"Getting 15 Month Old to Bed and Keeping Him There"

Well if he can stand up and somewhat talk it is about time to tell him "if you keep doing this there will be concequences for the things you do like timeout or no more anything he likes and so on".And when it gets over board you to firmly say no stop doing that now! and do not be so nice about it!

Hi J.: You don't say whether you still have him in a crib or a bed. But you will have to first break the habit of putting him in your bed....(going to be hard and you will have to stick to your guns) I think you need to start talking to him about him sleeping in his own big boy bed. Get a calendar and decide on a date that you are going to start having him go directly to his bed/crib. Mark the calender with him. and tell him that this is the day that he as a big boy will start to sleep in is own bed like all big boys do. Under no circumstances do you change your mind. You have to be firm and being firm is hard, but just think about it the "saying goes the bigger they get the bigger the problems", and to some degree that statement is true as well as costing more the bigger they get. Do this with much love and caring voice, but stay FIRM...... Also maybe give him something of yours that he can hold onto while he goes to sleep that may give him a sense of that even though you are not in the room with him, that you are there. Now if he is not well then of course you will have to go to him. But do not bring him into your bed any more. That is one of the hards habits to break with children. Good Luck and let me know if this works.

I also have a high spirited toddler. When she was 12 months, I decided to do the cry it out method to get her to sleep. Everyone says it takes about 3 nights. It took us about 3 months. Unfortunately, I think the only thing that will work is for you to let him cry it out. I cried almost every night with her, but I had no other options as I was expecting our 2nd child and could not have to children up all night long.

My sister in law gave me some great advice. She had watched an episode of that nanny show where the professional nanny comes and helps homes with out of control kids. The problem was a child that would not sleep or stay asleep. Anyways, consistency was the key. You have to put him in bed and leave him there. You must NOT give him anything to look forward to or any incentive to stay awake. So, don't give him anything he wants or pay him any attention. You can't even speak to him or look him in the eye. It's hard because you think that your child will not think you love him. Believe me, by 15 months and how much you care about him, he KNOWS you love him. He is just taking advantage, which is what my little girl did until she knew I was serious. So, it will be extremely difficult for you, but you must leave him in his crib and let him cry until he falls asleep. He will get the point that that is how it needs to be, and eventually he will go to sleep without a fit. My sister in law said that you can stay in the room for a while. At first, you can stay near the crib, then each night, move a little further away. Just make sure you don't communicate with or look at him.

It's so difficult, but he will not be emotionally ruined. It will probably be the opposite. He will know that mommy is boss and not him. I feel that it has been very good for my whole family that we made it through that rough spell. Also, you will feel bad when he does finally go to sleep. I would sometimes cry myself to sleep because I felt like a monster and would wonder if my daughter would be depressed in the morning, but she was always so happy the morning after.

One more thing, routine is very important. Try to put him down for naps and night time around the same times every day. He needs you to set the rules and conditions.

I almost forgot. Before getting my daughter to sleep, I rock her and sing a special song to her. I do it every time. It kind of helps her chill out a little. Then, I give her her favorite teddy bear or baby doll or both. I read that it helps them find comfort other than mommy's arms or bed. Anything will work like a bear, blanket, or any other kind of "woobie".

Good luck!

P.S. It may take hours. Some nights took up to 3 or 4 hours. You'll be sleepy, but once it works, you will get all the sleep you need.

Your son is exhibiting his behavior because he knows it works--if he throws enough of a fit, not only will you go in to get him, but you will bring him into bed with you (or let him watch a movie--what a reward!). I would check out some books like "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and "Sleeping Through the Night" for advice. I understand wanting to make sure he's not in pain or hurting himself, but there's not too much a 15 month old can do to himself in a crib (and if you don't reinforce the head banging, he will stop because eventually he'll figure out that it hurts and doesn't get him results!).

The best thing you can do for your child in the long run is help him learn how to put himself to sleep. It is an important skill that will serve him well throughout his life, and after a few difficult nights (yes, it will be hard to listen to him scream, but you have to be consistent in your approach--whatever that is--and give it a week or two to start seeing results), you both will be sleeping better. Good luck!

My advice to you would be to make sure you have a routine in place. Every night I do the same thing with my children and it seems to work. I give baths, then put on jammies and brush teeth. After that, we read a few books in their rooms and I usually sing a lullaby. Maybe if you go in the room to read and sing, it would help him adjust a little bit better. Other than that, you may have to just let him cry. I know that is hard because you feel like you should comfort your baby when they cry, but he needs to learn how to self soothe and how to fall asleep without you there. After a few days he will understand that crying is not going to make mommy come in. Good luck

If you don't change what you're doing, he'll be sleeping with you when he's 3. Or 8. You'll have to get tough, the first of many times in order to raise a well-adjusted, well-behaved child.
Don't feel so bad. If he is in a bumpered crib, he shouldn't hurt himself by banging his head.
The general rule, for me anyway, is to let the baby cry for 10-15 minutes, then go in and check, talk, hug and rub with the child still in the crib until he calms down. If it works, hold a warm bottle in his mouth, if he wants it, until he calms down.
Then leave.
Stay gone for 10-15 min. No matter what.
Repeat all this until he sleeps. Even if it takes all night at first. He'll eventually get tired, learn how to put himself to sleep.
Don't ever take him out of the bed, let him get used to the fact that he'll never, ever leave the bed when he's put down.
It would be much better for you to crack down and get this established before he moves to a toddler bed and can GET OUT ON HIS OWN. That will be MUCH harder.
Also, please get used to having the child object to what you know is best. You don't want to get on the SuperNanny show! :)

I suggest the Ferber method of sleep training. That is what we used with our son, upon the recommendation of our pediatrician, and it worked great. It offers steps to take and tecniques you can use that are a little gentler than simply closing the door and letting your son cry for hours on end. Our son was younger than yours, but has been sleeping 12 hours a night for over eight months now. I will warn you that with my son it did take longer than normal, so if it seems like it is not working, do not give up. It is difficult in the beginning, and it takes consistency and perseverence to see results. If you follow the Ferber method it will tell you (as would I) not to watch a movie at bed time and instead have a soothing routine. There are several sleep training methods you can research online. And, talk to your pediatrician - that is where I finally found help.

My advice is different from everyone elses. I am an attachment parent. We comfort to sleep and cosleep as needed. It has worked great for us. Each child reaches sleep maturity at different times. I have a 3.5 yr old. She chooses to sleep in her bed now (started this just after turning 3). We didn't have to force her, when she was ready she made the move. Just like walking. You can't force a kid to do it before they are ready. Now, my 21 month old is still learning to go to sleep on her own. We have a bed time routine: bath, PJs, snack, brush teeth, stories, then lights out. I sit next to my youngest's bed until she falls asleep. It usually takes 10-15 min. Some nights, she needs a little more and I put her down in my bed. When she is in her own bed, she wakes up in the middle of the night and comes into my bed. If I wanted her to sleep through the night, I would have her in my bed to begin with but we decided that the girls should start in their own beds. I do not believe that kids need to cry inorder to learn how to go to sleep. Think how you would feel if every day you had to cry yourself to exaustion. Check out Dr Sears Sleep book or No Cry Sleep Solution. Trust your instinct not what you think he should be doing. Kids going to college aren't tramatized because they can no longer sleep with their parents. Everyone learns how to walk, feed themselves, use a toliet and fall asleep. We just don't all do it the same way or at the same time. Good luck!

J. G..

OMG.... i sound like my daughter who is 23 month old soon to be 2 in july 5... She does the same thing if i put her to bed and she will throw a fits and bang her body on the crib...and kicking arond and throwing all her stuffing out of her crib.. til i get her out of the bed and i had to put her to sleep then i had to put her back in there and she stay sleep.. i have no other way to do it with her throw a fits. All ican say is maybe you will have to keep put him back in there no matter what til he get tired of getting out and maybe it put him self to sleep with all those drama he do..:(

I have to kind of agree with the last response. I don't agree with continuing to put the child in your bed. I know people who did that and their daughter is 7 now and still won't sleep in her own bed, that can be a stress on the marriage. My daughter got thrown off her sleep schedule when we moved from PA to FL. At 6 months old all I had to do was a before bed routing (bath, story, lights out) I laid her down she didn't even cry and fell asleep on her own. Once we moved that all changed. So I did the same routine but I would sit in a chair by her crib and lightly rub her back putting my arm through the slats of the crib until she fell asleep. That seemed to work great. She didn't wake up in the middle of the night and the only time she'd cry to come in my bed was if she had a bad dream. You do what works best for you and your child. Good Luck!

Consistancy is key. Skip the movie-- it's just keeping him up later and activating his little brain cells before bed which makes it harder to settle down and fall asleep. You need to do some sort of quiet, calming routine that you do every night. Some people have an elaborate one-- my sister won't give her daughter a bath early because it's part of the routine-- her daughter knows that right after bath she gets her PJ's on, they read a story, and she goes to bed. For me, I have 3 kids and need to be more flexible, so the only routine I have for my littlest one is at 8:30 every night I tell him it's time for bed, scoop him up and hold him horizontally like a baby, and I go around the house saying good night to all of the other family members, including his big toy horse... then I put him in his crib, cover him up, say good night, and leave the room. Lately he isn't always ready for sleep so he protests, but I ignore the protests and continue to go around the house saying goodnight to everyone. If he cries after I put him down, I walk out of the room anyway. Sometimes he stops within a couple of minutes, sometimes I have to go in and tell him to lay down and I cover him up again. Sometimes I have to do it several times. I go in as many times as it takes to get him to understand that it is bedtime PERIOD, which means I will NOT be taking him out of his bed or out of the room. Sometimes I have to physically lay him back down and quickly cover him and leave the room-- I know he sat right back up again because he's mad, but I leave the room anyway. I know nothing is wrong other than that he is mad, so the crying doesn't bother me so much--- but he's child #3 and it certainly wasn't this easy the first (or even second!) time around, so I know what you're going through with one child. Take the advice from a "veteran" mom, though--- I wish someone had given me this advice with my first child!! I swear I didn't get a good night's sleep for a good 2 years!! But now I know that it's OK for him to be mad and OK for him to be sad-- he needs his rest and I need some time with the rest of the family and some time to myself. If you stay consistant and NOT take him out of his bed/room, he'll finally get it that it's pointless to keep protesting. If you back slide and take him to your bed, he will learn that all he has to do is last longer than your patience and that you have a breaking point so he will cry harder until you give in. Don't give in!

have you read the books
the happiest baby on the Block

Baby Wise or Healthy sleep habits Happy child

i understand what you are going through
i am still sleep training my 9 month old. does not want to be in the crib. wants to be held. wakes up a lot during transfer. my baby would rather play than sleep
good luck

sorry to have to tell you this but from my experience as a mother of 3 that is just one of those things that you're just going to have to let grow out of. their have been many nights i have stayed up for too long to remember holding my boys to get them to sleep to where i was going through total exhaustion but it will get better as he gets older. maybe if you try giving him some warm milk. i don't know how well it will work but it is said to help sleep.

This may not be what you want to do, but after trying many methods and suffering months and months of sleep deprivation, we finally just let our son "cry it out." The first time we did it he cried for 2 hours straight and it ripped our hearts out. My husband and I just sat and cried together until he finally went to sleep. Each night after that he cried a little less and after almost two weeks he didn't cry at all. He would fuss for a few minutes and then go to sleep! He now sleeps happily and soundly in his crib all night and rarely wakes up! He was 9 months old when we finally tried this method and it worked for us. It's tough emotionally but my son wasn't sleeping, we weren't sleeping, and something had to be done. I'm glad now that we did it. If you can get past that first night of just letting him cry and keep with it chances are your son will learn, as mine did, that crying will not make mommy come. That's why he's crying, because he has learned that you come. If he is ever frantically crying I will now occasionally go and check in on him but 99% of the time he was just crying because he didn't want to go to sleep, he wanted mommy, etc.

Best of luck!

I actually did the same thing with my son who will be 4 in September. He's only been sleeping in his own room for about six months. Unfortunately, I had to put him in his room and let him throw a fit for a couple of nights, but the cool thing is that it only lasted about 2 nights, and then he was okay! Now, when I tell him it's bedtime, he tells me to give him a hug and a kiss and he gets in his bed!

Hi J.. I made the same mistakes with my daughter, no worries, I think we all do at one point or another. My daughter would cry hysterically and eventually throw up. Then of course I would have to get her out of bed, clean her up, change the sheets, wipe her crib down... This routine was driving me insane, seeing my only baby get upset to the point of getting sick, was making me sick and it HAD to change. I talked to my pediatrician and he offered some tough suggestions - let her cry it out, no matter how long it takes, when she vomits, don't run to her immediately. These things may have worked in his home, as he has four children, but I couldn't bear it. So, I struck out on my own and found a really great book. I don't have it with me at the moment, but if you like what I say, write me back and I can get it for you. Basically the book was about retraining the child. It gives you step by step things to do. It is a process and can last several weeks, if I am not mistaken (it's been a while for me). But you start at crib-side. Once the baby is put down for the night, you do not get him back up. You use a soothing voice and actions such as rubbing his back to get his to sleep. You do that for a bit, then you back up 3 feet or so. At that point you stay put at 3 feet away until he's asleep, no touch now, just a soothing voice and assurance that you are there. When he adjusts to that, you back up again, say 6 feet now, same rules as before - use only a soothing voice for as long as it takes. You steadily work toward the door and once you are there, take the same actions as before. After that, you 'll put him down as you normally do and walk out. If he needs you, or calls out, you come back to the door - but no further - and use the same soothing tones you have been and then leave. It is important that every time he calls out, you are there because it proves that you can hear him and he isn't alone, even though he can't see you. He'll begin to trust this and go to sleep on his own. This worked like a charm with my daughter. I think it just took a few weeks for her. And in that time it was a bit trying, but it was WAY better than what we were doing before. And while I was waiting for her to fall asleep at my various points in her room, if she was taking a while I'd do crunches and even put small hand weights in the room to give me something to do while I waited. If you do something like this, keep your movements out of sight of your baby, or he'll just watch you and not sleep. Anyway, that's as best I can remember the steps, again, if you want the book name, let me know.

Good luck.

I feel for you. With my oldest (boy) I made the mistake of indulging my needs too. I gave in to his need for me to be there and I tried staying until he fell asleep, etc, because I felt cruel and I didn't want to have to listen to him cry. BIG MISTAKE. When the 2nd came along (daughter) I did things very differently (Ferberized around 6 or 7 months old). WHAT a difference!! So, because your son is older (mobile and in a toddler bed instead of a crib) it will be more difficult for you to solve this. Live and learn for the next one, just grin and bear it... you'll get past it, I promise. You're should know that short term it will rip your heart out, but long term (and I'm talking 2 months from now or less) you BOTH will be so blessed that you fixed this. You are going to HAVE to stop giving in so that he'll stop crying. Each time you give in, that only REINFORCES that if he pitches a fit long enough, you'll come. Lot's of Mommy's get hung up on not wanting their baby to ever feel like you're not "there" for them. Letting him learn to go to sleep (which will involve a lot of tears at first) is not the same thing as if he were to get hurt and you let him figure out what to do about it, and he is not going to confuse that.
Routine is the magic word. He's old enough that you can tell him that things are going to be different at bedtime (he won't understand it all but he'll pick up on the signal that you have expectations about what is going to happen and that he is not in control). Pick a routine you can be comfortable with for a LONG TIME.. (my kids are 7 and 10 and STILL expect a bedtime story every night). Don't get too elaborate... simple is best. I started with choosing a single story (the same one every night... we used Goodnight Moon, and I let my daughter find the hiding mouse on the pages). Brush teeth, put on jammies, get in a specific location (rocking chair in her bedroom) then read the story. Let it be quiet time (don't get too animated, that is for daytime reading). Then, after the story is done, say a prayer together, click off the lamp and rock and maybe sing his favorite song a time or two. Then, it's time to get in bed. Some kids like to tell their stuffed animals or toys goodnight. Same routine, every night. You can go in at intervals to check on him (rub his back, rearrange the covers, etc) just keep the talking to an absolute minimum (whisper anything that absolutely has to be said) and leave again. Each time, the interval gets LONGER. Eventually, he will fall asleep while waiting for you to come back and check on him.. he knows you're coming (security there) and he'll try to wait up for you, but eventually, he just won't be able to. He'll fall asleep.

It is much much easier to do it earlier (before they can get up on their own and before they develop the will to fight as long), but it does work. You can even tell him when you tuck him into bed that you will come back in 10 minutes to check on him.. close his eyes and have sweet dreams... night night. Then do. Not before 10 minutes is up--no matter how he screams. Then, the next time it's 15 minutes. The next time 20 minutes... As you can imagine... the first few nights could take a few hours. But each night, if you are truly consistent, the time before he falls asleep will get shorter. But you ABSOLUTELY canNOT give in and take him out of his bed! That will negate everything you are trying to accomplish and you'll be back at square one. (If there is a terrible lightning storm and you don't want to let him cry it out during that, then put off bedtime till later... but do NOT give in and take him out of his bed before he falls asleep on his own).

It's tough. And you have to understand the long term reasons you are doing it. You are not the first (nor the last) Mom to stand outside the door in the hallway and cry the whole time you do this... It might help if you go to the other end of the house and turn on the radio... use a timer or something to let you know when it's been 10 minutes (or whatever time frame you're on).. Standing there listening it seems like an eternity! But I promise, it's only a few days you'll have to endure it. And in a very short amount of time (3 or 4 days) the process will be cut down to maybe checking on him once or twice before he is asleep. The screaming will calm down, he'll understand that it's time to go to sleep, and that THAT is where he will be sleeping. It'll be so much better. If he is a head banger, just make sure that he doesn't have anything that he could get hurt with in there.
Good luck.. the first night is the hardest... but you'll get through it!

-Been there...