Frustrated at Daycare Mom! Venting.

Updated on December 01, 2011
B.C. asks from Arlington, TX
29 answers

I watch 4 kids from my home. I have done this for 3 years. I have always had the same policy as far as illness is concerned. You must be symptom and fever free for 24 hours before you return( it's in the contract). I had a chld today that had a fever and then threw up all over the house. I sent her home and spent the WHOLE rest of the day bleaching toys, cleaning up puke, mopping, etc.
I texted the mom to check on her and she said that she was improving. I told her that hopefully we'd see them on Friday then. She asked if the girl couldn't come back tomorrow? I told her no that she must be fever free and not throwing up for 24 hrs. She texted me back saying "Well that's just awesome... There goes my vacation check. That was Xmas money!!!!"
Um, why are you yelling at ME about that?? Geez! I take such great care of these kids and this is what I get?? I cleaned up your child's vomit for an hour today and then the cleaning and this is how I'm thanked?
I have 5 other kids to protect over here (including my own) and I don't like it that she has to take time off, but it is what it is.
So, do you get mad if you can't bring your sick child to school?

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So What Happened?

I texted her back "I'm really sorry... I know it's a blow to finances.. Believe me. But she had a fever and was vomiting a few hours ago. Chances are she'll still be contaious in the morning. I have to be careful of the others. I'd do the same to anyone else to keep your child healthy."
Hopefully she'll calm down and we can talk tomorrow or Friday. She's usually really nice so I guess she's just frustrated but I certainly didn't need to be on the recieving end of that today after all I've done.

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answers from Des Moines on

I'm with Kristi and Shane-

I totally think she was venting without thinking and was upset about her work/money situation not about you. I've been written up/on probabation before for missing too many days to take care of a sick kid (by the SAME boss who got mad at me for coming to work sick because I was saving my PTO for when I needed to stay home with a sick kid-- ARGH!)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Orlando on

I know what you mean! I worked in childcare for almost 5 years and the way parents get mad becuse their kid is sick drove me nuts! I wouldn't want to be anywhere sick! So why is it ok to make a child be anywhere but home? Not to mention there's other kids who don't want to get sick.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Perfect response text.

And no, I don't get mad... I just want to be home with her to help her feel better. It makes me feel better to know I'm there.

Right now my little girl is sick, too. Threw up (exploded, as the daycare described it - then witnessed it with my own eyes later) and started running a fever. I went home yesterday even though my parents are retired and have no problem keeping her. I just wanted to be with her.

If I didn't have training today, I'd be home with her today, too. As it is, she's with my parents.

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answers from Omaha on

I think you handled this situation perfectly! I have run into the same thing with my childcare and it is also my policy to exclude children from care for a MINIMUM of 24 hours after they are fever/vomit free.

You answered this client, who I assume was also simply venting (and probably feels like an idiot) in a very professional way. Cooler heads prevailed on this one! Nice job!

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on

Is your contract online? If it is, email it to her. If not, put a copy of it in her hand with that part circled and ask her to reaquaint herself with this part. Remind her that if another child made hers sick because you didn't enforce your contract, that she would be upset with you for allowing another mom to ignore the contract.


4 moms found this helpful


answers from Nashville on

You were both put out of your way and both of you have legitimate reason to be angry. Let it alone. She probably doesn't have a backup plan and does understand your policy but its the harsh reality that you stick by the agreement and she has to come to terms with it. Don't feel guilty or push the issue.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Nope, Not only would I feel terrible if anyone got sick because of my child. I would want to be home with my child while she was ill.

This is just part of being a parent.. Many, Many times, We will have to miss out or not be bale to work, go on a trip, attend an event, whatever because our children will need us.

Where is her husband? Or father of her child? Can't he stay home and take care of the child.. Not that you need to solve her problems, but men can also stay home with children..

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I'm so sorry - not cool of her at all.

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answers from Redding on

She shouldn't have been rude to you, but I've fallen apart more than once as a single mother when one or both of my kids got sick and had to be sent home from school/daycare.
I totally understand and agree with illness policies, but missing work also meant missing pay on top of the fact that I've had bosses who didn't care if an appendix's not THEIR problem and all they cared about was productivity.

I could be wrong, but I'll bet you anything that she wasn't really being as insensitive as she sounded.
My kids were fricking pretty healthy for the most part, but I got written up at work by more than one employer for having to leave for a sick kid.
I was never mad for having to pick my kids up. Stressed out of my mind because of my work situation......yes.

You told her Friday, she lost it.
I wouldn't take it personally and just leave it be.
If she's still pissy about it, you don't have to take care of her child at all, but I bet she'll calm down.

Best wishes.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

If she signed the contract, then she had to agree with your policies. She's being a jerk. I'm sorry she's acting like that. I think I might second guess whether or not I'd want to care for a child with a parent like that.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

she was frustrated and you were an easy target. Try not to take it personally.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Like the other reponders said, it's not about you!

You handled it beautifully. Good for you!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Did she show up with a fever?

I see your point but the other kids were already exposed right? It's more than likely already in their system, so the damage is done.

Alot of people do not have the luxury of missing work and keeping their job.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Sometimes people speak before they think. Don't take it personally.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Green Bay on

Grrrrr - I'm sorry you are going through this. You are right - you are taking GREAT care of thee children. If a different child of yours was sick, I'm sure this mom you are talking about would appreciate that sick child to wait to come back to your home after waiting 24 fever/sick free hours. I do not think you are being unreasonable at all.
Would it be beneficial for you to talk to this mom in person? Just to make sure she understands where you are coming from? It could be something as short and sweet as "I'm really sorry I couldn't take Emma yesterday, and you probably forgot about the 24 hour policy I had. But I just wanted to make sure that she was okay to come back so the other children didn't get sick."

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I wonder how she would feel if another parent wanted an exemption from your 24 hour rule. I am a working mom and I have always been very careful about sending my kids to school/day care when they had fevers or were sick. I just would not want to be the one to spread stuff around BECAUSE I know how hard it is on a family when a child is sick. I also think as a mom my first priority needs to be my sick kid.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

Hi Bethyskids,
I don't disagree with you - it's a good policy and I would expect every other parent to follow it too.

I am curious though since you being the daycare provider and one who also has children - what are the guidelines for when one of your children is sick? Are they allowed to be in the house with the customers or do you send them off to Grandmas for a few days? I am just curious...don't get mad. It just seems like a tough scenario and I'd like to hear what you do.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Nashville on

I work at an elementary school, and my little guy goes to day care. The rules are the same... they must be fever free, not vomited or had diarrhea for 24 hours. Of course we have to rely on parents being honest about that, but if we send them home with a fever or vomiting, I will try to remind them of the policy. (then blame it on being state policy and that we can't make any exceptions. )

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Bellingham on

I don't go to work when I'm sick, and I hate to think of little children being forced to go somewhere and participate in something away from their comfort zone when they're sick. My boy is sick this week and there's no way he's heading back to school until he gets his colour back. I took time off work to care for him.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dover on

I would get mad at the situation but not at the provider. It's frustrating. She probably didn't mean to "yell at you" but rather was just venting. That's the problem with texting...sometimes it comes across more personal or more harsh than truly intended and you can't her inflection or tone. It's also frustrating when a child is acting completely fine/bouncing off the walls and you're home, missing work, burning all too few vacation days or not getting paid when a kid is no longer sick (even if contagious)...necessary but sometimes hard to swallow.

My son used to get migranes, all he needed was to sleep but sometimes it would come on quick and then he would get sick and feel immediately better but the school would send him home (he was so good that he once vomitted at halftime of his soccer game and ran back on the field because he was better). By the time I could get to him, he was fine. My daughter has a bad gag reflex, super sensitive to smells, and will sometimes bring stuff up w/ her gagging...not really vomitting but if you didn't know that you would think like she does that she "got sick".

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Exactly why I could never do your job - or a teacher's!!

If my kid is sick and goes home in the middle of the day, I'm staying home the next day too. No one needs to tell me that! If it's in the morning and they really are better and fine by night, I'd go the next day. Some things are really quick and painless.

My sitter closed on Monday for the 3rd UNSCHEDULED day in two years. A new mom (new as in been there a month or so) called her and read her the riot act for closing when it didn't fit her schedule. When my sitter text me, I very sarcastically wrote back that maybe she should inform her daughter she can only be that sick on the weekends and during the week she's going to have to suck it up! Some parents!

Don't let her get to you. It's in your contract and she's crazy to want to bring her kid back so soon anyways.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. This is just another reason I got sick of having a contract. It makes me too angry when people sign and then still get mad when they are enforced. I finally just started telling people in the interview, we don't need a contract because if either of us is uncomfortable, we'll just end things.

A couple weeks ago I opened the door at 5:30 am to my kids that I drive to school. One of the girls is wearing a robe. I asked the dad if it was pajama day at school...this is rich... His answer was, oh she's been throwing up all night. You can't take her to school today. You have to keep her here!



answers from Dallas on

I have an in-home daycare also. I have the same policies that you do. My policies are on my website if you would like to look at them and compare, Good Luck!


answers from Norfolk on

She's just doing some venting herself.
You stood up to her just fine.
You don't have to say anything else to her about it.
It's part of having kids - they get sick and sometimes (almost always) the timing is less than convenient.
When my son is sick, I want him home where he's most comfortable and where I can take care of him till he's better.
When he was little and I got a call about him having a fever I'd thank them for calling right away and I'll be there in 20 min to come get him.
The whole 'this is Christmas money' argument doesn't enter into it.
Bummer Dudette - you should be saving up a bit every month the whole year and lack of planning on your part is not an emergency on my part (but I wouldn't tell her that out loud or in email).



answers from Shreveport on

I have the opposite problem. They tell us not to miss school. My neice goes to one of the tops high schools in the states and they tell them it is not a good idea to miss because they will have too much work to catch up on. My daughter was sick and I kept her home. They stress being in school, but if you are sick, you stay home. The exception was a preschool hat told me colds were ok, because they needed to build up immune system. You are righ to keep the child away, in my opinion.



answers from San Francisco on

I am so sorry that she reacted this way! I understand your frustration. I would have the same policy as well----

No, I don't get mad if I can't bring my kids to school--things happen, and I would rather it be ME taking care of my own kids when they are sick than someone else. The mom sounds like she was pretty stressed and a bit selfish too-- why would anyone think its ok to bring their child after what happened?? Hang in there!!!




answers from Honolulu on

You can always tell her that she is free to look for another child care situation if she doesn't like your policies. You will miss her child is she chooses to do this but you have policies like this for everyone's health and safety.



answers from Oklahoma City on

Copy and paste the section of your regulations book from the state and show her the state says this is the rule. She must be puke free for at least 24 hours. It is always easy to say you are just going by the regulations from the state. You can't really say they have to be symptom free unless you specify what symptoms you mean. So I hope that is clarified in the contract. That way there can be no confusion when they say "My child does not have "any" symptoms"



answers from Tulsa on

"Not my problem"
That is what one lawyer says to anyone in her life who brings up something inappropriate like that. It really pisses people off though.

She is out of line. Don't give her a discount or anything. Everyone will expect it.

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