Friends Son Is Dying

Oh, how very sad!

You can always say "I am so sorry you are going through this tough time" or something like that. It is also ok to say "I really don't know what to say". I do feel it is important to say something, though, rather than ignoring it entirely (but I don't think you were going to do that). Trying to say the right thing and failing is much better than not trying to say anything at all.

Others have made good suggestions (food, housecleaning, errands, watching other kids, toy for baby etc). Cards are sometimes helpful as well, even though a "Get Well" card may not be appropriate, a "Thinking of You" one might.

And after the baby dies, don't be afraid to talk about him and mention him by name; they will be glad you remember him too.

K. Z.

There really isn't anything that you can say to them to make this any better. Just let them know that you are there to listen if they need someone to talk to. At times like this sometimes they just will need a shoulder to lean on.

Good luck.

S.

This doesn't come close to comparing, but my husband was injured/should have died 6 years ago. Here's what helped me...

Say, "I am so sorry. We love you. You can call me any time of the day if you need to talk." Stress the fact that she can call anytime. I can't tell you how many times I called a good friend at 2:00 a.m. She knew from the sobbing and lack of words that it was me, and it made me feel less "alone" to know that someone else cared about my husband at 2:00 am also.

Do not try to say you know how she feels. Don't offer false encouragement. That just frustrated me.

Offer your help in a way that doesn't encourage a "no" response, because she most likely will say no even though she really needs the help. Instead of saying "Can I do anything for you?", say, "I would like to clean your house for you, is Thursday good? How does Monday sound for dropping your other kids off at my house for a while? I'm going to the grocery store today. What can I pick up for you?"

My friends made me a basket full of healthy, easily portable snacks and juice boxes (since I was at the hospital all day). Of all the meals, etc. that I got, that one meant the most to me, because it meant they knew what I needed - to take care of myself without taking time away from my husband.

I think I would also get a stuffed animal for the baby to let the parents know you love the baby and to acknowledge the fact that the baby is still here.

Finally, pray that God will bring their family comfort and peace.

I am so sorry for all of you.
I do not know how close you are, but please let them know you are always there for them...

Last year we lost a very good friend and our neighborhood set up a dinner service and grocery service. We set up a website using http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/
It was invaluable. The family did not have to keep taking calls and answering all of the emails.
They met once a week with one person so that this person could update all communications with the family. Another neighbor kept up with all of the dinner schedules and another person kept up with the grocery delivery. It was kept organized using the lotsahelpinghands site.

This allowed all sorts of friends and family sign up to help with meals, groceries, house work even filing taxes.

We were able to make announcements about visitations, family needs and updates on the status of our friend.

I am sending you all strength, and peace.

That is the worst thing a parent can ever go though. All you or they can do is Cherish the time you have with that child. Take millions of pictures. Maybe make a scrap book with the time that has been here. Just remember the smiles that you have had and that childs life was and is worth it. There is nothing right to say. Just be there, when ever they need you. Let them go through the emotions, as it is not natural to have to say good bye to a child.

I am very sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry your friends are going through this. My own son has leukemia but so far his treatments are working. I know how hard it is to have a child with cancer, but I have no idea what it is like to see the treaments fail or hear that my child is dying. My heart goes out to them. I think anytime anyone is facing a deep loss or serious situation it is best, as another poster said to not give false hope such as saying, "everything is going to be okay" or say that you know what they are going through. Pain is very unique and personal. It is better, I think, to simply say, "I'm sorry" or "you are in my prayers". Let them know they can reach out to you when they are ready to do so.

When my son was first diagnosed one thing that was especially helpful was for people to be specific in the type of assistance they could give. Offering to make dinner or cut the grass or watch my other child for an afternoon let me know to what degree others were able to help. It took pressure off me to come up with something they were comfortable with and had time for.

You will have to gauge how and when to use this next approach, but another thing that helped me was talking about things other than my son's illness. I knew the world was still revolving and I didn't want to lose touch with my family and friends. I wanted to hear about my father's health issues. I wanted to know that my niece did well at her dance recital. I wanted to be invited to family birthday parties and be given the power to decide whether or not I could attend. Your friends may find it hard to talk about certain subjects (children, illness, etc) but initiating conversations about their interests, local happenings, etc may give them little breaks from their grief. Take cues from them, however. If they act uncomfortable or disinterested in the topic you bring up, don't continue on with it. On a related note, don't push them to talk about their son or their feelings if they aren't up to it. It may be awhile before they can discuss that.

I'll keep your friends in my prayers.

Hopefully your friend knows God and can find comfort in knowing that her precious little one will be back in the arms of our Father.
I can only imagine what she must be going through. There is a beatiful song by Natalie Grant...I think it is called "This is What is to be Held"...I cry everytime I listen to it. But, if you listen closely to the words, it brings a lot of comfort.
I do agree wit Maureen, just be there for her and make sure she knows you are there.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend. God still makes miracles!

I am so very sorry for what you are all going through. the best thing for you to do in my opinion, which has already been said in many ways, is just to live in the moments you still have left, and let them know that you are available for them at any time day or night. let them know that they are in your prayers, and that you have many people who also are keeping them in their prayers. ( i'm sure all that have responded or have read this are) life is a gift, we are never guaranteed another day, even another minute, be there and make precious memories to cherish forever while you can. god bless!!

my friend had their daughter die around 8 months and the nurses made a little glass cased memorial w/her footprints and pictures and birth announcement. if you are really close maybe you can get her little foot prints...

and make food.
they won't be able to function.

that's so sad.

My cousin just lost her daughter, to a drunk driver, while I know it's not the same as loosing a child to an illness, it sucks either way. Seeing what my cousin has been going through has broken my heart. I would suggest letting your friend know that if they need anything weather it be in the middle of the night etc.. That you are there from them. Maybe organizing people to drop food off every couple of days. Maybe stop by the house to help clean clothes and clean the house. Kinda do the things that would take them away from spending time with their son. Taking some family photo's (if they want those). My heart goes out to your friend and they will be in my thoughts!

Having a baby is the most intensly joyful time in a woman's life. Losing your baby is the other end of that spectrum... The most intensely sorrowful time in her life. There really isnt much you can say, but there are things you can do. Go to see her... and hold her... and cry together. Don't bring your kids over for a while. She will need understanding adult company. As well, you can cook and clean for her until the shock of the loss has subsided a bit. Her sorrow will never end, but there is great comfort in knowing that your friends were there for you at such a time. It might be quite a few months of deep sorrow, and she will need her friends close by and let her cry it out until she's ready to go on. Depression make you not want to cook or clean or even shower. You can help her by cooking and cleaning. You can encourage her to wash her hair and do her make up.

Say what you feel.
When my husband was killed I appreciated those who said "I am so sorry for your loss."
I had no idea how powerful that acknowledge would be, but it was.
And observe what you could do- bring a meal? Just sit with them, no need to be clever.
And do not say let me know what I can do, unless you mean it.
best, k

I don't think there is anything you can say. But I would definitely stay away from phrases such as, "I understand". Thankfully, you don't understand and I've had grieving people tell me before that is offending to hear - unless you really have been exactly where they are. For example, don't say, "When my grandmother passed last year...." That is in no way the same, you know? And that isn't just a message for you T., but in general something I hope more people will pay attention to. I think everyone reaching out to those in mourning are trying to be helpful but sometimes it is better to just be there and say nothing. As for your situation in particular, I would say offer to take on as much as you can (without putting your family out) of the chores that will allow that mother to spend everyday of that 6 weeks with her son. During that time she should not have to pick up a broom, or wipe a counter, or run an errand - unless she wants to. Maybe all of her female friends and family can chip in and make sure she has nothing to do but be with her son. In addition maybe the dad's of the neighborhood can do the same thing for the father. Of course, that is only if the family wants it. If they are home with their son, they won't want people around or always coming through. This is tough...

I am sorry for you too, by the way. This type of thing is devastating for any mother to hear, but you know the child and are friends with the parents, so you must feel shock and loss to some degree as well. So I am sorry.

I am so sorry to hear this!!! How horrible for that family! What can you do really except just be a shoulder to cry on when they need it. Just make sure that they know that you are there for them to do whatever they need; sometimes just listening is all it takes to make another feel better. Be sure to check in with them frequently (several times a week) to see what they need. Sometimes, when people are going through something very horrible like this, they don't always reach out to others because it is just too difficult, or too exhausting. Be sure to try and get the Mom and Dad out of the house for an activity when they are ready, even if it is just to window shop or take a walk around the block. Good luck with your friends and please know that my prayers are with their family. They are very lucky to have a wonderful, supportive friend in you!

I am SO sorry to hear about your friends. How absolutely horrible. I have been in similar situations and know that there is never anything 'right' to say. I know one book that has been the most helpful for me is called "What Can I Do?==Ideas for those Who Have Experienced Loss" by Barbara Glanz. It's a great resource of ideas and words for when there are no words.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family.

Give them yourself, hugs, cooked food, housekeeping, a ride somewhere, tell them how very sorry you are and that you love them, don't wait for them to call you, keep yourself around (as much as feels comfortable they need their quiet time to grieve) send a donation to the Cancer Foundation, Ronald McDonald house, etc...AND remember everyone grieves differently, they may seem standoffish, they may be almost rude sometimes, OR they may become 'needy', just simply be there & don't try to make sense of it all for them...it DOESN"T make sense...Blessed Be...A.

First off, I'm sorry for your friend's horrible times and what they are going through. Maybe instead of thinking about what to say, obviously saying you are there for her and her family, but just be a shoulder to cry on and be there to listen. God knows she needs it right now. Even help her with little everyday things like grocery shopping, paying bills, or maybe offer to babysit for her if she has other children. I will keep her family and yours in my thoughts.

Thee really isn’t anything to say all you can do is offer to help out. I came across these 2 web sites one is mostly geared for meals but the other you can set up for your friend to schedule for people to bring meals come over and clean up, do laundry everything they could need so they can spend there time focusing on there little one. Also you don’t have to take on all the responsibility people can add what they want to do on there own.

https://www.mealbaby.com/
http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/

How heartbreaking for everyone! At times like this, I don't know that there are words. But I totally agree with all suggestions of physically helping this family as much you can. Sending over prepared meals, cleaning the house, just being there. It's so touchy, but since you have known them a long time you should be able to read what they are receptive too or what might be crossing the line. But Ive seen at times of great sorrow or stress people truly appreciate the "little" things such as meals, dropping some groceries at the door you know they use and need, grab their laundry if they dont mind, cutting the grass, send over a giftcard for pizza etc. My heart goes out to your friends and you. I absolutely cannot imagine the pain and fear these people must be going through. It's heartbreaking. I pray that they get a miracle!

I am truly sorry to here about you friends little one. But here is something you maybe able to give her.
Something that she may no think will matter not now but it may mean something to her later.
Check out the littlest heroes project.
I belong to this organization and believe in there cause.

http://www.littlestheroesproject.org/

what can you say, just be there for her. help her with the day to day stuff, the cleaning, and cooking

Just remember kind words come from the heart and praying is the best.And on the other side there r angels that will be there 4 all of us & we"ll be one ourselves!

My daughter had leukemia and kidney failure (as result of leukemia) when she was 5. She Thank God out grew it in time, but it was rough for many many years it was touch and go..........

Just BE THERE> Its not what you say..........its that you CARE. A hug, goes a LOOONG WAY.

Just DONT say things like, they are better off......or it must of been Gods will........etc. No one wants to hear that .

They just want "comfort" of a friends loving care.

Jackie