Greeeeeeat.... Speaking of Molested in Locker Rooms :

Updated on August 05, 2012
R.J. asks from Seattle, WA
20 answers

My son was just groped at the YMCA.

Sigh. And, following stats yet again, in one of the posher areas of town.

Who, by the way, are being awesome.

They've got a couple of guys matching his description on tape exiting after my 10yo (not good, actually, means maybe a lineup IF I decide to put him through that whole process).

This is a pretty independent, tough kid. Who froze. And was 'trapped' because running away meant running into a busy lobby completely naked.

What's worse, his (abusive scum sucking father) wants to bring him around known pedophiles (cracked out family) that haven't been allowed in my sons life period... Because... They're freakin pedophiles!

I'm just completely pissed. The courts have put my son through hell, buying my ex's "reformed" act (hey, I bought it for years), now my son has been molested at the pool, and McIdiot thinks our son could "cure" the blood relation pedophiles... So I've got visions of essentially just "living" in courtrooms dancing in my head.

The only upsides are that
1) Kiddo already had a counseling appt today
2) I get preternaturally calm whenever I'm this mad
3) Maybe in some sick twisted way this will make him getting raped (all of his cousins have been, except him because I. Wouldn't. Let. Them. Around. Him). Easier.

I hate the world right now.

I hate the bleeding court system

I hate the freakin scumbags in this world walking around.

I hate my freakin ex. (For so many reasons... Making him a good victim, Turning his life upside down so instead of the tons of friends we usually swim with we were on our own. For freakin wanting to offer him up as a victim in the future. Gah. THAT list could get really long if I keep going so I'll stop here).

I hate that doing a nice thing (taking my son swimming), means that this happened on my freakin watch.

I hate that I'm ALREADY painted as 'overprotective' in the court system. Gee... Wonder how THIS will play out?

I hate being put in the position of having to choose between my own child's already fragile mental health, and god knows how many other boys being molested by this pervert.

So kiddo and I are having pizza and watching Jurassic Park. He's largely okay, just über embarrassed / feeling super guilty.


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So What Happened?

@ Bug... I wish so, too. Every hard thing my son has gone through this year, my ex has made worse (like his meds have made him puffy/yellow teeth... So ex makes him run on treadmills until he collapses, and tells him no one will ever like a fat kid with yellow teeth. No amount of exercise will help 'steroid face', and our son needs these meds to breathe!). He's also blamed our divorce on our son, tells him people who really LOVE my son are just faking it because he's been 'dumped' on them, so they're stuck with him... So you can just IMAGINE how he'll treat this. Kiddo is largely fine, now. After his dad has him for a week he may be back on suicide watch, again. Ugh. Plus the possible court /custody nightmare to come.

But since kiddo was talking this out in counseling (which is good), the downside is that both of us are informed. So there's no way to keep it from his dad.

Featured Answers



answers from Portland on

Talk to his counselor, but I have a feeling that identifying the person in a line up may give him a very good sense of POWER that HE can do something to make the bad man pay for what he did.

I am sorry that this happened to him. I guess next time he goes into the locker room you either need to stand guard at the family dressing room if they have one, or one of the life guards should go with him.

I'll be honest and say that I don't really understand what happened today in the locker room, but I can see that it was devastating for you and him; and for that I am so sorry!

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7 moms found this helpful


answers from Fargo on

I've kind of been through this. I had a friend and her son over to my house when my daughter was 6 (boy was 8)...they were playing a video game and we were sitting in the next room when my daughter came up to me and whispered they needed to leave and that the boy had tried to touch her private and was sticking his tough in her mouth. So not exactly what you are going through. I set up an apt with her counselor and her father was notified. Im so sorry you are going through this. Im so glad he was able to tell you!

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3 moms found this helpful

More Answers


answers from Albany on

Swear to God, I'll come there myself and take them all down for you, R..


16 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Are you freaking kidding me? The guy is still alive? I'm with Theresa...we'll fly out together and teach the prick a lesson or won't be pretty!!!

Now as to you? PLEASE DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS!!! You did NOT know it was going to happen. You did NOT intend for this to happen.

I am hoping that your son is telling you everything and that this guy just touched him (That's bad enough) but not keeping something from you so you won't get upset with him....and I know you are NOT upset with this coming out right????

any way - you are in my prayers. let me know what i can do!!

16 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

Oh gads so of course dad gets to twist this around to mom doesn't protect you or some BS story like that. :(

I would go with using dad's doucheness to your advantage. Like if you want to persue this in court say you don't want to put the boy through that. You know damn well dad will drag him through prosecuting the pervert. Ya know what I mean. Do the opposite of what you want to do so dad "forces" you to do what you want.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I hate it all for you, R.. It makes my stomach churn.

OK. I hope I don't seem incredibly insensitive here. (Trust me, I would want the guy stringed up by his pervert balls.) IF (I hope!!) they find the guy, is there a way to keep this hush-hush from your ex? I just HATE asking if your son would be willing to keep this secret. I wonder if it would give your ex ammunition, that could turn out to be more harmful then the incident. I don't know, I could just be speaking gibberish. I've not been in a situation like this. I just hope you son is OK. I hope he stops feeling guilty :(

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Wow. I am so sorry this happened to your son and to you. Stay strong. And when you feel you can't be anymore, know that we are here to be strong for you.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Savannah on

I agree with Ephie: You are a good mom, a strong, smart, resourceful, present mom. You got this.
I have no idea what to say, except that I think it's awesome that he told you. I'm really sorry that this happened, that you and he have had this dropped in your laps to deal with, and that I have no amazing advice to solve it all and heal the world.
Sending a cyber hug...

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Cumberland on

Follow through on identifying the guy-it will feel great and will be a powerful step in the right direction for your son.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

OMG. I am genuinely so sad for you and especially your son. I hope they get the sicko, pedophile that did this!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on

R., I am sooooo sorry. What a terrible trial for you and your son. What the hell is wrong with your ex? Your son will cure the pedophiles of their pedophilia? And the courts can't see this?

No wonder you hate the world right now - I don't blame you.

I have nothing to say that is helpful - I just want to send you a big hug.


5 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

After hearing what's been going on in your life, I can totally understand now why people see fit to take their children to another country and hide out forever. Wouldn't it be nice if a well-traveled, smart person such as you had friends/relatives in other parts of the world who would be willing to help? Sending you hugs. I can only pray that what goes around, comes around and something big and heavy is due to be coming around on someone pretty soon, shouldn't it? Sending you a big hug from the other side of the country.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Sarasota on

I'm so sorry this happened.

Advice? You seem very resourceful and well travelled...maybe it is time to take your son on a nice long vacation somewhere.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I wish I had some advice, but here are some hugs...

It really sounds like you are doing all you can, hang in there!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

No advice. But I am SO SO SO sorry to hear that this happened. Good thing the kid has you for his mom. With you in his corner, you know he'll be okay. Hang in there.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I'm so sorry. I hope you and your son have a happy ending out of all this hell you are both encountering. I hope this makes your bond stronger and he sees you are a devout mom who he can count on thru good and bad. Put him in self defense classes.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

First and foremost, I'll repeat what others have said... you repeat after me, "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. IT'S NOT YOUR SON'S FAULT." Period, end of story.

Only you and your son, with the help of a counselor will know how best to proceed (prosecution with a child advocate, and/or no prosecution but talking it through with a counselor), but the blessing here is at least your son told you.

He needs to know you'll support him no matter what he decides, and overall, that telling you what happened was the right thing to do. Working with a counselor he CAN develop defensive skills so he knows how to handle this in the future and that it's not his fault. Although I say you fight FOREVER to keep him away from the known pedophile relative, that's just common sense.

Blessings and hugs. And please, do find a support group. I've seen a few of your previous posts and it's obvious you're going through more than most mama's...

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Oh wow. The tears in my eyes have not stopped flowing today after the Olympic stories and now this. I feel like I know you just as well as those girls on TV ;) . Sending hugs. Wish I had some advice.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

I feel bad for your son! You all sound crazy!!



answers from Spokane on

poor kid. i would ask him how he feels about going to court to get the person who did this to him. if he says no he doesnt want to i would leave it alone. if he wants to then go for it.
how old is he. he needs to tell the courts that he no longer wants to go to his dads. or request that it be supervised. i feel for you and your sweet boy.
my own daughter was fondled by her cousin (6 at the time). she was 4. i asked her what happened and she told me then i explained how it wasnt ok. things he did (nothing with going inside her and yes i checked her out) was insane to me. hes had to see it happen somewhere. she hasnt been to his house since and we just moved to washington so she will never see him again. i am very carefull with my daughter because she is a pageant girl. so i pick and choose outfits carefully to not set the wrong opinion for her. but as far as everyday life we talked about what happened for a week or so then dropped it all together. now she is fine.

i know its a longer process for your son and i pray for him that he will be on the mend to recovery :)

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