Getting 3 Year Old off the Playground

I use countdown minutes and when it's time for that last slide or that last swing, I make it very clear to my 3 year old. Also, I may say something like let's go home and get a popsicle. That always works! Especially if I say we can eat it on the front porch.

If our kids don't listen, they don't don't get to go. She's old enough to understand. If they haven't listened at the play ground, then the next time they ask to go (usually because we drive by it daily) we tell them no, because you can't listen, so the park is only for kids who can behave, obey and listen. They usually end up begging, I never give in to begging. I do this a few more times and then on the 5th time (drive by) when they ask, I will say, "do you think you can listen?" We sit down and I explain that they will have a 2 minute warning before we leave, the next time I will say, let's go and they will need to stop immediately and answer "Ok mom." I have them repeat what they will say when I tell them it's time to go.

Guess what? My 3 kids (even the 2 year old) ALWAYS answer "Ok, mom" and quickly start following me to the car.

PS I feel that 20 minutes is too long for a 3 year old. 2 minutes is just enough time in my opinion. I don't like to give warinings. I like to give one, even when they are behaivng badly, I only give ONE warning and then they are in trouble....same with the park.

Try asking her what she needs to do before you leave. If she's not sure, then offer a few suggestions. Kids tend to follow the decision they made. "It's time to go home. Are you ready? What do you need to do before going home? Slide down the slide two more times? Okay, let's do it. "

Another thing is to make the leaving fun. For example, (taking into account traffic) invitingly tell her that it's time to go to the car and you're going to be the fastest. Or go to the car while skipping or pretending to be something she likes. Along those same lines, you could have a snack at the car or something else she can look forward to.

Depending on her maturity level and how she takes this, say something like "I'm going to the car and I know you can get there too." Then go. This will work for some kids, but not for others at 3 yrs old though.

Good luck! This is a tough one.

Tell her if she does it again she can't come to the playground anymore. Before going tell her how long you will be there, and what you expect to happen when you are leaving. Give her a countdown, 10 minutes/ 5 minutes/ once more down the slide etc.
I always bring a snack/drink and leave it in the car- then when it is time to go they know there is a snack in the car and that is a great intensive.

Countdown (20 minutes, 10 minutes/5 minutes/O. more slide & out) and have a snack in the car!

I haven't had time to read all of the responses, but I am surprised to hear so many moms tell you to give a time countdown. Yes, it's VERY inportant to give notice of a transition time, but "20 minutes", "2 more minutes" and "7 hours" all mean the same to a 3 year old. Time is an abstract concept, so giving a time countdown is basically saying "keep playing and I'll let you know when it's time to go"...so that when it's actually time to go, they think "but you said 2 more minutes!!" because they have no idea 2 minutes has already passed. You need to give them something tangible, like "It's time to leave. Go down the slide one more time and then we'll go to the car for your snack"

If that doesn't work, stop going to the park while you're still pregnant. Take walks around your neighborhood, or play somewhere with an open grassy area where she can run and play but can't climb up somewhere that you can't physically grab her when it's time to go! Bring bubbles and balls and other fun toys

I handle it similar to Jennifer P. I don't feel the need to give a hundred warnings or have a treat waiting to get them to leave. Going to the park IS the treat. I watch four children all age 3 (including my own DD) and we go to the park 3-5 times a week. I let them know before we get there that when I say it is time to go, they are to stop and come to me so we can leave. No arguing, whining, or pouting. If they do not cooperate, then we will not go to the park. Then I follow through. If I have a child that fights me, the next day we do not go back period. We will stay away from the park for a few days and do other activities at the house. I will remind them gently that we are staying in and doing books/coloring because they did not listen to what I asked from them. After a few days I will give them a "second" chance at park behavior. I have never had a child that needed a "third" chance. The key for me is to always be firm and let them know my expectations immediately. Once you have given over too much control to a child it is hard to reign it in. I am very loving with the daycare kids (and mine), but firm. The kids know the rules and what I expect--they also know the consequences for misbehavior. They rarely challenge me, they know I will not give in. They are still kids and occasionally push the boundaries, but not on a daily basis. It makes for days that are mostly fun and argument free =) The kids whose parents let them have a million warnings or talk back or bribe them for every little thing (instead of expecting good behavior because that is how they should act)--those kids act like monsters for mom and dad, but act good for me. It must be so hard being pregnant and then having to chase around your 3 year old. You are the mom and you need to get a handle on this now. Going to the park is a priviledge--you don't owe it to your daughter....let her know that she will be rewarded with treats like the park when she can follow the rules you set for her. Best of luck.

My 3-year-old is the same way, but we walk to the playground. Try making the expectations clear and the plan for afterwards (meal, snack, etc.). If you are driving there, keep something in the car and give her countdowns at 10, 5, 3, and 1 minutes (or something like that) so she is learning about time and schedules. Let her know that it will be time for water and a snack when she is buckled in (obviously having water available while she's playing, but my kids are so busy they don't want the water until we leave and then they usually drink all of it). I can usually "lure" my kids with the promise of food, but just be firm in your tone that it is not a choice and make it your routine. Try to make a game of beating mommy to the car or something if it is a safe parking area for her to do that in. I also sometimes wait and catch my kids at the bottom of the slide if they are really being stinkers about leaving when we don't have a choice. Worst case, plead for your needs (mommy and the baby have to use the bathroom, Mommy is hungry and has to go now or she is going to eat her arm, whatever silly thing will get her attention--you could also appeal to her helping instincts by dramatically insisting that you can't remember which car is yours and you need help finding it). You might not find one specific thing that works. You could also try coordinating playground trips with another family with a parent who might be able to help you out--either the other kids showing your daughter, or the other parent willing to climb up there after her. And invest in a sling for the next one--you'll be so much more free on the playground! :)

P.S. Reply to some of the more negative approaches--children need water and snacks, and planning to have apples or something sweet like that in the car is not only important for them (they need to replenish the calories they burned and need to drink lots of water). When they are doing something fun, it is very hard for them to stop. They need the active play time and going to the playground should not be considered a treat, it should be one of the ways they are getting in needed active play time. I hate to stop reading a good book, go home from a date with my husband, or come back from fishing, and I'm an adult--it is very hard for children to stop doing something that is so much fun and so important for them, and their little bodies and brains sometimes struggle with that transition. We need to understand them better and understand that they are not trying to be willful or disobedient, they are just having fun and don't want to stop. A countdown to leaving is not a "warning," which is negative, but a way to let your child know the drill, what to expect, etc. I hate sudden changes, even if my husband wakes up and says we need to go to the grocery store. If he gives me an hour warning, I am much happier because I can finish what I am doing and plan to be away for a few hours. Children need to know what to expect, too.

I have the same problem with my three year old. I have a couple of things that have worked for me. One thing I do is give a five minute warning. now that five minutes doesn't have to be five minutes sometimes it can be 10 or 20, but when I am ready to leave I say "We are leaving in five minutes." Then I come up with something she likes to do to make her want to leave. For example, "Lets hurry we have to go home so we can play in the bath tub" or "we need to leave, we need to take care of the dogs." When that still doesn't work I try to leave at the same time as other mothers and kids she is playing with.

I use bribery (lol) and I pretend I am leaving and then they come running. You can't help that they love the playground, but you can't help that you are tired either, so when she's had enough, tell her "it's time to go, I am leaving you" and walk away like you are going. The bribery part is like saying "if you come down, we can have ice-cream or use something he likes that is more appropriate...I know it's not wise to use that all the time, but sometimes that just works (lol).

When I take my almost three year old son to the playground he gets upset when i tell him it is time to leave. I just turn around and start walking to the car and say bye, mommy is leaving. He gets upset and says no mommy dont leave.He then starts running after me. I tell him nicely then that we are done playing on the playground and it is time to go. He may whine for a minute or two but once we get in the car then he usually gets over it. To me it is that cut and dry.

You have a lot of good answers here but I would like to add one more. Most phones these days have alarms. Talk to your child and let her pick one she likes and use it as a marker. Give the 10 and 5 min heads up and remind her when the bell, buzz, song.... goes off it is time to go. Children tend to respond to things that are concrete and an alarm is just that. It will take a few times but soon you will not have to say anything after the heads ups that you give. The alarm will do the trick. Again, let you child pic the tone, it is not about frightening them with a loud buzz. It is just a little reminder that it is time to go.

B. Davis

Child And Family Coaching
http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com

I guess we're relatively lucky that we tend to go to the park in the evening after they've been playing all day at Day Care and are generally tired. Our park is about 1/4 mile from our house, so we walk, ride bikes, etc.

When it's getting to be time to go, I tell them (ages 2 and almost 4) how many turns they have left. I may say 3 times down the slide, 5 more shots on the basketball hoop, etc. For us, it always helps when a neighbor is also there and ready to leave with their kids so we can make the trek together.

In our case, with our children's personalities, it's usually easiest to tell them they're losing their Nick Jr. shows that evening, no snack before bed, no stories, etc. to motivate them.

Good luck!

Hi L.,

If it were me, I would give your three year old a routine for leaving the park, a *positive* to look forward to, and give yourself a lot of patience. Three year olds are vacillating between being very willfull toddlers and being more clever, capable children, which makes this age all the more frustrating for parents!

In our home, we have a routine for transitions. Instead of giving time warnings, we sing ABCs. "I see we need to check your diaper. You can play with your cars for two ABC's and then we're going to the changing table." These are less abstract than "two minutes" because my son (who's three) can hear the song as it's being sung. At the park I ask him to find "two very last things to do while I sing two ABCs" and then we begin to sing a Good-Bye song to the things we are liking at the park. I might look like an idiot to other parents, but I really don't care, and our transitions usually go smoothly. You can also give her a choice about *how* to leave the park...does she want to ride out in the stroller or walk, or hop, or pretend she's a bird and fly out? Entering into their play world and giving them a "how" choice can be a way to diffuse the tension and give a child a chance to save face as they go about doing something they'd prefer not to do.

You could also try telling her that you are leaving earlier than you need to and then wait until her feet touch the ground before grabbing her up. Distraction is still a very useful tool at three, and if you have something fun waiting in the car (a new book on disc from the library, a treat especially for after the park, even if it's just a little box of raisins--kids love packaging) this could help smooth the transition. Or not. Some kids just really love the park.

Maybe she would like to take pictures of the park as you are leaving, so it becomes an activity. That way she could 'take the park' with her--you could make it into a Park Book that she can use on other times when she's having a hard time saying goodbye.

Last, and this may not be universally liked, you could consider just not going to parks with playgrounds while you are pregnant. There's nothing wrong with scaling back and taking a ball to the play field of a middle school or avoiding the play structure area in favor of a ballpark or soccer field. Sometimes my little guy really does a lot better with big, open spaces than with play structures, and hey, you are doing a lot of work growing a baby. Maybe the park can become her special thing with her other parent for a while? Overall, though, I'd say having a predictable routine is the best first step. Good luck!

Have you tried giving her a 5 minute, 3 minute, and one minute warning?: "In 5 minutes we are going to get in the car and leave...", repeat at 3 & 1 minutes.

I like the idea of keeping a snack & drink in the car.

We would also say "goodbye" to things when my kiddos had trouble letting go, it seemed to help. ("Goodbye slide, goodbye....")