Myself Going Back to Work - Fontana, CA

do you really HAVE to go back to work ? could you cut back in the areas you spend and live a little more simply to be able to be with her ? i empathize for you. the only advice i can share, having done the same thing with my second child at 6 weeks post pardum - yeesh! - is, you get used to it, but it is heart breaking at first - just stay VERY busy at work so you don't have too much time to think about it and the day goes by faster. if the caregiver is family maybe they could visit you at lunch time with her a couple times a week. my husband would bring my son to my work 2x week so i could breastfeed him and hug him. good luck !

I'm so sorry M.! Working stinks when you have such a cute, amazing baby at home. Going back to work is really hard, and I should know. My daughter is 4 1/2 months old and I went back to work five weeks ago. First of all, don't read any blogs with stupid people saying THEY didn't go back to work and that is the best thing for the child and why would you work etc etc. Some of us have to work! You are a good mom who is providing for your child. Your daughter is fine, she's tough and knows that you love her. Also, you are leaving her with someone who cares about her and they will be playing and having fun all day. Don't think about it right now, enjoy your last week together. When you go back to work, put pictures up all around your desk. Call and talk to her as much as you want. Go in the bathroom and cry. We have it much harder than they do! You'll get through it!

My children are 18 yrs. old and 15 yrs. old but it is like yesterday when I had to go back to work with each child. I always felt real guilty and was jealous of others that were able to stay home. I took pictures of the kids to keep on my desk and was hard in the beginning. I always made sure I spent all the time at night and on weekends with them. Alot of quality time! Our children turned out great. Our oldest is in his first year of college and loving it. Both of our kids were always in sports and knew their parents loved them alot. Just had to both work!

Sigh. I am a working mom too! It will be hard but remember that it is okay to cry. I remember crying all the way to work and then trying to compose myself enough to be able to teach 1st period (I teach HS). Keep yourself busy at work. Surround yourself with pictures so that you can see her if you'd like (it might make you sad at first but I love having pictures of my boys behind my desk!) Make sure that whomever is taking care of her knows that you want to know all about her milestones--I would always get sad when my husband (who stays home with our kids during the day) would say, oh yeah, he's sitting up now, or oh yeah, he said this the other day...

Good luck! There are lots of us in your shoes and know what you're feeling right now! :( When she gets older you can call her and just talk to her and her her coo's or hear her voice too!! :)

Hi M.,
My heart goes out to you! When my son was 7 weeks old I went back to teaching full time. I cried for a couple of weeks before going back to work and then I cried on the way to work and when I dropped him off. But, it does get easier! I remember someone at a staff meeting asked me the first day if it was hard to leave him and my eyes filled with tears and she immediately stopped asking and turned away. I think many moms empathize so hopefully you work with some other moms. I kept myself very busy at work for the first couple of weeks so I wouldn't think about it.

As far as missing milestones - that was one of my biggest upsets - a friend of mine told me she told her daycare lady not to tell her as she would be the first to see everything on her own. I thought that was a great idea. I actually didn't end up missing any milestones - they all happened when I was home.

Just remember to spend lots of time with her when you get home. I've read research that actually says that many working parents spend more quality time with their little ones that SAHM because they know their time is limited.

Just remember that aching in your heart will pass - give yourself time.

When my first son was born I knew I would not be able to go back to work. He was my son. So my husband ad I DRASTICALLY downsized and lowered our standard of living, and I stayed home and never regretted it. We got a lot of flak from relatives and friends, saying that we were not doing the best thing for our kids by lowering their standard of living. Untrue. Other kids had more "stuff", but I was far closer to my sons, and still am. They are now 23 and 21, and they say they would not have wanted it any other way. I eventually did day care from home to supplement our income. It was totally worth it. Not everyone is willing to lower their standard of living, especially in our society, but it is surprising how much money you can save when you sit down and take a hard look at your budget. Just an alternative to think about.

Why don't you find a home based business? There are so many out there and if you choose the right company, you can do really well.
I personally chose one when my kids were 1 and 3 years old and it has been wonderful.
If you'd like info on the company I chose, let me know.
(You can also do the home based thing alongside your JOB until the pay is good enough. It's the only way to go if you want to be with your kids. Plus daycare is so expensive that going back to work is almost not worth it.

Good luck!
R. Ness
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www.bec.myarbonne.com

I was a working mom with my son up until he was about 9 years old. I was never fully okay with it though and I still feel like I missed out on a lot with him but I had to do what I had to do at the time. I just made sure to spend more time with him when I wasn't working and we have a very good relationship.
I did decide to stay home though when he turned 9. A lot of factors were involved in my decision. I was in the middle of a nasty custody case with my ex whose new wife decided I was a bad mom and barely there dad wanted custody now...and I was going to court and spending a lot of my time with my lawyer, evaluators and mediators, so I was missing work anyway. I had always wanted to be a SAHM anyway so my husband and I sat down and looked at our finances to see if it was possible. We sacrifice a lot and struggle sometimes but I also got pregnant with my second child almost 19 months ago. Being home for her has been wonderful and my son who is now a pre-teen, facing all of the challenges and temptations that come along with that, well I'm here for him too. I miss the corporate arena sometimes but I fill my needs that way with volunteering and running a large playgroup. I can take my kids with me to almost all of it so they also learn philanthropy.

I'd suggest that you look at your finances and see if maybe if you cut back on a few things, if it wouldn't be possible for you to be home a little while longer. We don't go to the movies that often, or out to eat. We take one family vacation a year and we live on a tight budget most of the time, forgoing a few name brand foods for store brands but it's completely worth it for me and for my kids. :)

If it's not an option, give your daycare provider a camera and make sure she takes lots of pictures of your baby. Try to discuss with your bosses that if there are field trips or class activities that you will need to go to those. Schedule special time each night with your daughter where it's just "mommy and me" time. Don't be afraid to call the daycare often and if they have a problem with that, find another provider.

(btw, in case you're wondering, I have custody still...)

M.,
Going back to work isn't your only option - know there are alternatives. I was the bread winner in our household and walked away to be a full-time mom and I work from home. I love it! We have four children and I live in Lakewood. God has blessed us tremendously.
Send me an email, I'd love to talk to you about your options.
Being with your baby is important - especially if you desire to stay with her.
Looking forward to chatting.
P.

Going back to work was very hard for me too - but I have to say that the week leading up to it - and especially the night before was worse than when I actually went.
Survival tips:
1) Its okay to cry and worry and feel bad. Just do what you need to do to get to your first day.
2) Make sure your sitter is understanding of the fact that you will be calling several times to check in on your baby.
3) Take photos and whatever else you need with you to work :-)

The first week was hard, I was pretty distracted - its hard coming back anyway after such a long absence. But after a week I started getting more and more distracted with work and it got better.

What would I have done differently? Started on a Weds or Thurs - that way weekend is only a couple of days away.

Good luck to you and make every moment count with your little angel :-)

Hi, yes it is very difficult. I suggest starting back to work on Wednesday or Thursday - I think it is best for both of you. And, I believe it is far harder on you than the baby. It is ok to cry and call the sitter. Hang in there, I have been back to work for 8 weeks now and it is still h*** o* some days. I am trying not to say "bye-bye" to her because I don't want her to say it to me (when she is old enough). I say "see you later and I'll be back". Hang in there.

Hi M.,
Congratulations on the new baby. I understand how you feel. I went back to work when my son was 9 weeks old. I have to work - I have no choice. My son spent part of the week in daycare and part with my husband when he wasn't working. I left him with very reliable daycare and cried all the way to work. However, he did great and I felt better after I saw how happy he was there. Once he was a little older, the older kids there helped to teach him things, and he taught things to the younger kids. It turned out to be a great experience and although I would have liked to spend more time with him during the day, I made up for it by giving him my full attention after work and on weekends.

I think my son was much better off after going to daycare. He learned how to share, socialize, manners, etc. When he went to preschool at 3 years old, he did not cry (I did) and did great. When he went to kindergarten last Sept. he just said goodbye - other kids in the class were crying their eyes out and wouldn't leave their mothers. (I cried)

You will always feel sad that you had to go back to work - I do, but some of us have no choice and you have to know that you are doing what's best for you and your family. As long as your daughter is in a place that you trust, everything will be fine. Down the road you may be in a position where you can stay home and believe as bad as you feel now about, it will get easier.

Good luck,

L.

If your from California go to www.edd.ca.gov paid family leave. If not from California check with your state.

It is very hard to go back to work, I had to do it as well, just a few years ago. My son, Ian, is now three, and fortunately, my husband and I were able to divide the work, at home time, but that didn't make it easier for me, being the mom, who did have the closer bond at that point.
I wrote a letter, to my husband, and my son, saying that I knew it would be very different, and hard, but I was going back to work for our family. I said I knew that it would be hard for all of us, but, I was doing it to make our lives better, and easier. It was still very hard, and I did cry my first day back to work, but I knew I was making the best decision that I could make for my family.
The number one piece of advice I can give you is, don't let anyone else ever make you feel that the decision you made is wrong! You have to do what is right for your family. Every family is different, some mom's are lucky enough to get to stay home, but, most aren't. If you are doing your best to take care of your baby, you should feel proud, and try to to assuage your feelings of guilt.

Hi M.. I was the same way... cried just thinking about it. I cried the whole first morning while getting ready. And throughout that first day. And week, to be honest. As time has gone by, it has gotten easier. There are still days (I went back the first week of December) that I really miss my son. But I know that he'll be at home with a smile on his face when I get there. Point is, you're not alone. And if you're like me, you'll come to really cherish the time you do have with your daughter. You may even look forward to the break from her at times ;-) My only advise would be to take pictures of her with you and feel free to call your care-giver to check in... it always makes me feel better. Good luck!

It doesn't get easier with more children either. I cried all 3 times I went back to work. It does get easier once you go back though, and you don't cry all day. It is more like a few minutes on the way to work. The biggest issue is making certain your precious baby is in good hands while you are at work. That is a real mind pleaser. You may think you will cry all day - I promise, you won't. She will know it isn't you taking care of her, but she will be taken care of...and enjoy her time with you all the more. You will get through it. Pray for God to comfort your heart, it works!!! Good luck & God Bless You!

Do not do this to yourself becasue this will soon lead you to see a doctor and be diagnosed with DREPRESSION then given medication. U do not need Meication this will only drown you with more problems and make difficult for you to care for you little one. It is a process that you need to learn and accept. Yes, it is your creation and bundle of JOY but as long as your baby is in good care do not worry! Many mother's do it daily. When you get home, you well appreciate it your baby more then ever. Just think of what your mom and dad did for U!!! Good Luck

Don't toughen up and force yourself purely for the sake of financial gain. Do the minimum you have to - and then leave.

You have a much more important job now. Good luck!

M.,
Be gentle with yourself. The truth is that your body is still highly hormonal and no amount of rational thought is going to keep you from having your experiece. I have two kids and when I went back to work after each I was a wreck(and I only had to work one night a week). It was a couple of months for the first and a couple weeks for the 2nd. Be patient and know that things will balance out.

I've been back @ work for 2 weeks now .. and it was really hard in the beginning. You will cry, and that's ok! If at all possible, maybe start out not working a full 8 hr day, but work your way up to it. Or maybe take a longer lunch and visit with her then if you have time. I carry a photo album of my son with me in my purse, it helps to look at when I want to see his precious face and when I'm pumping my milk too!
I also call home once a day and talk to him on the phone. My husband says his face lights up when he hears my voice!
It is a very hard thing to leave your new baby, but it does get easier and eventually you will enjoy the time you get to spend interacting with other people and not talking in a baby voice!

I am a strong believer of "where there is a will, there is a way."

I obviously don't know your financial situation, but maybe you can look at other jobs/companies where you only have to work part-time.
Other things to think about though, a friend of mine told me about her husband offering to work two jobs so she could be a stay-at-home-mom. Beware of this situation, your partner would be exhausted and miss your child's life (I've seen a dad crack).
If you do have to go back to work full-time, remember you are getting much needed socialization with peers and I'm sure you will find you are not the only mom who is at work missing their baby at home. It does make spending time with your child that much more valuable too!

I wish you the best!

I am not by nature an emotional person- my emotional roller coaster went more like this. I was scared to go back to work because I'd been off for a while, but as I pulled up to work the first day I got excited to be out of the house by myself and be working again, then I felt guilty for being excited... I never cried. But I'm not a cryer. The key is to look at the reality of the situation and realize that A) it's not going to be as h*** o* your daughter as you think and B) I'm assuming that you have to work, so look at it like your duty, something you have to do FOR her. Take a picture or something with you if you don't think that will make things worse- call to check on her as often as you want. Try to enjoy any parts of work that you used to enjoy, like chatting with coworkers or whatever. If possible it helps to go for shorter days at first, like maybe do a half day your first day if you can.

When I went back to work i called the sitter a few times a day to check on my son. When i put him in kindercare they wrote down what he did that day and when he did it. It made it a bit easier for me to be at work knowing that i would be able to read about his day when i got hime. They were also great about me calling when ever i wanted or needed to, to check on him. I also put his picture in my pocket and reminded myself that i was working in order to find a way to stay home again.
I wont lie it is hard to go back to work but it does get easier. It just makes your time with her in the eavenings more special.
Good luck to you
B.

Hi M., My heart breaks for you. My family also depends on my income but I have been blessed with a night position which pays more and that means I have to work less hours to bring home just enough to help out. The babies (4yr old girl and 8 mon twins girls) stay home with daddy at night and Im home with them during the day. My 4 yr old goes to preschool 4 days a week for 3 hrs, so I try to have the babies sleeping at that time so I can sleep. It isnt easy but it works for us and I am thankful the kids dont have to go to daycare. Is there and alternative work schedual for you? If not, just remember to make the most of each hour spent with you baby. I cried for the first 3 wks back so bring lots of tissue. Good Luck.

I had to leave both of my girls @ 12 weeks. It was really hard. I started back on a Thursday, so it was a short week the first week back.
My daycare provider was my neighbor. So I knew they were in good hands.

Have you thought about working from home? That is what I do and it enables me to be with my children and make a much needed paycheck. I would love to share with you what I do and you could see if it would work for you. Just send me an email or message.

Hi M., I feel for you that is really hard. I was working when my kids were very small, and it is so hard to leave them. Looking back now I'm not sure it was worth it. Between paying a sitter and fuel to go back and forth. Now my kids are both in school, and I have a home based business. I is wonderful!! I am here when they get home from school to help with homework. I never miss any activities they have, and I feel so much less stress. I know that this isn't an option for everyone, but it works out great for me. If you would like more information about my business, email me ____@____.com
Dana

I remember When I had to go back to work. My daughter was only 2 weeks I didn't have a choice. I am not sure if you able to visit her on your lunches but thats what I did. I know its not easy so hang in there it will eventually become a routine.

I returned to work when my daughter was 12 weeks and it was tough. I was lucky enough to find a care giver that would take photos during the day and email them to me. I also called every time I felt a little axiety about leaving her behind. My daughter is 3 now and I don't regret going back to work, however I am also a recent victim of the lay-off craze and have found a couple things to supplement my income for the time being while I look for work. You might want to look into something home based. Check out www.AHealthyHomeBiz.com if you're interested in a network marketing type thing. It hasn't made me rich yet, but the potential is great. I'm hoping it takes off before I find that real job so I can just stay home with my daughter. Whatever you decide to do, just be sure you appreciate the time you spend with your daughter no matter if it's full time or "after work". Best of luck to you!!

Hang in there! Will your daughter be going to daycare? Just think, this is a great experience for her to learn to interact with other children of different ages and become socially involved. She will grow from the experience and you as a Mommy may be more balanced in the end with having some "adult time" and interaction yourself. Believe me, I know it is hard, I will be heading back after my 2nd baby in August. I am dreading it as well. But as I look at my soon to be 5 year old son, and I am so thrilled how he has developed mentally and socially. Good Luck!

M., I'm sure it is very difficult. If there is anything you can do to stay home longer, work from home, get an at-home job, work an alternate schedule or anything to be able to avoid placing her in daycare - I would strongly recommend it. I've been blessed with not having to work and I truly believe it's where a mom should be. Here are some different links for you to consider.
http://www.HelpUStayHome.com
http://www.HirePoint.com

Blessings,
C.~
http://www.ToxicFreeFamily.net

People, she is going back to work, I am sure if she had any options to stay home or work at home, she would have explored that by now! Stop asking her if she's sure she has to go back. Many of us go back to work not just because we need to bring in the $$$, but also because we have put in a lot to build up our careers, and often spent money, energy, and time on graduate degrees or certifications. So, it's not always a consideration to just drop the profession we've worked hard at and find some different, "easier" way to earn money.

M. honey, good luck it will be tough, but all the anticipation of it is tougher than your first day will probably be. And before you know it you will settle in to a routine and things will be tolerable. It makes your early mornings and evenings with baby that much more enjoyable and precious! And don't worry, NO ONE replaces mommy. Less time with her during the day will not diminish your bond with her.

Others have given you great practical advice for how to get through the days, so I just wanted to say something reassuring and inspirational. Good for you for providing for your family. You and your daughter will remain as close as ever so be proud and productive while you are at work, and look forward to the reunion at the end of the day!

Hopefully you have a very consuming job and it will keep you distracted when you are at work. I am a teacher and found when I went back to work that the job was so encompassing that the time flew by and I didn't have time dwell on the fact that I was gone. Is there any way for you to work part time, or sometime from home? I know that what I pay for day care/preschool for three kids is almost half of my take home pay, and sometimes I wonder if it is even worth it. It is hard, but it gets easier every day. There really is no way around the things that are hard about it, but if someone you trust is taking care of your baby it is easier