Flying Out of Town for a Weekend and Very Scared, Please Help!

Updated on September 08, 2009
A.S. asks from Houston, TX
30 answers

I need help. I am flying out of town for a weekend. (Leaving late Friday and coming back on Monday). I am going to go visit my parents and see my siblings who I have not seen for almost two years. Anyways it's my two nephews baptism and my sisters and my brother pitched in to pay for the tickets. It's going to be just me and my two year old. I have flown before many times, but this time I am so scared. I think it's because I know my husband is not going with us and it's just us two alone. I am so scared that I cry myself to sleep at night. I dont know what is going on or why am I so scared. I am scared that something will happen to us on the plane on the way there or coming back. I am scared that the plane will have an accident and we will both die. I am very terried of dying and especially for my two year old to die. I know that this might sound like a dumb thing, but I beg that no one makes fun of me and just gives me advise on how to deal with this. I have prayed to God and to Our Lady of Guadalupe (I am Catholic) that they help me and take care of us. I have asked them to give me a sign if I am not to go. I just am so scared that right now I am shaking as I am writing this. I keep thinking with everything we do at home that we might not come back and my hubby will be alone. I am really scared and I need help on how to deal with this. I have tried to talk to my husband, but all he says is "well dont go" but I do want to go as I have not seen my parents either. Well I have not seen my dad since last December and my mom since July of this year. I need help has anyone gone through this? How can I deal with this? I guess I just need to know everything wil be fine. I must add that I am a very nervous person. I also have heard about gut feelings, but right now I dont know if this is a gut feeling of if this is just me being scared. I think I would be okay if my hubby went with us, but he cant. Financially we are not able to get him a plane ticket and plus we are trying to go down to my parents for X-Mas this year. Please advise and dont make fun of me, I just need some advise as my hubby can't and wont tell me what I want and need to hear. I cannot talk to my mom about this or my dad because they do not know I am going. It's going to be a surprise for both of them. Please advise and thank you so much ahead of time for reading my post!

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V.B.

answers from Houston on

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this fear, A.. I don't know how to help you overcome it except to tell you that I have flown with both of my kids a TON since my family and friends live in Florida and my husband does not come along most of the time. We have been just fine (other than dealing with the kids by myself). Statistically, plane crashes are SOOOO rare, so you really have nothing logical to worry about, but sometimes our minds are just not logical. Have you tried talking to a priest at your church to get a little counseling before the trip? He may be able to pray with you and help give you some peace and comfort over this. Continue to pray and see about talking to one of the priests. I hope you are able to overcome this and enjoy some time with your family!

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S.B.

answers from Corpus Christi on

I just got back from a 10 hour plane ride with my 14 month daughter. We went to Hawaii and back alone together. I would never have considered the trip except for special circumstances. I was afraid also. Our God is not a God of fear but of grace, love, and protection. It is overwelming to take a big trip alone with a child at that age because they need a lot of time and attention. I was overwelmed with the responsibility. I did see a mom traveling alone with 3 small children in the airport. I figure I had it easy with my one child. I think that the fear of traveling alone with my daughter also caused me to fear that the worse might happen. I reasoned that more people die in car s then in plane crashes and if it is our appointed time to die we don't have to be in a plane to do it. May God give you a peace about traveling and may he also protect you and your little one. Have fun! We had a great time and the flights went really well. When we were landing in Hawaii we had to stow all of the loose items. My daughter chose that time to throw up. I had to borrow some wipes from a neighbor with a child. She was smart enough to keep them out. Just decide to relax and have fun no matter how it turns out and you will both be fine. Keep praying and God will hear your prayers.

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L.M.

answers from Austin on

A., it's a normal fear. I get nervous before I fly as well. (more when I'm not with my husband). I just keep telling myself that flying is very safe (safer than car riding). When I don't want to fly I also tell myself that not flying will limit what sights I can show my children and what family they can get to know.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Pray for peace about it. If you go, keep yourself proccupied with entertaining your daughter. (try not to let her see your fears). Just keep taking deep breaths and focus on keeping her busy.

Best of luck!

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S.M.

answers from San Antonio on

Hi A., i would like to say that "ALL FEARS" whether some think they are worthy or not are genuine and real, and should be dealt with by others as such. No one should ever make fun, or make light of another person's fears. I have several phobias and I would seriously resent anyone making fun of them. That said, i want to ask you some questions. You said that you would not be afraid if your husband were going. So Now I want you to think about that for a moment. You were worried that it might be a gut instinct that was making you so afraid. Is there anything that your husband could do if the plane were about to crash? ( I am being serious here) Could he take over flying it? Does he have any super powers like superman? Is he a real live good luck charm? ( My guess is that you answered "NO" to all of these questions. So that My dear is your answer to whether or not this is a gut instinct "Is the plane going to crash, and you are being warned to stay off it?" No A., because you would be Ok if your husband was there right? so it is just fear based. Now the best way to overcome fear is to face it head on. I know you really want to see your family, and the ticket is already paid for right? You have to decide if you can and are wiling to face this fear, You will feel like a million bucks when the trip is over, and you have overcome. Anxiety is really tough, but you have to be stronger than it is. You can do it, and there is nothing silly or stupid about your fear, it's just something that you have to face to make yourself stronger. Good luck, i hope you have the courage, and I know you can overcome this! Blessings, S.

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M.B.

answers from Houston on

Welcome to Mommyhood! Most of us get this same thing! The fear of dying and leaving our babies motherless. The fear of our child dying and us surviving. Its something no one ever explains to you when you're growing that little baby in your belly! I am not a particular emotional or mushy M., but I flew to DC when my son was about 2 and I was confident the plane going was going to crash, I was going to get murdered or kidnapped in DC, the plane coming home was going to crash, my son was going to be killed while left in his very capable father's hands, etc.... all things that were going leave him motherless or me grieving. I had so many irrational fears I wasn't even sure what I was really scared about! :) But now that I have two kids, I know what it is. Its this crazy thing called love. It made me crazy as a little girl, as a teenager and now in a different way as a mom. I love my kids and don't want anything to ever separate me from them or them from me. I want us all to live in a happy bubble and never ever get hurt or die! But alas, the reality is that I really want them to LIVE. I want them to experience everything. Even getting on a plane. If I sheltered them from everything that could get them hurt or worse, I would lock them in their room starting yesterday! I want my kids to jump from the playground, try out a skateboard, play sports, jump on trampolines, and have a good time. I'd like to avoid trips to the ER, but I really want them to LIVE and experience everything they can. That is what will help them face the world. Your kids learn from you. Including fear. Suck it up for them. Teach them that even when you're nervous or frightened, you have to try things.. because that is how they need to learn to deal with everything in life. Take some things on the plane to distract you both. A good game, some fun books, hell, color until you can't see. Anything to take your mind off! Good luck and enjoy your flight and your kiddo!

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B.W.

answers from San Antonio on

A.,

Fear is not from God. Your fear may keep you from going to your 2 nephews baptism. Don't let it. Your destiny is up to God. You will not die until He is ready for you. Believe me, the Pilot and flight attendants don't want to crash any more than you and are in control. They fly like we drive. Do you have fear keeping you from driving? If you are Catholic, you know that you are supposed to believe that God is looking out for you and you are in God's hands. You will be fine. I have flown many times and look forward to it as an adventure. I flew from California to Texas alone with my 6-week-old baby to visit my parents and it was fun. I also flew with my 3-year-old and we even took a "red-eye" flight so he would sleep and he talked the whole time. He loved it. We had a window seat and he loved to look out. We sat next to a pilot who was "deadheading" to fly out of another city who thought he would catch some shuteye. Not a chance. My son asked him every question in the book. We enjoyed it.

I'm sorry that I can't identify with your fear. I have never been afraid of flying. I just pray that the Lord keep me safe from harm and that whatever is His will is what I want. I would be more afraid of leaving something I need behind or losing something in the airport. But, just allow yourself enough time to be organized and enjoy your trip to visit your family. You will have a great time. The only way to deal with fear is to overcome it by doing what you are afraid of. Don't give into it.

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E.H.

answers from Houston on

Oh A., I know this kind of fear and it took me many prayers to allow God to change the fear. I used to have major panic attacks and go into a complete state of fear over thunder storms. It was so bad at one point my husband wanted me to see a therapist. I would stay up all night watching the Weather Channel and local weather stations to see when the next storm was coming and what I was going to do. My mind told me it was crazy to do this but I couldn't stop and would shake and panic before the storm even hit!!! I don't know when it started but it was during my married life and I didn't always have it so I knew it was the enemy/devil. My son now is 10 and because of my behavior, I now see this in him and realize how ridiculous and unnecessary it all was. You will overcome this, but only with God's help! I never thought I'd get over mine but I did and now I love thunderstorms. :) Look at fear as False Evidence Appearing Real (F.E.A.R.) The devil wants your joy and so he using things we can't control to put fear in us. The truth is God is in total control and as long as you continue to read and learn His truths you will slowly begin to lose the fear. Read Psalm 91, it helped me, read it and believe it with all your heart, mind and soul. Do not let the devil steal your joy by making this wonderful time so miserable for you. You are a child of God and the devil is being ordered to no longer have this fear on you. Have a blessed time with your family, A. and know that you are being prayed for! Blessings to you-E.

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K.C.

answers from Austin on

A.,
All moms fear flying while their kids are young. Your fear is normal. the degree is exceptional. I always was sure that the plane would go down when I left my kids to accompany my husband on business trips. I just let my brain rule and here I am and here they are many years later. My sister had those fears, her kids got those fears from her and they never saw the wonderful places we lived in in Europe and Mexico. Those were wonderful opportunities to know another culture. There are many ways to die, one is by cowering. don't go that way. Remember that flying is safer than driving and get on the plane telling yourself that you will have a great time and so will your daughter. We all want to be in control, but control is just an illusion. One drunk driver in the right place and we are history. BTW, I left husband in Brazil and got on plane with 3 kids, youngest 20 months and our collie and left him behind. We were sad, we managed. Great move. No regrets. Do it.
Got off plane yesterday, am getting on another one Friday. Kids are grown, no fears now. But I remember them well.
K.

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L.R.

answers from Houston on

Lots of people are scared of flying so I'm sure you're not alone in your fears. I would still definitely go, just try to remember that flying is generally a safe mode of transportation. Yes, there are accidents but realistically, most are not deadly. Also, you are much more likely to be injured or killed in an auto accident than on an airplane.

You will be fine! Take some things to distract you and your daughter. You will be allowed to pre-board since you have a young child with you. Take advantage of that and you will have time to situate yourself. Also speak with the flight attendants. Let them know you are very fearful of flying and they'll probably be more attentive to you to try to ease your fears.

When it comes down to it, I believe the good Lord takes you when He's ready and there'd be no avoiding it whether you decide to go or stay home. Continue to pray and go have a great time with your family! And be sure to post back and let us know how it went!

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J.C.

answers from Houston on

Hi A., I am the same way when it comes to flying. I have flown many times though and I'm sure I will be flying again in the future. I think the fear comes from not being in control, but flying is much safer than traveling by car. There are thousands of flights every day coming and going and the chances of anything happening are close to nil....I know all the reassurance in the world won't get rid of the pit in your stomach but just know that God is AWAYS with you. I always imagine in my mind that the plane is in the palm of Gods hand and He is in control and safely guiding the plane. I promise you will be back before you know it and writing to tell us what a great time you had and how thankful you are that you went! Just wait and see! Now get on that plane and enjoy your trip!!!! That's a direct order!!! lol

God Bless & Hugs,
J. :)

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C.M.

answers from Austin on

You need to see a doctor about this. It sounds like you have an anxiety disorder and would benefit from medication. I went through something similar several years ago and needed to take medication for awhile. A counselor could help you learn some relaxation techniques as well. A good book to help you is "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook". It can teach you some relaxation techniques at home. You might be able to get it from the library. I traveled by myself with my then 14 month old and it went well. Just allow plenty of time to get through security lines and go take bathroom breaks before you get on the plane. If you have an Ipod or something like that, take it along to listen to music while you are on the plane and take activities for your 2 yr old to keep her busy as well. I took lots of snacks, stickers, books to read and small toys. Call your church and ask them for counseling for this. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help, lots of people go through this kind of anxiety. God bless!

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

there is a book i belive its called "Gods survival guide". it covers lots of topics including fear and fear is evil/satan messing with you. When i begin to be terrified of something that i know isnt rational i say a prayer or repete "Fear not for the Lord our God is with you". i feel peace right away. i would talk to a father/minister about your fear. do you suffer from anxiety (sp) as in do you fear going shopping, new places, driving. other things that you know you shouldnt fear but you do? if so please go get some medical help. your chemicals might be off balanced and they can get you back to normal with meds. this sometimes happens after having a baby...they realy knock your system out of wack. God be with you and yours. please read this as kind and not critisizing...i sometimes get mistaken :)

C.G.

answers from Waco on

Hello A.,
I remember being scared when I went flying for the first time. I was so afraid I too prayed for the intercession of our Lady of Guadalupe and it did make me feel better. I also took a scapular and my grandma's rosary (I flew from Texas to NY to visit my sister I hadn't seen in 2 years) I started to pray the rosary as soon as I was seated on the plane and it made me feel a little better. You will be fine. Remember, FEAR IS NOT OF GOD!Something that hangs with me is something my aunt would tell me when i'd be scared or nervous, "The devil is a liar! he will do what he can to steal your joy and happiness.Do not be afraid for fear is not of God! God wants you to be loved and be happy!.." God is with you always..have you ever heard the song "Be Not Afraid" ? IT goes "Be not afraid, I go before you always, come follow me and I will give you rest." In Luke chapter 8 vs 22-25
" One day Jesus got into a boat with his disciples and said to them. "Let us go across to the other side of the lake" So they started out. As they were sailing, Jesus fell asleep. Suddenly a strong wind blew down on the lake, and the boat began to fill with water, so that they were all in great danger. The disciples went to Jesus and woke him up, saying master master! we are about to die!" Jesus got up and gave an order to the wind and to the tormy water, they quieted down and there was a great calm. Then he said to his disciples, "Where is your faith?" but they were amazed and afraid and said to one another Who is this man? he gives orders tothe winds and waves and they obey him?" Do not be afraid! God is with you he loves you and would not let anything happen to you or your baby. Think about Matthew 14: 25-33 where Jesus is walking on water and the disciples are afraid, what does Jesus say? "Courage! It is I. Don't be afraid!" and when Peter is being doubtful he calls out to him and tells him "Lord, if it is really you, order me to come out on the water with you!" and what happens? Jesus calls him out and Peter started out but got distracted and scared with the winds and waves and started sinking and cried out "Save me Lord!" and what did Jesus do? He reached out and grabbed him and helped him up to his feet saying, " Why did you have doubt?" (you can also reference mark 6: 45-52 and John 6:15-21) Also, pray the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20) The whole armor of God. Finally, build up your strength in union with the Lord and by means of his mighty power. Put on all the armor that God fives you, so that you will be able to stand up against the Devil's evil tricks, For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities and cosmic poers of this dark age. So put on God's armor now! Then when the evil day comes, you will be able to resist the enemy's attacks: and after fighting to the end, you will still hold your ground, So stand ready, with truth as a belt tight around your waist with righteousness as your breastplate, and as your shoes the rediness to announc the Good News of Peace. Alt all times carry faith as a shield" for with it you will be able to put out all the burning arrows shot by the Evil One. And accept salvation as a helet, and the word of God as the sword which the Spirit gives you. Do all this in prayers, asking for Gods help. Pray on every occasion as the Spirit leads. For this reason keep alert and never give up; pray always for all God's people. And also pray for me, that God willl give me a message when I am ready to speak, so that I may peak boldly and make known the gospels secret..." I will be praying for you. Also St. Christopher is the patron st. of travelers. You can go to ewtn.com and find all the info of all te st.'s and novenas. Have faith! I pray that whatever airline you fly with has a blessed crew that everyone would be helpful and the holy spirit will be with the pilot and help him get you safely to your destination and back! Jesus loves you. Have faith and pray that Armor of God every time you get nervous or scared and Psalm 91 is also a prayer of protection my mother would pray over all of us every day. May God bless you and may your nervousness and tears be wiped away and be replaced with happiness and joy. God bless you and your family!
God bless you and give you the strength and courage to visit your family and be blessed!

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P.B.

answers from Houston on

Have you accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior? Asked for forgiveness, acknowledged that you are a sinner and invited Jesus into your heart? Once you've done that, your future is secure, you're bound for heaven when your earthly life is finished - you'll be going home..what would there be to fear? One of things God says over and over is fear not, don't be afraid. Fear shows you don't trust HIM. The Bible says our days are numbered before we're born. When it's our time, it's our time. You've just got to live your life trusting that God will take care of you until it's time to go HOME!!! I like to read Psalm 139 and 37. I don't know when you'll be flying, but read several of the Psalms a day, several times a day when you begin feeling afraid. Talk to God - He already knows how you feel, but He can take it. Let it out - let Him know. Trust Him.

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K.A.

answers from Austin on

I'm not going to make fun of you. My husband is terrified of flying. He wasn't always, but his fear came on later. He now goes to his doctor before a flight and asks for an anti anxiety drug to take on the plane. His doctor knows his fear and it hasn't been a problem.

That is one solution.

Here is another. I believe that when God speaks to me, it is not in big grand signs. I believe it is in quiet whispers. If you have never been afraid to fly before, and now suddenly are over come with fear, maybe that is your sign. More likely than not, everything will be fine, But along time ago, my husband told me that I should never ever discount those odd feelings you sometimes get. I believe we get them for a reason.
Good luck to you and your family.
K.

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M.G.

answers from Houston on

Well, you have many responses and lots of good ideas. I know this may sound weird...kind of hard to word it. But I am most at peace when I fly with my little daughter. The only time I am anxious to fly is when I travel without her. There is a strange feeling that comes over me when I have her with me. The best you can do is be prepared, have plenty of stuff, snacks, toys, and meds. I am not religious but if praying helps you- by all means do it. Then just sit back and enjoy the ride. Since I became a parent 5 years ago I have been trying to learn to stop obsessing about things over which I have no control. I has done me good. Sorry if I'm rambling...I have a bad cold and a bunch of meds on board. (frankly, between me and you, I'm much more frightened of driving in Houston than I am to fly!!)

J.B.

answers from Houston on

When I get freaked out about stuff I just pray my heart out until it passes. In a situation like yours I would just ask Jesus to put angels around the plane and thank Him so much for protecting myself and my child as we are on the plane. I would pray for the pilot to be alert and watchful for the mechanics of the plane to work perfectly, just every little thing I could think of until I felt peaceful about it. I am telling you prayer has gotten me through so much stuff!! I used to be fearful of getting my blood drawn at the doctor, I prayed about if before they would stick me every time. Now, years later, I really don't even think of it because the Lord just took that fear completely out of my heart. I know you say you have been praying to Our Lady of Guadalupe but try praying some more to Jesus. I think that will help, He has helped me so through sooooooo many fears in my life. Alot of people are going to be on that plane and God is very interested in seeing each of you arrive safe and sound so your prayers to Him are wonderful ensuring a safe journey for yourself and all of those traveling with you. Make a decision to put it in the Lord's hands and then just go in peace. So sorry you are going through this, I know it can be really hard when fear tries to take over, but trust God and I believe all will be well. Take care and have a great flight:)

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R.A.

answers from Austin on

Everything will be fine. Allow yourself plenty of transit time so that you are not rushed, and you can take your time checking in, getting to the gate, etc. Take toys or books to keep your daughter entertained while you wait. I have found that travelling alone with my son is sometimes easier... less distractions... You'll be okay, good luck.

K.L.

answers from Houston on

First of all the flying issue you are probably scared because of the thought of dealing with everything by yourself. You do it everyday at home but not at an airport. Here are a few tips, pack a stroller to gate check so you can carry the diaper bag, your purse and a few toys on board for you and baby. Next regardless of what everyone else tells you, check the car seat. Get a car seat bag at Babies-R-Us and pack extra diapers and wipes in it. Also if you are going somewhere colder, baby and your coats. Think of it this way, you will have help from Hubby getting luggage to plane and family getting it off plane so once you go through security you need to be able to handle everything on your own for a long hike - about 4 huge Wal-Mart parking lots hense the stroller.

Now for a great work at home job - give me a call and we can talk about what I do and see if it makes sense to you. ###-###-####.

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R.B.

answers from College Station on

I flew to California by myself and left my two children at home with my husband, and I was terrified. First, that I would die in a plane crash, and then that I would die in an earthquake!! I really can't stand to fly; I'm a very nervous flier, and every bit of turbulence sends me into a panic. What I have found has helped me cope with my fears, especially when I'm on the plane itself, is to recite the Hail Mary, over and over again. Somehow, the last line, "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death," brings me tremendous comfort when I'm fearing that it is the hour of my death.

If it makes you feel any better, I have developed some really irrational fears since having children (like having rare reactions to prescription drugs). I think we fear not being there for our children or not seeing them grow up to adulthood, and those fears become manifest in somewhat extreme ways. Remind yourself that your life and the life of your daughter are in God's hands, and trust Him to take care of both of you.

Enjoy the blessed event of your nephews' baptisms.

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K.M.

answers from Houston on

I am so sorry you are going through so much stress over this trip. Just look at how many people posted that they felt the same way and it wasn't just a gut feeling and they are still alive. I found some statistics and thought it might help. In case you are flying on Southwest, I can tell you I have a friend that works for them in their safety department and he told me that they have never had a plane crash.

Here are the statistics:

Since 1978, over 2.5 BILLION passengers have traveled on the airlines world wide. This represents about 15 million individual flights. In that 30 year span of time there have only been a few dozen airline crashes where fatalities occurred, and only a few thousand people have been killed or seriously injured. Therefore, your chances of being a passenger on a fatal flight is perhaps one in a million.

Statistically, you have a greater chance of being killed on the ground by a bolt of lightning. To put it in perspective, roughly 30,000 people have been killed in car accidents in the USA in 2008. That's the equivalent of two Boeing 747's loaded with passengers crashing and killing everyone on board, each and every week of the year. You should be more concerned about the car trip to the airport than any of your flights. Ralax, don't worry. Flying can be fun if you let it.
Source(s):
Commercial pilot for 23 years. 16,000+ safe and uneventful flights. Never had more than a very minor mechanical problem.

I am not a real religious person but I do agree with the person that saidSatan will put negative thoughts in your mind and you have to stand up to him and tell him in the name of Jesus you reject those thoughts.

Please let us know what happens.

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J.W.

answers from Austin on

A.,

You poor thing - what a lot of anxiety and fear to experience! I think having a child intensifies feelings of vulnerability and awareness of possible harm to ourselves or our children. Being a nervous person by nature, you may have just worked yourself into a panic. Rationally, even if your husband were going on the trip, something could happen. Could you maybe talk with your priest? I think if you can place your trust in God, your fears will calm, and you can make a good decision about whether to go. If you're calmer, you'll get a better sense of the right decision.

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E.S.

answers from Austin on

hi sweetie!
it's panic and anxiety. I have it too... and i freak out before a trip just the same. When i fly i take two non drowsy dramamine. it takes the anxiety away and me and my 2 yr old are just fine on the plane. Not sure if you take meds or not, but dramamine is at walgreens or cvs or wherever. It is for motion sickness, but takes the anxiety right away for travel. I have had axiety and panic (especially after having kids) for several years now. It IS controllable, so try and talk yourself down. it will help. Stay busy on the plane that way you won't think about the negative too much. HOpe this helps. Take care!

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D.E.

answers from Houston on

A., I am sorry that you are so scared. Flying is a very real fear and one of the top 10 phobias out there. I think fear comes from a place where we feel vulnerable and out of control. And certainly flying falls under that catagory. I too felt more fear after I became a mom and I thik it is normal to feel this way as you have a precious little one counting on you to keep them safe and you feel like you have no power to do it. My fears all were related to stranger abduction and a fear of leaving her with anyone else. I spoke with a minister about it and I recognized that when I had this fear it really means that I have not put my whole trust in God to protect her. That God loves her more than I do helped me to realize that all I needed to do when I felt this fear was to pray for peace and to trust. That doesn't mean that nothing bad will ever happen to my daughter but it does mean that I am turning her safety over to a higher power than the little power I have. I hope this helps you to get on your journey. Just pray for peace and each small victory will help you to overcome it.

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J.P.

answers from Houston on

As mothers, we try to think of "all the possibilities" so
we can prepare for the worst. You may give in to your
"faith" that you and your baby girl will walk off that
plane as healthy and alive as you boarded it. And when
"all is well" at the end of your trip, you can summarize
and disect your former fears, and use what you've learned
to manage your next "mountain" to climb. If I was travelling on the same day and your same destinations, I
would desire to be on your same flights as I know, with all
the well-intentioned folks in mamasourceland, your wellness
on this current adventure was well prayed over. Of course,
just for your peace of mind and the enjoyment of the
experience for you both, I would not hesitate to ask the
doctor for an anxiety pill. It truly helps my sister.
I do hope you will seek help, as there will come a day
when your child will turn 16 and drive away, and the phone
WILL ring. I pray for your peaceful journeys.

L.A.

answers from Austin on

A., I am sending you a great big bear hug! Just sit down and take a big long breath in and then let it out slowly.

I am getting the feeling there is a lot going on in your life and you are just a bit over whelmed. Understatement I know.

When we become parents our mortality becomes more of a reality. This is normal. As mothers we have this natural urge to totally protect our children no matter what. It can flare up at any moment and bless anyone who becomes the victim of our fears or anger.

The hardest part about overcoming this natural instinct is to realize what is the true amount of danger and what is way over the top is wasteful fear and energy. If you were to follow your natural instincts, you would never allow yourself, your husband or your child out of your sight. You would want to just be together and within eyes sight of each other 24/7. But that is not healthy or realistic.

You need to put things into perspective. Driving your son around town in your own neighborhood is way more dangerous than traveling in a airplane.

You gave birth to a total human being! You have successfully cared for a totally needy child and he is healthy and happy. That took lots of strength, self confidence and power on your part. Others who are not as strong, travel everyday most days of the week and they survive.

You need to be strong for your son. He needs to know that his mom is a strong person who can live a healthy and happy life. This is a learning moment for your child. Just like teaching him to cross the street, how to safely ride a bike in the neighborhood and how to be strong to attend school, without you being upset or distraught.

You want him to be independent, secure and intelligent with his thoughts, ideas and the way he goes through life. You set that tone.

If you need something to take the edge off, call your doctor. You sound very hormonal. Are you PMS'ing? Are you naturally high strung? I bet you are sleep deprived and are a person that does not do well out of a routine. All of this is fine, but you need to find the tools to help you thought this.

The goal line is that you are going to be able to see your family and show off your little boy and be witness to another new life. A Baptism is such a special time in all families and you and your son should not miss this adventure.

I am sending you strength and clarity.
FYI, My husband and my daughter are leaving (flying) tonight so my daughter can begin her sophomore year in College! You think you are freaked out? I want to lay down on the floor and weep, but I am setting the tone for what an exciting time this will be for our daughter. I know that she LOVES her school and cannot wait to see her fiends. She is nervous about school. (even though she did fantastic her freshman year) Even though both my husband and my daughter are nervous travelers, I keep reminding them it will all be fine.. Because in my heart I know it will but in my racing brain it goes against all my natural instincts..

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L.B.

answers from Corpus Christi on

You need to think of your surprise to your parents when they get to see you little girl. Force yourself to think about the visit take a book to read to your daughter and for yourself.You did not say how long of a flight it is but the surprise that you did this on your own will be the best gift not only to yourself but your parents.What is important to you-----the happiness of seeing family or staying home and wishing that you had gone. You can do this.....

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D.M.

answers from Houston on

A.,
You precious thing ~ take a DEEP breath and calm down, you are NOT alone. I have gone through this as well as some people I know. It's a gripping fear that makes you paralized to do anything other than to worry and obsess about the situation your confronting. Here's how to handle this...
First and formost you need to understand that you are not in control of your demise or anyone elses. This is a fact of life that you need to face and not ruin every day thinking about it. Your end will happen some day ~ you must learn to accept that and realize that God will take care of the details left behind. Ask God to put it in your heart that you are not going to spend your days on earth worrying about this thing you have no control over. Really concentrate on that. Relinquish your control and go with the flow of life. I was were you are when my second child was a few months old and my older son was 2 1/2. I wouldn't drive a car alone with my kids because I was afraid of the same things. My doctor MADE me get in a car and take myself one mile at a time. One mile out, then back home...until I felt comfortable. Then I had to go further and further. This is obviously not something you can to with a plane. After a while of this (and it was working) I DECIDED that I was no longer going to have this problem. It was a completely made up problem for something I had no control over. So I firmly made up my mind to enjoy the ride and ignor that pit-in-my-stomache feeling. I distracted myself with happy thoughts and chatter with my kids. I pretended to not be afraid. Very shortly I was comfortable driving again and even enjoying it. I now drive anywhere I want to go and NEVER have those horrid thoughts or feelings - EVER! You know what I learned? That facing my deepest fears head on made me not afraid of them any more. I became a pillar of strength and my fears became tiny ants! I prayed long and hard. I read books and exercised. I cut out the caffein and chocolate and decided to spend every moment as if it was my last and enjoy and embrace it instead of dreading what was probably NOT going to happen.
My guess is that your gut is just telling you you're afraid and your trigger fear wants you to bail out of this so it is telling you that it's some premenition. You are worried that you might not be around to cushion your husband if something happens. Normal feelings, but completely out of your control.
Think about this...you could literally die just standing there at any given moment. You did nothing to cause it and you couldn't control it. Why don't you try to put that in your head - tell yourself that it's a foolish fear to have because it's part of life, and instead of dreading living because you will die some day, embrace and ENJOY the time you have?! As a matter of fact, get a little careless and let go of the choke-hold you have on your fun. Be a rebel. Try it, it really helps to flip the coin and be reckless. You're going to die someday anyway - so enjoy the moments of your life! You're going to see your family!!!!! Yeah!!!! You get to show off your beautiful daughter - how incredible is that! WHO CARES how that you have to get on a plane???? Get some velarian root from a health food store and relax. Show your baby the window on the plane - she can see the people become ants. Show her the neat little food carts and give her a cup of juice from the cart - that's special!!! That's a moment in life - embrace it!!!! Now Smile A. for God is with you and your baby girl on this trip and he doesn't want satan to steal your joy - so don't let him.
I'm actually not some religious bible thumper - I just happen to believe this because it worked for me and now I am fear free, but I had to change my thinking in order to make it happen. You will feel tense on the plane - don't let that make you feel bad - lots of people are uneasy to fly. Just tell yourself that it's OK!!!
My thoughts and prayers are with you while you walk through your fears and come out a winner on the other side. Don't let the thought of the flight home ruin your trip while you're there either. Put that out of your mind - you have no control - enjoy your family and give yourself a break from this. :)
God bless you - you will be fine.
D.
P.S. I'm sorry that someone on here was so insensitive to say you needed psychiatric help. Obviously that person has not experienced this and should have kept that comment to herself - it was of no help to you and perhaps she doesn't realize that. Don't focus on stuff like that - you are most certainly NOT crazy - just scared. Go to a site called Panic Away. It is helpful and quick. It cures anxiety and panic.

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L.W.

answers from Houston on

A.,
I once had to have a serious surgery, (yes i know its nothing compared to flying) but the point I want to make is, I was scared almost to my death!
A Christian lady told me, fear is not of God & if you have fear you don't have faith. That really opened my eyes to whom or what I was going to trust, the fear of dying or faith that God would bring me through it. Needless to say, i changed my outlook quickly. I chose to pray & trust that God would keep me safe from any harm or death. & He did!!
As for flying, i can't lie, it scares me, we flew to Sweden 2 yrs ago to see my stepdaughter graduate. Yes I was frightened, but I prayed. After your in the air the fear subsides. Or for me it did. i am a believer if it’s you time to go, it doesn’t matter where you are nor what you're doing. Of course I try not to put myself in situations that are more deadly than others :)
I do feel safer with my husband with me, so I totally understand!
I am in NO WAY criticizing or trying to make you feel badly for being so afraid. Because I DO HAVE FEARS just like alot of people. & those fears are just as real as yours. Its a terrible feeling. Im just shsring this with you, in hopes it will help you find some peace, that maybe you can coax yourself into a faith mode, to help ease your fear.
I think you will be fine once the plane gets in the air, I was. sometimes our gut feelings really aren't gut feelings (as you said) they are a fear that grips so tight you can't think past that fear & naturally it keeps your "guts" tied in knots. And it can truly feel like a gut feeling because of the grip it has on you. I know that at times I fear several things, one, having an auto accident when my children are with me & we take a 7 hr trip without my hubby. My fear is my children getting killed, more than myself, or me taking a trip without my children & me getting killed & leaving them with no mom, or something happening to them while i;m on my trip, so I can relate to that sort of fear. I think we as parents have the type of love that also provides us with unnecessary worries but it is because we love so deeply. I know i get myself worked up often especially concerning my children.
I wish you much peace A.! & May God be with you & your daughter on your trip & protect you from all harm know or unknown to you in Jesus Name!
I cannot tell you what to do, only to go with your heart.
I will share this with you & I can look back now & laugh but it wasn't funny then.
My first time flying was just me & my 4 yr old son. I was soooo frightened. We got in the clouds & my 4 yr old son, said, "mama are we going to see Jesus" I said one day we are, but I hope it isn't today" :)
I wish you the best.

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L.W.

answers from Austin on

I've gone through this very thing...and it always seems that the anxiety is the worst when with a little one, and traveling without my husband. Have you talked to a doctor about this? Prayer is powerful and God honors this and calms fears, but sometimes women go through panic attacks and some of the chemicals that are built up in your system that help us be good protectors and nurturers sometimes go on overload...God can use people trained to see the signs of anxiety and panic to help too. Even if you don't go this route, know that God is with you...he promised to be with his children to the end of time. We don't know when that will be, but we can be at peace knowing we trusted in His promises.
How I handled the flight was by closing my eyes and praying on the way up and holding baby (without squeezing the tar out of her :) Breathing normally without hyperventilating and concentrating on being at peace while in the airplane. Then when you are up in the air take a moment to realize: "Hey, I'm o.k.!"

Have you told your husband, "I need you to tell me this: X,Y,Z so that I can gain courage to do this. You can help me on this, I need you." Men generally respond to this kind of thing. And sometimes just need help finding the words or don't know what we're looking for.

Peace be with you!

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