Four Year Old Acting up in Daycare

Hi P.
My son is 11, but when he was 3, I worked at a daycare and he went with me. I will never forget the first time (and thankfully the last) that my son actually bit another child there-when we asked him why he did it, he told us that he didn't know.
First, does he see this behavior from the other kids at the daycare? How is it handled?
You listed time outs, etc. which are all good ideas, but is that what you are doing or the daycare? What does the daycare do in these instances? Maybe they can sit him in timeout when they see him do it after he's been told to stop. Where I worked, they did that, and if the action was repeated after the child got out of timeout, the next timeout happened in the director's office. If it happened a third time, the child had to call their parents and tell them what they did.
Also, maybe try offering incentives since taking things away isn't working. Make a chart and make a point of asking the daycare workers if he pushed or pulled hair, etc. that day. If he didn't, then he gets a star on his chart. If he goes a certain amount of time without acting like that then reward him with something that he likes to do like going to a movie or bowling or playing at the park. Maybe earning something for good behavior may work better for your son than losing priviledges for innappropriate behavior. I hope I was able to help. Good luck, I know it's frustrating when you know that they know better!

Have the daycare issue a punishment that you both agree on, like having to sit next to the teacher for the rest of play time when he misbehaves. My daughter's "school" does that for her when she wets her pullup (we're potty training) and it worked wonders. If he is acting up at daycare then that is where he should be punished. At this age it is hard for them to understand why they are being punished at home for something that they may not even remember doing hours earlier.
Good luck.
J.

1. take him to the doctor to make sure nothing physically is going on

2. this sounds like it goes on after lunch - how long after lunch? My son was on meds that reduced his appetite so if I didn't have a high protein snack in the car when I picked him up from school, he had a melt down in the car. I also kept cheese crackers, peanut butter crackers, etc in the nurse's office.

3. Forget giving him consequences after you get home. A 4 year old only remembers what he did wrong for a few minutes. Daycares are very limited as to what they can do. Separating him for a few minutes is about the max. You will have to be more creative with the daycare personnel to find something they can legally do that will work for your particular child.

4. Remember that a 4 year old has a limited vocabulary to talk about his feelings, especially ones that happened hours ago.

P.
I see that there are some good point that have been spoken of and there are some that should be thrown out the window. If you child's behave is always good at home this could be because he is a only child, and at daycare he has to share and this could be the problem. Maybe more days at the daycare and reinforcement of sharing with our friends. Hope this helps.

Hi P.-- In response to your question, I would look to see about any external changes at the school in the past month. Is the teacher outside during playtime different? Have any additional students been added to playtime from another class (maybe older kids)? My son had some issues similar to this when he was about 4 years old and I found out that the school was going through transition and they didn't have enough teachers out on the playground during this time,so he was having some pressure from some of the older boys who were combined with the younger boys during the after care period. This got rectified once we figured out the root cause of the problem.

The other question that I would ask you is your child getting enough sleep in the evenings because if this time if after nap time, your child might still be a little bit groggy and maybe an earlier bedtime might help.

Good luck to you!

L. S.
www.stcmemoriesfriends.ning.com

your little juy is tired. He doesn't have the words or experiences to get away from the situation, express his frustration etc. there are adults that throw things when they are frustrated. He doesn't know, he just knows this isn't his regular routine. what are the triggers that make him suddenly push, throw hit etc. Is it always the same children, the one that strikes back is usually the one that gets caught and is in reality just defending themselves. All children react differently and this isn't just being a boy it is just being a child. He doesn't have the words to express himself even if he knew why. Don't worry, this will pass. he might still need a nap. My son did at 4 but that isn't most daycares routine at this age. Or he might be awakened early from a nap. If that is the case you might ask that they allow him to sleep longer. GOod luck sweetie.

Pulling Hair and Pushing is not Typical or acceptable behavior at any age. Now throwing rocks, My 38 year old Husband still loves to throw rocks. I worked in Daycare for 10 years.
First, when your at home and your son does something wrong do you wait 3 hours to punish him for the behavior? Of course not. Yes he is 4 years old and understands what he is doing at Daycare is wrong but punishing him at home for something that accured 3 maybe even 8 hours ago will never work. Throwing rocks when he starts this behavior all the teacher has to do is not allow him back in the area where the rocks are. This behavior should have never been brought to your attention. This is an easy fix for the Teacher to handel. My guess is his teacher is prolly a young high school girl who is only with him in the afternoons. His behavior is prolly very good during the day with his regular teacher.
Second, Pulling hair and Pushing. This a bit more serious but action has to be taken in the classroom not at home several hours later. Talk to the teacher and ask her to use a trick called shadowing. All this means is that your son becomes her very best friend for the day he never leaves her side. If he is seeking attention from the teacher this will work wonders and the teacher will hopefully understand that all he is wanting is a little more attention from her and the behaviors will stop.
Third after you have talked with the teacher I would suggest you go to the Director and explain to her what you have asked of the teacher so if the teacher does not follow through you can go directly back to the director
I hope this helps Good luck
A.

I read a book awhile back that said you should never ask your child "why" they did something wrong. This just makes them buckle up and say "I don't know". Instead, ask him "what makes you feel like you should do this?" Thats supposed to open the door to more of a conversation. Then he's sharing his feelings. We use this method with our daughter and it seems to work well so far. There may be more to his behavior than just him acting up. He may be lashing out towards something he feels threatened by. Especially if its always at that same time in the same place. Is there a bully somewhere that he's trying to look tough for? Afternoons are when the bigger kids get to daycare from school. I say just keep asking him some questions and see if you can get to the bottom of it, meanwhile letting him know that these actions are not ok. Good luck.
A. K

How is the day care handling it. They need to have immediate consequences. He needs to respect their authority during the day. Your message should be very clear, "We expect you to behave at school, just like you behave at home." But if their only discipline is to tell you and have you discipline him, he's never going to mind them.

If it tends to happen on the playground then he needs to go straight to time out (or better yet back inside and miss outside time). And I don't mean a 2 minute time out. I mean - you just lost the rest of your recess time today. He is old enough to draw an appology picture for the person he injured and tell them he is sorry. If being aggressive interupts his day and keeps him from having fun, he will soon find that it is not worth it.