Gift Giving If Not Going to Party?

Updated on July 29, 2010
C.G. asks from Geneseo, IL
16 answers

Do you give gifts to all parties your child gets invited to even if they can not go to the party? We always do, but it is always family birthdays. Now my 4 (soon to be 5) son is starting to get invited to friends birthdays. I can see this getting very $. What do you mom's do?

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S.P.

answers from Nashville on

If its family and they have invited you and we cant go i would still get a gift but a classmate or friend and they dont go i wouldnt bother with getting a gift.

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C.D.

answers from Omaha on

No...friends are not family and a gift is not required. A polite phone or call or card declining the invitation is all that is needed.

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C.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

No, we do not give a gift if we cannot make it to a friend's party, nor would I expect someone to give a gift if their child could not make it to a party we're having. Sending a card is nice. It's always good to remind our children (and ourselves) that birthdays and holidays aren't just about gifts.

L.A.

answers from Austin on

It is totally up to you. Usually our daughter was only invited to close friends parties, so if she could not attend we still gave a gift.

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S.F.

answers from Madison on

If my child is not able to go to the party we don't give a gift. It would get way to expensive with all the party invites that have happened since my daughter started elementary school. If it was a very good friend I may get something, otherwise no.

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M.M.

answers from Green Bay on

I haven't run into this yet but wouldn't give a gift if he doesn't go.

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C.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Absolutely not and I haven't received gifts from friends that are unable to go to our parties. Family birthdays are very different and of course presents would be given even if you are not attending the event. Don't stress about this.
(My children are 10, 7 and 11 months.)

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

We've always sent a gife if the invite was from a close friend. If we do not know someone very well, we send a card.

M.R.

answers from Rochester on

We do not have a lot of money (we can manage bills, eat, drive to work, and sometimes do something fun, but nothing extra) so unless I go or it is someone VERY close, I do not send them. I have no idea what the courtesy is, but I'm not giving up milk for my kids for a week or two so I can send someone a gift. A card is fine if you want for a school friend--your child can make one. Honestly, I never liked getting gifts from people I didn't know well as a kid, especially random people in school who remembered my birthday since I knew I wouldn't remember theirs.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I do not buy a gift if my daughter can not go to a party. If she can go, I limit a gift to no more than $10 if possible. We have a local store called Creative Kidstuff that has very nice and unique things for low prices. Dollar stores have also been a source of great kids' gifts - buy a gift bag for $1 and fill it with $1 items until you've hit your limit.

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A.N.

answers from Madison on

I don't think it's necessary to give a gift if your son cannot go to the party, although him making/sending a card is a nice sentiment. I, too, have stressed over the issue of money and gifts for these parties (my daughter has had 3 this summer and my son 1). I don't tend to spend more than $10-15, however and can find some nice things. In the summer, I like to give outdoor toys, like sidewalk chalk, frisbees, jump ropes, bubbles. I've also given activity books and reading books as well. And I always have the kids make the cards, as opposed to buying them (although most places have the $1 card section, which serves the purpose well, too) Good luck! Try not to stress too much about the $.

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R.D.

answers from Des Moines on

What I have done so far is send a card if we cannot attend, letting my son pick or make the card and sign his name. We might include some stickers or something like that. If the friend is close enough that you would think to buy them a present even if they weren't having a party, then go ahead and give a present, but not necessarily to be opened at the party.

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K.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

No, I only take a gift to the parties I'm going too and I spend between $10-$15 per party for friends.

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L.L.

answers from Orlando on

I only do that for the kids in my family. As far as my daughters friends, if we (she) doesn't go to the party we don't buy a present.

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D.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would only if it was a very close friend. Otherwise I don't. I would also recommend setting a spending limit...$10 -$15 can usually get you some decent toys or something. As for a dollar store, be careful because as a mom, I hate getting little random annoying things that will break/get old after 2 uses.

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N.M.

answers from San Francisco on

For friends, we only gift if we go to the party, except for our very closest friends (of which there are maybe 2 or 3 of those--close enough to feel like family).

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