Girls Hazing and Harassing My Son on Text. What Should I Do Next?

Updated on February 04, 2011
J.T. asks from Lytle, TX
18 answers

My son isn't really into the "I like you/ will you be my boyfriend thing" just yet. A couple of the girls really like him and one approached him today again. He declined and it hurt the girls feelings. The two friends apparently got upset with my son because he "hurt" their friend by saying no.
So a random text this afternoon to one of the girls goes like this..."Hey. What's up?" In which the girl replies..."DIE! DIE! Go out and cut your wrist. Go and jump in front of a train. DIE."
Well, it obviously upset my child and he attempted to respond to ask what he had done to make them say this, but only was responded with the words D-I-E.
I call the girl to let her know that I want to speak to her mother in which she replies with rudeness, cussing and finally a hang up. I attempted to call her mother, left a message. but no response. I want to know if there is anything else I can do to get these "parents" to communicate with me. I am more furious that they don't even care enough to speak to me about this. These "parents" are very wealthy well to do people in our community. It blows me away that they aren't taking this situation more seriously. What else can I do? Please help!!

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answers from Phoenix on

Keep the texts to show the school. I'd even file a complaint with the police. Take this very seriously and don't give up. I'd also disable text for awhile. Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I second everybody who said take this to the school principal AND the police. Tomorrow. THAT'S how you get the parents to listen to you.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Seattle on

- Contact the school for the parent's email address & to give them a heads up on the texts. "I need Suzy Q's Mom's & Dad's email info because Suzy Q is sending texts to my son telling him to die."

- Write an email to the parents with a copy of the text -either fwd'd to your email, pasted onto theirs-, and a brief note explaining that any further texts of this sort to your son and you will be contacting the police.

Unless you are good friend with the parents DO NOT answer calls from them, at this point... you really want any communication from them to be in writing. Because if you DO end up needing to go to the police "he said/ she said" carries a lot less weight then email transcripts.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I suggest that the best way to handle this is to tell your son to not text the girls. The girl's message to die occurred after he texted her. And he texts her again asking what is going on. You gave the answer. She's upset because he said no. He doesn't need to ask her. He knows. Help him to understand that he can't make everyone happy.

Help him learn diplomatic ways of saying no and to have enough confidence that once he says no he doesn't have to follow up with a text.

I suggest that you let it drop this time around. You cannot change what happened. You now know the girl is rude, lacks manners. It's likely the parents also know this and if they're working on it, they don't need further evidence from you. If they're not working on it they're not going to thank you for calling.

In the future, when you wish to talk with parents call during school time and leave a message so that your call will be less likely short circuited by a teen.

Yes, you're upset. You can't change anyone else. But you can have control of how you react to them. Is this situation worth the amount of emotional energy that you're giving it?

After reading the other responses. It's not against the law to be a bully. Yes, the school may be interested but the police won't be.

Also, I agree with Shane. If he doesn't have texting then this won't be a problem. Texting among teens is out of control. It's up to the parents to provide for their teens only as much as they can handle based on their maturity. If your son hadn't texted first I suggest the girl wouldn't have texted back. Sounds like he's giving her mixed messages. He told her no earlier and now he's acting like he wants to be friends.

Also, do you remember what it was like as a teen to be rejected by a boy or even another girl. It hurts. Telling your son to die, etc. is not appropriate. It is rude and inexcusable on many levels. At the same time I can feel a bit of sympathy. These kids are just learning how to get along in a boy and girl world. They're going to make mistakes. They need guidance and boundaries.

I'm even more sympathetic towards your son. Sounds like he's feeling insecure in this new sort of world. Life is complicated face to face. Texting is more complicated. Not being able to text seems like a good place to start.

You cannot do anything about the girl. You can guide your son, helping him to learn how to handle the rude kids in this world. He now knows this girl is trouble. Avoid her.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Birmingham on

I would do two things ... immediately call the school office or take that phone and proof of the text to the principal or a school official, counselor, etc. This is taken very seriously because of the anti-bullying efforts. Our school has a DARE/police officer that is there much of the time and the kids love him. He too would know what to do. I might go as far as calling the police station. They also take non-emergency calls and you can talk to an officer and get their suggestions.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

Document everything. Everything.
Tell the cops if you have to.

20/20 had a show on bullying. It takes many forms, in person, texting, online, websites made to bully others and say "die" on it, kids tormenting others afterschool on their way home etc.

Kids, have committed suicide over it.
The show 20/20 said this is a rampant problem, in our nation.
I'm sure if you go to their website, for the show 20/20, and do a search on "Bullying" you will get lots of info.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

o.m.g. wow. first, the school is going to be reluctant to get involved if it didn't happen during school hours. i agree with contacting the parents. they likely have no idea this is happening. if they don't call back, you need to take your son's phone and meet them face-to-face (usually parents will respond if you know you will go to the police) and show them exactly what their little darling has texted. DEMAND their daughter's phones be taken away immediatley, and that they receive counseling because if they can't text their hate, they are going to take it out some other way. especially since they got in trouble for it. you need to take care of this ASAP within the next 24 hours.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Redding on

Cut off all text messaging.
Problem solved.
Seriously. This is exactly why my son, who is 15, does not have texting priveleges.
It's not that I don't trust him, but I hear so much drama from kids who DO have it that there is no way. Period.
He does have a cell phone for emergencies, he went with his dad out of town on vacation and they were supposed to get up at 5am for a fishing tournament.
His phone started ringing at 2:30 am. He didn't answer it.
It rang 5 minutes later.
He didn't answer it.
Finally, his dad told him that if he didn't turn it off, it was going to be pitched into the lake.
Well, vacation time and I guess a girl didn't have anything better to do than play a prank and when my son didn't answer, she called another boy who said, "He'll answer for me" and that was the second call. And then they called a third person to dial the number.
My son and his dad were in the middle of nowhere with no electricity or TV or anything and the phone started ringing because kids were goofing off.
Even though they knew he was out of town.
His dad wasn't happy and I don't blame him.
I worked with the girl's mom and I mentioned that calling after a certain hour at night was not okay. Fine, they were goofing off, whatever, but a crank call chain at that hour isn't funny. I said my son wasn't allowed to be up all night on the phone. I wasn't even rude about it, but 11 on the weekends was pushing it as far as the phone.
That mom doesn't speak to me anymore.

Frankly, I don't care.

I'd been in the hospital and the only reason my son had his phone on was in case I called. Which I would never do unless it was an emergency at 2:30 in the morning.

One thing I know is that you can't count on other parents to have tact or take things seriously. And, your kid can't have texting or facebook or anything else unless you allow it.
Cut the texting off.
Do it now. Don't even hesitate.

It's not to punish your son, but obviously people who can communicate with him don't know how to do so properly.
Ban the texting.

Just my opinion.

And yes.....!!!!!!!!!!!
I would save the texts and show them to your local law enforcement agency.
There might be little they can do since he isn't being threatened. They are being mean.
Maybe they need someone to step in and let them know that being that mean, or stupid, or thinking they are funny, is a little more serious than all that.
Again, the first thing you need to do is cut off all texting.
The school, the police...whoever....
They need to know there will be no more communication because YOU are stopping it.
Don't even try talking to the mother again.
Just handle it.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on


2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

you did the right thing by reaching out to the parents first.. i guess you must try again.. do not bring this up to the principal just yet.. it might cause more trouble but if the parents decline to talk about this then that leaves you no choice but to go to school and report....

we're all been into this.. try to understand both sides.. its painful to be rejected... stay calm and be objective... ;)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

I would involve the school counselor and principal of the girl and save the text, print it out, document all that is said. If it escalates, press formal charges. Let your son knows he should avoid these girls. These are threatening messages sent by none less than a bully.

Honestly, the girl who almost got beat to death by a 15 year old kid was b/c they got into a text argument in which very upsetting things were said by both the boy and girl.

It's sad and a reality.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on's the thing....these things can escalate very easily if handled improperly. Obviously these two girls think they are supporting their friend that was rejected. And of course your son didn't mean to hurt her feelings. I think the very first thing I would do is take your son to the house of the girl that felt rejected. Have a chat with her and her parents. I'm quite sure they don't know what is going on and possibly a peacemaking conversation with the original girl will nip the rest in the bud. He can tell her honestly that he just isn't interested in dating ANYONE at this point but does care for her as his friend and didn't mean to hurt her feelings. He in fact didn't know he'd hurt her feelings until receiving the nasty text response from the other 2 girls. Assuming they are all mutual friends since he had their numbers to text them. I would ask that girls parents if they know the parents of the 2 girls if so perhaps they would be willing to assist the kids (their daughter and your son) in resolving this issue with the other girls and their parents. A little kindness and understanding goes a long way. If I were your son I wouldn't want to be friends with these girls any longer BUT tread carefully because without making peace it can and will escalate. If they can all handle this among themselves and resolve to be friends again it will be so much easier on your son. He can then gradually drift away from the girls without all the drama. The parents may not know that any of this has taken place. I mean think about it, would you have told your parents at this age? As a parent I would appreciate the fact that you choose to inform me and allow me to handle this privately 1st without tarnishing my child's school record or contacting the police. At this point it is one text. Should the other parents not be willing to speak with you to handle the situation then go to the school administration and police. But be warned that it may make matters worse for your son for a bit. Once the school and principal are involved they girls will be telling all their friends that your son got them into trouble and it could turn into quite a nightmare for him. I know my daughter's school has a zero tolerance policy. Any bullying and your kicked out period. My daughter is in pre-k and one of her classmates was booted out in October because he was verbally and physically bullying some of the other children. They got one warning and when it happened again he was gone. It would be wise for you to check your school's handbook for their bullying policy so you know what response to expect from the administration. I would document everything and save those texts in case the situation escalates. Good Luck and God Bless.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

Well, it's pretty much a certainty that the girl erased your voice message to her parents if you called right after she cursed and hung up on you. I would make a huge effort to get directly in touch with her parents. Does your school have a directory? Do you have a way to find the parents' personal email addresses or cell phone numbers? I would be tracking that down. Then I would ask to meet with them parent-to-parent, in regards to serious threats their daughter has made, before you contact the school and police. That should get their attention. I'd try to meet in a neutral place such as a coffee shop. Bring copies of the text messages. Tell the parents you understand the pain of your son rejecting their daughter's friend's attempt to be his girlfriend, but these text responses are inappropriate and threatening. Ask them to get her to stop now, because if it escalates, you will have no choice but to get school and policy authorities involved. That is what I would do. Oh, and I would block that girl's number from his and your home phones, and also the numbers of any other of the girls involved. If the parents aren't receptive or you can't reach them, I would go to the school and authorities.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dover on

Report the harassment to the police before it escalates or continues.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Birmingham on

Try the parents one more time. I agree to notify the school and get them involved. This kind of thing cannot be ignored. Change your son's cell number and tell him to be wise with whom he gives the new number to (if he is old enough to comprehend that). If you still do not get any satisfaction from the school or the parents, then it is time to think big. Contact the local newpaper and TV station. Tell them that there are reports of bullying being ignored by parents and school educators in the community. When the school gets wind that they may be painted in a bad light, they may decide to take things seriously.
You are an awesome mom to be taking this seriously! Your son is lucky to have you. Good luck, God bless, and keep us posted!


answers from Albany on

Hi Jenae, before I answer I would like to ask, how old is your son?



answers from Birmingham on

First of all, stay in the 21st century. You cannot take texting away from your son and you cannot limit it. If you try this, you are just going to end up with an enormous cellphone bill. Just make sure your son knows to never, ever text while driving when he is allowed to drive.

This is bullying and it needs to be nipped in the bud. Try going by these girls houses and talking to the parents. If the parents are not supportive, then go to the school and the SRO. These girls have got to learn this behavior is not allowed.

As long as your son knows you love him and he has other friends to hang out with, he will be fine. I have always been the mom where kinds can come into my home. There are rules about curfew and dinner, but the kids respond well to this because too often their parents don't even know where they are or who they are with...give it a try! Best of luck and let us know how it turns out.

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