Four Year Old Son Having Discipline Issues

Updated on September 25, 2007
J.C. asks from Mesa, AZ
6 answers

I have an in-home daycare and as much as I would like to say it has been going well for us, I can't. The families I have are wonderful, as are the children. However, my own children do not seem to be adjusting to the situation very well. I am doing childcare because I wanted to make an income, but at the same time stay home with my children. I feel like my children, my son especially, are suffering because of this decision. My son will no longer listen to me, he talks back and says what are bad words in our house, "shut up, stupid, etc..." He has always been such a sweet, loving little boy and now I feel like I have done something wrong. Could it be the childcare or is it his age? Should I stop doing the childcare? Should I reduce the amount of children I have? Do you have any good ideas on getting him to listen? I have tried every creative, loving approach I have ever learned about and nothing seems to help.

I am also not looking for another type of business opportunity because if I wasn't doing this, my husband and I still have two other businesses to run.

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answers from Phoenix on

I'm so sorry you are going through this...
Could it be an influence somewhere? Calling someone "stupid" or saying "shut up" is a *learned* behavior. And I know one are sponges and pick up everything good and bad.

Are you calling him on the *good* things he does?

Maybe he feels a little shuffled in the mix right now and doesn't have the skills needed to get your attention.
It seems almost written and the fact that you know what is wrong confirms it.

Let him know your boundaries... "Honey, those words hurt and we only speak words that build each other up in this house"

Also make sure you have Blake time, take him somewhere special...just for him.... I really think he just needs his momma...... Maybe you can't change your childcare situation right now but you can change the dynamic of how he can handle the kids at your house. Have him feel a little more in charge......ei.. help with making lunches, u-know being more you two are a team. I think it will work wonders for you. God bless and I hope what I've said can help.



answers from Phoenix on

I can relate as I also used to do childcare in my home. I completely remember how I used to tell people that doing childcare would be so much easier if I didn't have to deal with my own children!!! They were always the most challenging! Most parents experience that as it always seems that our children behave better for others, so don't feel alone.

The thing I found to be most difficult for my kids was having to share mom, their house, and all their toys with all these other children. It sounds like your son is fighting for attention...even if it's negative, at least he's getting some. Kinda like the squeaky wheel gets the grease...the naughty one's getting the attention. My youngest was totally like your son!

One thing we did was keep some of their toys separate from the daycare so that they didn't feel like they were having to share everything. I would also allow my kids to take some time away from the group when needed. Sometimes they would go to their room alone by choice and I tried to make it ok so long as they weren't sulking. I would also suggest that you be sure to have balance and one on one time with your kids. I'm sure you're already doing this based on your profile, but I know sometimes it was so exhausting for me doing daycare all day that often I couldn't wait to get away from it all.

Lastly, I'm sure he'll get used to it and will eventually find it fun having all these playmates coming over for play dates each day. It's really a blessing for your children that you're able to earn an income while still being at home and available to them!

Check out my website to help find some fun things to do with the kids on your down time! Don't worry, I won't try to recruit you for more business opportunities, but I know you'll love the site. Good luck!



answers from Phoenix on

This might help. I just attended a meet-up hosted by one of the leaders for Stroller Strides of Chandler. The meet-up was a special guest speaker and the topic was disciplining toddlers. I was pretty impressed with Sharon and she does have a website.



answers from Phoenix on

How do you respond when he behaves that way? It might be that he misses your attention and is doing this to get it, even though in the end, the attention he gets is negative.

I don't think you should just give up. How long have you been doing daycare? It might be that he just hasn't had enough time to adjust.

Are you able to spend some time alone with him? You may not be able to do this every day, but maybe if you can make one appointment a week to spend time with him, he'll see that he does still have your attention.

Whenever possible, I would say to reinforce his good behavior and ignore the bad. Of course, if he's hurting someone or being destructive, you can't ignore him, but hopefully you can minimize those responses so he starts to seek the positive attention rather than the negative.



answers from Phoenix on

it sounds like it could be anything... age or the situation, hard to say....

I would love to talk to you about the opportunity of being a Mary Kay representative that you can do by staying at home. It will also be a lot less stress than running a daycare, there are tons of other incentives for you as well and you can do it all while spending time with you children!!
Please email me for more information!!

Can't wait to talk to you about starting your business!!





answers from Phoenix on

Get the book 1-2-3 magic by Thomas Phelan Ph.D. My husband and I are amazed. A lot of schools are starting to use this approach. Read it today and watch how the weeks change. Good luck and let me know how it works for you. This will also benefit your childcare. We are thrilled. Busy mom of 2 in Az

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