I know I said I was done posting, but I am REALLY stuck and I don't have anyone else to ask that isn't biased/involved.
We live in a very small town. My son is 18 and has worked at the same place for 2 years and this is the only job he has ever had. It is at the local restaurant making pizza on the weekends, the occasional no school day, and all summer. Since the day he started working, they have been really, really good about not scheduling my son when he has a sporting event. He plays 3 sports a year, so we were really surprised when they hired him and told him (and us - we eat there and run into the owners occasionally) that they would totally work around all sports. All my son has to do is turn in his sports schedule at the beginning of each season and they just won't schedule him during practice time/games. In fact, I have been slightly disgusted each year during wrestling season because he doesn't get any hours due to 2 practices a day and 3 meets a week, one of which is always on a Saturday (I have kept this irritation to myself - it was an internal disgust). Anyways, apparently they do this for all the high school kids and have enough part-timers to cover shifts when others need off for sports/band/etc. I suppose if they didn't, they wouldn't have much of a workforce since although we are a small town, 90% of our high school kids are involved in some after school activity.
So, this weekend we are playing for Section Champions for football. My son is on the starting lineup and no joke, needs to play in this game. After the last two games made the news (during which he made a touchdown each game), we are getting calls from college recruiters. Plus, he has made a commitment to his teammates. Last night, he stopped by work just to check in with them to make sure that they were aware of the upcoming playoffs and they told him he had to work tonight (he has NEVER worked a school night before) and on Saturday before the game. He told them he has practice tonight, which can't be missed. They told him he needs to leave practice early so he can work. He told them he cannot work even the day shift on Saturday because the team is leaving in the early afternoon on the bus and he needs to be on it. He was told his job is in jeopardy if he doesn't show.
We have ALWAYS put school and work before sports, but this is kind of a different deal. My son has never asked for any additional time off from work, is always 15 minutes early for his shift, is the last to leave, and we are constantly told that he is the hardest worker they have there. He is on the A honor roll this semester. He DID put school and work before sports, but now in this strange turn of events, it is almost like his employer is punishing him. We realize that this is not a "career job", but we do live in a small town where job prospects are limited (and we are not near any other towns that he can look for employment in).
Part of me REALLY wants to call the owners (we are not friends or even acquaintances) and ask them what the hell (in a very nice, respectful way). The other part of me is like stay out of this and let whatever happens, happen. My poor son is very stressed out about this . . . he even called me today from school (which he NEVER does) to tell me how worried he is about this.
As an aside, this employer has a really crazy rule that you cannot find someone to cover your shift for you. You have to call the owners and tell them and then they will see if they can find someone to cover, and if not, then you better show up or be fired.
So . . . would you call the owners or not?
** to the poster who said we have plenty of jobs near us . . . I had changed my location for privacy reasons, we do not live in Albany.
You guys are largely right - calling the employer would only make things worse or simply not be helpful. My gut told me (even prior to posting this) that calling would be a bad idea. However, what made me waiver was the fact that while our kids are in school and under our roof, we (at least I do) as parents may call a teacher if there is an issue in school, we might call another parent if there are issues between kids or a boyfriend/girlfriend in the right circumstances, but as soon as it is an employer, we are all like "hands off! work is different!" But is it really? I struggled even more with this because our son has slight "delays" due to his prenatal exposure to alcohol and heroin. Sometimes decision making can be really tough for him and he looks at things slightly different than for instance my older 3 girls did at this age.
I think that the best course of action is to let him know that he should make one more attempt to sit down with his boss and at least talk about what changed with not getting off for sports all of a sudden - if for no other reason to find out if this is a permanent change and perhaps it would be best for everyone if he gave his notice since wrestling season is right around the corner. I will offer to my son that if he wants me to come along at this meeting, I will be happy to, or he can handle it on his own. I have also already let my son know that if he gets fired for not being able to work, he isn't in "trouble" here at home (he hasn't even thought about the fact that he may have trouble finding other employment in town and I haven't said anything to him about that either). However, I did tell him that he has to make every effort to "problem solve" the issue with his employer - that is what adults do in the big wide world of employment. Sometimes, the issue isn't able to be solved, then we have to move on, but you will never know until you try one last time.
Thanks again for the help!
Nope.
I wouldn't call the owners.
Actually I'd tell my son to call their bluff.
They will be pissed, but they might not fire him.
And if they do - so what?
I'd then tell my kid the job was nice while it lasted but it's over now.
There will be other jobs.
You said that you have always put school and work before sports, but that's not really right, is it? I mean, you also said that they give their sports schedule to the pizza place and they work around his schedule. Which means sports has always gone before work.
SO....in this situation I see that you have already decided not to call. Good Choice. Lets say the worst happens and he gets "let go" from his job. Oh well. You are saying that he is being looked at by college coaches! That's awesome!!
You may just have to support him until he is off to college. Because really? if the football is going to get him into college, then I would have him go to the game. Spinning pizza's is not going to get him into college!
L.
You do not call the owners. He does, especially if that is their policy. Be his sounding board, give him advice, let him know what you would do, but let HIM do it. He has to decide what is most important. In my opinion, he should call and tell them that he has made a comitment, has folowed their requests for schedules etc, and must make the practice and game schedule. Maybe he can offer some compromise.
If he is their most valuable, and they let him go, they may see their error and call him back.
Absolutely NOT. He can handle this mama. Really, he can. He may be stressed out but he is a young man almost off to college and being able to make these kinds of decisions and take risks (in this case, possibly losing his job) is part of his natural, normal development.
Besides, based on what you've shared here, I seriously doubt they would fire him. It costs a business a LOT of money to hire and train a new employee. That would just be stupid on their part.
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I understand your frustration, but I think you have to step back and let your son handle this. The employer is not his parent - he does not have to do what they say when they are going back on their commitment. This is a lesson learned in consistency and employer promises. Maybe they are being insistent because your son is always so responsible so they think they can guilt-trip him into it?
Here's the thing - sports ARE important. He already took that position when he gave his schedule to them and they promised to work around it. He has a commitment to his teammates, and bailing out on them (when no one can do his job on the gridiron) is worse than not working a shift he shouldn't have (when there are plenty who CAN do his job for him). If the employer won't let your son find a sub, they can do it for themselves. (Sometimes they don't want kids to arrange this because they have to keep everyone's hours below a certain level so as not to pay overtime/benefits.)
He needs to tell them himself that he is very sorry that they are unable to keep their commitment, but he must keep his. He should say he values the job and hopes that they will continue to employ him. But he must state firmly that he is not available at the time they want. Then let the chips fall where they may.
Kids who are organized and industrious can find other jobs - he can mow laws/rake leaves/shovel show for the elderly or those with small children. He can dog sit. He can do other things. My son put together a business for years patching together jobs for a whole bunch of people. He gave it a name and it looked great on his activity resume that went with his college applications. Your son can do the same.
He's 18. As much as it hurts you, you have to stay out of it. Help him role play the conversation maybe, then tell him you have confidence in him. It does not matter if the employer doesn't agree with him - that doesn't mean he is wrong, and his goal is not to convinced them but to take a stand on each side honoring their commitments and promises. His integrity will carry him ahead in life. He's going to college soon and you will not be there to talk to professors and job supervisors and resident assistants. He's got to find his own way.
And I'm delighted to see that you are posting again!!
NO!
I'm assuming that your son is a senior in high school, or a junior at least, since he's 18? The worst thing you could do was march in to his pizza place and demand "justice" for your son.
My stupid brother actually did this. His son worked at a donut place and requested time off for a family celebration (a birthday or something). It was their busiest time and the boss told him no, they couldn't spare him. My brother paraded into the place, demanded to see the boss, made an absolute utter fool of himself shouting at the boss he wasn't respecting family values, embarrassed the boss and my nephew (my brother should have embarrassed himself but in his own eyes, he can do no wrong, so...), and my nephew was fired right after that.
Please tell your son a couple of things. Tell him he's abided by his boss's requests. Tell him he's shown responsibility. Tell him his future does not lie in this pizza place, it's a part time job at best, and he should be looking ahead to college. He made a commitment to his team, and they need him. This should not be stressful.
Stressful is when a guy has a family and his baby or his wife is in the hospital and his boss at the place he's worked at for 10 years is giving him troubles over how much time he's taking off to be at the hospital. He could lose his job, his salary, and his insurance, but he needs to be with his desperately ill family member.
Please read over your post. It's full of words like punishing, irritated, disgusted. No wonder your son is stressed. The boss's rule is not crazy. Your son has a time conflict. He has a championship football game coming up, with potential college recruiters following his performances (which involves scholarships and financial aid). He also has a weekend job at a pizza place and no one to cover his shift. Well, if he loses the pizza job, he's 18 and will be moving on anyway, unless you're thinking he'll attend a community college 2 miles from home and stay at this pizza place forever. Most kids have little weekend jobs delivering sandwiches, making pizza, dog-sitting, babysitting, mowing lawns, etc, during high school, and then along comes college and they move on from their high school jobs and prepare for college and get jobs more in line with their career aspirations. If they want to be a doctor or nurse, they might apply for jobs at hospitals, even if the jobs are very low level. If they want to be an athlete, they might apply for jobs at gyms. If they want to be a teacher, they might start tutoring or find work at a child care place.
Your son has had 2 good years with a loyal work ethic, and now it's time to move on. Please don't show him you're irritated or angry. Help your son not to feel stressed. He needs to focus on the team, the game, his college and his future. His pizza job is not his future, it's not providing the only food on the table for his kids, he didn't just not show up, it's just time to move on.
Let your son be an adult, and you be the quiet strength in the background. You are adding to his stress, whether you know it or not.
He is 18 and now getting introduced to real life. Do not call. Do not go to the meeting. That is helicopter parenting and will help nothing. Let him deal with this. My advice would be, as another poster said, and to have him call their bluff. Go to the game and see what happens with work afterwards. He needs to be aware that this might backfire though. Or, it might not. If it were my son, I would 100% want him to put his energy and effort into the sport if colleges are calling. He might be pursued with scholarships. How likely is this job he now has to have an impact like that on his future? At his age with college coming up, it would be a no-brainer for me. Jobs come and go, and a resourceful young man can find something even if he has to be creative. These decisions and problems will come up in life and the best thing you can do to prepare him is to offer advice if he asks, support him, and let him talk through it and make a decision.
Your son is 18 and employed. This is between him and his boss.
HE needs to talk to his boss and try to work out a compromise that is acceptable to both sides. If no compromise can be made, then he needs to decide what his priorities are and live with the consequences of that decision.
He can miss practice and possibly get benched and miss out on being recruited and possible scholarships.
he can miss work and possibly get fired.
Either way, YOU need to stay out of it. He does NOT need his mommy talking to his boss.
I would not call the owners, it is his fight not yours. He should stick to what he actually committed to and not the error of the owners. If they are willing to fire what I assume is a good worker over their own error I wouldn't want my son working there anyway.
Many others have given the advice that I would write (Diane B and others). I will say this: don't put more pressure on him with the stuff about no other jobs in the area, etc. In fact, reassure him that it's ok if the worst (he loses the job) happens. He's leaving for college in the fall. At worst, he will be without a part-time job for 9 months. And if he is recruited/gets a scholarship for football, that will be likely be worth far more $ in the long run than 8 more months at a pizza shop. Furthermore, once he leaves for college, he can get a job on campus or in his college town and he may stay there year round, or get a job at the beach with friends in the summer, etc. My point is, if he loses this job and they won't rehire him, this is not the end of the world.
Absolutely not! This is for your son to handle. He'll either figure out a solution, or not, and deal with the consequences. Hopefully whoever is being the schedule police will come to his or her senses.
So when he's in college and his part time job needs him to work before a big exam you'll be calling them? When his boss sets a deadline for a project that is a tight deadline you'll call the boss? Really mom life is about making choices. Let your 18 yr old young adult deal with things himself. Trust me. You don't want to be 'that' mom.
what a sucky situation.
i guess your son has to decide which is more important, the game or the job. i'm thinking i'd be inclined toward the game.
very weird that their attitude has changed so dramatically and without warning. but i'd definitely leave it to my 18 year old to handle, with advice from me IF he asked for it, but no interference.
khairete
S.
Cheryl B, I am from OKC. I was born and lived in or near OKC until I was in college at OSU but always put my town, when online, as OKC. Why? Anonymity is easier if you put a larger city or home town or someplace not associated with who and where you are actually living.
No one on here knows if I actually live in OKC, in Tulsa, Tuttle, Weatherford, Norman, McAlister, Stringtown, Atoka, Jenks, near Grand Lake, Disney, Blackwell, Enid, Weatherford, Seiling, Anadarko, Durant, or some other tiny town or big city in this state because I don't want people who I might piss off with my answer to be able to figure out where I "might" live.
Just because this person states they live in one town does not mean they don't live in that town but it might also mean they live in a town 20 miles outside of that town, they might have lived in that town 10 years ago and then moved to another state even.
We like our anonymity and putting a town we know something about helps us keep that facade.
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What's more important?
Possible college tuition/scholarship or having a job where he works maybe 15-20 hours per month?
I do NOT plan on making the kids get jobs in high school. Education comes first and often sports/dance/music/extra curricular activities are ways into college without having to get college loans and more to pay their way.
If our kids want to focus on school and their things that have to do with school such then jobs are things they don't have to worry about.
Why would you put this job before his college education? No problems for me. He'd be letting his boss know his parents say he has to quit.
They probably don't have any kids wanting to work this weekend. That's why they're being insistent he work.
Please don't even think about this any longer. His education comes first and school sports that can and probably will give him money for college are higher in priority than any job could be that isn't a job that will pay his college education for him.
One last thing.
It's our job to teach our kids to use critical thinking. In situations similar to this I have sat down with the kids and asked them what they wanted to happen.
Then when THEY told me I'd say what would you like to say to them. Then we do some role playing and I act out the part where they are telling me what they want. I act out different reactions and then we switch it around to where I'm the one doing the telling. It can get pretty funny!
My point is that he needs the experience of an adult to talk to his boss like he's an adult. If he isn't able to do that confidently then help him figure out the HOW.
These are skills he will use the rest of his life. He does need to figure out what he wants and needs to work on the HOW to manage this situation.
BTW, has son talked to coach? Coach might tell him to go to work, that he can still play and work too.
Encourage your son to handle it himself. He needs to be the one to respectfully explain the situation to the owners. If he has been a good dependable employee they will work with him to keep him.
Updated
Encourage your son to handle it himself. He needs to be the one to respectfully explain the situation to the owners. If he has been a good dependable employee they will work with him to keep him.
Empower your son by encouraging him to handle this situation and stand up to his boss(es). He should tell him he can not and will not be at work until (insert appropriate time). Being fired is not the end of the world. Annoying, yes, but growing a spine is at 18 is better than being afraid to at 36.
Of course you shouldn't call the owners. He is an 18 year old adult. My 13 year old won't want me to get involved in something like this!
Be his sounding board, support him privately and let him deal with the situation. These people have a business to run which I'm sure they find far more important than your son's sport's schedule. The original offer to work around him was incredibly generous and obviously a little short sighted on everyone's part.
No I wouldn't call. He's old enough to handle all of this and deal with the fall out. Perhaps he can find someone to cover for him. If not, well, he has some hard choices to make. As is life.
No. I would not call. You can offer advice to your son about what he should/shouldn't do, and/or how to say/ask whatever he wants to say/ask. But you cannot call.
What does your son want to do? Does he have college plans? I assume he's a senior (at 18 and getting college scouts looking at him). Does he *have* to have a job for financial reasons?
I'm confused that he just stopped by to confirm about Saturday (yesterday) and they told him he had to work tonight. Do they normally post the week's schedule the day before like that? (Wednesday posting of schedule for Thursday)
Whatever happens, he should remain respectful and polite in all of his dealings with them, and not give them any attitude. Regardless of whether he accepts them firing him over something like this, he will have them on future resume's/applications as former employers who may be called for references.
But, no, you cannot call.
Were the playoffs on the initial schedule he submitted or were they not since you don't know if you will be in the playoffs until the season shakes out? Just wondering if in their mind they have worked with him a great deal and now he's popped more unavailability on them? If so, I can understand both sides.
Your son should go to the coach and see if he can leave early from the practice without negative impact. Then your son should go to his employer (maybe with you there but not right with him) and say "I really appreciate all that you have done to work with my schedule through the years and if this was any other practice or game I would be willing to miss it; however, this is the payoffs, I'm a starter, and there are college recruiters coming to watch me. I can not miss this game but I will leave practice early and be here by xxxx on Friday (assuming his coach allows it). I hope you understand that this is not just any other game. If you want, I would be more than happy to see if someone can cover for me but I can't work on Saturday."
It seems like something is missing, like why the sudden change? that is what your son should sit down and discuss with his employer, as you say in your SWH. Do not go with him.
You mention he gives his schedule at the start of the season. Was this game unscheduled? If it's a championship, I'm wondering how far they knew about this in advance. I think it's great the employer works around kids' activities. But I would also keep in mind there are other students who in all likelihood are just as important to the employer. Perhaps one of them has a commitment. Sometimes it's the first person who asks for the time off. If your son works minimal hours, it's hard to imagine he would get preference over a teenager who works more hours and is flexible. That's why talking to the employer (your son) needs to happen. Find out why.
I cannot see any benefit at all to you getting involved. I only see negatives. Sounds like you're been good support for your son which is great.
Good luck :)
you do not get involved. This is his job, not yours. He needs to learn how to handle confrontation.
No, I would not call. Your son is the age of majority, even if he is still in high school which may be why they are taking such a hard line with him. Your son needs to decide what his priority is and then convey that to the appropriate people.
BTW, the statement that you are not near any other towns he can look for employment in is not genuine. I live very close to Albany and know that Albany borders El Cerrito and Berkeley. You also are close to Emeryville and Richmond. There are literally hundreds of places he could apply. And I have been noticing a lot of "Hiring" or "Help Wanted" signs in the area so he has several options. I assume you added that because you didn't want to have people say for him to do the game and then look for another job.
No I would not call the owners. This is your son's responsibility to handle it. If he cannot find someone to cover his shift he needs to talk to them about it. He can tell them he really does not want to lose his job. He also should again let them know when he can and cannot work due to sports. I feel for your son...but these things happen in life! Him stressing over it shows he's a good, responsible person and hopefully he and the pizza place owners can figure this out together.
Does he REALLY have to work? Can't he just be a student?
WHO usually sets his schedule? Is it one of the owners? Or a manager? Did someone else start setting the schedule? If that happened, then pretty much that is the problem.
I think that your son needs to honor his committment to get on that bus, and then make an appointment for the person who has always set his schedule - not the person who told him that his job was in jepardy. He needs to tell them what the agreement was when he first was hired, what his work history and work ethic has been for them since he started working there, and how surprised that all of a sudden, things have changed. Then he needs to listen to what they say. If they tell him that their prior deal with him is over with, then he should tell them that he needs to think about it and go home and talk to his parents. And then you all decide whether pizza work is more important than sports.
I would definitely not call the owners. Your son is legally and adult even though he is still in high school. He needs to learn how to handle his business, especially since one day he will become a man and have a family to take care of. He needs to decide what is most important to him. The job or the sports and since he is a starter the sports could be his ticket to a free higher education. The pizza place has served its purpose for its time but ultimately it is your son's decision. NOT yours, it's his job, NOT yours. What he needs from you is support and encouragement in the decision he will need to make for himself.
There may not be many jobs but there is always opportunities for young people to earn money especially this time of year with falling leaves. He may need to think like an entrepreneur.
I agree with the others do not call.
Your son needs to explain to them why this is so important to him. It's not just about the commitment he made to his team but it could also mean a scholarship for college.
