Getting My Own Valentine's Day Gift :) *SHW Added

Updated on February 06, 2017
M.6. asks from Woodbridge, NJ
25 answers

So, my husband REALLY, REALLY sucks at buying me a gift for any occasion. Over the many years we've been married, this has been one of those things that he just isn't going to get any better at. Well, this and cooking. I think he really WANTS to get me a great gift or plan something nice, but it is just outside of his skill set.

For the last couple months, I've been dying for a pair of Tieks. I have had a pair in my "shopping cart" on their website since the beginning of the year. Each day I say I'm going to pull the trigger - and then each day I'm like "no way, too much money." Today, I not only purchased them, but included a gift card to myself from my husband professing his undying love for me :) He will be thrilled he got me the perfect gift - I'm thrilled I am receiving the perfect gift.

So, anyone else getting themselves something from their hubby for Valentine's Day? I'd love to hear others who have done this. It's my first time buying my own gift . . .

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So What Happened?

It's fun to hear that I'm not the only one who has done this! This being my first time buying my own gift - it felt really weird! They are arriving today and I can't wait to see them :) It's a shame there are so many haters out there, though . . .

By the by, I didn't think that $175 was too much to spend on a pair of shoes. I own exactly 3 prs of shoes - 1 pr of running, 1 pr of Italian leather boots, and 1 pr of black flats, which I have broken the sole on after 14 yrs and now I am replacing with the Tieks. It must be the jealous folks out there that would worry about how much I would spend on a pair of shoes. Geez.

Once you hit the 20+ yr mark in a marriage, you can decide what is or isn't important to you. We love to celebrate ALL the holidays, even the date we met, or our first kiss or Valentine's Day or Flag Day . . . maybe that is why we are still married to each other. We don't always buy gifts and often it is just a bottle of wine and snuggling on the couch, but we take every chance we get to celebrate each other. Also, my husband thinks what I did is a hoot and he is excited that I am excited. He will likely get me a little box of chocolates or a special flavor of coffee so I can have something he picked out anyways. No, he doesn't feel emasculated. He is man enough to let me feel excited about a gosh darn pair of shoes :)

Happy Valentine's Day to you all!!!!!

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answers from Seattle on

I bought myself some underwear for christmas and wrapped them up and said, "hey! Thanks for buying me underwear!"
Husband say, "you betcha!"
win win
But usually, since we are often pinching pennies, we buy gifts for each other when we are together. lol

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answers from Norfolk on

Actually my husband got me what I wanted for Christmas (and birthday, and Valentines) - it was expensive (over $500) and I'm very happy with that.
We're at a stage where we for the most part have too much stuff so we're not so into the mutual gift giving stage right now.
Some flowers, a card, a baked batch of cookies or a home made cake from scratch - and we're all good!
I guess the point is - what ever makes YOU happy is perfectly fine!

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answers from Dallas on

I never did that. We didn't rely on the Hallmark days to do something for each other.

My husband was one of the most selfless people I ever knew. He treated me like a queen all year for 30 years ( 26.5 years married before his sudden death in 2015).

He never waited for a holiday to do something for me. If I needed something, it was there.

My last surprise was January 2015 which was a beautiful ring from Tiffany's that my daughter says is another engagement ring because he loved me so much.

I'd gladly give it all back just to have him back with me. I now visit his grave weekly and make sure the lovely area where he is laid to rest is well cared for with nice flowers at all times.

My heart will never be the same. I was truly blessed with a great man and dad for our daughter.

It's not about material items.

11 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

9You sound completely nuts. Not only for paying a 175 bucks for ballet flats but rationalizing it by giving yourself a note.

If I want something I buy it, don't need to post about it and don't need to act like my husband gave it to me.

By the way he will get me nothing for Valentine's day. Not because he doesn't love me but because he does and doesn't have to prove it with notes and gifts.

Do you really think this is going to make you happy or do you really want the slippers and figure this will guilt him into not raising a fuss?

Seriously ladies? I have a problem because I don't think a passive aggressive attack on one's spouse is funny or appropriate? She may as well sent him a note saying I don't appreciate you, happy valentine's day. By the way I spent 300 bucks on a pair of slippers you hate.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from San Antonio on

I buy my own gift every year and my husband is grateful.

Only one year did he get me a gift and I nearly fell was a two hour massage spa package. It turned out he was at lunch with a co-worker who drove them....and the other guy stopped at the spa on the way back to the office to get his wife's Valentine's gift....and I got one too. We had a good laugh about it. And I still enjoyed every second of the spa package.

So good for you!! Enjoy your Tieks!

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I really love what TF/Plano wrote. It is absolutely not about the material items.

I have a husband who is on top of every holiday, anniversary, etc. *I* am the one who sometimes forgets! Nothing to do with the chromosomes, everything to do with the fact that he's just a lot more attentive about calendar dates than I am.

We give each other things from time to time. He just gifted me with a beautiful celadon green bowl because I have a smaller one I like. Two weeks ago and he says "Happy Valentines Day." He will likely buy me flowers at some point, though not usually on The Day, because the flowers are generally pretty picked over.

I will likely get him something he can enjoy, usually a few good craft beers. That's what he likes. Right now he's very sick and I've been showing love for him by taking care of him and keeping the house running. He's so appreciative. To me, that is already a gift in and of itself.

I feel there is something I should add, something that doesn't sit well with me: you start your post by complaining about your husband's failure to buy you presents. Just me, but loving couples don't usually go online to first complain about their spouses 'skill sets' or the way they don't measure up. I know my husband would feel terribly hurt if I was discussing my disappointment in him with strangers, just as I would, had he posted something like this about my inadequacies. Part of having a loving marriage is protecting each other from unnecessary nonsense.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Binghamton on

My husband usually is good at gifts but I don't really care bc I can buy what I like. Past the dating stage, who cares? I don't want him to buy me expensive things bc I'm really frugal. What I find interesting is you post how crazy busy you are but have time for stuff like this. And you post about the cost of your brother's wedding flights but at least you can stay for free. Then you buy super expensive flats?? We're quite well off financially and I'd never pay that for a pair of flats. And if I did, I wouldn't even mention the cost of attending my sibling's wedding. Honestly I'd have saved that money and bought take out dinners or care for my mother if I was losing it bc I was so busy. So I'd have maybe bought some help and told my husband that was his gift to me...

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answers from Washington DC on

ha ha!
good for you!
we don't do much for V-day any more, but i know my sweetie will get me some flowers.
and i'll get us each a little box of divine, expensive, decadent Zoe's Caramels. he's not a sweet monster like me, but even he can't resist a zoe caramel.
i used to make him an elaborate homemade card every year. we don't even do that any more.
i also used to make an elaborate homemade exploding heart meatloaf. if you bake a frozen tomato into the center of a meatloaf, you can stab it when it comes out of the oven and you get a very satisfying spurt of red ooze. the kids used to love it.
but they're living elsewhere, and the ol' man thinks it's gross (what a maroon) so i don't even do that any more.
i think getting your own pair of tieks and a great card instead of moping and whining is brilliant.
and i'm betting your husband thinks so too.
:) khairete

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Dayton on

This reminds me of me at Christmas several years ago. It was never my plan, but as I was doing our Christmas shopping I kept finding things that I truly needed. And after each shopping trip I would return in addition to the gifts for everyone else, with items for me too! We joked about it for months because I told everyone it was the only time I ever received everything I needed! Best Christmas ever! And as I opened them, yes I wrapped them with the nametag from my hubby, couldn't praise him enough for buying just what I needed!

So I say good for you. Instead of you being disappointed on Valentine's Day, you'll be happy and you saved hubby from feeling bad that he didn't get you what your heart desired, lol!

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answers from Los Angeles on

I always pick out my own gift, but I let my husband buy it. I tell him exactly what I want, the colour and size, where to get it and even when it will be on sale, and then I trust that he will follow through, and he does.

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answers from Phoenix on

My husband is *usually* really good at gift giving. Especially Vday I usually get diamonds or some really nice piece of jewlery. But he has freaked out and lost himself and one year got me a bunch of stuff from Dollar Tree!!!! LOLOLOL I was like what the heck happened to you??!!! He admitted he just freaked out and didn't know what to get me and knew I liked a few things from there so that's what he got. So I told him if it would help I would put some ideas in his Amazon account and he could pick something from there. Ever since then he's done good on his own.

I think it's a good idea to get your own gift...ONLY if your husband is ok with it and it doesn't hurt his feelings. If it makes him feel bad that he has NO part in it, then see if he's ok with you picking some things and either emailing him some links or putting it in a cart for him to choose from. Good luck.

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answers from Pittsburgh on

Sorry I am with Julie S on this one... I find it emasculating.

Maybe I would have felt differently if my cousin wouldn't have recommended I read "Light His Fire". LSS...when he does attempt to purchase something his ultimate goal is to please you. He doesn't just go through the motions to be admonished and told it's outside of his skill set. I would rethink your actions and take the time to show your undying love for him and not yourself.

As always TF is the voice of reason. It's not about the things... I'm still sorry for your loss, TF.

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answers from Boston on

Good for you! I'd have thought of buying for myself, but I never would have thought to write a loving note about how great I am! Excellent idea! Maybe your husband will get the idea that at least he could write a note about how he feels even if he sucks at shopping.

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answers from Chicago on

Geez Julie S., did you have a rough week?!

Good for you military mom. Most men are this way. There's nothing wrong with what you did. I bet you and your husband have a good laugh.

I've done this many many times. Sometimes he'll ask what I want, or he'll surprise me with something. and other times I tell him don't worry about getting me something because I already bought what I wanted.

Sounds like you are going to have a very nice Valentines ;)

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answers from New York on

MilMom, I have a Tieks coupon I would have given you if I had known! Remember to always use your MP "resources"!! :-)

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answers from Pittsburgh on

I just want to say good for you. Every year after gift giving holidays there is at least 1 post from a disappointed momma lamenting that she was forgotten or only given token gifts from her spouse/kids/etc. Your solution is so much better - your DH isn't stressed and you won't be disappointed.

ETA: we don't really celebrate Valentine's Day beyond a glass of wine at home and a toast to us. But when "Santa" did stumble across and buy me the perfect new bag to carry to and from work this year.

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answers from Washington DC on

Wow, Julie S, this was meant to be a fun and lighthearted post. Your answer was really mean.

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answers from New York on

Heck I do the same lol. So you are not alone. As far as what you got yourself, that's great. We need to do something for ourselves. I pay $200 for Naot shoes. They last forever. My oldest pair is 14 years old. Naots pure comfort.

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answers from Chicago on

Gotta love yourself first, right? LOL
Good for you for doing something for yourself!

I don't think we will get each other gifts for Valentine's Day. Setting aside "us" time is the best gift for me and my husband right now. Kids to of wine...catch up on our shows...perfect night for us :-).

This Christmas I did by my gifts from him though....a new winter jacket ( I've been talking about replacing mine for the last 3 years) and a blue tooth speaker (hubby has been wanting for 4 years and won't buy for himself) so I pulled the trigger this Christmas.

But the best gift I got this week...coming home from work to husband greeting me with a warm hug and kiss :-).

So are you going to read to him what "he wrote" to you on the card? I think that would be pretty funny!

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answers from Wausau on

My husband and I were grocery shopping together this morning and I picked up a couple Valentine-themed candy bars for our kids. He asked me what I wanted for Valentine's Day and I told him to get me a balloon from Dollar Tree. He'll probably get a few.

I like mylar balloons because they tend to float around for a good long while. I'm not fond of cut flowers since they often make me sneeze and drop debris on my desk as they wilt. I do love chocolates, but I'm currently on a no-sugar thing. I rarely wear jewelry and I'm particular when I do, so that's not a good gift option.

I love giving gifts, but I'm not really keen on receiving them. That's why my husband asks me specifically what I want instead of trying to be creative. Sometimes I say, "Nothing." and he honors it too. Took awhile to get him to stop feeling guilty about it though.

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answers from San Francisco on

That's adorable. I love that you included the card from him. Super cute for both of you.

There's not much I need these days, and nothing makes me happier than a little humor. Maybe I will try that. :)

ETA: It's absolutely because it's not about the material items that I think this little harmless humor between husband and wife is fine. If this were supposed to be some major message to him: "Get me a good gift, you jerk! And make sure you include a note telling me how wonderful I am!" I would disagree with it. But I think she's just buying herself something she wants and having some fun with it. No big deal.

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answers from Boston on

i bought something for him..he does so much and hates shopping so I enjoy finding a surprise for him..

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answers from Portland on

I like to know some effort went into it (just me). So I have given my husband ideas (he asks) that are specific, what it is and where it can be purchased, and he happily goes off and gets it. He needs the idea though.

Christmas, he and my son went to get me a macbook. My son knew what to get specifically, because he and I had talked. Knowing my husband, who is technically challenged, went and got it for me - was what I enjoyed!

Whatever works! It should just be enjoyable experience :)

My husband's list for me on valentines never varies. My favorite chocolates, tulips, and a bottle of wine for us to share. I bake a cake. List was something he asked for years ago.

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answers from Santa Fe on

We don't do gifts for Valentines day... I just place no importance on gifts on Feb 14th. We got ourselves tickets to go see Shakespeare's As You Like It and we are going out to eat (a few days before as our Valentines date night!). But I say good for you...get yourself a gift! :) My husband only does well on gifts when I outright tell him. This Christmas I sent him a link and said my #1 wish for Christmas is this! He hates this kind of thing bc he always wants it to be a surprise...but then he fails every time. It's best to just be direct! So, this year he got me what I asked for and I was happy.

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answers from Anchorage on

I don't buy myself gifts and call them from him, if there is something I want and we can afford it I get it, he does the same, because we don't need a special day to get things that make us happy. We also try to do little things all the time to remind each other of how we feel so there is no need for a day like V day for us, which feels forced and fake. If people like to celebrate days like V day, even go all out on big fancy dates ect, more power to them, I am not judging. But, for me and my relationship, the little everyday things mean way more then a card or flowers on a day when love feels "forced".

But I am glad you love your new shoes, we all deserve to get nice things that make us happy whatever the occasion or reason :)

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