Forgiving Yourself

"I am so sorry for the things that I've done. I have things I need to change in myself and I'm working on them. I hope you can forgive me and we can move forward. It will probably take a while for me to fix these bad habits of mine, so let me know when I'm being _______."

Then you can forgive yourself. You are human, and we're all flawed.

If you were in the wrong, then the best thing you can do for her is admit it, take full ownership of it, and apologize sincerely for it. Do not say things like, "I did it because.." and then expect her to sympathize with you. Put your full effort into apologizing sincerely, not making excuses. And then once you've done that, you have to STOP the behavior, or your apology is for nothing.

Don't worry about forgiving yourself. It's a selfish perspective at this point. Think of your friend, not yourself. Time will heal all IF you change the behavior and are sincerely sorry.

I was hurt emotionally by my very best friend. All I really want from her is a real, heartfelt apology. In person would be best, but I'd accept it over the phone, via text, through Facebook, whatever. It's all I want....yet it's been a year and she hasn't even called.

Apologize.

L.,

This is a VERY vague post. You're asking people to assume things and that makes it even harder to help you.

What can YOU do? You need to be upfront and honest and tell her exactly what happened from your perspective. Tell her you are sorry and ask for forgiveness. Then your ACTIONS will speak louder than you words.

DO NOT text her this apology....if I remember correctly - you're the one who texts THOUSANDS of messages a week...this is something that MUST be done in person and she needs to see and HEAR your words...then again - ACTIONS...actions speak louder than words!

Good luck!

My older sister's best friend got drunk at her after reception party and started talking about their college days to her new husband. My sister and her husband fought that night because of it. It's been about 18 months and they haven't spoken. Her best friends husband reached out, but it wasn't what my sister was looking for and I don't blame her.

Her friend, like you, should apologize in person and admit to her wrongs. Take full ownership of how messed up she was and do whatever it takes to get the friendship back. She hasn't done that and I honestly don't see her doing it. So it is what it is.

This is not about forgiving yourself. It's about you gaining your friends forgiveness.

I don't think you have to forgive yourself, you didn't hurt yourself. You need to ask for your friend's forgiveness. So apologize.

I don't think the forgiveness is forgiving yourself, its that you need forgiveness from your friend.

You ask for her forgiveness. It will either be given or not. Then you move on understanding why you behaved in that manner and changing your ways to prove to her that you own your behavior and are changing.

That is how your earn her friendship back and thus forgiveness. Good luck!

I think first and foremost, write a letter and be very specific as to how you hurt your friend.. (this will show you get it) and that your apology isn't just some blanket apology. Then, whether she accepts your apology or not, let your actions and not just words show that you have changed. Additionally, be prepared that if and when you write the letter of apology, she may not accept it. However that doesn't mean you still shouldn't apologize if you feel you hurt her. (don't have an attachment to an outcome) as your friend may choose to not be friends with you again.. but again, that doesn't mean an apology isn't warranted. Lastly, if you know deep down in your heart that you are sincerely sorry and done what you can to mend the situation, then try and allow yourself forgiveness... and then, moving forward, try and not to repeat the behavior that may have gotten you into trouble in the first place.. I think you are on the right path in that you now have self-awareness enough to know that you hurt your friend and they are due an apology.. some people never clue into that fact.. but have you have...

If you tear a sheet of paper in half, you can tape it back together but it forever remains damaged. You will never have the exact same relationship again. This is your new normal with her.

I think some of it depends what happened. Your post is very general and you should give a little more information because certain things would be worse than others.

There's nothing wrong with a good old fashioned, "I'm sorry"