Getting Nails Done as a Mommy-and-Me Activity?

Updated on February 17, 2010
R.S. asks from Jackson, NJ
27 answers

Hi moms,

There was another mother who posted a question regarding going to a salon to get a manicure as a way to spend Mommy and Me time. I forget the actual question now, but I believe it may have had something to do with whether a salon vs. spa environment is better.

Anyway, I wrote in, saying that I was not a fan of manicures for young girls. I added that I did not believe a young girl should be getting any similar beauty routine done (in that I included coloring hair, ear-piericing beyond a hole in each earlobe, and makeup) until they are older (in my house, that meant 16 years old). To me, essentially anything done in a salon, aside from the occassional hair updo for a wedding in which the child is to be a junior bridemaid, or junior prom, or whatever, is otherwise off limits for a young girl. Perhaps, I would not enforce my family's rule to wait until 16, but definitely wait until at least 13-14.

I was the only mom in this post that was opposed to the concept of mother-young daughter manicures, and that surprised me. I thought I would not be. In fact, some responses made it seem like I was out of touch with modern motherhood.

I do not consider myself to be out of touch. I am a NYC-raised girl, went to prep school, Ivy-league trained, a professional. I have travelled around the world. I have friends of all racial and cultural backgrounds. I have many friends with professional manicures and artifical nails too, and even I have gotten them myself on occasion. Yet, I have NEVER had a friend or family member who got her 4-5 year old's nails done at a salon, even once!

This other post had moms piping in like this was the thing to do nowadays. Please, enlighten me! What are your opinions? Please, no insulting answers. Thanks!

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So What Happened?

OK, moms! Thanks -- a lot of great opinions! I want to make it crystal-clear that when I posted to Amanda F., who put up the original post, I was NOT trying to be critical or disrespectful of her decisions at all! I hope everyone understands that. I also did not put up my "credentials" to brag, but, rather, to prove my point that I was not an out-of-touch mom, even though I carry this opinion. I apologize if anyone took it any differently. My goal in creating this post is to learn other mom's opinions on it, and where they are coming from. It has not changed my views on it, but clearly, there are many ways to raise values in children and while they can be very different, neither is right or wrong. Thanks again moms.

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A.

answers from New York on

I have been doing mani-pedi with my daughter since she was 5 years old. Absolutely loved it. Lived in NYC at the time too. She is now 14. Absolutely nothing wrong with it! Did it once every 3 weeks, then off to lunch...:)
and by the way I too have been to over 50 countries speak 4 languages fluently, that does not change how I feel about doing things with my daughter.

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M.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I think it really is an individual decision per family. I know my 7 year old loves to play dress up and occasionally when I'm putting on makeup she will want to play with it or have me do her up. The important thing is to let them know they are perfect and beautiful without those things. But really, it doesn't matter if they do their nails up or other beauty treatments. Again, it's a per family decision. Not to mention, this preference differs between different countries, religions, etc. There are worse things parents can do to their children than allow them to paint their nails. I would be more worried about them with drinking, drugs, and how they are raised to treat others.
M

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A.D.

answers from New York on

Overall, I'm opposed to getting my 6 yo daughter's nails done because of the very harsh (and carcinogenic) chemicals in the polish and the remover. That being said, if it were a very rare treat (less than 1/year), I think it would be ok, so long as it were a very pale, child-appropriate color.

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A.A.

answers from Chicago on

I don't see a problem with it. My little girl loves to get all dressed up like a princess. I feel I am conservative when it comes to what she watches and listens to. No Sponge Bob or Hannah Montana, stuff like that. But what's wrong with nail polish? We actually do a lot of what I call "Girl's Night In". The two of us watch a movie together (usually a Disney princess one), paint our toe nails, play dress-up, that sort of thing....doesn't cost me a dime. I even give her a little foot rub. She loves it. For a really special treat I have taken her to the nail salon to get her toes done once. She thought it was the greatest thing ever getting to soak her little feet in the tub. It was like $10, so not exactly breaking the bank, imo. I'm not saying I would be paying for nail appts. every week or even every month, but there's nothing wrong with pampering yourself or your child once in awhile. What harm is being done painting my three year old's toes pink? Doing active things with your kids is great and we have plenty of educational learning moments, but I also want my daughter to realize you can just enjoy yourself once in awhile, have a lazy day! I think we put a lot of pressure on kids now-a-days to always be on the go, a million activities, 3 languages by the time their in kindergarten....sheesh! Sometimes its fun to just daydream and let the mind wander. I don't think there always has to be a lesson in everything we do. Its okay to have fun, just to have fun. BTW, what does being well-traveled and having friend's of a different racial background have to do with anything? Every family has different ways of having fun and activities they see fit for their kids. I wouldn't judge you by saying you are out of touch. I would say you are just different than me, and I'm fine with that.

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J.W.

answers from Chicago on

My issue with salon treatments for little girls is more about gender politics. Keep the girls busy with nail polish, fancy haircuts, makeup, et cetera, and by the time they're women, they won't be powerful enough to do much else. Do I really want to establish this at such a young age? Surely there has to be a better mother/daughter activity - geez, do crafts or build something for crying out loud. I see these "sassy spas" for girls with pink limos and think, great, they're reinforcing stereotypes AND wasting resources.

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A.F.

answers from St. Cloud on

I remember the post from the other mom. The fact that you were the only mom to post your disapproval was the because the original poster wasn't asking if such an activity was "right" or "wrong", it was that she was asking WHERE she could do the spa day.

We all have the right to our opinion but we don't always have to give it. The other mom wasn't doing anything amoral, abusive, damaging or inappropriate so, therefore, she has the right to do an activity with her daughter that they will both enjoy without the criticism of others.

I say this all with the knowledge that I will probably won't take my daughter to a spa for years (she's 3) but I think we need to give other mom's the benefit of the doubt for their choices of appropriate activities.

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J.F.

answers from Raleigh on

I have a 14 month old and can not wait till she gets a little older (like 3 or 4) to take her to get a mani (on special occasions). I don't get them regularly, but i think it would be a wonderful bonding experience and some mommy and me time so i can show her how special she is to me. Now that does not mean that i will get bright fire engine red on her nails. I may even choose for only clear, but i am looking forward to the time spent with her. It is important to teach our children to take care of themselves. I would not want to wait till she is 13, 14, 15 to say ok now it is time. But i also think that and 11 year old should not have fake nails either. To each mother their own and it has nothing to do with your up bringing and education and or who your friends are. It is a personal decision.

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C.C.

answers from Fresno on

You and I seem to have similar backgrounds - prep school, Ivy League, professional. But - I am always taking my little girls (ages 4 and 7) to the nail salon with me. In fact, we have mani-pedi appointments after they get out of school today!

Don't get me wrong, I am pretty conservative when it comes to parenting. I do not allow them to watch SpongeBob or Hannah Montana, they don't wear skirts or shorts above their knees, and I wouldn't allow them to wear anything that showed off any midriff (except bathing suits, but, well, they're bathing suits).

But I just don't see what the big deal is with nail polish. It's not sexual or grown-up. They typically choose colors that no adult would ever choose (teal blue sparkles last time). To me, the salon is sort of like the Mother Ship. Any woman with decent grooming habits will end up spending a good deal of time there throughout her life. Why would I want my daughters to grow up with ragged cuticles, bitten-off nails, and then at some point (13? 16?) expect them to suddenly care about the appearance of their hands? I think hair care, skin care and nail care are best learned from the cradle. But that's just me! =)

As an aside, I do think that there tends to be a fair amount of prejudice against the "girly-girl" on Ivy campuses, as if being beautiful and being smart can't possibly coexist in the same person. Being beautiful DOES get you farther in life. Study after study shows it. Sure, the Dartmouth degree moves my resume to the top of the pile, but being pretty and well-groomed gives me an advantage in the interview over those with similar educational and professional backgrounds. It is what it is, and teaching our daughters that beauty/grooming doesn't matter does them a disservice. Again, just my opinion, and I look forward to reading what other Mamas have to say!

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M.C.

answers from Nashville on

My daughter is six and currently has sparkly blue fingernails and hot electric pink toes. She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES to be girly with me. She is the most sparkly, happy go lucky, cheerful little girl in the world...all while still gettin down and dirty with her brother at the same time. It brings me great joy to go have that special girly time with just her (meaning...leaving baby brother and daddy at home). What wonderful memories. Like this morning for example.......it's the big Fairy Tale Ball at school today. She got to wear a princess dress and I curled her hair and even put on some sparkly eye shadow and blush and a little glitter lotion and lip gloss. She was the happiest little girl in the world when she went to school. And I LOVE that! But, to each their own, right? That's what makes the world go round'! =0)

***Oh, and may I add that my six year old goes to a school for only the gifted and high achievers. Received one of only 60 spots. Had 267 applicants. She is brilliant AND girly!!*****

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T.C.

answers from New York on

Hi I read your post and found what you said to be very interesting to a point!! I don't think that little girls should be wearing makeup or having more than one piercing in earlobes until they are 16, but on the other hand girls will emulate what their mommies do!!! An occassional mommy and me trip to the salon is not a bad thing. Light nail color is sufficient for little girls!!! I was raised old school and my grandmother always said we could wear nail polish but never Red because that was for ladies of the night!!!! I am instilling my grandmothers teachings into my daughter too but not harshly. Will I take her to the salon for hair and nails yes!!! She is soon to be 3 I don't want anyone else doing her hair right now but I have and will take her out occassionally to have a little mani. She doesn't like anyone touching her feet so I do it myself. There's nothing wrong with it. It becomes wrong when you see a 4 year old wearing red rouge artificial nails etc that's wrong!! Let little girls live out their childhood. Don't grow them up before their time!!! That goes for clothing too!!!

So don't feel like you're alone on your opinion it may be that no one else had the guts to time in or maye they just really didn't agree with what you said! We want our little girls to feel beautiful but don't go overboard!!!

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A.O.

answers from Sherman on

My daughter is almost 4 and I have taken her to get her nails painted at the salon for special occasions since she was 2 1/2. Mind you it costs me $5, so it's hardly breaking the bank. However I do not see this as a "mother daughter bonding experience", but rather a treat for her. When she went 7 days without wetting her bed at night her treat was to get her nails painted at the salon. For us, it's no more a treat then taking your kids to the movies or out for ice cream.

I.M.

answers from New York on

Hi,
Well, let me start by saying that I respect your opinion. This is something that is totally a personal decision. I have two boys ages 11 and 9 (almost 12 and 10) and a little girl who is 8 (almost 9). My girl has her ears pierced since she was 6 months, and we do her nails at home most of the time. But, it is not a bad thing to teach your children to keep themselves clean and looking good at all times. I have taken all three of them to get manicures and pedicures with me, even my husband has come along with me. I don't do this all the time, but I try to do it mostly in the summer; when they are outside playing and their nails and toe nails look rough.
Nonetheless, I would not hesitate to take my daughter out to a salon and get our nails done together to just spend time together.
Then again, like I said before, it is just a personal decision. I you shouldn't be put down for your opinion.

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J.K.

answers from Sacramento on

Holy Heck... manicures on a 4 or 5 year old?? Sorry to offend anyone, but I think that is ridiculous. The closest I have ever come to this with my kids is toenail painting, usually when I am doing my own.

In this day and age when young girls are exposed to so much regarding the objectification of women, and what the "perfect woman" is supposed to look like, I would expect women in touch with "modern motherhood" to feel the opposite way about toddler manicures.

With kids this age, it would be appropriate to play dress-up and make-up in some sort of constructive way WITH Mommy rather than going to a salon and having someone else do a little girl's nails.

You aren't alone YoMama...

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J.P.

answers from Buffalo on

Hi! I have 2 daughters ages 6 and 3. I have painted both of their nails at home. I only allow light pinks or light sparkles. The 3 yo doen't leave it on long enough for it to even matter! Both of my girls are very "girly",and not because of me! I don't always wear make up, and very rarely get dresses up. We just don't have much call for it in our lives. My girls just like it, I have never said anything about to them. Would I take them to a Salon? yes, I think it would be ok for the 6 yo to get her nails filed and polished. Having said that, I would only do it for a special thing. I don't get manicure, so my kids aren't going to either. I don't believe they should wear make up until they are at least 15 (at which time we will evaluate the situation!) I also do not let them wear any "suggestive" clothing, nor will when they are older.(Not that that will be a problem w/my husband around!) I did get my nails done when I was a teen ager, but not until I had a job and could pay for it. Once my girls are that age, they may go if they so choose.( I will still regulate what they look like. i.e. not super long on anything.) You shouldn't be criticized for your opinion. We should all raise our children the way we feel is best, and I sgree that they all grow up way to fast! They will have plenty of time foe all of that then. So keep it fun and age appropriate!

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J.M.

answers from New York on

I would not do it, because I believe a girl has so many years of being a grownup where they can do all of those things, and so very few years just being a kid...I also would never even spend that money on myself, let alone on my daughter...however, if you have the money and your daughter enjoys it, there are far worse things you could be doing with your time and money than a manicure and/or pedicure... so who are we to judge you on something so truly unimportant in the grand scheme of things....enjoy yourselves if you like to do that, while encouraging your daughter that it is truly what is inside (your personality) that counts and is most important. If you do not think it is appropriate, that is fine too, you do not have to do it with your daughter and I totally respect that as well.

C.B.

answers from New York on

I am leaning much further towards your end of the spectrum. With all the pressures of the world, young girls don't need there moms, the one person who is supposed to build them up, teaching them they have to do things to their hair, body...to be pretty or fun. I have a girl who is 3 and I do her nails, only at home, because her father decided to do it one day while I was out and now I can't say no. I wasn't even going to that until she was 5. Oh well. I can be flexable too. It is nice to know that there are other moms who don't feel the need to make their babies grow up too fast.

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T.M.

answers from New York on

I think that some people are possibly taking the term "manicure" to literally for when it's being discussed for a child. I don't believe that the women that are for it are looking to get tips and acrylic.

My daughter is only 18 months, so we won't be going anytime soon, but I am looking forward to the first time we can have a mommy/daughter "spa day", which will involve nothing more than her getting her nails painted. Many salons/spas offer this as a standard service and it doesn't cost much. I don't think there is anything wrong with treating your daughter to something different for a special occasion.

In case you're wondering, I'm not a "girly-girl" and wouldn't know how to raise my daughter to be one. I have a masters in Biology/Environmental Science and work in the field (sometimes literally) on a regular basis. I don't think I've worn makeup since my wedding day 8 years ago and yet I still think that it's ok to get your nails painted occasionally and share that experience with your daughter.

L.B.

answers from New York on

Hi,
In my opinion, the answer to your question is; Everyone lives by their own set of values and family and/or cultural traditions. Some may feel it is o.k for young children to get manicures and others feel that they should wait until they are older . No one is right or wrong, this is a personal decision determined by a persons value system. For example, I do not care for the practice of piercing an infants ears, but I do not judge, I would never do it, but I respect the fact that it is the tradition in some cultures and some people just like to pierce babys ears and feel it is a nice thing to do. Who am I to argue?

And, no you are not old fashioned because you want to keep your girls pure and natural.

p.s. My daughter went to a birthday party at a nail salon when she was 7. It was more about being with the other girls than the nail polish. She didn't let them paint her fingernails, she did let them paint her toenails. It was o.k, I would not have chosen to have that sort of b-day party, but all her friends went and it was harmless, so we went. I doubt that I would take her to a nail salon to get her nails done for any other reason.

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E.P.

answers from New York on

I agree with you...my daughter is almost 3 and I do not have any intention to allow her to have a mani/pedi anytime soon. I have many friends who delight in going with their daughter, but my husband and I agree that she is way too young. I am planning to hold out until at least age 10 - that includes earrings as well!

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R.Y.

answers from New York on

I wouldn't take a little kid like 4-5 for a salon manicure except maybe for a special event like being a flower girl in a wedding or a first communion. I might take an older girl like an 10 or 11 year old. Of course I painted my nails at home whenever I wanted as a kid. My aunts were teenagers when I was little and they put nail polish on me and sometimes make up when I was 3 or 4. My mom did have a rule that I was only allowed to wear light or medium pink out of the house though (at least until I was about 11-12).

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

wow. i don't know who all those moms are (although i have my guesses about my town lol) but no i don't think 4-5 years old is okay. i flat out think it's inappropriate. it's about limits and who is the parent and who is the child. i wonder if maybe these are the same ten year olds wearing miniskirts and makeup too. that's another can of worms that probably some moms might disagree with me on, but the idea is the same. i agree with you on this 100%.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

My daughter is 14, and she's never had a professional manicure. Heck, I haven't had one in nearly 20 years, that was never really my thing and not something I could see spending money on. It would never have occurred to me to take a preschoolers to a salon for a manicure. It might be a thrill for a little girl, especially if this is something that mommy does and it makes her feel grown up, but it's not something I'd ever have done and I'm pretty certain that no one in my circle of friends has done this.
I'm assuming the manicure moms are including their daughters in something that they regularly do themselves. I guess it would never have occurred to me to use that as "together" time with my daughter since other than a basic haircut a few times a year, I don't participate in salon/spa services. She is 14 now, and we spend time together by going to Starbucks, going to theater events or local sporting events. I don't think that I am out of touch or old fashioned, my 14 year old does have a 2nd ear piercing and she has blue hair.

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A.P.

answers from New York on

I have friends who have done it. I personally wouldn't do it, and don't think it's appropriate. Would I paint my daughter's nails at home? Sure, but only if she asked, and I'm not sure at what age I would go ahead and do it. But I wouldn't take her to a salon for anything.

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B.E.

answers from New York on

I was recently having my nails done just before going off on my company's all-expense paid incentive trip to Puerto Rico. Sitting in the chairs across from me was a mom and her daughter. We got to talking, and it turned out her daughter went to the same school that my son had attended. This little girl was in 3rd grade, making her about 8. She was about to go on a skiing trip with her parents and older brother. Her mom admitted that they had gone on mommy-and-me trips to the salon before and now the little girl was hooked. I can't weigh in heavily in disagreement with this. Men take their sons to Super Bowl games, right? I think if you can afford it and it gives you an opportunity to share some one-on-one time with your child, without their siblings, why not? However, if the parent is going to sit there on her iPhone the entire time, that defeats the purpose.

Spend quality time playing with your kids! If you don't know how...check with us at www.toysofdiscovery.com

C.A.

answers from New York on

I feel that it ok within reason. I do not believe that a young girl should have fake nails cause it ruins your nail. But once in a while is not bad. This way you can promote taking care of your nails. You don't have to get any kind of color either. Just do it naturally or help her to pick out a light color.I put lotion on my daughters hands cause they are dry and the skin is pelling. As for ear piercing... my daughter is 2 and I had hers done when she turned 1. I had and have no problems. Now when it comes to dying their hair I say NO WAY!!! I never did it and I will refuse to left my daughter do it. It ruins your hair with all those chemicals. besides I would not be happy if she came home and her hair was PINK or something. Some people go a little to far like 5 year old having cell phones. Now I am just dead set against that! I don't see why a 5 year old needs a cell phone. Do you? So everyone has their own opinion and you have a right too, but somethings are left up to that parent. I feel that if they don't want your opinion then they shouldn't post it.

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C.P.

answers from Albany on

My girls (10 and 12) and I would rather go skating, make cookies or blast some music and dance around the house....all healthy lifetime activities, promoting conversation and laughter and free! (And no chemical fumes!)

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M.W.

answers from New York on

I agree with nearly all of your thoughtful comments. Just over a year ago, my daughter who is now 11.5 said most of her friends have had manicures and she had never had one. I told her that I was 23 when I got my first manicure! I too, occasionally get manicures (when my weak nails grow a little, for a wedding, etc.) and I explained that it is an occassional treat. She was with me once when I was getting a manicure. They offered to give her a "mini" manicure (think it was $8) and I agreed as a special treat. She now regularly paints her nails herself (even does a "French" style) and I have no problem with this.

I also agree with you in regards to piercings and hair salons. She got her ears pierced when she was 10 and was old enough to manage all of the ear care herself. My daughter has friends who have had their hair highlighted which is absolutely ridiculous for tweens! I would not allow my daughter to get her hair highlighted until she was at least 16 and she would have to use her "own" money to do so. It is interesting to see how children prioritize their "needs" when they have to pay for it! FYI, my 11 yo gets a modest $12 monthly allowance which will increase as she gets older. She uses her money for "extras"; her current choice is often a "tween" magazine.

My daughter received a $10 gift certificate from a local nail salon. I have no problem with her redeeming it but she will have to pay the additional $3-5 to cover the actual cost plus tip.

Girls as young as 4 should not be getting manicures in a salon OR a spa. I think that the mother/daughter bonding would be much stronger if Mom did a home manicure session at home! You would be face to face with your girl and could provide a few choices for nail color. My daughter asked me this week if she could give me a manicure at home soon which I thought was so sweet.

I will be interested to see what additional comments you receive!

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