My son shared with me that his gf mother talked with him and said it would be ok with her and her husband if they took things a step further.
She talked to me and to him about them thinking he was the "one" to marry their daughter, that my son was polite, sweet and athletic. She also stated that everyone they talk to say that it is very sweet to find the one at such a young age (16). I am thinking uhmm I have told my sons that they should not even think about serious gf until they are almost finished with college. They will want to have fun in their young life without responsibilities. We are not dumb and know that teenagers do “things”, but we have always shared with our kiddos the best gift you can ever give your wife is your virginity. Not telling them they can’t, but making them responsible for their own gift.
In the beginning I really liked their (GF parents) interest in my son. Talking about doing things with him, going to all his sporting events ect. When I heard of the idea of taking things further… that was kind of like WAY inappropriate.
EDIT:
Some have asked what is my is, How do you talk to the parents about this?
SOme asked what my son thinks... he is thinking of high tailing it out of the relationship. He says it's to much for him to think about. Doesn't like the gf mother for telling him what she did.
What is it with the parents of some girls . . . I see more and more of this sort of thing. As the mom of two sons I find it creepy.
Yet another reason I'm glad my teens don't date yet. :(
PS: I'm usually a bit wary of anyone who wants to spend more time with my kids than I do.
Wow. While you're thinking of your son's BA degree, they're thinking of their daughter's MRS. Time to enlighten them about the path that you hope your son takes to secure his future.
Let me get this straight. these parents want their 16 year old daughter to start having sex with your 16 year old son. WHat are they stupid?
OMG!!!!!! You are serious, right!?!?!
GF's mom sounds insecure. Is she afraid that her daughter's choices are limited and they need to claim him before he moves on???
I'm sure he has told GF what you have instilled in him (best gift to give wife), and GF is complaining to her mom about waiting (WTH???).
I think you need to sit both kids down and have that talk, and then call her mom and let her know that she stepped WAYYYYYYYYYYYY over the line.
OMG. Best wishes to you and your son. Make sure he has protection just in case he gives in to temptation. It wouldn't surprise me if GF's family would be pleased to have a baby so soon. THat really seals the deal. Gag!
Beyond inappropriate on their part!
Still, one point I want to make after reading your edit: major points to your son for thinking maybe he should get out of that relationship and that it's too much for him to think about. What a smart kid! And what good parents you guys must be that he is so well grounded -- and smart.
Keep talking with him. Keep reasserting your expectations and applauding his good sense.
I think they went over the line. It's one thing to say "hey, we like you an approve of you dating our daughter". It's another to basically tell him to go sleep with her. That's not their call.
Your son shared this with you, so I hope you took the opportunity to talk to him about how you feel about how he's doing with his life and this relationship. I would also tell him that he can tell them "This is not an appropriate conversation and I am not discussing this with you."
My DH has an ex who shot daggers at me when we ran into each other at a mutual friend's wedding. I knew her from pictures only. Turned out that she and her mom were convinced that DH should marry her and when he didn't (and she married someone else, too) they never got over it. It was very creepy. For reference, they dated in college and DH and I will be married 9 years this summer. It's been....a long time since they were a couple. DH feels like he dodged a bullet there.
I wonder if this GF's family is going to be the same way and frankly I'd encourage him to only do what he's comfortable doing with them. He doesn't have to be The One to anybody right now, but he can enjoy the relationship for what it is as long as it lasts. That's what we tell SD about her BF.
Dad On Purpose makes some good points there.
My god that reminds me of one mom telling me in kindergarten that she felt my son should marry her daughter, only creepier!
I think my daughters would die a hundred deaths if I went to their boyfriends, well the 11 year old doesn't date yet, and say I think it is about time you had sex!
Lord!
What is this world coming to?
Have you had the serious talk with him yet about how his life will be utterly changed, and frankly derailed entirely, if he becomes a father too soon? Does he fully understand what that would involve and that it likely would mean no (or very limited) college options, which means limited job options, and limited income options, and so on -- for the rest of his life?
That sounds like a talk to have right now. As in today. Don't make him mad at you by bad-mouthing the girlfriend; but be factual. You don't want to drive him towards this family by making him feel he has to defend them. He did come to you about this and that is fantastic -- he is communicating with you -- and you need to keep that line of communication open by being non-judgmental. But the idea of a mom emphasizing finding "the one" at 16 and telling the kids to get it on is not only creepy, it's manipulative.
I would also ensure that he and the GF do not, ever, spend much time at the GF's house; be sure they are doing activities when they go out (movie, hike, bowling, dance lessons, whatever!) rather than lots of hanging out time that would lead to other things. I've had friends who are careful that their teens who are dating are out having fun, active experiences and not just hanging around doing nothing at each others' houses.
That's probably one of the weirdest things I've heard in a long time. The sex stuff aside, what's up with the GF's parents "staking claim" to your son at this age??? Weird. You don't say what your son thinks of all this?
Sounds like it's time to really sit down with him and discuss how different some family's values are. It doesn't mean they're bad, just different! As in -you're RIGHT -it's far better to get out, grow up a bit more and finish college before even thinking of getting married. I have to say, if I heard some adult parent of a 16 year old talking about how great it was that their child had found "the one" at that age -I would question their intelligence. It's not that it doesn't happen sometime -and last successfully -but it's no longer the norm by far. And it IS inappropriate for them to tell YOUR 16 year old son that they're "okay" with the relationship getting sexual -isn't that what they mean? Ewwww -I would have died if some parent had said that to me and a boyfriend at 16. GROSS!
Really, seriously talk to him about ALWAYS using a condom no matter what she says about being on the pill or anything else. Let him know it's wonderful to be in love and if he thinks she's the one -that's awesome, but if that's the case then she's going to still be the one after high school and through college and after college. Just because they've found each other doesn't mean they have to get married or anything right now! Don't poo-poo the relationship -because that will only make it stronger for him (and for those parents), but encourage him to wait for all of it. If he can't wait for sex -then to always protect himself.
The next time you're around them and this comes up, make sure to let the mother know that yes, they're a cute couple, but they need to graduate, further their educations and grow up a bit before anyone decides on who is "the one."
Did they actually say"sex"? Maybe they were thinking of engagement or exclusive relationship and not really the physical act of love making.
Either way, it's inappropriate. They are way too young to be having sex, being exclusive or getting engaged.
I would just about bet that the parents were married at a very young age. Almost sounds like they are counting the days until they can get rid of their daughter.
I think your son should heed his own advice and hit the road as soon as possible. The pressure is going to be on now and he just doesn't need that. He has to finish high school and go to college and there are a whole lot of changes that he and his gf will be experiencing over the next several years.
Your son should run, not walk, away from this relationship.
I have to agree with you. As a parent, I could not imagine telling my child's gf/bf that they could take things further!! That's almost encouraging them. And I would be furious if someone was to tell my child that. I don't think that is their place to even bring up such a topic. Kind of weird to me!
I would tell my son: Run. Don't walk. 16 is much too young to even consider marriage or a serious relationship. He should be out having fun with the guys and dating lots of girls and looking forward to college.
What I will say is how wonderful I think it is that your son came to you with this information. It speaks volumes about what a great relationship he has with you and how much he trusts you. Good job, mama.
Please keep us posted on this one...
It IS way inappropriate! I had a boyfriends mom do that to me too. They used to talk about how pretty our babies would be! Totally freaked me out. Yes, it great that the GF's parents think your sone is wonderful, but at 16 it's too early to be talking about future commitment.
I would sit down with your son and reaffirm what you have just said. You like GF and her family, and ultimately what he does is his choice. However, he shouldn't feel pressured into anything. I know I stayed a bit longer with my old BF than I should have, simply because I felt guilty about breaking up with his FAMILY! LOL
What is your question?
I totally agree with your son and you. Get out of Dodge fast! What is wrong with these people to even suggest that!!! This would tell me that they are thinking they want to get their daughter married quickly and out of their home. If I was the girl I would be insulted! I wouldn't even bother talking to the gf parents I don't think they were even thinking to make that statement in the first place. Wow! Now I've heard it all. LOL
AAAHHHH!!!! I would tell my son to break up with this girl immediately! What if they are sssoooo enamored with you son they are trying to trap him into a pregnancy! People are crazy! If he's really "in love" with her and won't break up I would have NO PROBLEM talking to the parents about this issue. Keep them under constant surveillance....no her house only yours doors open No alone time at all. People are crazy and I would not want my son to get trapped by these weirdos!
I think KP said it best! A thousand flowers!
Is there a question here?
Yes, I think it's inappropriate IF that's what they mean. Perhaps you should ask them exactly what they mean. Maybe even have a dinner together...with you and your spouse, your son his GF, and her parents. Talk about goals and expectations.
It's highly unlikely that this relationship will last past graduation. I wouldn't worry too much, but the kids should not be getting pressure from adults about relationships when they're still KIDS.
If your son is understanding them correctly then that is way, way out of line! I would talk to them face to face to make sure (I'm assuming it is correct since he is 16 years old. I find it hard to believe he could mis-understand. But just to give them a chance to explain it to you directly.), and if that is what they meant then I would let them know that approaching and talking to your son in such a way is not appropriate or appreciated at all. 16?! You are right - he needs to live life first! Sounds to me like they are in essence trying to betroth their daughter.
