Frustrated!

Updated on March 30, 2007
T.C. asks from Slidell, LA
8 answers

I have a 6 year old boy and an 8 year old girl. All they do is fight...or the eight year old is fighting with me. She never hears a thing I say unless its what she wants to hear. Everywhere I go, people tell me how weel behaved my children are and I have to look around to be sure they are speaking to me....if they are so good for other people why can't they behave for just ten minutes for me when we are running errands??????????

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E.G.

answers from New Orleans on

Hi,
I was watching a talk show once and I will never forget what the host said. Her kids fight and she was so sick of it. Instead of sending them to their rooms (since it always happened in public), she made them look at each other and hold both hands for 1 minute. If they were bad again it was 2 minutes. She did this in the grocery store, mall, where ever they happened to be. It might work... it has helped me with my two boys.
Good luck!
E.

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R.F.

answers from New Orleans on

Sounds like your kids have been talking to my kids!! :-) With 4 kids running errands is sometimes a nightmare for me. But, I have found a way to get the errands done without any meltdowns (me or the kids). Since your kids are older than mine, this might work even better for you. Give them some responsibility when you're running the errands. Give them each a portion of the list and getting the things on that list are up to them. At least this works for me. They are too busy looking for their items that they forget about fighting. As for the fighting at home, I wish that I had a fix-all but I don't. Did they fight a lot before your husband was deployed? They could just be reacting to their daddy being gone. They are at an age, especially your 8 yr. old, where they understand what is happening and they are probably scared - only it is manifesting itself in the fighting. When my two oldest (7 and 3) get into it I make them sit on the floor facing each other. They are not allowed to say anything except, "i'm sorry" or "i love you." Before long they are sitting there making faces at each other trying to get the other one to laugh. I know it sounds simplistic, but it works for me and I don't have to yell all the time. Is there a support group in your area for families of deployed soldiers? It might also help your kids to talk to other kids whose dads (or moms) are deployed. Good luck!

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A.B.

answers from Monroe on

I tell you its because you are momma! My twins are 3 and I have a 1 year old also and they do the same thing. People think that they are well behaved and well mannered, however they can be little terrors for their father and I. When they go to stay with my in-laws they never have a problem out of them. But when they come home, its being bad time. Its just kids being kids, because they know that I can test mommy! Good luck and Ill be praying for you!

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I.E.

answers from Shreveport on

Well, T. I really can relate. I have a 9 year old and a 7 year old and all they do is fight over anything. Its gotten so bad that we are considering counseling because it's gotten so out of hand. We just had a baby so we thought at first it was about the baby and them wanting attention, so we thougt it would pass, but its been 7 months and they are still fighting like cats and dogs. So, I'm making us an appointment next week, maybe you should look into also. Because sometimes kids will open up about things with strangers rather than talk to us.

Good Luck! I will be praying for you because I know this can be very frustrating. I think everyone wants to have a happy family.

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T.M.

answers from Fort Smith on

you are not the only one this happens to you...i was just at a parenting class and they suggested that you brive them before you go anywhere, that is if they are good the whole time you are gone they will get rewarded by what they like doing...playing games, watching t.v., or something else maybe even receiivng money earned towards something they want.

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L.H.

answers from Shreveport on

Hey, T.! Just think of me as the 8 year old girl when she's grown and has kids of her own. My brother was 5 years younger than me and I hated him! All we did was fight, all the time! When we weren't fighting each other we were fighting with our mother. I never listened to her because I didn't agree with her about anything! We are very different personalities. My dad was never there because of his work schedule, so Momma was pretty much on her own in taking care of us and disaplinning us. I did well in school and she never really got any complaints about me from others, but my brother did terrible in school and was always in trouble. Anyway, now that we are grown my brother and I have gotten very close. I went through a bad marriage and he stayed with me and took very good care of me! Now, I don't hear from him much because he says he doesn't have to worry about me anymore because I'm in a good stable marriage with a really good guy. I have three sons of my own and the oldest is a troublemaker just like my brother! Now my mom and I get along much better because I have a better understanding of what she went through with my brother. We go out to eat and go to the movies and stuff like that. Recently when my sister got pregnant and got married out of order, my mom said that I was the only person she could talk too. The only one who really understood how she felt about the whole thing. Your children will misbehave around you because they are comfortable with you, comfortable enough to be themselves. They know that you are there for them no matter what and forever. Things will get worse before they get better, you still have the teenage years to look forward too! I just want to tell you to hang in there, one day you will see that all your hard work has been worth it. Just don't forget to look to God to help you through the hard work you have ahead of you!

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K.S.

answers from Fayetteville on

My biggest recommendation would be to get ahold of the book "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman. This book is full of practical advice on all types of issues. She also has a DVD curriculum out called "Reaching the Heart of Your Child". I would start by sitting them down and talking to them (when no one is in fight mode), telling them that we don't talk to people like that...especially people in our family. Tell them it will NOT be tolerated, then apply some of the principles in the book. It will change the whole dynamic of your household, and you will once again have peace in your home.

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C.W.

answers from Shreveport on

I get the same thing in a way. When we are out and about they behave and people tell them how great they are. But the minute they are not around pther people such as in the truck or at home I have hellions on my hands. So even though at home I'm ready to pull my hair out I know when we go out I will get some peace.
I have found that by showing them that good behavior adds up helps. Such as a sticker chart or reward bowl. The more they behave the mor rewards go in the bowl or more stickers go up on the chart. At a set number of stickers or rewards in bowl they get a prize.
That might be a way to help you.
Also since your spouse is deployed you might want to use that. Tell them that you want to brag to daddy about how good they are but you cant do that unless they are. If you can do videos for your husband tell them if they are good they get to do their own videos for him. Or they can set up their own care package for him to include whatever they want.

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