Funeral Etiquette

Updated on January 17, 2012
M.R. asks from Edmonds, WA
13 answers

Hi mamas,

I'm leaving tomorrow for my beloved aunt's funeral service. I fly out Tuesday, spend all day with the family at the funeral events on Wednesday, fly home Thursday.

This is the first family funeral I've been to in a long while...do I still send flowers to the funeral home? To the cemetery? Or bring flowers to my other aunt's home who is hosting the family evening meal?

My aunt sacrificed her life to take care of the 'flock.' Meaning she never married after a tragic accident and premature death of her own father (my grandfather). There were 10 children total, 8 still at home. She cared for everyone. So she does not have her own children. We are all hers, and all grateful to her.

I appreciate any of your ideas.

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R.F.

answers from Dallas on

I would do something in her memory - like a donation to a charity, a tree planted in her name, or order food to be delivered to the home that is hosting the meal after the service.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I believe the customary thing is to send the flowers to the funeral home. (Get a reputable florist, and be sure you give them the funeral home's phone number!)

You could ask your other aunt if there is anything you can do to help with the meal. If you have time to find any pictures of your late aunt and bring them along, that might be a blessing to everyone.

Isn't it great to have relatives to love? On this site, most of the ones we hear about are the nasty ones. So thank you for posting.

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I am so sorry for your loss... she sounds like an amazing woman.

Send the flowers to the funeral home. They will (should) help transport any flowers to the cemetary and can also deliver them to your other aunt's home.

I wish you safe travels.

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Any and all of the things you mentioned would be appropriate.
Sure--sending flowers even though you'll be there is still appropriate.
Personally, I wouldn't bring flowers to the aunt that is "hosting" the dinner--wine maybe, or a simple bouquet of thanks, but not funeral-type flowers, of course.
Perhaps her children/family could make better use of a cash gift or food/food/grocery certificate/gift card?
You know them best--so use your best judgement.
Sorry about your aunt. :(

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P.K.

answers from New York on

I would bring flowers to my other aunt's home who is hosting the mean. If
you send them to the funeral home they might make it to cemetery, but they
may not unless there is a flower car. I am sure your aunt will enjoy the
flowers.

3 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

If sending flowers you can either send them to the funeral home or to the "next of kin". Since she didn't marry or have children of her own, I would send to the funeral home.

Sorry for your loss.

3 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

have them delivered to the funeral home-I am sorry for your loss-Auntie sounds like she was a pillar of strength and a very giving, unselfish lady.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

I always felt the flowers brighten up the room during services. As well, I see a lot of people divert to the flowers when the emotions are too high. You will be okay with what ever you decide to do. Sorry for your loss.

2 moms found this helpful

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Call the funeral home, they will have the name of the florist who has all the information on where to send typically you send to the home so they are there for services and you take your arrangement home with you.

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E.B.

answers from Beaumont on

I am touched by your tribute to her. You should give the eulogy....I am sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was a tremendous person....

2 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Topeka on

Did the family request contributions to some memorial instead of flowers? That is becoming more and more common...and personally I would rather see my money go towards some cause that was near and dear to the person who died...than for flowers that will be left out at the cemetary.
I always do a plant if I am going to send something to a funeral...you can have one with beautiful silk flowers that doesn't cost anymore than a simple flower arrangement but it is something that someone in the family can take home and enjoy for years!
I would also consider asking your aunt who is hosting the family meal if there is anything you can do to help her. Help with the cost or bring a tray of desserts or fruit....something you could pick up at the grocery store.
And I agree...you should do the eulogy...your love for your Aunt shines through!! I am so sorry for you loss.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

I'm sorry for your loss.
I think it's appropriate to send flowers to the funeral home. However, some people like sending live plants and those can look beautiful as well. Then, people from the family can bring the living plants home.

My sister worked at a florist for many years. With our relatives, we knew there would be huge sprays to cover the casket and arrangements on stands, etc.
We designed small, delicate arrangements to go inside the coffin and be buried with our loved ones. They were beautiful and tasteful, usually the favorite flower of the person who passed. That was just our little thing that we did and everyone thought they were such a thoughtful touch.
If you send flowers to the funeral home, they can make sure they are transported to the cemetery. If you want to send a live plant, you can have that delivered directly to your other aunt's house.

Your aunt sounds like she was a wonderful woman. I hope she has a beautiful service.
I, personally, would send the flowers to the funeral home and they can help with transporting them.

Best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful
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E.M.

answers from Phoenix on

The most traditional thing is to have flowers from family displayed at the ceremony. Flowers from friends, business associates, etc may go to either the service or the home of the closest family members. From what you described, it would be "most" appropriate to have flowers from you at the service.

As someone who has a florist mom and has spent many years in the floral business, I would highly recommend calling a local florist. I would not recommend teleflora.com, 1800flowers.com, etc. They take a huge chunk of your money, and the florist who is actually designing the flowers will only receive a percentage of the value that you spent. In all honesty, this leads florists to favor orders that come direct to their store. You will get way more for your money if you contact a shop directly.

1 mom found this helpful
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