Good Ol' Hormones

C.,

My first is 7 weeks and I feel EXACTLY the same way!!! I was just having this conversation with a girlfriend last night about how I'm so nasty to anyone and everyone like they should just leave me alone and let me & my daughter be!

I get mad at my family, my husband's family (especially them), people in stores, pretty much anyone who comes in contact with me and doesn't treat me with kid gloves. I have even gone off on people for almost no reason and I can't even believe I'm doing it. TOTALLY not me!

Anyway, sorry I can't offer any advice, just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

Be Well,
A.

You are so funny!! I used to be the same exact way!! It is a little of both I think. When you are a first time mom and anyone that even looks at your baby better watch out. YOu will learn to calm down a little not a lot. It's a motherly instinct I think. I also think that it takes awhile for your body to adjust to your new life. Hormones suck and being tired on top of that is awful.
When I had my second I noticed I was a lot different. Things will get better. People understand don't worry!!
I used to hate when people (strangers) touched my baby when I was out. Especially on the hands of face. I would straight out tell the people "please don't touch her hands". There are so many diseases and things out there. You want to protect them from everything. It will still linger because I am thinking about home schooling my children.
You are having all the right feelings. Babies change the mother especially. Plus we can be a littel crazy at times we deserve it.he!he!
Your doing a great job and you sound like an astounding mother!!

I think it is both: hormones and mother's instinct.

You definitely are still riding the hormone wave at the 3 month mark, especially if you are breastfeeding. I think mine got better around the 4 month mark, but I didn't breastfeed.

You may notice as your daughter becomes better able to "protect" herself: sitting up, rolling over, swatting something away, manipulating things with her hands, etc.. that you are less on the attack at all times. I also found that as my daughter spent more time with other kids, I became less crazed. I have a group of moms that I am close with and we have regular playdates. Seeing all the kids interact and how the moms "do their thing" helped me put my anxieties into perspective. I also got to see how my daughter handled "situations" and what a tough cookie she could be!

I know what you mean about the in-laws though. I felt the same way. I think there is almost a loyalty issue or something there. I know I felt like they were suddenly all interested in our life and wanted to know things, yet, I felt they didn't really deserve that info/attention. They had never had the interest before and were not that close to us, however they felt somewhat entitled once I became pregnant. It used to freak me out. I don't know about your situation, but my in-laws, surprisingly, have had very few opinions about what my husband and I do in regards to parenting. They were a little more vocal in the beginning (first couple months or so) but have backed off in the last months. I think (or hope) that there is a certain level of respect there; we are raising a happy, healthy baby and perhaps even avoiding some of the pitfalls they fell into when they had children. I remember being SUPER sensitive to any comments that weren't glowing compliments of either my baby or my parenting for the first few months though.

What I used to try to do was plan out any interaction with them. I was not one to play "pass the baby" with my newborn and my husband agreed with me. We of course let the grandparents hold her, but for a limited amount of time and then she was either being fed or was put down to sleep. I would not allow any visitor to disrupt her schedule/needs. That used to give me more of feeling of control which in turn, made me less aggressive about protecting her. I also tried to not listen to any advice/comments made by someone who I didn't consider worthy of doling out mother-advice. I used to put on a pleasant blank face and try to not hear to the best of my ability. What I did hear, I just filed in my brain under "tidbit from unnecessary source".

That mother-protector instinct is a good thing; it is there to help you have the strength to protect your child under any conditions. I think it is just about keeping it in check and knowing when it may have run amok a smidge. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your daughter and you should be very confident in your ability to keep her safe; you're on it! HTH

Dear C.,

After birth our hormones can be off balance for up to a year. Being a first time mom plays into the over protection as well , becasue it's all new to you and you look at things differently. I'm sure prior to your precious bundle of joy arriving you never really noticed how close people walked by you, or how fast your hubby really drives or paid attention to the Lysol commercials showing all those green germs on door nobs and pens... In laws are another matter. They are usually insensitive and make a new mom feel like she doesn't know what they are doing. The plus is this is your kid not theirs and you have every right to for example ask them to wash their hands before touching the baby and to respect all your wishes on how to raise the baby. If they really frost your cookies, put the hubby on them. It's his parents not yours he should tell them what's ok and not ok. But remember they will always be there and the only thing that gets me through my in-law visits and the like is they did one good thing, they had my hubby. Best of luck and keep those claws out you never know who's around you.

A. B.

C.,
I hate to sound like a new mother instruction manual but it sounds a bit like postpartum. I did a lot of reading and talking with doctors because I had it and didn't know what was going on, I was having severe mood swings. Anyway it's very common during postpartum depression to be fiercely over protective of your child, it doesn't mean you're depressed, your hormones are out of wack (especially since you're breastfeeding) and will take a few months to regulate. So you'll find yourself reacting to situations in ways you never thought you would.

For now I would try to take your baby to less crowded areas of the city (if that's even possible)or walk with her in a park where you have more room to stay away from people. As for the grandparents tell me about it! My mother-in-law fed my daughter icing when she was 4 months old and I wanted to deck her. Why do grandparents spoil their grandchildren with sugar?

it's just new mom stuff & hormones. i was a freak for a long time with my baby boy. i nursed him for 13.5 months & it took me until he was 18 months to gain control back of my body & thought processes. i don't think you'll ever be the same as before baby though, i'm not...you will always be overprotective & want constant control if that is your personality and even 10 times as much with a new baby. it's all normal & relative to the process!! no worries! :)

Absolutely hormones!! Breast feeding adds to this. Your bond with your child is alot deeper. Being a first time mom also has something to do with it, but mostly it's your hormones and this will continue while you breastfeed.

I'm a first-time mom of a 7 month old and I can relate to your situation. Give yourself a lot of credit for acknowledging these feelings and that they even exist! At least you are aware of what is going on, even if you feel like you can't control it right now.

My problem w/ the in-laws was that I was very sensitive to unsolicited advice. As a first-time mom you are trying to do the best you can and figure things out on your own. I eventually had an open conversation about this with my mom-in-law with another relative who was griping about *her* daughter-in-law! It was nice to be able to be frank -- I said to them both -- "Don't you remember being a first time mom? Did you appreciate your mother-in-law telling you that you were doing things wrong or that her way was better?" I think that brought things into perspective. I told them that I just want to give things a try my way and if that doesn't work then we'll try it your way! A lot of it boils down to respect. I think we have a better, mutual understanding now that I was able to get that off my chest.

Also, now that my daughter is a little older, and I am no longer BF, I think I am less stressed too, and that helps. I found the few weeks of weaning to be a bit of an emotional roller coaster, so just be prepared for that when that time comes!

I feel that the protectiveness comes with the territory of being a first-time mom. You're normal! Enjoy this precious time with your little cub, mama bear!

Ask your doctor to check your thyroid levels. I have definitely become much less laid-back and calm about things since becoming a mom. I used to be so even tempered... Anyway, that is a symptom of thyroid issues and I was recently diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. It could just be new mommy stress but it doesn't hurt to have it checked out. Good luck!

I think you and I would be good friends. I went through exactly the same thing, and I have to say, it lasted until my son was about 2 1/2. Not that I am not protective now, but the feeling of wanting to cause bodily harm to anyone who got to me. The one exception is, of course, my in-laws. They are truly a piece of work, and the things they do drive me nuts (coughing into their hands and then touching my son on face and hands, smoking in their house, trying to feed him peanut butter cups because they are "soft". And the criticism! But BECAUSE they are his grandparents, I am supposed to look the other way and let this all go. I cried most of the first X-Mas when we were there out of frustration. What you are feeling is completely normal, and your doctor should tell you that. I was so protective that I refused all medications while my son was nursing (2 1/2 years), but looking back, an anti-anxiety drug would have helped me. I couldn't even let my husband take the baby for a walk alone. I guess I felt that if I wasn't there, something could happen to him that I couldn't fix. Ok, so something could happen with me there, too, but post partum hormones, nursing hormones, and sleep deprivation did not add up to a rational frame of mind for me. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to do, and that is protect your child. Follow your gut instincts, and do whatever makes you feel better. This is a crazy time for you - your body is very different, and you should do whatever you feel like doing. I wound up cancelling my son's bris (Jewish circumcision) because I didn't like the way the doctor sounded on the phone. I cried about it for 3 days because I felt like I was letting everybody down and denying my son an important custom. Turned out, that particular doctor had made some major goofs in the past, and our friends wound up in the ER because their son wouldn't stop bleeding. Do I regret following my instincts? Not for one second. You are a great mommy, and your little one is lucky to have you. When my inlaws tell me I am too over protective, I tell them that I am not willing to take a chance, and I'd rather have that label than to know I made a mistake which cost me something so precious. Of course, they continue to say it, but who cares? Hang in there!

Compeltely normal. I remember when my son was first born I hovered around everyone like a hawk when they held him, and did not let him stay in another room without me. I had a c section, so chasing them around was painful and exausting. My parents and my sister and her family was up and they were dissapointed that I would not let them have the baby to do whatever they wanted. I breastfed too, but I think it is just natural. You will calm down, eventually.

Hi C.,

As a mother of two beautiful teenagers, I understand how you feel. First baby, all this is new to you. Being over protective is common you are not alone. However when it comes to the point that you are getting so upset over the small stuff then it is time to take a deep breath and know your child is safe with you. People are not out there to hurt your baby. In fact it is the other way around. Keep this in mind and you might look at other people as friends not the enemy.

Yes your hormones are raging and you might not be getting enough sleep. All of this can increase your over protective feelings. This will pass. Enjoy the breast feeding, take your strolls, try to get some more sleep.

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C.

C.,

I know what you mean. When I had my first childe, she is now 5 years old I was the same way. I think definitly the hormones are playing a very active role in this situation as well as first time mom. The hormones for me did not get back to normal for some time - 18 months to be exact. I was a different person for a while, it will pass. Just be sure to check in with yourself and be sure that this is not accompanied by a lot of anxiety or depression...post pardum depression is more common than we all think.

I now have an adoptive 7 month old son and I am also 7 months pregnant. Many of the things that I experienced with my first child I am not experiencing with my son. I think that most of it has to do with hormones after pregnancy. My first OBD told me that it normally takes about 1 year for our bodies to be back to normal..for some women even longer.

Good luck

Hi C.,

A lot of what you are experiencing is from your hormones. Most first time moms are like this. You really need to pick and choose your battles. My only child is 16 years old, and even though SHE can drive me crazy at times, I would totally take someone's head off for hurting her or doing anything that would cause her pain, emotionally or physically, even now!! Or when someone else tells me how to deal with her, I still get VERY defensive of her.
You didn't really state whether or not you LIKE your in-laws, but then again, in-laws are in-laws. But to your point, they are your daughter's grandparents. This does NOT give them full reign on how you do things with your daughter, but sometimes they can have wonderful insight in to day to day situations...after all, they have been parents!!!
As for people knocking into her stroller, I have come to the realization that most people in today's society are just plain rude. That is definately one of those battles that you either call them down and tell them how rude they are or you just sigh and make sure your daughter is ok and go about your business!
Hope this helps.

From an older "Mom" and a new "Nana" to a 7 month old grandson!!
K.

I'm pretty sure that you release hormones every time that you breast feed so that sounds about right....I wasn't that affected by the hormones but I can definitely tell you that moving out of the city certainly helped for me!

We moved from Chelsea to Rutherford, NJ and absolutely LOVE the difference. SOOOOOO much easier on your life when you have kids or a baby and the people in the burbs seem to "care" more about the kids than they do in the city.....even though these days NYC is VERY kid-friendly, I still got the vibe out at restaurants and travelling around that the typical NY'er could care less about me + my baby.

And everything is so much harder in the city - lugging baby gear into cabs and up 5 floor walk up apt's....and navigating a stroller on super busy streets w/ taxi's flying by and trying to get groceries....NYC is great if you are rich + have kids.

C., I was EXACTLY the same way with my daughter (1st baby), and it started from the moment my first visitors showed up in the hospital room! :)

It's totally normal--don't feel you have to apologize unless you really offend someone.

I felt bad (sorta) because I couldn't even deal with my dad or his wife, nor my father-in-law. I began to relax with the second one, but it wasn't until my third that I really started to raise the white flag. LOL...

Enjoy that sweetheart, and nurse her exclusively if you are so inclined (I saw your other post). My two boys never took a bottle. The time flies so quickly you won't even think about the "demands" of nursing as an inconvenience. :)

I've been super protective of my little one too. I'm very different. I also expect more courtesy than one gets in the city. I mean can't everyone see how precious our dear ones are?
I have no idea if its hormones or not.
This is also my first she's 4 and a half months.

I feel ya!!! In-laws are the worst too! Keep your distance and make sure your husband is on board to stand up for you with them. Let him keep them in line!
But breast feeding does affect hormones! Plus being a mom makes you a little over protective. When my 3 1/2 t.o. comes home from pre-school and tells me someone was mean to her I want to wring someones neck for hurting her! My husband tells me to relax! It is a MOM thing.
But yes pick & choose battles!!! But don't be ashamed of this feeling! You are a MOM and it is a proud badge of honor. This is YOUR baby! Your in-laws had their chance to be parents & it is YOUR turn now!

City living with a baby can be pretty stressful. I've done that too. Stick to the side streets, stay out of stores for a couple years, LOL! They're the worst. People think it's okay to just approach total strangers and look at their babies.

I think it just goes with the territory. Breastfeeding produces a hormone that I'm pretty sure makes a Mom pretty protective. Normal! I had a hard time letting my baby out of sight. I still remember totally panicking when the father insisted on letting his nieces take her for a walk on their own. These were girls who were used to babies and very responsible. When they safely returned her I was better after that.

Inlaws? They're not likely to go away and are probably pretty excited to have a new baby around. You're probably tired too which can frazzle your nerves. If you find it really out of control, get to learn EFT: www.emofree.com. It's very simple once you get the hang of it and it can be life-altering for getting rid of negative feelings in seconds.

S. Hoehner
www.sharethecause.com/detoxqueen

Hello Again-

You have nothing to worry about it has everything to do with breast feeding and your hormones, I would say maybe and month or 2 after you are done breast feeding everything will go back to normal, at least in my chase that is what happened

You are not crazy. What you are feeling is very normal. I am a first time mom as well with a 6mo daughter. I am just now getting to the place where I feel better about her in the world. I felt the same way you did, even toward my own mother, so don't feel bad. I have such a strong connection to my daughter and I feel like I know what she needs better and sooner than anyone else, even my husband! I have learned to relax a little and that I have to trust my instincts. If I am sitting on the couch and have a feeling or thought that I need to go check on the baby, I do. If I feel like she needs something, I take care of it. SO hang in there. You are doing great.

i can relate, becoming a mom def changes your perception of people. you now are completely responsible for this little being. how can someone see a mom with a baby and not let them pass, or say a million sorries after they bump into your precious stroller? maybe its society, they just arent as aware?? and yes, your hormones are out of control, but that might be unrelated. motherhood opens your senses and you are now more aware of your surroundings. maybe before you didnt notice the strange looking man around the corner, or maybe you werent concerned when the kid coming on the skateboard isnt looking where he is going. i think after having a baby, you are paying attention more to things that were always there, but didnt seem important till now.
as for inlaws, good luck. it took me 2 1/2 yrs to get to a place where i think we as a family were comfortable. of course we still have our disagreements but not as often. living too close does increase the problem. i would highly suggest talking to your hubby and make sure you are on the same page. if a big problem occures have your husband address it. if its something little, make sure you nicely but sternly make them aware of your decisions on the matt. a firstborn starts all traditions, so i would suggest you figuring out how you want things to be in the future. this is a stage where the inlaws are testing you(even subconsciously) to figure out how much pull they have. always be nice, always have husband on your side even if he doesnt agree with you, and always make your point clear.
you will be back to yourself in no time!!!

C.,

My daughter is now 13 months old and I had the same exact feelings and still do at times. While I felt that way with everyone I was particularly "protective" when it came to my inlaws. I breastfed and still do but I think it's just part of being a Mom. I have mellowed a bit now that my daughter is more independent and can easily let someone know if they are bothering her. I think for me the inlaw issue is more about the fact that they think because they are the grandparents they know best and I don't trust anyone who thinks they know more about my daughter then I do. Make sense? As I said, once your child is a little less defenseless you'll mellow some I suspect.

I still feel that way ;) It's your mama instinct! Hormone-wise, they say up to hear after you stop breastfeeding.

I was the same way with my son until he was about 7 months. I freaked out when people touched him, didnt hold him right, hit my shopping cart, i actually yelled and pushed a woman in walmart who bumped into my shopping cart twice! its totally normal to feel that way, its your motherly instinct to protect your baby...i still breastfeed my son who is 11 months - the city is nuts but i dont know that it has anything to do with it, i live in the middle of nowhere NJ in the mountains! you will relax a bit, its just "new mommy" syndrome! good l uck and congratulations!! D.

It is so funny that you mentioned this. I went through the same thing. I was never one to have much of a temper, but about a month before my daughter was born boy did I get one. I thought I was going crazy. I could get so angry, even enraged. It really wasn't like me. I can't remember how long it lasted...maybe 6 months or even a little more. My daughter is two and a half and I feel back to my old self now. Although still a protective Momma, not an angry Momma.
I really never thought to blame hormones, but you are probably right. That as well as lack of sleep!
Over the years, I have been trying to work on myself and be more accepting of people and situations that can get me peeved. For that 'smaller' part of me that could get angry from time to time without the help of any hormones...it has helped. I'm sure each person has to find the technique that works for them in that regard.

I wish you all the best!

It may be hormones and like someone said could be thyroid but either way let your OB know and have blood work done.

Also as a 1st time mom I had a hard time letting ANY ONE do anything for my daughter. It had to be my way or it was wrong and if I wasn't doing it, it was wrong! You must make yourself and will learn to let others do things for the baby. Just because it isn't our way doesn't mean it is wrong.

As for the in-laws talk to your husband when things come up and be on the same page and have him set the rules with them as you should with your family. We live acrost the shared driveway from my parents and 5 miles from his. Distance has nothing to do with things the RULES DO!!! We established rules early and at times they are still tested but most of the time it isn't an issue. As the children get older there become other things to set rules for with the extended family but cross those bridges as you get o them. A.