I have a friend, a pretty good one, but not best friend. She is always buying my daughter things. Like clothes, food, trinkets all the time. I know she can not afford these things, and I feel weird that she does them. She bought her a x-mas dress, it was $30. I would never spend that myself. So now I feel obligated to have her ware it. Also, to do the same. I can not afford this or really want too. I am sahm and so is she and we have money, but not for other people's children. When I think its appropriate to buy something I do. Should I say something, or let it go?? She asked me for her daughters b-day to get some school supplies, I did, I had no propblem doing that. Then to come to find out, she donated them to the school, she had so much. I am not sure that it was trully mine, but why not save them for next year. This really erks me. What to do? Thanks
A little about me:
I am a sahm with a one year old and married 8 years. Took 3-4 years to have her.
Just tell her the truth . . that it makes you uncomfortable that she buys your daughter so much. Tell her it makes you feel guilty for accepting so much and that her just being a friend is enough. She may appreciate that you don't want her around just so she can buy stuff.
I know it's tough to have a conversation like this but also make sure you do it face to face. Whatever you do - do not write it, email it or text it.
I am that friend:)We struggle financially on and off.But when my hubby gives me play $$$$( does not happen that often lol) and I see a good deal I just get it for my friend's kids.You might think she spends a lot, but honestly she might not. I am a master in finding $30 dresses for $4 new with tags (ebay , thrift stores, yard sales). I tell my friends to resell it on ebay if they do not like it(if it's a good brand).Gift giving does not need to be expensive.I would not worry about school stuff though, it went to a good use.
some people just enjoy giving....but if it is expected that you do the same, then say something...be honest, be nice. Tell her you appreciate the thought but let's limit it to a dollar amount that you are comfortable with and special occassions(birthday/christimas)...I have a girl friend who comes over every holiday with gifts for my kids, be it halloween cookies or easter baskets...I told her thank you but I can't afford to go all out for everyone...she didn't stop doing these things but I stopped feeling guilty for not doing them back...birthdays I do...but besides that I have 5 kids to cloth, feed, and hopefully someday send off to college(my oldest is only 9, but still it weighs on my mind). I think for peace of mind you should say something, but realize you can't change other people...that maybe how her parents showed her love and now how she expresses her love, so be gracious but don't feel the need to do anything you don't want to do.
Alison,
I know it won't be easy but I would definitely talk to your friend.
Some people feel that need to constantly give gifts. Maybe she feels you won't be friends with her if she doesn't give these gifts.
Don't worry about the gift you gave her daughter. At least the supplies are going to a good place.
I have frank discussions with my family and friends about what we will do regarding gift giving, way in advance. I ask my friends to limit their spending to a dollar amount per year, and stay within those boundaries myself. In fact, last year my friends and I agreed to do birthdays only, and instead of giving a gift, we helped do something for the party (bought balloons and took care of getting them there, for example). This kind of help is way more appreciated than gifts, especially when your kids are young and haven't learned to be materialistic.
Definitely say something to your friend. I would want a friend to say something to me. I would recommend when you do say something (and I'm not saying it's easy), that you have a plan of what it is that you DO want. Make it into something she is helping you with. And once you've said something, if she continues doing it, remind yourself that it's her issue - maybe she needs to buy people stuff as her way of showing love (my dad does this). Or you can do what I've done - refuse a gift (like a $30 dress!) and say that you can't accept such an expensive present ($30 is a box of diapers, if she wants to spend that kind of money on something your daughter can wear!). I think I've been your annoying too-generous friend to one of my own friends....now I know how that might make her feel!
