For Those Moms Who Have Defeated Depression

Updated on September 20, 2013
M.F. asks from Violet, LA
14 answers

My dear moms,

After getting back to work I felt overwhelmed. I had so many things to do, I had to be a good mom, a good wife, a good employee...
I started to feel bad both mentally and phisically. I began to feel dizzy, nauseous and had all kind of bad thoughts. I got into depression. I was put on 25 mg of zoloft for 6 months. I felt better, but not as myself. I took the last pill 2 weeks ago. I had all withdrawal symptoms: dizziness, anxiety, headaches. For the last two days I have been feeling better. But now depression tries to get hold of me once again. I have no energy, no pleasure to do anything, no motivation...but at least I can sleep well, no more insomnia. I could lay in bed all day long doing nothing. I want to be myself again, I have to be for my family. But it is just hard. I don't want to take antidepressants anymore, do you have any ideas how can I put myself together? Everything seems useless to me. Do you think I should get out, dress pretty, lay with my 2 yo although I have absolutely no desire? I would love to hear your thoughts.

What can I do next?

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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Why would you come off them? They're not addictive, and they benefit you! Medication is not always a bad thing. Think of it like insulin for diabetes.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Did you just stop taking the Zoloft? You need to wean off anti-depressants.

Depression isn't just a state of mind that you can snap yourself out of. It is a PHYSICAL disorder. It is an imbalance in the chemical bath that your brain swims in. Anti-depressants correct that imbalance. That's why you can't just stop taking them cold turkey. You wean yourself off and the idea is that during the weaning process, your body will start producing those chemicals in the proper amounts to maintain the balnace that has been created by the meds.

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T.S.

answers from Denver on

The chemistry in your brain is created by your thoughts. Too often we treat the symptom-brain chemistry, and not the cause - negative, irrational thoughts. We also effect our body chemistry by stuffing our feelings rather than expressing them appropriately.

I cured my depression through anger journaling, changing some of my behaviors, and questioning my thoughts/beliefs.

I first realized that anger was a huge factor in depression when it started to show up sideways with my kids when they were little. I learned to take a mommy time-out and pour all the nasty, ugly rage out on paper. The more I expressed all the buried anger, the more my depression started to shift. I learned early in my life not to feel my anger. I also had a lot to be angry about. I was abused and my boundaries were constantly invaded. As I learned to allow myself to acknowledge, feel, and release the anger appropriately, my whole world started to change.

I learned about boundaries and self-care. I started to be kinder to myself. I put myself on the list and stopped neglecting myself. I found something just for me - country dancing. Not only was it only for me, but I had the bonus of it being great exercise, social, and got me out of the house regularly. Boundaries became essential in my life. I learned to say no and to not take responsibility for everyone else's feelings.

I also worked diligently to become aware of and question my thoughts and beliefs. I learned that I had a lot of really nasty, self-defeating core beliefs that were really destructive. I learned lots of tools to support me in questioning those beliefs.

I no longer suffer from depression. Yes, I have bad days. They are no longer debilitating. I now have a ton of tools to use and I use them. You do not have to buy in to the idea that there is just some chemical imbalance in your brain that you have no control over. That is a lie. The research that most people rely on is perpetuated by the pharmaceutical companies because their bottom line is financial, not people's well-being.
There is now a ton of research about our mind/body connection and the reality that we determine our physical well-being through our thoughts, feelings, and environment.

Some really great resources:
The Work by Byron Katie www.thework.com - lots of free resources to teach you how to question your beliefs
The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson
The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton
Mind Over Medicine by Lissa Rankin
Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine
The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford
Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach
Happiness Now by Robert Holden
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

I've struggled with depression my whole life. I spent a good 13 years on antidepressants, and it was only when I gave them up that i started to feel good about life! Depression is a thought pattern. It can easily be managed by (1) exercising a few times a week (evidence shows that exercises is as effective as meds for mild cases of depression, (2) eating healthy, and (3) organizing yourself into staying on task. Yes, just do, and keep on doing. Get up early, work out, do some guided meditation, and then move forward. My latest mantra is this: as I inhale I relax my body, as I exhale I smile. Did you know that forced smiles actually make you feel better? Did you also know that just taking a walk can totally change your mood? So when you feel down in the dumps, change the scenery. Take a break. Go outside and smell the roses. Breath deeply and relax. make the decision to push the clouds away and look closely at what is before you. Yes, lay down with your 2 year old and closely study her face. Try to see the beauty and joy.

But the secret for me is reminding myself that this is MY life. So when I'm feeling down in the dumps about dishes, I just try to find the peace in that moment. I remind myself that doing a lot of dishes is worth the decision to have three kids. I own all my small choices, and by doing so, I feel content.

I've also gotten really good at calling the irrational negative out. So when I start to think negative thoughts, I distance myself from them. I chose not to judge or feel, I just let the thoughts be thoughts. I love the book "From Stress to Stillness" by Gina Lake. Another technique is to ask "is this true?" This helps to free me from negative thought patterns.

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S.T.

answers from Houston on

For me, my depression was caused by a set of circumstances. My mother dying, my nephew dying, my son developing grand mal epilepsy, moved to a different county, all with about 3 years. It spiralled me downhill fast. Once those circumstances improved, I felt better. Doesn't help you right now lol, but during that time st johns wort helped me out no end, it takes a couple of weeks to kick in so start it now!

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. I suffer from depression on and off. I have been on Zoloft a couple of times, and it does help, but as you expressed, you still don't really feel like yourself, you just feel very "level" or "even". Through the years I have learned to recognize those depressive thoughts and when I start to get them I try to force myself to do things I do not want to do. I force myself to go outside and walk the dogs everyday, if even only around the block. I force myself to read a book with my child. I force myself to be around my family or other people. I fake it, and then the emotions usually catch up to the living. IF the emotions do not improve then that is when I bite the bullet and go back to meds for a while. It also helps to find someone you can talk to judgement free, like a good therapist.

Blessed Be you and yours.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Did your doctor decide it was time to go off the meds? If not then you need to make an appointment as soon as possible.

There is the right way to reduce your meds and the wrong way. The chemicals that are effected by your medication should have been lowered a bit then kept at that level for a while then reduced a bit more and kept there for a while. Your body has to get used to not having that medication in there.

I think you're depressed. Obviously you understand that now. You need the medication for at least a while longer.

There have been times where I've taken antidepressants. When my MIL died, when I was in college and my daughter was taken from me, and when I started having panic attacks. I was on them for a year or so each time, until I was mentally and physically able to go on. I weaned off them with my doc's approval.

I don't take anything currently. I don't need it. Depression can be a life long medical issue. If you have a chemical unbalance in your brain you may need to take that medication the rest of your life. When your situation got out of hand the symptoms became more prominent. If it was just the situation and you didn't make any changes in that situation or traded it for one that causes the same issues then you still need to take your meds.

There may well be a day when you won't need them at all. BUT that is up to your doc to help you decide.

You need your meds. Get to your docs as soon as possible so your daughter will still have her mom tomorrow.

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

Hi M.
While I have never taken an antidepressant for depression, I have nonetheless had my share of the blues throughout the years.. Here's what's been working for me or I should say, works for me when I do these things :) For starters, I have to limit caffeine, sugar and other insulin raising foods out of my diet, if I eat too much of that stuff, it just causes me to gain weight and have a foggy brain.....which in turn, causes me to become depressed..
Also, exercise, even if just a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood... Additionally, I've joined OA, which more than anything has helped me process OLD feelings of resentment and anger... Interestingly enough, I think it was a lot of stinkin thinkin (as they call it in program) that led me to feeling anxious and depressed... Not sure if a 12 step is right for you, but they have different ones for various issues.. you can go online and check it out..
Also.. meditation has helped me tremendously, particularly when I hit my 40s (I am not 49) .. All of a sudden I felt extra anxious and Claustrophobic... and needed help .. I tried many different things and the one thing I have stuck with is the meditation.. try and see if you can learn how to do it... It wasn't until I got back into Buddhism and really took meditation seriously that I learned that I can TRAIN my mind... just knowing that gives me great relief.. and so far, it's been helping... In the last year alone, I feel so much better than I have in years... I am not always so positive, but certainly more than I ever was...
My approach may not be for everyone, but it's what has worked for me..

I wish you all the best

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B..

answers from Dallas on

It's like not having a strong enough antibiotic for long enough.
Plus, you need a counselor to talk to. Kind of like physical therapy when you have an injury. This is why regular docs should not just hand out antidepressants.

You deserve better. Your family deserves better.

There are many different kinds of antidepressants and they come in different strengths. It takes a while to know what works best for you.
This one wasn't the best. You should be significantly better in a month after going on the right one at the right dose.

If you caught a cold. Would you believe if you really tried, you could have not gotten the cold? If you just could think happy thoughts, you could cure the flu? If your work ethic was good, you would not be diabetic?
Call your doc's office and get a referral to a psychiatrist. He treats many different ranges in mental illness all the time. Like a regular doc treats a sinus infection, to a car wreck. He knows the medicines much better than your regular doc. Would you go to a regular doc for treatment for cancer? No. He doesn't know how to treat it.

Keep demanding better medical care.

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B.K.

answers from New York on

I was off and on antidepressants for 5 years after my son died. It was like I became prone to them. And then I started wondering if being on the medication was somehow keeping me prone to getting the depression. I finally decided I wasn't going to be on and off pills for the rest of my life. I quit just like you did and the more I fight through it when I feel it coming on, the less intense it is the next time around. It's like it's slowly going away. I also quit drinking pop and was dieting for a while. Well, because I did that, now whenever I drink a lot of pop or eat something unhealthy in large quantities, I feel the depression creeping up. I know, it's weird. You could try taking saint johns wart. I heard from others before that it's a natural antidepressant, but doesn't work as well as the real stuff. And, when you're depressed, I know it's so hard to get up and do something, but if you can fight it, get up and go for a walk. Also, do you take vitamin D3? Low levels can make you very prone to depression. I take 6000 units in the fall/winter time and back off a little in the summer if I'm in the sun a lot. Plus, tons of research has been coming out about how great it is for us and how it really protects against cancer. Get the liquid drops from a health food store. That way you know you're not getting chemicals with it. If you're still having trouble after all that, I would get your hormone levels checked by a naturalist or some kind of "natural" doctor. Regular doctors don't go in depth like the natural ones and wont treat you without antidepressants.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

This doesn't always work but it's worth a try:

I have not usually been subject to depression, most of my life. Anxiety yes, depression, no. But last year, I went through a depressive episode. Without going into other details, the first thing I did to get out of it was to run 5 miles every day for a week. Doing that was a huge factor in turning myself around.

It's worth a try. Exercise is proven to regulate brain chemistry. And once you've kick-started the process, continue to exercise regularly, at least 4 days/week.

If that doesn't work, you may want to try a different medication. Depression is horrible, as I discovered.

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K.F.

answers from New York on

Tiffany S and Julie G said it best.

When I suffered from depression, counseling and a regular exercise routine helped tremendously. Learning how to talk to myself better and watching over my thoughts were also key pieces of the puzzle to overcoming a deep depression that helped me come out of that state of mind and being.

The exercise doesn't even have to be 2 hours long. Even a simple 15-30 minute routine in the morning and another 15-30 minute routine at least 2 - 3 hours before bedtime helped.

I would do some jumping jackes, running in place, jump rope, sit ups, push ups, leg lifts, stretching and weight lifting.

Lastly encouraging an active prayer life helped too. I wouldn't have known to exercise if I hadn't prayed about how to snap out of depression.

I hope this helps.

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R.X.

answers from Houston on

So glad no one beat you up on this one. I am depressed almost 4 times a year. I have regrets about things I did and beat myself up. Find your dopamines. Dopamines are things that make you happy instantly. Mine are a 2 hour road trip and overnight stay in a nice hotel, a girls night in at my place with women who love me (do not invite anyone who will makes you uncomfortable ) another for me is taking $50 and spending hours at my favorite thrift store.

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S.G.

answers from Lakeland on

I went to the doctor once and said i want a magic pill to make me feel better, She said exercise. Eat whole foods. Limit TV &News.

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