Friends Child with Violent Behavior

Updated on November 04, 2007
S.O. asks from Genoa, IL
6 answers

My best friend has been divorced twice and had 2 children with each husband. Her kids are 9, 7, and twin 4 yr olds. Her 7 yr old has many issues with behavior including chasing her little bother with knives, scissors, and other objects. She tries to scratch his eyes out and just fights and beats up her siblings. This has been elevating for a while and my friend has her in counseling but her ex will not let her get any testing done on her. Now he wants custody because he thinks its her parenting and, the father of the twins wants custody because his children are being beat up. She can't leave the children alone ever, even to do dishes. She asked me what to do and I told her to get a lawyer and get permission for testing. She's scared of why her daughter acts like this. Does anyone know why a 7 yr. old child would behave like this? I just want to help her she's one of the sweetest people you could ever meet and it breaks my heart to see her and the children going through this.

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J.A.

answers from Chicago on

I personally would have her email Amanda W. You can't give up on a kid! That would be terribly wrong. When you give up on a kid, just imagine what they deal with as adults. After reading Amanda W's response, how could you not go with someone who has been there. I was going to suggest Martial Arts, some place where aggression can be relieved in a positive forum. Tell her to stay strong, and NOT TO GIVE UP!!

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J.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

I would tell her to make an appt. with her pediatrician and see what kinds of testing she recommends getting done. I would also call a lawyer afterwards and ask if she would get in trouble going ahead with the tests against her father's wishes. If she has sole custody, I would think that she doesn't need the father's consent. I mean, if the child were physically sick, surely she's not expected to have his permission for bloodwork? If I were your friend, I would have my child evaluated in a hospital. She would be monitored 24/7 and they'd be able to determine the best solution as far as meds go for her. In the meantime, she may want to allow her to stay with her dad, just to keep the other kids safe. It would be hard, but she may not have a choice. The only other thing I can think of is to give the kids a whistle or something that makes noise, and if she starts to go after them, have them blow the whistle so you can come running, but that sounds too sad for kids to have to do!! I have a neice who was abusive to other kids, and they admitted her to a place in Plymouth. When she came out two weeks later, she was a much happier kid. She was diagnosed as depressed and bi polar.

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S.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Why does she need his permission to get testing done? Can the therapist give a referral or recommendation to have testing done? It seems like if the therapist thinks it needs to be done, the dad would have to accept it. I don't know much about that kind of stuff though. I can't imagine how hard this situation is for your friend. My heart goes out to her and her little ones.

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J.C.

answers from Indianapolis on

If she is a danger/threat to the other children, I would give her up. I'm sorry, but what if she were to SERIOUSLY injure the others? That little girl needs a lot of help. Get her tested or give her up. Don't take the chance of putting the other children in danger.

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A.W.

answers from Chicago on

I hope your friend does not give her up. That will just add to the problem. I speak from experience. I was that little girl. I am the second oldest in my family, my mom divorced twice, my first step father abused my mother and I, and I just remember being so angry and hurt and not having anywhere to go with my feelings. My mom was dealing with the divorces and the other kids. I couldn't figure out how to deal with my emotions and I would hold them inside until it all came bursting out of me in anger usually directed at my siblings. My mom finally couldn't take it anymore and sent me to live at my dad's where I had no siblings or anyone. My dad refused to let me have help anywhere. I was labeled BD/LD in school. And on top of everything else I felt abandoned which made me more hurt and angrier. It hurt my school work (I ended up having to get my GED), it hurt my relationships with people, and it still has a huge impact on my relationship with my mom. When I turned 18 I went wild- made lots of mistakes, did stupid things. I wasn't until I got myself into therapy as an adult did things start to change for me. Now I'm 28 and I've come a long way after a difficult battle and I still have issues. I have difficulty connecting with people, and in relationships and I still have issues with my mom. 15 years later and I still find it hard sometimes to let go of the fact that she left me when I needed her most. I think as long as she's the custodial parent she can have testing done on her daughter. The child may be depressed or have anxiety disorders or borderline personality disorder (all things I was diagnosed with)I pray your friend has the strength to go againist her ex's wishes and get her daughter the help she needs. If she's hesitating for financial reasons there are places that work on a sliding scale or she can have testing done at school (although they may not be able to test for all things). I'm not sure where she or you are located but I know of some places that offer cut fees for therapy and such by me. Good luck to her and if you or she wants to talk to someone who has been in the little girl's position please email me. [email protected]____.com
With the right kind of help this little girl will get better. Good luck
A.

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S.X.

answers from Chicago on

Why would a 7 yr old be violent? Anger. Abused themselves. Possible medical/Mental health issue. Repeating what they've seen. Any of those i would guess.

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