For Dads Summer Do I Supply OTC Medications?

Updated on May 20, 2019
D.W. asks from Fort Wayne, IN
6 answers

Children’s father has verbally admitted to having his own supply of over the counter medication for our son and has a huge supply of clothing for both our son and daughter and just because the guidelines state I have to supply these things—I don’t always get everything back—he makes a big deal about it. Should I just ignore him?

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answers from Chicago on

Yes, because your children need medication. The medication is not for your husband.

The kids will feel secure about the fact that mom loves them enough to send it and not put them in the middle by making it a conflict between their parents.

Document in an email to their father what you are sending the medication (amount, type) and take pics. Request in documentation that extra meds be sent home. Keep records for court.

If medication is a financial hardship, document it kindly to father and alert the courts that you need financial assistance with this. Otherwise provide your children with the medication they need so you don’t put them in the middle of the conflict you have with their father.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

Send your kids with everything they will need for the summer (clothes, OTC meds, suncreen, solarcaine, bug spray, books, games, etc), and call it a day. Don't expect anything to come back.

It's really not worth it. It just isn't.

You have to co-parent with this man for years. There are going to be plenty of decisions in your future. This is the time to make stupid compromises so that when something actually important comes up, you will have shown yourself to be very reasonable and accommodating. If you choose to argue with him or cause a stink about clothing and OTC meds, you are only showing that you are a difficult person to work with.

Take the high road now. It will serve you well down the line.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Just send the medication and clothes. It's not worth it for this to be an argument. Buy some outfits for each at a reasonably priced store. Buy whatever OTC meds they need. This is not a big deal. Send it and forget it. Trust me, there are much bigger problems and issues you could be facing. This is trivial in comparison.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

If it were me, I'd want to send the supply of medication for the children just so I would know for certain that these meds were there with them. Although dad says he has the OTC meds, you can't really observe that, can you? You don't know if he has enough, whether they are the right strength, or even if they are expired. For your own peace of mind and to remain in compliance with the order, send the meds yourself, along with a clear, detailed list of how, when they should be administered.

For the clothes, are you certain what dad has will still fit your children? With how quickly children grow, your kids may have outgrown what dad has there, even though the clothing fit during their last visit with him. I'm sure the guidelines don't require you to send an entire, complete wardrobe, and if you don't get everything back, don't send their really good things or special outfits. Pack a week's worth of undergarments, one pair of pajamas, and for everything else, send things that fit now but you know aren't going to fit anyway come fall/return to school time. You can also hit up a resale shop to get shorts, tops, and a jacket or sweatshirt for each, along with maybe one dress outfit if they attend religious services or are going to an event which requires such clothes. That way, you're not really losing anything special if these items don't make it back.

You don't say how old your children are, but if they are 10 or above, they can certainly be responsible for packing up their clothes at the end of the visit with dad--even if they have to pull them out of the laundry.

Don't make this a power struggle with dad, and then he won't be able to make a big deal out of it. Just do what you need to do to ensure the kids have their OTC meds and a week's worth of summer clothes. Easy peasy.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I think it's an odd thing to have in the "guidelines" - whatever those are. If they're in your custody agreement, you have no legal recourse. I can't imagine why those are in there, unless you are/were the primary breadwinner or some sexism was at play with lawyers/judge deciding that only moms know how to choose and shop for such things. If you ever file for a modification of this agreement for other reasons, you could make a note to change the OTC supply thing as well. (I would not go to the mat over it by itself, though.) If it's not in the legal agreement and someone is throwing some 1960s home economics textbook stuff at you about mothers' responsibilities vs. fathers', then I think it can be ignored. But if you have a lawyer who negotiated this arrangement for you, I'd have a conversation with that person or a new lawyer. All of which will be more expensive than buying medications.

You say your ex "has admitted" so this has obviously been a matter of discussion or even contentiousness up to this point, and I would urge you to take the high road and get off that topic. If he's trying to control you and make you jump through hoops, I can only imagine there are other areas where he does it as well.

Otherwise, I think I'd put this to bed by buying one of each item on sale, and packing them, and then forgetting about them. Hopefully your ex will consider that "a win" and then just replace as needed rather than wait for you to purchase and ship more stuff. If he starts texting you about needing a bigger supply, I think you can take your time ignoring that. You don't have to answer every call or every text. And if your ex is a jerk, I encourage texting/emailing so you have a written record of everything.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I have a friend in your situation.

Send everything. I like suggestion of documenting (email) and even photos if you must, that you've included it all.

Err on safe side.

There are some jerks out there who don't have the meds there for their kids, and don't have the clothes. The moms keep sending the stuff, the dads don't send them back. The moms don't always get their child support payments are forced to keep buying the stuff over and over on their own salaries. It's just a hassle. The dads brag about all the stuff they buy their kids, and the children say not so.

1 mom found this helpful
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