Girlfriend Refusing to Give Me Daughter

I would definitely talk to the police and to the frined of the court, the new fiance has NO say in your children and can not withhold your child from you. I would not stand for it...document everything and contatc friend of the court every single time that it happens so that they have rela time proof not you just saying that it happened 3 weeks after the fact. My boyfriend went thru this and he ended up writing a letter everytime that it happened to him (30 letters in total), he would fax them over as soon as he could do that they would get them immediantly. It ended up helping him alot in the end to show that they were not following the order. Also, make sure you bring up that it is not even the parent, but someone who has no rights as far as the courts are concernd.

GOOD LUCK!

T. ~
Honestly, the police aren't really going to help much. They don't like to get in the middle of disputes like this and sometimes make things more difficult. I would deffinitely file something with the court. They're really the only ones who can help.

One thing you can do is to keep a journal of every incident. Then you have some documentation. If you do involve the police, that could help as far as proof for your documentation.

I would try at least calling Friend of the Court and talking to someone to find out what your rights are when picking her up. Explain what the girlfriend is doing/saying and that your ex isn't there. Sometimes you can get someone down there to give you the advice that follows their guidelines.

I am the step-mother and never had any say about anything with my husband's kids (nor did my ex's wife ever have any say with my son). We had enough issues with the exes that I usually tried to stay out of things.

good luck!
D.

Try to stay as calm as possible, she is jelious of you, and the relationship you have with the ex-and your daughter, she knows she can not get you except with the child. I dislike people who use the children as pawns. If at all posibile, get a lawyer, and lay out the terms of the visitation as to her school schedule, ie- every holiday, half day ectra, then have the attorney draft a letter, one which will go way over her head just to read, she will need a dictionary, then if she persists, you have no choice, but to call the police. They will be in contemp of court. At all costs, try to work this out without going to extreams. Best of luck to you, and your family. Also, document all incounters with them, time date, even pic's, and or camcorder. If it's 2:10, and you can't get her until 5:00pm sit outside and camcorder her, with a smile. And remember, bully's don't bully people when they know that it does not bother you, do not argue with her, there is no need to. B.

Hi T., I am grandma of two wonderful boys whose parents are split. Here's what I know. The girlfriend has no rights to your daughter at all. Anyone who is not the mom or dad cannot withhold your daughter from you lawfully (no matter what time it is.) You have the right to call/write Friend of the Court because that is what they are there for. Call to find out what to do. Write them a formal letter as to what is going on then they will write your x and tell him to respond to the allegations you have made and I hope inform him of the law. I personally after calling F of the C, would inform your x that the next time his girlfriend tries to keep your daughter from you, you will call the police to have them come with you to retrieve your child. That would be horrible for you child if you really did do that, but letting them know that you know the law and are willing to act on that knowledge can only help you. Before you do anything , first call friend of the court for thier expertise. Good luck, Cele C.

File police reports every time. Keep a log of all activities. The fiance has no legal right to her - ever. It is okay to work with your ex for the fiance to pick her up, when she is acting as his 'agent'. Keep a copy of your custody papers with you at all times -- and better if it is a certified copy. Follow the rules exactly and deal with the other parent politely and civilly. Advise him of the difficulty this presents to the child and that it is unnecessary.

Actually if she is the child care provider she can't refuse to let you take your child unless there is a court order saying YOU CAN NOT have her. You are the legal parent. I know this from talking to the schools regarding my children over the years and they can't prevent their dad from taken them out of school. All they can do is let me know if he does show up.

What I would do first is pull out your court papers and look them over, then go up to Friend of the Court and talk to your worker about how much lea way the new fiance gets. Then sit down with your ex and have a conversation with him. IF you approach it calmly and with respect, even is she doesn't deserve it, you will be the better person. As my mother always reminds, I was raised to be the better person and that way I come out on top in the end...

Good luck
Chelle E.

i can say i am in that situation and would be considered the "girlfriend" in your case. I am now the wife, and the only say i have in anything with my step son, is what the court papers say. and we had to get me put into the papers. The ex didn't want me listed in the papers at all, but the court sided with my husband that I am allowed to pick him up and drop him off. We did that as we had the same problem the mom wouldn't give me the son one day when my husband was running late, and then she refused my husband, but then you go to friend of the court.

These questions would be best to talk to your friend of the court person. They will tell you exactly what your order says and what it means. There ae a lot of litle things that you run into. I know we ask our friend of the court person a lot of things, and for us, we look at it, that we are arrmed with the CORRECT information and not just what we assume the order means.

i know our order states taht we have first option to watch my stepson over anyone else. So i would look at your order and see what it says about watching. Since you are the legal parent you have the right if it's in your order to have her all day wednesday if you are not working and can have her.

I would also talk to your ex about all this. He may not know what is happening, or to the extent. Since he and you must raise your daughter, you two have to come to the agreement.

Calling the cops typically will not work at all. they will just verify if the child is in a sage location, and then tell you to call friend of the court.

if you need anything else, let me know

She has no say. According to the court, she doesn't even exist. But you do have to follow the court order to the letter! If it says 'after school', then you get her after school, no matter when that is. If it says 2:40, then you get her at 2:40. If your ex is the custodial parent, he may choose anybody he wants to be the 'daycare provider' (in this case the gf) and she should be armed with a copy of the order to follow. As a 'sitter' she is required to follow the court order, not the orders of a specific parent. If you are sure you are entitled to your visitation time and she refuses again, call the police. I will warn you, though, they will be reluctant to intervene, and they will NOT under any circumstances force anybody to do anything except what is clearly outlined in the court order (which you should have with you). The gf is not entitled to delay the visitation to 'get back at you'...if that is happening, you should document it and file a motion to have the times made up to you.

~L.

It basically depends on the level of fighting you want to go threw. Even though she will someday be your daughters step mother and you will have to deal with her for a long time she needs to know who the mother of that little girl is you DO NOT have to deal with her in any aspect of your daughters raising even though she lives with them. Maybe TALK to your ex about things tell him how things are going maybe he doesn't know, take a copy of your court papers with you everytime you pick her up and point out to them that it states AFTER YOU GET OUT OF WORK if thats what it says you have the right to take her when you get out of work. Try not to fight with him/her cuz that justs makes everything blow up and get worse. If things dont change file the papers, call the police do what needs to be done to let them know you mean business. It sounds to me like they are just being vendictive about things and that is not right the courts frown on that so DOCUMENT EVERYTHING that happens, if you have dates/times written down the judge is more likly to favor you than the vindictive parent. Be rashional about things, do not do things just because they did it. Be the calm parent, the more you act like things dont bother you the less they will try to do things to get you riled up. And as hard as it may be, walk away if things start getting out of hand. I stopped fighting with my ex and when he realized that I wasn't going to fight with him anymore we are for the most part able to communicate rashionally with each other. I hope some of this will help you, sorry I rambled on lol

If the court order says youget her after school and that is at 2:40 then you have to wait till 2:40 . if she doesnt give her to you then then she is in contempt of court .. and that you need to let the judge/magistrate know that and she will get in trouble.....

Unless you get an amendment to the custody arrangement there is nothing you can do. Even though she is not the parent she is the person he chose to watch your daughter. You have no control over who he leaves your daughter with during his custodial time. So she is right that she can keep your daugther until the time you are supposed to have her whether or not he is there. It would be the same if he had a babysitter, or daycare and had the custody agreement filed with them, they could not release your daughter to you until the specified time. I know it sucks and makes no sense, but until you get an ammendment there is nothing you can do, but abide by the current agreement.

T.; she cannot control when you are to get your daughter, if there is a time frame, then yah you should be prompt, and not early , sounds like she is trying to take control, and or is following what the boyfreind is telling her to do, the one you should talk to is your ex, make it between him and you , and not her and you , i know he is not there, but you need to talk to him and tell him you come at this time to get her and his girlfreind wont let me have her, and he needs to correct it, but dont be negative onthe girlfreind or your ex will not help , let him know you understand his situation, and you dont want to be put in the middle between him and his girlfreind, but your daughter is between him and you , not her, before you call the cops, read and reread your papers and understand your rights first, and work through him at first, if you call charges on the girlfreind, things could get really ugly and its not fair toyour daughter to have things made ugly on her account, try to be civil, and dont be the one making things negative, just love your daughter, and do what is right, read your papers again, and make sure, if there are specifics in there, and maybe ask ex, what exactly his papers say, just do what you can do and love your daughter, and keep her happy , D. s

I would contact your attorney for the divorce and costudy agreement and ask them. Than I would follow what they say to do. I would also put in for another court hearing so they understand what is happening when you go to get her. Record everything. Make sure you write all instances down. Get a voice recorder and get it on tape how she won't let you have her. Good Luck

Hi T.,
I agree with everyone that you need to read your custody/visitation agreement. Any officer of the court will follow that to the letter no matter what situation arises.
As for the girlfriend. If you have your daughter until 5:30 daily and she is the one that comes to pick her up, if she gets there at 5:25, do you start getting her ready or do you make her wait until 5:30? If the paperwork says you pick her up at 3pm would it make a difference if the ex was the one there saying "you can have her at 3 not a minute before?"
I don't know the reasons why the ex is the ex, however, if there is bad ground between you how much of that has he shared with her? If he has told her how horrible you treated him or blah, blah, blah as his new "better half" she automatically will have defenses on high whenever she deals with you. I mean why would he EVER exaggerate problems in a previous relationship?(joking) So she will do exactly what he tells her to do and if they discuss things first, I am sure she adds her 2cents as "thinking of him and finding ways to protect him"
If she is going to be a long term fixture in his life, get to know her. If she is the one home 90% of the time when you exchange your daughter, it is for your daughters best interest that you two find a common ground so you can tolerate each other. A child cannot choose their parents, however, you chose to mother this child so it is your responsibility to put her before you. The girlfriend needs to understand that her new boyfriend is a package deal. And since you are the mother, you also are part of the package.
I truly hope that all works out for the best.
E.

Call the friend of the court TODAY

in the state of michigan the fiance /new spouse has NO rights involving a non biological child. I know this because of my 2nd hubby and his daughter....friend of the court states inplicitaly that i have no rights when it come to anything about the child or support....so i would contact them if they are involved or the court....no adult should interfere with a biological parents rights if there is no danger involved..

good luck

M.

Hello T., Sorry to hear that you are going through such hard times. Yes, call the police and have your court ordered papers with you at all times, so that you can show the police. The more of a paper trail you keep on this behavior of using your daughter as a pawn, the better the chance of you getting full custody back. Keep a notebook, and write down everything that happens and is said, with times, dates, and where it took place. Courts look at facts and only facts, so keep your emotions seperate from the journal. Present this journal and all police reports directly to the courts. I didn't trust that my lawyer would get them there, so I did it myself first, then gave the copies to my lawyer. I fought the court system for over two years, and got full legal and physical custody of my 3 children, so my heart goes out to you. Keep your head about you, do not do or say anything that will give your ex fuel for the fire. Also point out in this book when your ex actually spends time with his daughter, rather than his girlfriend. Good luck, and happy thanksgiving. I just read some of the other responses and had to add, yes the police can and will get involved, because it is thier job to enforce court orders. The judge would not be very happy if the police did not inforce his orders.

call your lawyer...
If the court order DOES NOT specifically say that you can pick her up early or get her on days she has no school then the agreed on time is what will be enforced.
The other person does not HAVE to release the child to you if you show up even 1 minute early (She is the person that HE left in charge of the child. That means he gives her the ability to make decisions and care for the child in HIS ABSCENCE).. I am guessing that the over stepping comes BECAUSE its the ex's soon to be new wife is doing it. (she's new to the picture and no relation... YET)
You have 2 choises... Be reasonable and have a talk with BOTH of them about this situation. Or treat her like dirt and have to deal with this kind of thing EVERYDAY until your daughter is 18... I would suggest treating her with a little respect and trying to make a at least civil relationship so that your daughter isn't being pulled apart in the future...

Talk to your lawyer and ask them IF you can pick her up early and what about on days there is no school or is that something you and ex need to discuss and come up with something...

Good luck!

The police can't get involved...it's a long stupid drawn out process...but you need to file a written complaint with the Friend of the Court for a refusal of parenting time. In about 21 days the court will decide if you have a legitimate complaint or not, and schedule a show cause hearing on your ex...he will most likely get in trouble for letting his girlfriend handle the exchange that way, and issue stricter directions on how, when and where your exchange will take place.

If your court order specifies a certain time and they will not give you your child, yes, technically you can call the police and they should help you enforce the court order. This might be a bit traumatic for your child though. I suggest you get a journal and start recording every single attempt you make to see, call, write your child. When you go to pick her up, call ahead of time (write down when you called, who you talked to, what was said) and then take a picture of the front door before you ring the bell (your digital camera will record the date/time). In short, do this for a month or more and then get a good custody attorney to help you bring a motion to enforce your custody order or a petition to change custody to you. Be calm and let your child know things will be ok. Don't fight and spaz out. The best way to change custody is document your attempts and to straighten out your life. Courts do not like it when the other parent denies visitation so this will be a big help too.

Good luck, I can't imagine how difficult it must be.

Okay, this is your ex-husband's girlfriend? My first thought is why is she involving her-self in this situation? She is not married to the man and does not have any type of custody or court order on her behalf. She has no legal involvement at all. She just happens to be involved with the child's father.
I have no experience in custody issues, so I'm not speaking from experience just my feelings. But I would probably tell the court or who ever it may concern that "this women has nothing to do with anything" and I don't want to deal with this women. She has not right what-so-ever to interfer with you picking up YOUR child. I would also ask that other arrangements be made that would allow you to only deal with the child's father. If he cannot make himself available and he is not the one home taking care of the child. Then maybe you should be the one who has custody most of the time and he should be the one picking up the child after he gets off work or when she gets out of school.
I would probably lose my mind if some outsider Women/girlfriend was trying to interfer with me getting MY child. This women is treading in dangerous territory! She needs to learn that you don't get between a mother and her child!!!

I wouldn't involve the police. If they are called enough eventually they'll start thinking you're tattleing to get back at an ex and will respond slower and slower. The time you really need them, well, it could be slow. Think "Oh sheesh, THOSE two again? I'll get there after my break"

Be sure you follow your custody and support orders to the letter, especially if you plan on filing for better custody.

The GF should be treated like a care provider for now. No need to escalate with her. Remember to keep things polite, think of her as a business aquaintence you don't happen to care for, but HAVE to deal with.

Above all, be sure your daughter does not witness the skirmishes between the adults. She will thank you with less therapy bills and less trips to juvinille court as she gets older. ;)

Good luck, and remember to be consistant with YOUR part!

I would read your court order VERY carefully. If you feel that the girlfriend is not abiding by the court order, keep a copy of it in your car so that when she pulls the nonsense again, you can call the police and tell them that she is not giving you your daughter, and you will have the paperwork to show them. If she is following the court order, then you can call the Friend of the Court and request a change in parenting time. They will forward you some paperwork to fill out. You then can file the paperwork as a motion into your court system (with a fee). You will get assigned a court date and you will appear in front of the judge or referree (representing yourself) and you can ask for a change in the parenting time and give your reasons why. Your daughter's dad will also have a chance to talk, so beware. If you get the paperwork and it seems too overwhelming, then contact your lawyer and tell him/her the situation and that you want a change in parenting time. You can write things in there such as when your daughter has the day off from school (both summer and otherwise) and you have the day off from work that you will be picking her up at 1:30PM or whatever... Good luck!

Does the court order specify that his girlfriend is to release your daughter to you if your ex isn't there??? It sounds like she is way out of line here. If not, I would tell your ex that you will be there to pick up your daughter armed with the custody agreement in hand. If you do not get your child, you will involve the police and make sure they take a report. As long as you have a court order, you get your daughter on the time specified. Sometimes court orders will specify a lee way time like if you are to pick her up specifically at 6:00 p.m., you actually have until 6:30 p.m. should you run into traffic, etc. It can get sticky, so make sure your order specifies that. Sounds like the girlfriend is playing games. Definitely wise to get the police involved when some stranger is holding your child from you.

MC

I would let the courts know asap. It is not up to the girlfriend when you can get her. It is quite immature on top of it for her to make you wait on the dot. Sounds like she has control issues. Like I said I would complain to friend of the court about it.