Flowers for Death of Acquaintance's Husband?

Updated on September 25, 2012
R.M. asks from Fulton, CA
10 answers

Are flowers always appropriate? If you don't know the person very well, do you still bring flowers? I am going to see her at her place of work. Do I bring flowers with me? Or have them sent to the home?

I should know this stuff by my age, but sometimes I don't. Ideas?

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T.A.

answers from Seattle on

I'd rather have a gift card for groceries or dinner, or a homemade dinner delivered than flowers. Or babysitting offers if they have kids, whatever makes their life after a bit easier and more normal.

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

Flowers are kind of overdone. They are beautiful for 2 days and then the mourner has to figure out what to do with them. Dying flowers often make it worse for people dealing with death.

If she's an acquaintance, not a real friend, I'd make a donation to a charity connected to her or to her husband. It can be the "disease" that killed him or to a scholarship fund in his name (if they have kids, someone may have set up a fund for the children's education - check with the funeral home if there's nothing in the obituary).

I'm Jewish, and I can tell you that we NEVER send flowers - we take food to the house after the funeral to feed the mourners, or we make a donation to a charity in that person's name. If there's nothing that comes to mind, you can always do the library in their town, or the public TV station, etc. You could order a fruit basket to be delivered, or bring it yourself - it could be shared with people at the office.

Some people plant a tree in the person's honor, or provide a plant that can be planted outdoors (although that's work for the widow). You might consider bulbs with a note that they can be planted now (and offer to do it) so that they will be the first things that bloom in the spring. You could plant them yourself if that's more sensible, but she'd have to tell you where and if she's not a great friend, just a work acquaintance, that might be too much.

A gift card for a place that delivers dinner might be perfect. If you don't know her well but know others in the office, a group gift is great.

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A.F.

answers from Fargo on

I wouldn't send flowers. My husband's grandma's second husband just passed away and Grandma was so overwhelmed with all the flowers. They filled every inch of her house and not even the nursing home could take all the bouquets off her hands. It was a lot of work for her and gave her so much anxiety. Send a card and some money if you wish and I'm sure she will be so touched by your thoughtfulness.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

Flowers are typically for the funeral itself. Bring a nice card with a handwritten note. If you want to do "something", consider a gift certificate to a place where she can do take-out for those nights when cooking is overwhelming for one person. Even better... make a casserole or two in individual portions and give them with a note.

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

have them sent to the home, but I would highly recommend that you consider something else....as S M. said, they're usually for the casket or grave. :)

a plant for home would also work...as would a gift certificate to a nursery so the family could plant a Memory Tree. We used ours for a statue & created a Memory Garden for my MIL.

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D..

answers from Charlotte on

Flowers are always appropriate. But send them to her house. She might break down in tears if you send them to the office.

You are so sweet to think of her!

Dawn

2 moms found this helpful
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S.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Flowers really are for the casket or grave. I don't think people want "those" flowers in their homes or offices - too melancholy. So you send them to the funeral parlor. But if you don't know her or him well, then I think you need only send a note of condolence. If you don't feel that's enough, I think a better use of the money would be a donation (like to the American Cancer Society or American Heart Association).

Even within my family, we only ever bought flowers for a very close loss, like a parent or grandparent. When my husband's grandmother died, his office send flowers to the funeral parlor, and that was a surprise.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

Because she's just an acquaintance I would not feel obligated to take or send flowers. A sympathy card would be sufficient.

When you say you'll be seeing her at work, do you mean you work with her? If so, taking her some flowers at work would be OK if they're in a vase so that she doesn't have to deal with that part of it.

Or you could send flowers to the funeral home or her home. Either would be OK.

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F.S.

answers from Pocatello on

I think death/funeral are always awkward. I would have them sent to her home or the funeral home and perhaps bring her a card if you see her.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

In this instance I'd send her a card for the funeral with a small contribution to her charity or some other token along with it. Many people will even say "In lieu of flowers please make a donation to the Cancer Society" or some other charity that person loved.

I don't think I'd do flowers at all.

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