Going to Work for the First Time Since Having My Kids

Updated on April 20, 2011
A.B. asks from La Follette, TN
6 answers

i have not work since having my first child 6 yrs ago my youngest is 2. i went back to working last week and i feels so guilty that i am not at home with my 2 yr old son like i was with my daughter. i miss him so much while i am at work what can i do to stop the feeling that i am abandoning him durning the day.

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answers from Redding on

I went back to work after my divorce. It was tough, I won't lie. But, I didn't see it as abandoning my children. I was PROVIDING for them. I had no choice. I was very fortunate in that I had a daycare provider who treated my son just like one of her own kids. My daughter, 10 years older, was fine on her own and welcome at the daycare too. I didn't get charged for her since she helped out a lot with the other kids.
I kicked butt at work and my kids were really proud of me. I really focused on feeling good about myself and being able to provide for my children. The first few weeks is the hardest. But you'll get into a routine and I really believe things will be okay. Don't guilt yourself because it was one way for one kid and different for the other. You are very fortunate to have a job and I think you should let it build you up in your esteem so that you can, believe it or not, be an even better mother. Your little one will miss you too, but it's perfectly okay for him to have his own little social life and experiences.
My kids turned out to be really well rounded and good individuals.
My youngest, my son, often has dinner cooking for us when I get home from work. He's 15 and incredibly responsible. He has never once given me a guilt trip. In this day and age, married or not, many moms work. We really make the most of the time we have in the evenings and on the weekends to cut up, be silly, watch movies, go on walks. He's in high school now so his days are pretty busy too. We are very close. He still adores his mom more than anybody.
It will take some time. My advice is to do the absolute best job you can when you're at work and then be the absolute best mom you can be when you're at home. No one's perfect, but our kids don't expect that from us even if we expect it from ourselves.
You and your kids will be just fine. You really will.

Best wishes.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Harrisburg on

I wish I could stay home with my daughter most of the time. I went back to work when my daughter was 12 weeks :o(.. (I work three 12 hour shifts a week). I tell myself that I have to work to provide for my family and that it allows me to get the things my daughter needs and to have some extra money for fun stuff. I also feel more balanced, ie. I get some adult time. Some days it is hard to go to work, and I want to just stay home and cuddle and play with her but working makes our time together so special.
I have a collage of her pictures at work to keep me focused on why I am there.
Best Wishes!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Modesto on

You arent abandoning him, you are giving him a certain quality of life that you wouldnt have without the income. Second child doesnt require that lone Mom time that the first one does in my opinion....He gets a more experienced piece of you than the first child got, dont fret. Just doctor you work area up with lots of cute pics of your kiddo's.... they will keep you smiling till you get home to the real thing :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Nashville on

Try and remind yourself that you are working for the betterment of your family. With you working it will help you have the ability to do more things, vacations, etc with the kids. Your youngest will have a different childhood where he will experience being around other children, being with someone other than mommy or daddy, etc I am a stay at home mom and would feel the exact same way so maybe some working moms will give you some better advice but know that your youngest is not going to suffer, it is just a different childhood. Spend alone time with him as much as you can on the weekends. Take him on special lunches, for ice cream, etc.
Lastly, do you have to work? I assume you do b/c you went back to work but if it is so much sadness to you, can you make sacrafices so you can work only PT? I am considering working again and I am thinking PT would be a good option. good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Louisville on

Find little ways to spend time with them like reading a book. An cut yourself some slack believe it or not u need time away.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

I know that feeling, you are not abandoning her, you are working for them, sometimes we can give more quality then quantity.
I remember on episode of The Simpsons when Homer had to sacrifice and work in the power plant and he had a sign in his desk saying "Don't forget, you are here for ever" and he cuts pictures of his baby Maggy and put them in the sign in some way that instead it says: "Do it for her".

Make the times you are with them count and so does the ones you are not, at the end both will pay when they know how much you love them and how much you did for them.

Every family is different and have different needs and believes but I think most if not all the moms in here have something in common and is that we all do what we do for love and care of our family and is nothing bad about that.

1 mom found this helpful
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