Girls and Boys

Updated on June 14, 2011
D.B. asks from Spokane, WA
15 answers

i've been aching on this question in my head for quite sometime. Can a young female mother be a really good friend with a bunch of guys? i'm not sure how to really put this, but i find myself wanting to befriend men more than i do women. they are easier for myself to talk to, and i feel intimidated by most women. i have a two year old little boy. unfortunately i am going through a divorce and do not know very many mothers or women in the area. this is not my hometown where i currently reside. I have met some gentleman my age, i seem to get alone better with them then i do more women. i'm just wondering if its an okay picture.

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answers from Harrisburg on

You are fine as long as the friendship is established and defined and if you do not look "cheapened" by the interaction!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Fargo on

It's okay to be friends with guys! Most of my friends from childhood to adulthood were boys. I just got along much better with boys than with girls.

I agree with Cheryl O. You can be friends with them, but keep it platonic -no sex!

I still get along better with men, but I have met some outstanding women! I hope you will have the opportunity to meet women who you can connect with and not feel uncomfortable with.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Denver on

I think women can be friends with men, but most of the time the men are interested in more than just that.... especially if you are single or they know you will soon be.
I don't think most men seek about women for friendship alone. It usually ends up in different places- or they hope it will.

I too make friends with men MUCH better. I am now friends with many moms in my area, but I tend to wish I was hanging in the other room with the men, then in the kitchen chatting with the wives.

My BFF is getting married next weekend and he is a male. I am also in his wedding, standing on his side. While I have never had feelings for him, he for sure did back in the day. That has since passed, but he admits he still thinks I am attractive and will check me out lol. It is a guy thing.... All my other close guy friends has since moved on, since their wives usually can't handle knowing I am in the picture and I respect that. But it is sad....

So I say just be careful and know what you are dealing with. Men and women just think so differently about this. I can truly be in a huge group of men and only be thinking about the topics at hand or just having fun, while most of them are thinking WAY different thoughts :)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Of course it's ok to be friends with guys!
My only concern for you is that you are young, and (based on your previous posts) lonely in a town far away from family and friends. Some of these "friendly" guys may try to take advantage of you in your situation.
Where do you make male friends, at work? It might be nice to try to hook up with some other moms in the area, just to have a little female companionship and support. You could start by taking your son to a local playgroup or mom's club. Check the library or community center for postings, these things are usually free.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Roanoke on

I've always been the same way; more guy friends than girls. I find it easier to get along with guys, and I have (in a lot of ways), the same kind of mentality (no drama, no games, etc). As long as you can hold your own, and you're not looking to "do the crew" (love that, thanks Luv My Wonderful Life), then I see nothing wrong with it.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

My 16 yr old daughter is very pretty, cheerleader, all Honors, etc and her best friends are guys. She's been this way 2-3 yrs. She relates well to them, there is no drama like always happens with girls and there is nothing else going on except for the friendship. She is secure with her boyfriend and he knows these guys are her friends. It is nothing for her to be out socializing with her BF and there be 3-4 other guys hanging out with them. Just last week she was the only girl in a group of 5 at Olive Garden for dinner. She pays her way.

So many times, girls are threatened if someone is pretty, smart, outgoing, etc and then the jealousy bug bites...especially if they do relate well to men.

My SIL is beautiful, married and happily so and she has always gotten along better with men. I believe her ability to relate well with men is one reason she has done so well and exceeded in her six figure job.

I don't think it is a bad trait at all and can be helpful. HOWEVER, you do walk a fine line with the flirting, etc. If you want to remain friends only, then you have to make sure that is clear up front.

I also tend to relate better with guys. I am approachable I talk to them and think nothing of it and I have had plenty of rude sneers from women who are jealous of that insetad of working on themselves.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on


You can have male friends - as long as you are being a moral W. - in my opinion - that means NOT SLEEPING WITH THEM..especially since you are going through a divorce.

I would join play groups so that you can meet other moms as well...

I'm all for people have FRIENDSHIPS with the opposite sex - it happens and it IS possible...

You need to know what type of example you want to set for your son. Do you want him to see you going around with a lot of men - especially if they stay the night - or do you want him to see you making it on your own, loving and nurturing him without the aid of a man? YOU CAN DO IT...

I hope that his father has decided to become an active presence in his son's life. If he hasn't - I would STRONGLY recommend you move back to your home state where you have familial support and don't get yourself in a situation that would set you in a bad light.

Get through your divorce first. Find yourself and your set your values and core beliefs...ONLY find friends that MEET those standards and beliefs...only then will you be able to have a true relationship with the opposite sex that is not sex based.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Sacramento on

I don't see a problem with it, just don't "do the crew".......

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

youre 21, so these guys are 21. i guarantee you that at least half of them want to date you.

if you are looking for a just friends kind of relationship with no girly drama, find a masculine straight woman!

sorry, im speaking from experience here!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

More of my friends are guys than gals. This may sound awful to my women friends here but women play so many games, guys don't. I like that what they say is what they mean. I have also found that when you tell them you are friends they don't have the confusion that Hollywood like to put out there. The best I can describe it is they are like my brother.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Eugene on

Women friends are the mainstay of a woman's life. You can meet men and be friends with them but they really don't know what life is like for women. We don't even speak the same language.
Yes I have life long men friends. And, I have many women friends and they have sustained me through every life cycle event imaginable including being widowed. Both men and women helped me as a single mother.



answers from Daytona Beach on

in highschool i was always better friends with guys than with the girls. my best friends were 3 guys. as long as it's platonic and they know that's all you want it to be. i don't see where the problem is. or if it's not platonic, that its on both sides not just one sided.



answers from Minneapolis on

I like men, enjoy talking with men, relate well with men, and would like to have more men friends. I've found that it is rare that a man wants to be just friends. Then, he makes a move, and I feel uncomfortable, then I've lost a friend. Sad.



answers from Dallas on

Well, it's hard to say. If you are still fairly young and have a child, it may give the impression that you enjoy the guy attention hence why you are unmarried w/a child. On the other hand, if you are older, you may give the appearance that you are still trying to play like a 20yo. Do I think that having male friends is wrong? Abolutely not. But I think if that is all you surround yourself with, woman may get the impression that you like to "play" and maybe you send the wrong signal so you aren't approachable to other mommies that you could be friends with. I think you need a balance so your son doesn't get the wrong impression either.


answers from Milwaukee on

Yes it is possible I have many guy friends. Hubby has mentioned that at times he worries, not that I would cheat but that I like them more them him. So I do my darnest to make sure he never feels inferior to my guy friends (funny thing is most of those guy friends he was friends with first through school but he drifted apart from them after graduating while I formed a kickball team with them).

When I am at the bar afterwards, mostly the guys go after the game many women walking in give me dirty looks (and I am in a team shirt and jogging pants, nothing sexy). I think women need to not jump to the conclusion that a female hanging out with the guys is always mean we are playing around or whatever. Most of the these guy's SO love me and think it is cool that the guys can hang out with a female as a friend (neither of us trying to do anything more then being friends).

I agree with everything that Cheryl O said so I will not repeat it (just re-read her post if you need to).

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