family, with this aspect too so I can bet that she's not using drugs, food maybe but not drugs, she's still a virgin. Not sure about alchohol.....her mom drinks and may have a problem but???????
3. Her teacher caught her cheating. She was not outed by her friends BUT may be alienated because of it. However, when this happened she stopped communicating with her father for months. The mother and he argued and mom was complaining that my step-daughter was starting to skip school and would not go no matter what she tried. My husband spent several morning phone calls with her trying to figure out how to get her to go to school but nothing seemed to work. The next thing we knew was that Mom took her out of school to homeschool her because she had a falling out with a teacher who told her he had no respect for her and did not like her. My step-daughter has loved theater since she was 9 or 10. She's been trying quite hard to be included in ALL school plays/musicals. Since starting highschool she's not been chosen for ANY play or musical unless it was for behind the scene work. She had recently learned that she again was denied a part in the spring musical. She's been taking music, dance and voice training for the last 4 years. I know how disappointed she is and know this could also be the straw that broke the camels back.
Finally, Sage Walk does not treat children with drug or alchohol issues in the same program. My Stepdaughter IS very immature. She has had a sheltered and coddled life. This is a lesson to me in that I am the mother of her half-brother who is 5 years old. I am well into my forties so no I am not young(for anyone who might be looking in that direction). The lesson to me is to make sure that I do not over-protect my son. My step-daughter has no clue what it's like to be independent. Her mother, with love and good intentions, did pretty much everything for her daughter. She also tried hard to alienate dad in all of this and that did work to some degree, however, we have made it clear to my step-daughter that her room will always be here for her and she can stay as long as she likes. I think my step-daughter would feel guilty about living with us because mom has always openly spoken to her daughter saying she's all she has. My step-daughter feels it would be disloyal to leave her mom to live alone. Then there's the other side of her that gets everything she asks for and has mom wrapped around her finger. Since my step-daughter has no coping skills and never learned how to deal with conflict because all she had to do was tell mom and then mom would talk to the teacher or have her moved into a different class or let her drop out all together - this was a straight "A" student. I realize there MUST be a catalyst but this camp may be able to draw that out of her. It claims to teach kids about consequence, work ethics and how to respect and love yourself. It also deals with children with Aspbergers syndrome which also may have some small contribution here - something we've suspected but never had her tested for as it didn't seem to interfere until now so I perhaps this could have something to do with it. I like the idea of this camp for all the reasons I stated BUT I have no personal experience. My brother spent 18 months in a medical facility and I know that was really h*** o* him. In a way it helped him to survive his childhood. He had a drug problem though so it's not the same and I have no idea what to do BUT get her to professionals who can help her. I can't stand the idea of putting her in a hospital, it's just not a good place for her and she shouldn't be around kids with drug issues if she doesn't have them. I don't want any new influence in her life that gives her the idea that drugs may help her cope and escape. Again that's what I liked about SageWalk. But is this truly the case. I don't know unless I hear from recent experiences.
I really wanted/hoped to hear from more people who had direct experience so if there is anyone else please respond otherwise I will update you all again with the results of what happened and how it turned out.
Thanks for speaking up, speaking frankly and making all of us take a really, really, really hard look at this. The decision is NOT final until Wednesday. That's our date if we choose to go forward. My husband and the Ex are now starting over, wiping the slate clean and making an effort like never before to work together on this. I'm so very proud of them to finally do this. A small glimmer of good in this thundercloud of bad.
I'll write again in the next week to tell you what we did but really, thank you!
I think this girl needs psyhcotherapy, family support, and probably even medication. I don't think that sending her away is a solution. Good luck! A M
I went threw this in high school. Is she picked on in school or most importantly by those who used to be friends? My friends were all having sex and loved to talk about it but because I was not they would pick on me maybe that is what she is going threw. This lead to me trying to end my life. Please get her help. Krissy
This sounds like serious depression. If she hasnt been to a psychiatrist she should go - depression runs in my family and can have serious consequences. We have all dealt with it in different ways, from medication to excersize, so there are a lot of options, but it sounds like she needs to be evaluated by someone from outside the family asap! Therapy might also help is she feels she cant talk to her parents (i never wanted to talk to mine, even though they were very suuportive and tried hard).
It's really great of you to be concerned for your Step Daughter. :) And it's equally great that your Husband is seeking a 2nd opinion before he ships her off to a strange place.
And then, if you do ship her off to some camp....then what? Are you or her Parents going to "expect" her to be "cured?" I think this is a wishful thinking kind of thing. But not real life. It's a temporary fix, or a dangerous venue for her to be placed in if she is so withdrawn and immature for her age, and not to mention, no one seems to know what is wrong with her....
No, I would not send her there. That is just my opinion.
I would highly recommend that you do a "google search" on "complaints about Sagewalk" and see what turns up.
Here are some helpful links on teen mental health:
http://www.centerchildprotection.org/report_abuse.htm
http://www.focusas.com/Depression.html
http://www.crisiscounseling.com/articles/nevergiveup.htm
However, I can't help but wonder... what is her Mom like? what is her relationship with her Mom? Since she lives with her Mom, and she is having these kind of problems... I would question that as well... not just the girl.
MANY times... it's not just the child that is suffering...it is a result perhaps, of the family dynamic or her relationship with her Mom???
How long ago was her Parent's divorce? Maybe your step daughter is suffering from the break up? Children often get very affected by this....
Your Step daughter has seemed to turn so inward... and shutting down, shutting herself out to others.
Sending her "away"... might make her feel more isolated and alienated. It's kind of "intimidating" for a young girl... to have to go to a "group" wilderness environment. And being that she is "immature" for her age... this might be too much of a shock for her to have to deal with. I feel, it may all be much too overwhelming for her.
Have you spoken with any of her friends? Gained insight as to what is happening with your Step daughter? Anyone speak to her teachers? Did something happen at school, or is there something happening at school that affected her this way? Is she being bullied or anything?
PERHAPS, get her one-on-one counseling first... have her assessed, and go from there. Then, see what the Therapist recommends or diagnoses.
I kind of feel, that personalized care/counseling for her might be better. Many times, in a "group" treatment "camp".... they cannot give a lot of "personalized" care...which your daughter may do better with.
I think, she may have depression and/or self esteem problems as you mentioned, or a whole lot more....anxiety, phobias. Did something traumatic happen to her...that perhaps she hasn't talked about? How long has it been going on? Can you think of any "triggers" that may have gotten her this way? Why do her and her Mom constantly fight? Is her Mom nurturing or belittling? So many factors can be involved....
Your step daughter seems to be in a very fragile state... and is hurting inside. She needs understanding, not sending her away. This could break her....being that she is in such an "inward" state.
Things like this takes the "whole" family to help....along with helping her to feel that she is not being "ostracized."
She also seems to have problems with her Mom. This could be a real obstacle....in her getting better. She's also a teen now... and that is a whole other issue. I think her Mom, needs to perhaps go to Parenting classes on Teens. Just sending her daughter "away" to camp in hopes this will "suddenly cure her" is kind of like handing off the problem to someone else... without confronting it and taking responsibility for it as a Parent.
Try one on one counseling/therapy first. This might be more helpful as a first step.
I really feel for your step daughter... she is obviously very unhappy and is crying out for help. She needs understanding....not being shoved off to some locale that may intimidate her... since her "maturity" is immature for her age. You don't want her to regress or get worse. Go according to her level of maturity as well.
Just be there for her... when people retreat and withdraw... they need someone there for them even more. Check on her, and make sure she doesn't hurt herself. I hope she is at least eating and getting nourished. Does she still go to school? Or is she unable to leave her room period?
**as a thought, is it possible that your Step Daughter live with you and your Husband instead? It seems her environment with her Mother is uncomfortable for her... since they are constantly fighting etc.? Maybe she needs more stability.... or something she is lacking at her Moms. It is obviously having a negative impact on her perhaps? Is it safe for her there? Has she been abused, as the other's mentioned? Had she had contact with anyone that could have harmed her in any way?
It REALLY needs to be looked into... in all aspects, pleasant or not. Does she have a good relationship with her Dad? Are they close and communicate normally?
Take care, and good luck,
~Susan
There is the huge possibility that she is simply depressed. Sending her off may only reinforce her current state. I know it's very difficult for parents to parent teens, let alone troubled teens. It is time for professional help, but try to get her help without removing her from the comfort of her room. (Unless she becomes a threat, of course.) There are mobile mental health teams that may be able to help intervene in her own space. I can assure there is a lot more going on that her getting caught cheating. The parents' role should always be to tell the teen they are loved no matter what. Teens are supposed to make mistakes in judgement, that is there development at their age and that's why she did what she did. It is critical that all parents be proper role models in problem solving. There is a long road of healing ahead and knowing she is loved, will get her through a lifetime of problems. Good luck and don't let her feel she is alone in facing her problems.
******After sending my response I was able to read what was written and if you ever have a spare moment i would really love to talk to you.We have a little in common i am 34 with a step son and my other son who is 16 months. We deal w/mom who is not a nice person and we have plenty of issues. I would love to hear your perspective on being a step mom,dealing with divorce, and dealing with a teenager.I could really use some advice. I hope that some day you have a moment..would really love to hear from you.******thanks...K.
we also have a very troubled teenage boy(my step-son as well)
who lives with us and my good friend read your question and called me. I promptly looked it up on the internet got the information and am in the process of filling the applications. We have looked at many different places including military schools and this one actually sounds pretty good. If you send her I hope that you let me know what you think because I would be very interested. It isn't my business to say but it almost sounds like your step-daughter might have been taken advantage of in a very unforgiving way. Instead of doing something as severe as sage walk perhaps you should consider therapy at home first. Good luck and don't give up. You have to have faith that things will eventually be worked out. I know that is what keeps me going that eventually I will find what will work best for my son.
You know I must say I am on the fence abou this although I dont know personally about sage walk these programs are great if the child is on the verge of serious criminal life style ie. drugs, alcohol, under age sex, violence and the list goes go on. My girlfriend sent her son away with great success, unfortunatly this out come varies from family to family.
I can help but feel if your step- daughter may have other issues and possible need counsiling etc. Programs such as this can have great sucess or tremendous failure worsing the problem especially if the core issues aren't dealt with. The not bathing problems with friends etc really sounds like depression and really the core issue should be dealt with and treated verses trying to put a band aid on it .
Hi L.,
I would check out this website... http://www.heartlightministries.org/
Mark and Jan Gregston are the directors and they are very dear friends of mine. I myself was a resident at this facility and it truely changed my life! I would look into it and they can also give you feed back on many other programs including Sage Walk!! Goodluck :-) Having a struggling teen is very difficult but you guys aren't alone!! Have faith. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers!
I really hate to say this, but at as a victim of molestation, it seems like your step-daughter has had something happen to her. Is she talking? Can you ask her questions?
I'm talking to a therapist in Sherman Oaks to see what resources she suggests.
Best of luck to you and your family. I'll let you know what the therapist has to say.
S. G.
My daughter pretty much completely shut down at the age of 15. She hated school to the point she would not attend. I had to contact the school principal and privately meet to let them know that my daughter was expereincing deep depression and did not want to attend school anymore, freshman year around this time. She was set up with a school physcologist who made an agreement with her, that as long as she attended school, but did not feel like going to class, she could walk into her office any time and would give her credit for attendance, instead of dropping out overall. You are all her only hope and must hold a hope of light for her because she does not see it right now. My daughter involved herself with the wrong crowd, drugs, and running away when this episode began, she did not know how to get herself out of this hole, it was too overwhelming for her to deal with. The crowd of girls were blaming my daughter, saying she was the bad influence and she was so upset because she was the one following them. It was such a stressfull and depressing period for me as well. Please don't send her off, but step in with her father and try to pull her out of this with nearby resources. Change her schools too. You are all in my prayers and my heart goes out to your daughter.
Dear L.,
It is imperative that you take your step daughter to see her Primary Care Physician. Additionally, I OUGHT to consider taking her to see a psychiatrist. I really hope that it is nothing serious, but lack of personal hygiene in such an extended period of time is quite alarming. She might have a psychotic episode or might be severely depressed. You need to SEEK OUT PROFESSIONAL HELP ASAP.
Good luck and take care,
N.
It sounds like she's really depressed...probably about her mom and dad at this age. Why doesn't she live with her father and you and she could start attending counseling to help her through this time. It sounds like she could use a friend, maybe that could be you? My older daughter is really close with her stepmother, it's nice, like a really good friendship. When it comes to discipline though, let her dad handle that, to let her feel that she's still his daughter and he cares about her utmost. I don't think sending her to strangers or into exile is the right move now. Her mom might be depressed also, so getting her out of that environment would help and most importantly let her know that none of you will ever abandon her. Cheating is not the end of the world. It sounds like she's learned her lesson by losing friends. Help her to pick up and go from there. To find new friends, to try and be a more honest person so she will be happier in her life.
Good Luck.
L. I know this is hard, is she cutting, if so you know what I meam... poor sweetie, my though is your sending her away to let somebody else help her, if this has only been a month and she has never done this before, its ok she still plays with barbies, and the disney set... your right if she wont come out of her room bath something is wrong, something changed, why does she have low self esteem, lets say she goes away, is the problem going to be there when she comes back... maybe the problem isnt her yet somebody around her is causing it., have you asked her if somebody has touched her, how do you know it isnt dad, a relative a person at school.
all I can think is she must be really bad to send her away.
I am a parent of a troubled teenager myself, I would suggest a Holistic Chiropractor first. Alot of teen programs just talk and thats it. A holistic chriropractor works with the brain, which the spine is directly connected to. Please let me know and I can contact my HC and see if they can recommend someone for you.
Hi L., I do not have personal experience with this program, but you can google it. I just did and it seems to be a great program that maybe your step-daughter just might benefit from. I wish you the best with her. M.
Sounds like you got great advice especially from Susan. I don't know how much influence you have - but I hope and pray that you are able to encourage your husband to get involved and make sure his daughter gets the therapy that she seems so desparately to need ~rather than shipping her away and possiblly making everything worse.
Sounds like you are not in the same state or area- but either way, I would make it a point to be present, insist on counseling and to participate in family counseling -whatever is going on with your step-daughter -it is huge and requires a present active committed response. Sometimes you get one chance to make a sacrifice that will prepare/impact your kids for the rest of their lives. If you take the road of least involvement now -it may cost you significantly down the road.
I don't know what you've already done for this young girl. So please forgive me if I presume that you haven't already done these things.
Good luck and God bless you!
These programs are designed for out-of-control, rebellious teens. Your step-daughter does not sound like that, she sounds majorly depressed!! Please, please, please, get her the help she needs---medication and counselling, not a group camp!! Does she live near you? Do everything you can to BE there for her---if she doesn't live near you.....calling, cards, letters, little gifts in the mail... You know what to do if she lives near you...calling, cards, more visits with you. I find it so hard to believe her mom would even consider this w/o trying counselling and other methods. Seriously, these are usually last ditch efforts. Thanks for looking into this.....don't go that route, not yet, anyway. You sound like a good stepmom!
Hi L.,
As a therapist, I have worked with a lot of teens and their families that have used these treatment facilities as a last-ditch effort. Most are very good and extremely helpful when the family has no where else to turn to get help. My suggestion is that you speak to the facility directly to make sure it fits the needs of your child and that they include some sort of "family" counseling weather in person or over the phone. Also, if she has had an IEP from her school, the school may be able to help you absorb the cost of the treatment. Call your school. Have her assesed. You may have to hire a school advocate to help you do that. Schools don't won't to spend the money if they don't have to.
Secondly, to me, she sounds very depressed. There is probably some other stuff going on as well ie family dynamics of a divorce family, relationship with mother and father etc. My suggestion is that she be taken to a good therapist who is well versed in treating teens.
I wish you the best. Teens are very challenging even in the best of circumstances - I know, I have one.
R.
I haven't heard of this org. It sounds like your step-daughter may be having some sort of psychotic break. I would strongly suggest having her evaluated by a psychiatrist and/or licensed psychologist. If she truly is having psychiatric problems, then sending her away to a camp for behavior problems probably isn't the answer. Please have your husband and his ex consider this - she is at the age when many problems first show up, and there are treatments, including therapy and medications, that can help. It definitely sounds like a more serious problem than just being defiant.
Before you do this she must be evaluated by a psychologist that you trust. Sure sounds to me like she's clincally depressed. Perhaps something happened that she's not sharing with you? I know your intention is good, but this is a slippery slope and you need to make sure that this is going to help her, not emotionally harm her. There is an outstanding placement person in Woodland Hills named Teri Solochek, and after your step daughter is evalulated perhaps you should talk with her. She's an expert in schools, alternative programs and placements.
I have some experience in this area and can tell you that the top theraputic boarding school in the country is Carlbrook in Virgina. You might want to check them out.
Good luck.
This is late but I read your report, I don't know what you decided but I would check into it and ask to talk to someone who experienced it(they should have a referal list)- some of those places are GREAT.
I was going to suggest Autism or a variation of it since I work with children with Autism and she does seem to have some of those characteristics, but it sounds like she is depressed too and has delt with a lot of stressful things in her young life. Do what needs to be done. I have a friend whose son is in a similar place and he loves it and wants to stay himself-he is 18 and can leave whenever he wants but he signed on for a year and is doing very well! GOOD LUCK!
I would check the program very carefully. Some are OK but some can be very abusive with unqualified "guides." The guides call themselves therapists but they are not really licensed professionals. She is better off seeing a licensed psychologist who specialises in behavioral problems with children and adolescenents.
Hi L.,
My heart goes out to your family and your child. I have heard of organizations like this. I don't know anything about Sage Group specifically but the only thing that concerns me is that it seems like many of these groups are for kids who are mixed up in drugs, drinking, etc or have been in trouble with the law. Resonating with other kids who have had these experiences would be my only concern for your daughter.
Our family looks for many paths to lead us to what will help our children look inside themselves for their innate goodness. One of them is through an organization called Sacred Ways (Sacred-Ways.Org) in Ojai. This is run by a man named Andrew who's life work is to bring the ancient teachings of Native America to troubled youth (he also brings it to troubled adults but that is not the primary focus). He leads sweat lodges and is available for private counseling sessions. Any way, I have never felt impelled to share, but this man is amazing and his only goal is to help kids who's hearts are struggling. Your girl is very lucky to have parents who care so much. That is not going unnoticed by her whether she is acknowledging it or not. Your love and attention are penetrating and you will have a wonderful day in the future when she speaks of this time with gratitude for your support. Good luck, fellow Mom.
L., Mom of 3 (17, 10, 7)
This child is SERIOUSLY depressed. I hope she is in intense counseling. Sending her away doesn’t seem appropriate to me untill her depression is under control. She is at risk for other, much more serious behavior at this point and is SCREAMING out for help. She may view sending her away at this point as a sign that she had been such a dissapointment to her family that they sent her away. She can't find a way back to her family and has given up. Please reach out to her.
I have never heard of them but i would deffinately talk to the dirrectors there or go and visit. Check out their web site.
I would never send my child away not knowing anything about wear she is going.
I have teenage girls myself and they are moody but have never done what you are saying your doughter is doing. I would be afraid that something traumatic happen to her that she isn't telling you guys. You might want to suggest a full physical at the dr. blood tests and all. It might explain something.
My prayers are with you all..
Take care
I believe you need to talk to a therapist if you havn't already. Something has happened to her. She is unable to share it with you. She is afraid and needs medical attention.
If you send her off she will feel abandoned and it will may make things alot worse for her. Call her doctor for a medical exam.
Hi L.,
Sorry I am not familiar with Sagewalk in particular, but I have some thoughts to share with you.
I have a couple friends who have sent their children away for various periods of times to similar camps for similar reasons.
Both these children by the way: super bright, charming, great grades at school, talented in various areas, bright futures. Then, boom! chaos. erratic behavior. fighting. running away. hooking up with the wrong crowd....
In hindsight from these parents: although the time away was full of hopes and promises for better days, they never figured out what made their kids snap, the camps never helped them gain the skills necessary to function back in their own environment with their own family and school dynamics, and the kids, who initially relished the idea of getting away from it all, in the end were resentful to have been sent away from their family like outcasts.
You are not just a step-parent, you are a parent.
You obviously care very much for her, and she is aware of your love and concern. Have your voice heard in these dialogues between adults.
I completely understand her parents' urge to want to send her away. When one family member experiences this kind of conflict, EVERYTHING and EVERYONE suffers. My heart goes out to all of you.
Nevertheless, I would encourage you to work with a local Developmental Child Psychologist. Interview several until you find the right personality match for her. It's a slow process, be patient. Even if you've had a few sessions with one doctor, if you feel that doctor is not connecting with your daughter, don't hesitate to move on until you find the right one. You will all know when it's the right one. Make sure eventually the therapy includes bridging the communication gap between your daughter and family members as well.
Given the fact that not every professional may be a good match for her, what if she is sent away, and there is not a good match? How will you be able to tell being so far away? We want to trust our professionals, but they are only human after all, they have no magic cures, and only you can tell, as your daughter's best advocate, if she is in the right place. Keeping her close to home will help gage this.
If her insurance does not cover unlimited sessions, remember this: these sleep away camps are very expensive. The money spent for the camp and all the trips to go see your teen, will certainly pay for the best help locally.
One more thought: if there is a specific incident that occurred to trigger your daughter's behavior, having her close to home with a therapist who understands the dynamics of your specific community, action can be taken more immediately in identifying any further issues that may need to be mitigated (i.e. people who may have hurt her, activities she is reacting to...).
In friendship and support,
V.
I would take her to your general doctor who can refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist. It sounds like since she is not the 'average' troubled teen, she is probably suffering from depression. I have worked with children like this in the past--time for a doctor to be involved.
It sounds to me like she is clearly depressed. She should be seen by a therapist and could need medication as well. You don't say if these first steps have been tried but if they have not it seems, in my opinion, premature to ship her off to a wilderness camp for troubled teens.
If she were my child I would first take her to a phychologist. If she refused to go I would have her placed in a local inpatient mental health facility. If after a month long stint in a facility of that kind, and consistent follow up care, she continued to display issues I MIGHT then consider such a wilderness experience.
Good luck in making your decisions. I don't envy your position. I'm sure it's difficult to know how to help when she doesn't live with you and you can't see it yourself. I would just caution you to try every other option first.
Take her to the family doctor and get a blood test to check her Thyroid and run a heavy metal screening for drugs. Don't close your eyes and say not my child with drugs. It sounds like Meth to me. Sad but ture, not your fault or parents fault. It's the times these days. The fact that she has not left her room, brushed her teeth, or washed her hair???? Hello! This is not normal! She diffently needs help and some times your family MD can start the process and ask he or she about the program. Call the program get referrals of previous clients.. Good luck, Pb Nurse
SageWalk is one of the programs run by Aspen Education which was a former client of mine. Their programs are some of the best programs out there and I know they really care about the kids and helping them get better. Aspen has a number of different programs, so you may want to look at several of them to ensure that this one fits your specific needs. I hope this works for you - I know this has got to be tough.
