From a Young Lady to a Mom and Everything in Between

Updated on March 18, 2014
C.W. asks from Durham, NC
8 answers

I was just thinking about how much everything has changed in what feels the blink of an eye. My life has completely changed in the last 5 years from marriage to a step mom and mom. My husband and I didn't plan on having a baby immediately. I waited until i was 30 to get married. Getting married and having a baby in the same year was a lot and seems my life hasnt slowed down yet. Sometimes I can't believe that I'm married and a mom and expecting again. I love being a mom and even though my son is in his "terrible twos" he's an absolute blessing and joy to have. Being a mom and wife is exhausting yet fulfilling at the same time. I barely have any time to myself but when I do I almost don't know how to function lol. I'm very grateful for my family, my husband is 11 yrs older than me and helps out a lot at home. Maybe he learned from his previous marriage. I'm currently a stay at home wife and my husband does majority of the cooking since that's how he shows his love and he enjoys cooking for his family. There's a lot of work that goes into being a parent and im glad that my husband is a partner. Our life isn't perfect but it isn't bad either. I never thought my life would be like this but I'm happy that it is. We don't have a lot of money yet we manage. I honestly never thought of having kids and I always envisioned myself being married and just traveling the world with my man.

With all of that being said, before becoming a mom did you think your life would be what it is now? Did you plan your family? And does the reality of being a mom and wife match the fantasy of what you thought your family would be like?

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answers from San Francisco on

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I always envisioned being a mom. That was one of the most important of my life goal's. I wanted to have a big family. And before I had kids, I really wanted to be a SAHM. My husband and I have been together for 20 years, and married almost 14 years. We have 3 kids who are 11 (almost 12), 8, and 4.

I always envisioned having kids, and wanted a big family. Are things how I expected? Yes and no. Being a SAHM is tough. I feel like I don't have much of an identity outside of being a mom. I feel like I'm not appreciated for what I do by my children or my husband.

Looking back over these last 12 years, I think my husband and I were at the happiest point in our marriage when our oldest was an infant and I was still working full time. My mother babysat for us until our oldest was 3.5. It was ideal. I was able to continue working at a job I enjoyed, and contribute quite a bit to the household finances, and we didn't have to pay for childcare. The house was clean and organized because no one was here all day, and we really appreciated our quality family time in the evenings and on weekends.

I have been at home for the past 8.5 years since my second was born. I was quite miserable for the first 2-3 of those years. My oldest was a handful (then and now) and I really missed my old working life. We have had a lot of financial struggles, and at times have wondered how we were going to pay the bills, but couldn't afford daycare either. Over time, I did adjust to staying home. We went on to have our third child who I know we would never have had if I was still working.

At the present moment, I feel like life is just happening and time is moving so fast. One day blends into the next. I don't feel like I'm enjoying my life. My oldest is giving us a very hard time right now, and making family life really difficult. It's not how I fantasized stay at home motherhood before I had kids at all. My hope is that once my youngest goes to 1st grade, I can get a part time job and work while they're at school. I'll be able to contribute to the household income a bit which would make my husband happier, and I'd have a bit of mad money for myself which would make me happier. I know I'll enjoy being out of the house, and being with other adults again as well.

Best wishes!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

I had my life all planned when I graduated from high school and then found out I was pregnant and that changed everything. I switched to a different college and got married. We had our second child, graduated, moved across the state and were busy with life. I was fortunate to be a sahm until my youngest was 4. I very consciously was aware that it was never the life I had planned, but I loved it! Then I got divorced. I never thought I would get divorced. But through all the struggle, I found out who I was again, what I wanted out of life and that I deserved a lot more than what I had.

I then became very comfortable with my new role as a single parent. I was happy and didn't need a man in my life to complete me. That's when I met my husband. Between us, we have an 18 yo, 2 - 16 yo steptwins and an 11 yo. Life is good, not what I had "planned", but its so much better.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I never thought I'd have kids and be a SAHM. I married at 29, we waited to 35 to have kids, and now, at near 42, I've got three kids and I homeschool! I never dreamed this would be my life, but I sure am glad this is where I am.

I miss parts of my old life. I struggle with getting on as a suburban mom. I miss my old environment (academia), but i wouldn't trade my life for any other.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Yes, I always envisioned having children and raising a family. Is it exactly how I imagined? No. Is it ever?

Marrying at 30, I would hardly have called you a young lady anymore. You were a woman, living an adult live (I assume). How did you think that you would spend your life travelling the world with your husband at 30? Most people need money to finance that, they work and maintain a home and maybe take an occasional vacation .

Yes, it's a lot of work to be a parent. When I was in my early 30's, and had an infant and a preschooler and worked fulltime and taught a couple of nights a week and was in a commuter marriage, life seemed terribly busy. But when you're a baby parent, that's all you know. Now that it's years later, and my kids are in high school and college, I realize how simple all of that was. Complicated is trying to figure out how to be at a Boy Scout Court of Honor and mandatory pre-prom meeting both at the same time. Complicated is filling out FAFSA and trying to make the EFC match your real finances. Complicated is trying to figure out if the automated email from your kid's HS saying that they were not present in 7th period today is a mistake, and trying to help your transgender college student navigate the healthcare that they need. Is this what I thought my life and family would be like? No. But we parent the kids that we have, not the ones that we want.

Enjoy the simplicity of life with tiny tots. While you are in that stage, it may seem overwhelming, but believe me when I tell you that this isn't the stage of parenting where you work the hardest or have the most stress.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you married a guy with kids and got pregnant twice but "honestly never thought of having kids" does that happen LOL?

Anyway...I always knew I would be married and have children. I always thought four would be a good number of kids (I'm one of 5). I always knew that I would have a career and work. So all of that worked out as envisioned.

I didn't plan on becoming a single mom at age 22...didn't envision marrying a guy who also was a single parent, giving us our "step-twins" (who are now 16 & almost 16). Didn't envision getting pregnant a few months before our wedding, going from single motherhood to marriage/step-parenting/newborn in less than a year, and didn't envision getting pregnant again while breastfeeding and on the pill, the day that my husband's vasectomy appointment was cancelled due to a scheduling issue at the doctor's office. I also didn't imagine that I would out-earn my husband and be "the breadwinner" while he has the freedom to change jobs on a whim because he doesn't have to worry about insurance, retirement savings, etc.

I do know many couples whose lives are well planned but even they have dealt with their fair share of unexpected chaos. One friend is an lawyer who works in an HR department for a major global company and her husband is a CPA. They met in college, dated, got married, managed to buy and sell houses in such a way that they live in a huge, gorgeous house now, own a couple of rental properties and a beach house, have two wonderful, intelligent, successful children, and in general have their act together. However, he had a heart attack out of the blue several years ago (as a healthy 40 year old - he's fine now) and she had to deal with her mother's mental illness over the last few year's of her mother's life, which often entailed her mother going missing. I know similar couples where things are going along as planned and then there's a health crisis, or job loss, or car accident, etc. and boom - nothing is the same.

So the bottom like? Plan your life, of course. Don't be a passive bystander in your own life. But know that not everything goes as planned and that we all have to deal with the unexpected from time to time. It's also important to keep the long view in don't stay young forever, you don't stay at home forever, etc.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

Well, after being a nanny for so many years before having a baby, I really didn't have any golden fantasies about that part of life. I suppose I thought we'd go on a few more hikes and camping trips, but I knew that what sort of life I would have would depend somewhat on whatever sort of temperament and personality our little one had.

My husband and I had five years together before I had a pregnancy which resulted in a miscarriage. I'd had two previous miscarriages with my ex husband and wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get pregnant and carry to term, so when Kiddo came along, we'd already had our eyes open to the possibility of having a kid-- and knew we were emotionally up for it. In Kiddo's short lifetime, my husband's work situation has improved so much that I can stay home -- and I love this too. In fact, I can say that I have to check the "meets and/or exceeds expectations" box most days. I really love my life, love being able to volunteer at the school and keep up the house. Sort of built for domesticity, me. We chose to have one child, which also suits my introvert temperament immensely. It feels like life has a good balance right now, my husband is happy and a good father.

Feels just right to me.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Some of what you wrote is exactly what I have felt or thought in my head.
I never thought I would get married & have kids.
However, those are the 2 best things I ever did.
It was never "my plan" nor was it what I set out to do.
However, this veer off of my "perceived planned road" has been a blessing.
If you told me I would be knee deep in toys, trips to the zoo, flying kites
at the park, playing endless tea parties & Matchbox cars, I would have
laughed from the belly & told you that you were crazy! ;)
Fast forward to now......I couldn't imagine my life any other way.
I LOVE playing cars, going to the library for reading time, trips to the fair,
crafts etc.
Disneyland I could do without. ;) Especially after the first trip. Been there
done that? No? Hmm, ok oh well we're planning our next trip. haha
I you would have told me I wouldn't return to work after being ambitious &
having worked full time (plus putting myself through college) since the
age of 18, having had high powered job, I would have stared at you
So with all the changes, it has brought about serious life changing views.
And I love it! Even when I can't go to the bathroom by myself, no longer
get pedicures (I'm lucky if I can change the polish myself), don't have a
moment to myself, my house is a wreck, my once beautiful furniture is
now dinged & frayed from all the jumping on it......I still say I am the luckiest person on the planet! :)

1 mom found this helpful
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