Friends - Lamar,CO

Updated on February 04, 2008
H.W. asks from Lamar, CO
40 answers

My best friend moved 5 months ago and I miss her dearly. The problem is I am not a social butterfly like my husband is. I don't have any girlfriends here to talk to like her. She was always there for me when things were rough. How do I make more friends like her that I can trust? Thanks!!

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M.L.

answers from Phoenix on

I am also not a very social person, but there are groups for mom's so if you find one you like then you can start meeting people. But it takes time to get to know people, but the first ste is to get out.

little about me: first time mom to a little girl that is almost 11 months old. I like hiking, ceramics, movies when i get to go, taking my daughter on a bike ride

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C.T.

answers from Albuquerque on

I know what you mean. I've lived here most of my life and all my firends ahve moved away. I have one person I get together with once in a while but since she went back to work I rarely see her. it does get lonely especially when there are no MOMS groups or anything that I know of around here.

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P.G.

answers from Tucson on

I think many of us moms feel this way once we become moms, marry and friends move away. I know I do. My closest friend and companion is my husband. As for women, my mom and older sister. It would be nice to have a best friend nearby, but I just don't know if I see that happening with my schedule.
Anyway, feel free to message me or join me at http://mamastimeout.com for a live support call in show for moms. :)

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J.D.

answers from Reno on

You can always go to the library for story time, the park, mommy and me classes, etc. Moms seem to have a way of bonding just because they are moms. I've made several new friends after becoming a mom. Have fun! :)

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M.S.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Some great advice here! My 2 best friends with children moved away about a year after I had my first child. I was so lonely I actually STARTED my own mom's group in the hopes of finding friends with similar parenting styles and mindsets.

The group has over 100 members now, with about 12-20 that come to regular playdates. And I have made BEST friends with a handful of them and don't know how I could survive motherhood without them.

Check online for groups in your area, or find a national moms' group that has regional boards (like mothering.com, ivillage.com). You can also check out Craigslist for local groups.

You're never truly alone. Boards like this one can help get you through until you find someone nearby.

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M.B.

answers from Albuquerque on

H. W, I see you have recieved some of the same advice I would also give I would definitly check into a moms group surely there would be at least one mom there you might give a chance I live in rural Jemez Mountians and we start a Moms group now it would be 4 years ago and meet some wonderful Moms and kids, my childern really have some friend and I have aquired some true friends and confidants we have had some come and go but there is still a group of us that try to get together at least once a month. My mother and I are social butterflies as you said, so this comes easy for me. but I also have had friends come and go and that unfortantly happens and we all have to keep going. Friends do change through our whole lives but that is part of living and I cherise the moments I was able to spend with each and every person whom I have been blessed to encounter. Try to be positive and give yourself an honest chance to experience another wonderful person in your life. Good luck.

PS I send this out to H. F also sorry for your loss, but give yourself a chance I am sure you have some thing to offer someone else.

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M.P.

answers from Reno on

Dear H.,

It can take years to foster that kind of relationship, but suddenly it can happen. It happened to me about 8 years ago when I moved from home the first time and for about one year, I felt terribly lonely. Then suddenly I met a woman at church who had a daughter two months younger then my own. We struck up a friendship and the next thing you know, we were fast friends and a support to one another. To this day we are dear friends and leaving her when I moved was by far one of the hardest things I have ever done!! However, life has to go on and we have to open our hearts to new friendships, which I have had to do again six months ago. We left all our family and best friends. I'm starting to find a few good friends, but honestly it takes time to mesh that deeply and to build trust with one another. I think that by looking for common values and interests with others will foster the deepest friendships. Sometimes a group of people sharing the same interests can introduce you to good friends instantly. I will be working on that too. Good luck!

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A.H.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Lets see, MOPS is a great organization for moms. I have many friends involved in that group. The YMCA can also be a place to meet other women. Through consistent attendance in classes or such. Just remember that making friends takes A LOT of time. I had been going to the Y consistently for three months before I finally met a "friend" to actually talk to. Keep at it though, this can be a tough town to meet people because of how transient it is with all the military that come and go. Good luck.

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M.W.

answers from Phoenix on

Dear H. --

The best way to find new friends is to look for people who like the things that you like -- horses, dolls and bears. I would look in the newspapers and go to all of the horse shows. Horse people are friendly people. I know because I used to own horses. You can walk around and talk to them and you will find people of your own age. Also look for clubs for people who like horses. You can go to the library or the bookstore. There are books available for our area that have resources for young families for every kind of activity, organization and club for everything imaginable -- and these things don't cost any money. As for the bears and the dolls -- I would go to the fairs but mostly google it and find chat rooms for people who are interested in these things. Look for and find people in our area. You will be suprised how many there are that live here with your interests. You just have to do a bit of searching.

And if you want to make some money from home -- that is another way of making friends. You can do that with other Moms. If that is an interest of yours, then be in touch with me. I am looking for Moms to do this.

I wish you well in your search. M. W.
[email protected]____.com ###-###-#### or 1-888-869-3236
www.M..parentsunited.com

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A.T.

answers from Denver on

Ah, something I have been dealing with myself.
I have learned (after moving twice in one year) that I'm just not going to find the caliber of friend that I want RIGHT away. I join clubs, support groups, etc. And HOPEFULLY out of all the people I meet I will meet a BFF! But it takes time, and that can be pretty frustrating.

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N.M.

answers from Phoenix on

H.,
How about joining a horse club? They might meet in your area once a month and maybe someone cool will be there, someone you resonate with. Just an idea.

~N.

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M.T.

answers from Las Vegas on

do you have children? Volunteer at their school, either in the classroom, the office, the cafeteria, in front of the school before/after school for traffic flow, etc. The schools (of ANY AGE child) will always have something for you to do. If you don't have kids in school, volunteer anyway. This is how I met my friends after moving here. You can also volunteer at a hospital. Taking books/flowers/etc. to patients, directing visitors to proper area of hosp. etc. Call St Rose de Lima or St. Rose Dominican for information. Pick up a City of Henderson Rec Center booklet. Lots of classes on a avariety of things. Do you need/want to work? That's a great way to meed people too. As with everything, we don't want to invest all we have in one person, because when that person's gone, we're lost. So I understand how you're feeling, but YOU CAN meet others! good luck, M.

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M.B.

answers from Santa Fe on

Hey H. W,

I was a post doc wife so i completely understand about friends moving away etc. It seems like most of the people we came into town with decided not to stay at the lab for one reason or another. But never fear theres lots of moms groups here in town to get involved with. In los alamos theres family strengths on diamond they have an infant support group on thursday at 10:30 and on wednesdays its a toddler group. Theres also Neighbors and newcomers in town that has playgroups etc check out their website at http://www.la-nn.org/index.htm If you need more info on N&N i'm the current president this year adn i'd be glad to talk to you about what it offers. We actually have a few of the same interests. I grew up on a small farm in WA state and we're looking into buying a stable here in town for the kids to have some agriculture in their life. please don't hesitate to reach out to moms in our area. You'll be welcomed whatever you choose to do.

M.

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B.R.

answers from Phoenix on

H.- Making friends can be hard. Remember it will take time to develop the kind of friendshp you had with your best friend or it may take awhile to even find someone you connect with the way you did with her. If you are not really social I recommend reaching out to women who have existed on the edge of your social circle. Do you ride, are there women at the barn that you can ask to grab lunch or dinner? Look to see if there is a doll or bear collectors group in your area. Remember you are going to have to be the one who reaches out to others. Also remember desperation scares other people away, just like dating. A few other places to try to connect to people, book clubs, mommy groups or your childs school, Volunteer groups like the Junior league or the jaycees are a great way to serve your community and make a friend.

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L.I.

answers from Tucson on

I would say, try to find your local MOPS group. I started to go to one when my son was 6 months old. At first I wasn't sure if I'd connect with anyone but, now he's 18 mos. old and I'm really glad I started going. It's only once a month but, once you meet the other Moms you'll find that they'll invite you on lot's of playdates and Moms nights out. It's a great place to learn and vent with other Moms. Just walk into one what the heck if you don't like it you don't have to go back. www.mops.org

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G.W.

answers from Colorado Springs on

One of the best ways of connecting is to join a play group. Lots of women that have something in common with you.

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N.M.

answers from Denver on

I know how you feel. I don't have many friends, and the few I do have I don't get together with very often. I am also a SAHM without a drivable car, so I can't go anywhere unless my husband takes me. You might want to take a look at http://www.meetup.com. That is a great website to meet people that have similar interests. I run 3 groups myself if you want to check them out just let me know, and I will tell you where to find them.

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A.T.

answers from Tucson on

H., trust does not come immediately in a friendship, or, at least, it does VERY RARELY. So, you make acquaintances first and let that develop over time. As to where to meet these new people? I find a great deal of friendly and warm satisfaction from the friends I have made in craft groups. You say you like dolls and bears, well, there's the door! Open it to find local groups who enjoy the same hobbies! And, horse people are not hard to find, either, at least, not here in Tucson, Arizona! A riding stable should produce at least one or two contacts that might work into something more than chance acquaintances! As that cruise ship ad says: Just get out there! And good luck. I know what it is like to lose a very special friend, dear heart. It ain't easy. It is just so great to have that special someone with whom you can share the depths of your heart! The best of spouses so seldom become that someone, but a dear friend usually always is! Best always, A.

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M.H.

answers from Santa Fe on

Hi H., I just wanted to let you know about a Moms Club informational meeting happening Thursday Feb. 7th at 10:00 at the Mesa Public Library in Los Alamos. The Mom's Club is just starting up and might be a great chance to meet other moms and get through this tough time. Just an idea. M.

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L.P.

answers from Phoenix on

I have had the same experience you have had. Actually, my best friends name was H., which I thought was funny when I saw your name was H. too! :) I have a hard time trusting and getting really close with people as well, and with H. and I, we just talked and hung out every now and then at first and then it became more and more as we got to know eachother. We didn't try to be friends, which I know it sounds funny, but I think that is how we became the best of friends b/c of us just listening to eachother and having fun (not thinking about it). I don't know if this will help or not, but please no you are not the only one. You are always more than welcome to email me whenever you want to chat. I love horses (I have 2) and all other animals. I also collect porcelin dolls. So see, there are some things we have in common. Anyway, email me if you would like, and good luck. :)

L.

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H.D.

answers from Denver on

H.,
It's not easy when that happens, but as we grow so do our friends. I get the same way about the "trust" issues so believe me I know where you are coming from.
What part of town are you in?

H. D

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T.W.

answers from Houston on

Hi H., I know exactly how you are feeling. My best friend moved 5 hours away and we used to do everything together. I was there for the birth of her first child and was her matron of honor when she got married. A couple of things make it better for us. Do you use skype? it's a video/chat program that is free and you can chat/see your friend anytime you'd like. Relationships are work, whether you are pursuing a date, or a friend that has moved. So the main thing is to continue the communication - call each other, email and send little presents or handwritten letters. Also plan get tog ethers if possible, like a girls getaway, where you can continue with your friendship. Most importantly what I had realize is that everything grows in to something different, so look at this as an opportunity for you to grow yourself and make new friends. Try something different like joining a running club or rock climbing something that you've always wanted to do but too intimidated. Once you put yourself out there, you will meet lots of people. Best of luck!

T.

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K.S.

answers from Phoenix on

Have you tried any of the local chapters of support groups. There is a great one called MOMS club (Moms Offering Moms Suppors) they have chapters all over the world. Just google
www.momsclub.org ( i think) anyway, our local chapter is fabulous. I moved to PHX a year and a half ago and have met some wonderful women in this group. I have also met other peopel not affiliated with MOMS through MOMS Club members. They are all-inclusive, non-discriminatory, very accepting. Give it a try, can't hurt!
Good luck

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K.R.

answers from Denver on

Hello,

While I do not have an answer for you, I want you to know you are not the only one in this situation. :) My best friend left for Washington last month and I miss her dreadfully. Perhaps this is what you do, go online and find others in your situation :)

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J.S.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Sadly I have the same issue. I have great friends in Texas but I am having trouble finding GOOD friends here. You have to get over fact that your friend has moved. I would really like to find some people in the area to have some play dates for the kids and maybe you can meet some girlfriends that way. I have not persued it yet, but if you would be interested than maybe we can start there. I guess for me I have really started to open up even at the stores. Say hi! Talk to someone in line. Step out of your comfort zone and you would be amazed at the people you find. That is how I met some of my closest friends! Good Luck, and keep me informed!

J. S.

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L.P.

answers from Tucson on

Hi H.,
I'm in the same 'no-friends boat' here, too. I just moved here in less than two months ago from KS/TX and don't know anyone here except for people at work. Maybe the women/girls on here experiencing the same thing in our area should form a group or something, what do you and others think?!

L.

PS - I love horses too, mine is in Kansas and I miss her as much as I miss my friends!

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M.C.

answers from Yuma on

Hi H., I know exactly how you feel. I have a real problem making friends. I moved from TX because of my husbands job and we lived in CA for awhile now in AZ and I do not make friends easily. I have gotten involved in a church group moms time and they have a local moms club that I joined as well.

It was hard for me to go because I am uncomfortable around people I do not know, but I have been telling a few people here and there that I do not make friends easily and am shy and that seemed to help them make more of an effort to really include me in things and invite me to things. I have a couple of really good friends now. Trust is alwasy going to be an issue when you do not know someone so take it slow and do not tell them anything that you would not want someone else to know for awhile.

If you are not a mom you could get involved in some other projects that do not revolve around kids. Good luck and hang in there.

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T.T.

answers from Las Vegas on

H.,

There are alot of Moms grooups in the area. We all feel the same. Most of us just moved here and we need that friendship. I joied a meet up group in which I have met alot of women my age and I have found several frineds in which i am trying to build the same kind or relationship

Look up meetup.com and look for group that suits your needs. The one that I am apart of is Called Mature Families. Or (MFO) They have a very full calander in which you can stay active and alway meet new people..

If you need help finding the group let me know..
Thanks,
T.

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T.S.

answers from Albuquerque on

Hey gurl, I know the feeling I've had the same problem more than once. I am a social butterfly and I meet a lot of people. I've only had five female friends in my life that I call "close". And once I've met them we share sooo much but then we always go in our different directions. Invite some ladies over that have the same interests as you or the grocery store, library or even waiting in line @ Walmart. I am sure you will encounter true friends.

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P.W.

answers from Albuquerque on

Hi H., I am not sure where you are but I moved in the summer and joined a moms group from meetup.com and found a wonderful group of ladies and children. I suggest you try that website, meetup.com, great place to find a group of friends!

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A.B.

answers from Phoenix on

H.,
I am sorry to hear about your friend moving. A great way to meet other moms/women is through the MOMs Club International. There are chapters everywhere and I have met some of my now closest friends through it.

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L.C.

answers from Phoenix on

I know how you feel, my best friend lives in California. If you want to tell me a little bit more about yourself and family, I would like to meet you we can be friends. I am always looking for new people to hang out with. Hope to hear from you soon. You can either message me here or email me at my email [email protected]____.com

L.

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C.D.

answers from Denver on

Dear H.,

Do you have a church family? I moved here 4 years ago and left many dear friends. I kind of went into a resentment period. My husband and I found a church home, and have since joined a friendship group. We meet every week. If you would like to know more, please check this website http://www.sechristian.org/
Look under the "adults" tab for 30somethings, and also "connect" for connecting point.
I hope this helps you in finding genuine friends to trust. Also, I am here if you would like an e-mail friend. I am 55 and have 3 kids. My oldest is 25.

Let me know when you find a new friend!
Blessings to you,
Cath

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H.F.

answers from Denver on

Hi H. W!
I understand what you mean about making new friends. My best friend passed away almost 5 years ago and I've been a home-body since then. I focus more on my kids than I do myself and have absolutely NO social life. I'm almost scared to make new friends. Sometimes I wish I was a little more outgoing and a "social butterfly" as you describe it.
:-)
H. F
(34 also...go figure! See how much we have in common already?!?!)

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M.H.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Hi H.,

I'm the same way. I have a hard time making new friends, and all my best friends have moved away in the last couple of years. I'm thinking of joining a group like MOPS. Email me sometime, It would be nice to talk to someone here.

M.

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D.K.

answers from Denver on

Try local moms groups. I met a lot of neat women in MOPS or MomsClub who have groups all over the country.

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L.W.

answers from Las Vegas on

H.,

I would look into joining a mom's group or something of the sort. I belong to one in my area and have made a few good friends that way. I found the group that I belong to through meetup.com. I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time with your friend away. Hope it gets better soon.

L.

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K.R.

answers from Tucson on

Try joining a MOMS group at your church! If you don't go to church, call a few in your area to see who has a MOMS group - you don't have to be a member of that church to participate in their group.

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H.R.

answers from Phoenix on

H., my advice is to try and find some clubs or groups you can join with other women of the same interests. Perhaps some other Moms on the site know of some. The tough thing is building trust with another person so that you feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts. But if you join a regular group, you could have the opportunity to find someone that you click with.

Even though your friend moved away, can't you talk to her over the phone? I know it's not the same--but if things are tough, she can still help.

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S.D.

answers from Phoenix on

Hey H.,

There is a great site that helped me. www.matchingmoms.com . You can find people in your zip code or some mile radius that have the same interest as you. When i moved to ahwatukee I did not know anyone. So I looked it some how and found moms I have been great friends with. It saved my sanity.

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