Guilty for Working/ How to Balance It All?

Don't feel guilty for working outside of the home. We actually have the best of both worlds. We get our time/adult time and still get the best of our kids. Yes, we do miss some things but I feel that because I work, my kids are more independent, self motivating, less reliant on help, more willing to work on their own and can take care of themselves. They are not clingy, criers or are babied all the time. They have their moments but I think that the kids benefit from me and their dad working full time. They value the time that we spend and appreciate all the work that we do. Don't feel that you are short changing your kids, your not. You work even harder to make sure that your kids have the best of you and they do.

Don't guilt yourself out because the other side of the fence isn't any better and your kids will be just fine because you love them, not because you don't work!

I think you have to look at the long term as well as the stress of the moment when making these kinds of decisions. You have a young baby in the house, and I think it is really difficult in a way that it won't be in a couple of years. I'm not sure how hard it is in your field to leave and come back, but that's something to think about. No matter what you decide, you don't want to make a move to fix short-term stress that will end up having a long-term negative impact on the family's finances. (debt is stressful too! Speaking from experience, not trying to sound holier than thou at all :-)

I agree you should not feel guilty for helping provide for your family. If you are not happy with the situation, then of course seek to improve or change it!

I have three children that I wanted to be home and involved with and made the decision to work for myself. You may want to find a company that you are attached too and give it a try!
There are a ton of options...the one I chose is PartyLite because of the income opportunity and flexibility. I have a website that you can view to get some info...but feel free to contact me directly for questions...no pressure...I can just give you more info. Whatever you decide...being happy is better for a family than being tired or guilted...
my website is www.partylite.biz/sherryelkins I would love to hear from you!

I stayed home for 9 months with my son, then went back to work (I'm a teacher). It is the perfect balance for me.

How do I not feel guilty? I did a lot of research and visited several child care facilities. My son is in an outstanding center with educated and experienced caregivers. I know he isn't just being put on the floor to play - they have a somewhat structured day where he is read to, they do songs and dances and they have tons and tons of developmentally appropriate toys and games for the kids. He has been completely content there and just thrived. Additionally, my son is getting to know other adults (we have very little separation anxiety) and gets to play alongside other children. When I pick him up, he is excited to see me and we go home and play until it is bedtime.

We have a maid that comes bi-weekly to clean our house. It was an expense I insisted upon so I would not have to constantly worry about busting my butt to get it done. Laundry gets done on weekends, usually in the evening. I make dinner almost every night, and even though I cannot cook the types of meals I used to, I have chosen to make dinners that are super easy and super quick to make. Since my son goes to bed at 6:30, I don't make dinner til he is asleep.

When I was at home with my son, I enjoyed being with him but I totally missed the fulfillment my job gave me and the daily adult interaction I used to have. Quite honestly, I'm not the type of woman who is cut out to chit chat with other moms at playdates or mommy and me classes (I'm certainly not putting those women down, I'm just saying it isn't for me). I felt really trapped in my house, especially since my husband typically works 10-12 hour days and is (literally) on-call 24-7.

It's a tough call - I've had friends who were like me and friends who gave up their job to stay at home. You really need to listen to your heart and decide what is best for you. In the end, it doesn't matter if you keep working (no, that doesn't make you heartless) or if you choose to be at home (no, that doesn't make you less worthy because you don't 'work' outside the home).

T.,

Well, it sounds like you are really torn. I can only imagine how frustrating that is for you. I can give you my perspective from a guilt free, full-time working mom.

I'm a better Mom because I work. I DON'T mean I'm a better Mom than SAHM's or than any other Mom's. I'm a better Mom for MYSELF because I work. I never considered staying home. Sure, there are days (like cold, rainy ones) when the thought of staying home crosses my mind, but 99% of the time I'm glad I choose to work. Things that work for us...

**As for maintaining a home, WE manage. I stress "we" because I expect my husband to hold up to his home responsibilites as much as I do. We share just about everything whether it's diaper duty, bath time, story time, dishes, garbage, laundry, etc.

**I throw a load of laundry in every morning and we finish it at night. I can't stand doing like 10 loads on the weekend, so I spread it out over the week.

**We clean a little bit every day. We used to spend Saturday AM's cleaning the house and I just don't like doing that. So, we clean during the week and it never seems like we wasted a day cleaning.

**I have my older son "help" me with making dinner. It gives me a chance to spend time with him and also get dinner ready.

**We have a schedule and we absolutely stick to it. Our older son thrives on a schedule and is so much happier when we are consistant with it. Even our younger son is on one at this point and he has been sleeping through the night since a very young age (10 weeks).

**As soon as we come home, my DH and I are "Mom and Dad". We don't take phone calls, go on the internet, read magazines or anything. We fully dedicate our time to our boys. Since we have a good schedule, both are in bed and asleep by 8:00 and that's when we get to be "T. and Rich".

As far as the guilt, that's something that you need to come to terms with on your own. I truly don't feel any guilt for working. I enjoy my job and I enjoy the added benefits it brings me - financially and emotionally.

I think the key is to find what makes you the happiest. The grass is always greener, though. One of my friends is a teacher and she was able to job-share. Maybe you can look into that?

Good luck and I hope you can find what works best for you!

T.

I am also a teacher & have 2 kids at home. I think by just recognizing that your life feels a little crazy just means that you may need to rebalance your life. After my first baby was here, I learned how to balance my work life a little more. Use my time at work & get done what I can & god forbid-I learned to let the papers/plans/bulletin boards/etc. wait until tomorrow- and guess what-- school went on as it always had- even if there was a stack of papers that weren't graded immediatley! Things changed for me after my 2nd baby-- she & i had a very hard time being apart & I felt very similar to what you described above. I knew that my priorities were changing & that I was wanting to become a stay at home mom. But it wasn't possible financially for me to do that, so I looked into some other choices. I decided to become a consultant for Taste of Home Entertaining while I was teaching to see how it would go, with a safety net of still having my full income & it ended up changing everything for me. I learned that I could be in charge of my schedule & let work revolve around my demanding life, and not vice versa. I am currently pregnant with my third baby with the hope of being able to stay home next fall b/c I really think I can make it work with this company. I think that you will know if you are ready to stay home or not-- for me, it was in the fall when school started & I wasn't excited like I always have been the past 9 years. I knew I was ready to move on & have felt this way all throughout this year, I am sure that for right now, I am meant to be home & will hopefully make that dream come true this fall. Give yourself some faith & time & you will find your way.

Hi T.,
I remember that guilt with my first daughter. I've been a SAHM since she turned 2. She's now 5 and we have a 15 month old now.

Anyway, I'm actually looking for people who are seeking more time freedom. People who want to spend more time with those they love and less time with those they don't love. (Not that you don't love the kids you teach but like you said, you want more time with your own kids and nephews.) I don't know what you're looking for but I'd love to get your honest appraisal of my business to see if it's a good fit for you.

I know you have limited time but are you free tomorrow around 10:00pm for a 30 minute business overview? No need to leave your home, we do this over the phone. I chose 10pm because most kids are in bed by that time. However, if that time does not work for you, let me know and I'll check the schedule for something more suitable.

M.
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