Going from One to Two

Updated on June 02, 2010
K.B. asks from Savannah, GA
6 answers

Hi Ladies!

I am days away from having my second baby; my first child is an 18 month old little boy. My second baby is also a boy. I am a SAHM and my husband works full time and we have a great relationship.... My question is this:

What were some things that you wished you knew going into becoming a mother of two rather than one? What were some things that really helped you out with a toddler and newborn? What were some things that you wished you had been better prepared for?


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So What Happened?

Thank you so much for your candidness. I teared up reading some of your responses! I look forward to more responses, I have them saved on my desktop so I can read them later on in life and remember things I may have forgotten. Hopefully today is the day we meet our new guy, but I guess we'll see!

More Answers


answers from Dallas on

My two boys are almost 2 years apart exactly. So, this is my advice:

Your older son can 'help' with the baby. It will help curb jealousy, and teach him how to be a good big brother and help him feel needed. He can help, by bringing you a diaper, helping get a blanket, help entertain the baby with peek a boo, softly rubbing baby's back... Also, when you are feeding the baby, your older son can sit next to you, hold the baby's hand, stroke his head, it will help keep him out of trouble so you won't have to go around chasing him, and he can get in some bonding time as well.

Give your older son some activities he can learn to do to entertain himself when you are needing to care for the baby, so he won't be underfoot or crying for attention. Learn to determine what his triggers are, so you can be prepared before they happen.

Another thing, is when your older child is napping... spend that time napping yourself with the baby. You need the rest. Then, wake up a little before the toddler and do chores or whatever you need to do.

Also, getting two children ready to leave can be majorly stressful, especially if it's during the day and you are by yourself. Get ready first, then the oldest, then the baby. Bring a little bag of snacks with you when you go out, and have a double stroller.

I got my oldest son a little backpack for his things that he could carry so all the baby items and mine could be in a single diaper bag. So much easier this way.

Or, what I did, was not run any errands until dad came home and I would take off by myself! Or, I would bring only one child, to give him a break from having to deal with a sibling all day. I take turns bringing one child for mommy/child dates out.

Also, you don't need to always double up on toys. If we had 2 of everything, it would be a nightmare. On some favorites we have 2 (like a magnadoodle since it's a good quiet toy for car/dr office/church), but letting them learn to share and take turns is much easier.

One last thing. This sounds silly, but when we go out, I dress my boys very similarly and in similar colors. It is easier to spot them if one takes off running and easier to dress them as well.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

The one thing I wish is that someone told me how important it is to make sure you are giving equal love. Sounds simple I know but I have a 5 year old son and a 10 month old son with a surprise third son on the way due to arrive mid september. And I have become painfully aware that with all the milestones the baby is making and the fact that he can't talk back yet has made me a much harsher mom to our oldest. I assume because he is capable of doing more for himself, that I let him. He has become more needy and whinny and I react negatively which is the beginning of the breakdown in the relationship of love and most of all trust. You must keep your word and set aside alone time with each child. I am learning that the hard way. Just because he can do for himself does not mean he should.No matter their age they still need their mom. Reading your question has made me say it out loud that I need to be a better mother to my 5 year old. Treasure everything instead of focusing on being overwhelmed because it can make you a very bitter withholding mother. I hope this helps you a little because it helped me so thanks...

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

First of all...congratulations. You are twice blessed!
The main thing that I wish I knew when my girls were small was to enjoy it all. I wish I had a better faith life then. I tried to control everything and was disappointed when things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to be.
Children are a true blessing. Now I have a teenager, a middle schooler, an eight year old and a two year old.
I look back with nostalgia to the days when they were babies. Enjoy each moment and each day with them as a total gift from our creator.
Children with multiple siblings are more giving and loving and better prepared to cope in the world. Their greatest life lessons are learned right here in our family.
I am so proud when they make the right decisions and choose to love one another. Each one of our children is unique and has their own gifts to share. I couldn't imagine life without them.
Read the book called, "The Traveller's Gift" by Andy Andrews. I am sure you will enjoy it.
God Bless you and your family!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

You've gotten some great advce already. The only thing I would add is the 2 pieces of equpiment that were life savers were (if you don't have them already)...
1. A Baby Bjorn or some sort of carry pouch or sling for newborn. It will free up hands while at the park with your toddler.
2. Double stroller. Invest in a good one since your guys are so little and so close in age. You will be using it for at least the next 2 years.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on

Mine are 18 mos apart, too.
I tried to prepare my first-born for the birth of her brother, but I guess nothing can really prepare any of us for major life changes. I enjoyed spending lots of one-on-one time with my daughter in the days before her bro's arrival, and tried to carve out some time here and there to do the same after he was born.

I wasn't prepared for.......
How much she loved "her" baby. Of course, that didn't mean she didn't have flashes of jealousy/anger. It's the same 12 yrs later. :-)

How much I'd appreciate small things like friends who put meals in the freezer or who entertained the toddler for awhile.

Something that really helped: having a large circle of like-minded moms to share laughter and tears, play dates and babysitting "trade-offs", advice and baby gear.

Something I didn't realize then: How that, even though I worried about not having the time/presence of mind any longer to do all the "right" things (like never allowing processed food; or always responding with the greatest of patience), my being "lax" actually was for the best. "Letting go" and "going with the flow" made for a happier family, imho. What I mean is, have fun and, if you're like I was, stop trying to do everything "perfectly". The times you're dealing with the toddler cutting her own hair or hiding in the dryer may be the times the baby learns to roll over or entertain himself for awhile.

Best of luck to you!



answers from Charleston on

My husband and I are in the exact same situation, at least we were almost 4 years ago! The boys are now almost 4 and almost 5.5, and we have survived so far! Is the older boy still taking morning naps? Get them on the same nap schedule in the morning and afternoon. I usually woke the baby up a little earlier in the morning and after afternoon nap so I could feed him and be done when brother woke. It will be a very busy time! Some things to keep in mind that are the same as when the 1st one arrived: nap when they're napping, then do whatever chores when they're awake and talk about it to them ("Mommy's folding clothes: blue shirt, red pants, Daddy's underwear..."). I never said I couldn't do something with the older because of the baby, I said "yes, let's do that in a few minutes!" The older learned to listen well and follow instructions, as when I couldn't get something because I was feeding the baby, I had to tell him where something was/how to do something instead of doing it for him. Keep calm and they will soon be entertaining each other!!

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