This is a two-fold question. First, this may sound kind of stupid, but what do you all DO with your preschoolers? My 4-y.o. son has always been a "high needs" child, meaning he requires a lot of attention. He has gotten much better as he has gotten older, but he still seems to want/need me around him A LOT. He is constantly asking, "Mommy, do you want to play with me?" And theoretically, yes, I do want to play with him. But the sorts of things that he wants to play are not fun for me at all.
I mean, when you play trains with your kid, what does that involve? Just running them up and down the track a few thousand times? That's not fun for me after the first two minutes. Or he makes up these silly games that involves so much repetition, and he always has to win and after all the fuss, it's only taken up 15 minutes of our day... I mean, I don't know. Is that sort of thing fun for other moms?
Things that *I* think are fun, like reading books or drawing pictures or playing real games with real rules, seem less interesting to him. I know there isn't going to be a ton of overlap between what an adult woman and a 4 y.o. boy finds entertaining and I get that it's not all about my enjoyment, but I'm just looking for other ideas to keep us both engaged.
I usually try to get us all out of the house and playing with friends at least once a day, but there are still several hours when we are in the house just us. I'm struggling with trying to spend quality time with him and also getting other stuff done. But if I leave the room for even five minutes, I hear him calling for me, saying that he misses me. He doesn't nap, so I get zero break from him until his dad comes home. I struggle with feeling guilty about this, because I know he's not going to be this little forever, that he's not always going to want to play with me. But at the same time, it's so frustrating that he can't seem to entertain himself for even just a few minutes. He has a little sister, but she is only 16 months and isn't that appealing a playmate for him yet. I can't wait until she's older and they can hopefully play better together. Until then, how am I supposed to get anything done?? I want him to know that he's important to me without giving him the idea that he's the center of the universe. How do other moms balance this?
Thanks for all the advice, everyone! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way - I've been feeling a little guilty! I am going to make a concerted effort to get him more involved in household chores. He has been resistant ("That doesn't like fun!" he always complains), but it's something we've been wanting to work on with him anyway. Sounds like I can kill two birds with one stone this way. :) I will also try out some of the other ideas (except for the having three kids close together, @8kidsdad - that is so not going to happen).
Hi jae-
I would start to have him 'help' with chores...he can sort laundry...help put in washer...in dryer...etc
help load dishwasher...even rinse dishes!
Give him a feather duster...and dust...maybe even push a vacuum!
Let him help set table for dinner...
You will either end up with a kiddo who LOVES chores!.....
Or one who will QUICKLY find ways to entertain himself!
Win - Win
michele/cat
I remember my friend with older kids saying "I love my children to death but I HATE playing with them.". I felt so much less guilty after that! My mom never played with me and she was so devoted. You stay at home. He gets lots of your attention. I'd make blocks of time you will do what he wants but something like an hour total all day broken up. It's good for kids to learn to play alone. My oldest is like yours and you have to insist they learn. And so you're not expecting him to play all day alone, like people said, involve him in what you're doing. And it will get better. My oldest is much better about entertaining herself now. She's almost seven and she's been good for at least a year or so.
Our son just turned 3, so I'm not sure if this would apply to a 4 year old?? But we make up stories and talk through them, each taking a turn making up the next part. We put in every single detail. It sounds stupid, but he gets a HUGE kick out of it. For example: son: lets go shopping, me: where do you want to go, son: Home Depot, me: why, what do we need to buy, son: a hammer, me: ok lets get in the car, put our seatbelts on, open the the garage, stop at the end of the driveway etc etc etc
I have no idea what the appeal is to this, but he LOVES it! It is so funny. Sometimes we "do" the same things, but other times one of us will throw a wrench in it and it is really fun!
I have answered this question a lot lately!
I hardly ever played with my kids (I have three, each about three years apart.) It just wouldn't occur to me to sit down and play.
Of course I made sure they had interesting toys and activities (things that would hold their attention, like play doh, building sets/blocks, sand and water play, etc.) and I took them to the park a lot. We also had friends/family over on a regular basis so they had lots of playmates/cousins.
I also liked taking them to museums, the zoo, kinder gym, etc.
And from a fairly young age they would "help" me cook, clean and fold laundry, and of course I read to them a lot. I just had no interest in playing, so I guess they never expected it of me (?)
Next time he says mommy come play, involve him in what you are doing. If you're paying bills, let him lick the envelopes and stamps and put the mail in the mailbox. If you are doing laundry, teach him how to fold. If you are putting dishes away, let him put things away he can safely reach. Trust me, he will get bored after a while and learn how to entertain himself quickly enough!
What he really wants is time with you, and it doesn't necessarily need to be pushing toy cars around in circles :)
I hate to say this, but if you have three children close together, they will be delighted to play with each other and you don't have to be the playmate to one.
I have 8 kids and they always had someone to play with. I could then spend quality time with one or more of them. BTW, one child is the hardest to raise. Three are much easier to raise than one and 5 are so much easier than three. 8 is the easiest of all.
For those that say I must be rich to have 8 kids or have a huge inheritance. Nope. I made just about $50 per month more than what would qualify for welfare. Which says something about the generosity of our welfare system. BTW, on those wages I bought and paid for two cars and almost paid for a home. I just know how to make a dollar do the work of 2 or 3 or 5.
If you are a "one and done", you have my condolences. You will never even suspect the fun Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and other holidays can be with a big family. Look at my profile to see how my 8 kids turned out.
Good luck to you and yours.
My son is now 8 but he still want me to play with him a lot now it is boardgames and cars etc.Hestill takes alot of attention. What I did when he was younger I got him involved with all the house work. What ever I did I taught him to do. We cooked together. He learned to peel and cut very early we used to sing and talk while we did it, we did laundry together. He learned about sorting the laundry, about colors etc. He even learned to fold and he is pretty good at it today.
Now that I look at it back I have a 8 years old child that knows alot about house work and I hope one day his wife will appreciate it and he will know how to take care of himself plus he has good memmories and we have a great connection between us.
sigh.
My daughter was like that.
She outgrew it.
Its not easy.
I taught her to do things on her own too, I taught her that there is "Mommy time" and 'her time' and that everyone in the house has things to do. That Mommy cannot play, every single second. I have chores. She can help me. We are a "TEAM".... and helping also means, letting Mommy have a couple of minutes to even use the bathroom.
That she can play on her own, because she has a great imagination.... I made her feel good about it... and capable.... because she is. Factually.
At this age, they do get clingy with Mommy.
It is developmental as well.
They grow out of it and one day won't even need you for anything.
Bittersweet.
You need to explain to him, that you have things to do too... for the 'family.' The day is playing and working/chores. That is family life.
And roles.
Don't feel guilty.
He will learn self-reliance.
My daughter did.
I did not cave in each time my daughter got like that.
It was not the end of the world.
You know that.
I merely taught my daughter, by way of DAILY 'routines' and schedules... that Mommy does certain things/chores at certain times. At those times, she can play by herself. I don't leave her alone, I am in the same room... but we both independently, do things. I had to teach her that.
Because she was SO attached to me and hated playing by herself. BUT she is and was capable. SO I taught her that. She IS capable and she knows it... and then she'd giggle. Because she knew it was true. I told her that it is a 'habit' to call me every second. But if she thought about it again... she'd realize she can do, what she is calling me for.
etc.
Anyway, they grow out of it. One day.
I know, not easy.
But enjoy this time too. Because, once they don't need you, you will miss that.
It is good, your son is bonded to you.
My son is like that too. And its nice.
But my kids, through 'habit' and my routines daily... KNOW that there is a rhythm to the house and me and what I do and what I do with them everyday.
It is learned.
I am in the same exact boat as you...i haaaaate playing with toys! My son would be on cloud 9 if i sat with him and built legos all day, but i have absolutely no idea what to do with them hah...
I think it is very much a first-born personality trait to not be able to play by themselves, because they were the center of our universe for a while until a sibling came along. I really can't offer you any advice--if you read my post i put up today, you will see that i am very much struggling with this same thing. I just want you to know that you are not alone and you are a wonderful mom for even being concerned about this. I know plenty of moms who just plop their kids in front of the TV all day so they don't have to play with them at all :(
Sounds like a lot of fun! I can say that because my son is now 7 and is that same way. For young boys doing the simplest things over and over again is fun. That's just the way they are.
First thing you need to do is involve him in what you do, mainly house work. It will keep him busy right next to you and then when he is older, he will be much more helpful around the house.
Second, he is old enough to be doing educational games and work. Get him some workbooks that are fun. We used work books from Sam's club. Matching games with animals, letters, numbers ect. Make up educational, active games. One of my friends said she taped all the letters to her fence in her back yard. She would then tell her child to get a certain letter. he would then have to run, find the letter and run back with it. By the time he was done, we was worn out. Get creative.
You sound so much like me! It's so hard balancing a house/chores with raising the children that live in it! I struggle constantly with this. My "love language" is quality time, so when my sons want to spend time with me---it reaches me to my core and I make it happen. My older son is into tools and wants to hang out in the garage and go through all of his tools (torture to me). I struggle with feigning interest, but I love him so much. Now my 2 y/o says "play with me, mama" at the same time my 5 y/o wants me to. Two kids and a messy house begging for my attention. We will never be on our death beds saying "I wish I had taught my child to be more independent so I could get things done around the house" We will always be thankful for the time we sacrifice doing things (that we sometimes don't want to do) in order to spend quality time with the most important people in our lives. I have to echo what other moms have posted---there will come a time when they don't want you anymore. How much more tragic will that be? I'm dreading it. Let's try to enjoy every moment we have with them because once they start school, we lose them! We are in the thick of it, so get good breaks, but enjoy the time you have with them. I wish I had some more wisdon...just know I'm in the same boat as you!
my son is 4 and I get what you mean him wanting all of moms attention. I have him help me out when I am doing house chores. Also, I sit down with him and color or draw pictures with blank sheets of paper. Sometimes he isn't interested but I sit there and draw anyway(a book that I like to color or draw in) and he eventually he sits and does the same. My son also loves wooden blocks and these snap type of blocks/legos. I like that very much because you can create many things with them. I know sometimes it gets very boring or tiring to sit and play with our kids but sometimes 15 minutes is all that matters. Sometimes I sit and play for longer periods and most of the time because I am constantly busy at home that I sit and watch/play/listen for 15 minutes many times during the day which works out great for me and him. good luck in finding something that works for you!
Hi Jae,
I just want you to know that you're not alone. I commend you for putting this out there. I say it to my other Mommy friends and they sort of breathe a sigh of relief and agree with me. We don't necessarily have an answer, but just knowing that you're not the only one bored playing the "hello, how are you" game with dinosaurs for the umpteenth time that day, is a bit of a relief.
I love taking my kids (and especially my 5 YO) out on his bike or riding in my bike cart, running/jogging/hiking/walking -not if you want a serious workout, but when you can stop and explore and "race" and stuff. I also love taking both of them (2 and 5) to kid's places like the zoo or parks or the Children's Museum. I always looked forward to taking kids to those "kid" type places and I love it! I love taking them to kid movies and amusement parks and this summer we've really gotten into going to lake beaches that are within an hour's drive. At home we watch Animal Planet together, read, draw and yes, sometimes I play trains. One thing I do love is building with Lincoln Logs, Legos, blocks -you name it! We do a lot of tower building and then he (and his little brother) knock them down with their trucks. Jenga is a fun game with 4 and 5 year olds as well. Not too much to grasp and you have the whole tower building and falling thing. I also play fetch with them just like you would a dog. It's amazing how long they'll run after balls, and you can change it up so they have to kick it back to you or throw it, dribble, etc.
